But yes, I learned to be at peace with the past and heavier me. I learned to look back and admire the fact that at the time, I didn't live a life that made me happy but I tried so hard to find a better way, even when i failed. I learned to be cool with that and to look back with kindness and appreciation
but it wasn't always like this. I went trough being very angry that I gained weight
I must say you do seem to be coming from a positive mindset in most of your posts these days - I am so glad for you that you are finding that wellbeing within yourself and living the way you have been searching for.
I think for the first time I'm starting to understand what my backstory even is and why I've made the choices that I've made. This is holistically, not just health related. I'm not sure if I'm at peace yet but seeing how it led to me making choices that didn't end up being healthy for me I can certainly see myself getting there. The funny thing about weight loss is that it requires a lot more introspection than you would think. It's not just about calories in/calories out. You have to figure out why you make the choices that you do and correct those. Nothing is sustainable without finding yourself along the way.
Yes - I totally agree that this requires so much self exploration - and learning about ourselves by looking at things we haven't even realised before we possible factors. I can't tell you how many moments I have realised things since joining these discussions last year it has helped me look at myself.
I guess I am more at peace with my backstory as I ever will be.
Your mum sounds fantastic and your step-dad too. But you know who else I think sounds really strong.... YOU ... you have been through a lot with your Dad and being able to still have a relationship on your terms with him now is quite remarkable. I had to stop talking/seeing one of my brothers because of his bad choices and behaviour - some similar to your Dad's- my mum also had to distance herself from him - my dad has irregular contact with him - his behaviour was certainly nothing he learned from parents and my 2 other siblings and I are nothing like it either
. The sad thing is he has dragged his son down with him.
Sometimes I think I have a handle on my backstory--other times, it feels like there's more to myself that I didn't even know.
Yes - I get this I have times when I am coasting along quite ok and then something just sneaks up on me and I realise a button has been pushed related to my backstory.
So my goal this time around is, yes, I can think about what will happen when I reach x weight, but if there's something I want to change about myself, or if there's something on my bucket list I want to cross off, I have to already be changing it, you know? I can't wait until I get to my goal weight, because I have things in this life I want to do as soon as possible! There's nothing important that I can't already do, and if there is, I have to work at getting there regardless of what I'm like on the outside.
So, as you can see, my backstory includes a huge shift in perspective, and I can't imagine that it's for anything but the better!
I love this new perspective you are having ... you are right about the not waiting for a number on the scale to embrace life! I have pushed a lot of things off over the years not all because of weight but also other factors and I feel I am coming to join you in embracing new experiences more.
I don't have answers yet, but I am trying my hardest to find the balance.
I am at peace with this. This is my story, and there is a reason to my journey-- whatever it may be. I am hoping to use this backstory to better myself holistically to be happy and healthy at the same time!
It is so great that you have recognised that pattern and trying to find a way to be healthy in that middle ground. You are lucky to have a wonderful relationships with DH and family and be content with the richness that brings. I'm not saying those things may not take work sometimes but you know what I mean
.
Anyhow, my weight loss has not made me a person who is always confident.... but at least I know that if people don't like me, it isn't because I am PERCEIVING that they are judging me for my weight. If I'm hungry, I'm not afraid to say so (because I used to think that people would JUDGE ME for being hungry). In fact, I once nearly passed out when I was with a male friend.... he was a tall skinny beanpole who never ate much and after spending about 12 hours together without a meal, I was a mess.... and isn't it FOOLISH that I was afraid to say anything!??
Not sure how this connects to the QOTD.... maybe I'm just rambling. But regardless.... I am not a perfect person.... I don't always have a clean house and sometimes I am broke and there are moments when I feel like my life is a HOT MESS. Being at a healthy weight doesn't change all of that. But it definitely impacted my life in ways that I never anticipated.
Don't worry I got the rambling! It definitely spoke to me about your backstory, knowing who you are and moving forward - thanks for sharing. I too feel lot a HOT MESS a lot more often than I would like
Oh am I am pretty sure my answer had nothing to do with the question either.
Well - I got it - and don't worry we all have those posts where we just start typing and it all comes out and at the end we are left wondering where it came from
Looking at my behavior goals
Counting calories - I will aim for 300/400 calories deficit daily, or 2800 calories deficit weekly allowing some flexibility. I am struggling with this. I will half that to 1400 a week. I am struggling with it right now and I feel I am in no rush to loose the two pounds, one this month would be ok with me.
Steps - I will increase my minimum to 13000 daily for the month. doing great
Exercise - at least 4 lifting sessions a week, as long as I am healthy. I have new workout program that seem to allow me to exercise more days without being as sore but I will adjust this if I feel it's getting too much. doing great
2 out of three doing great is fantastic and glad to hear you are being fluid in your approach and recognising when it is just too hard to continue at a certain level of calories - in that I am hearing that you are learning from previous times where you may have pushed yourself with higher deprivation to drop those 2 pounds quickly but then it either didn't stick or made you miserable!
- Thank you for sharing you have been very brave. Believe me at some stage most of us on here ended up sharing more than we maybe intended to - personally - after doing so I felt a little empowered at my breakthrough and received nothing but very generous support and positivity from Dis friends. One of those moments was actually in response to a QOTD I posted when I was hosting a few months ago ... it was so funny that it wasn't until I went to actually answer the question myself ... I realised my subconscious must have written it for a reason. I understand somewhat about using the weight to be invisible - that has also played a role in my journey. I also understand the pain of being cheated on and deceived - it really can affect your self-worth for a very long time.
to all of my wonderful Dis friends today for sharing some of their very personal backstories. I think you are all amazing, caring, giving, strong people doing their best to live their best lives from a very authentic place. It is such an honour to get to know all of you. I love our little bubble of positivity on here in a world that is not always kind these days. 
somewhat this weekend - I won't post a question lets just catch up as we get the chance to pop on here - it can be on topic or off topic with your chatter. Maybe let us know how you plan to chill out and relax this weekend as we all know we need balance in our lives. 
- definitely Superhero material right there!
