At what age is it no longer appropriate for kids to be pantless when company is over?

[disykat]

Some people are getting very invested in this incident.

Oh no, discussion on a discussion board! We must be losing our minds!

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Some people are getting very invested in this incident.

You?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

You?

Is it that obvious?

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Is it that obvious?

Yes, the popcorn emoticon made it very obvious.

 

[DISNEYSQUIRRELS]

I’ll probably regret this but here goes.

In our family the Aunties and Uncles are allowed to correct each other’s children. In particular my sister and I (and our spouses.) I babysat my nephew every weekend and every Wednesday for the first several years of his life. DN and DD are more like brother and sister rather than cousins. Our kids spent a LOT of time in each of our houses. I would have thought nothing of saying, “Dude, go put on some pants” and would have thought nothing of repeating it if he didn’t comply. My sister would’ve totally backed me up. It all depends on the family dynamic and it sounds like the OP might have one similar to mine.

As for pants at dinner, once past young toddler stage everyone should wear them.

I think I love how your family works!

 

[NYCgrrl]

For the people who think that sisters and brothers are allowed to set rules in someone else's home for their nieces and nephews I ask this question. Do your siblings all raise their children the same way you do and have the exact same rules, values etc? I'm shocked that there are no boundaries between parenting your child and your si


Here's another old saying: "If you don't like the way I do things then please feel free to mind your own business." or this one: "I'll raise my children and you raise yours." I could go on.

This wasn't one of those parental choice moments like "breastfed vs formula/ cloth diapers vs Pampers, stroller vs baby wrap. Just a common sense suggestion to put some pants on to sit at the dining room table that a 5 year older might not get yet.
I'm not getting the hostility or upsurping of anyone's parental rights.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

This wasn't one of those parental choice moments like "breastfed vs formula/ cloth diapers vs Pampers, stroller vs baby wrap. Just a common sense suggestion to put some pants on to sit at the dining room table that a 5 year older might not get yet.
I'm not getting the hostility or upsurping of anyone's parental rights.

And I'm not getting the hostility towards the boy or his mother who allowed it. In his backyard, not at dining room table.

 

[Hikergirl]

This wasn't one of those parental choice moments like "breastfed vs formula/ cloth diapers vs Pampers, stroller vs baby wrap. Just a common sense suggestion to put some pants on to sit at the dining room table that a 5 year older might not get yet.
I'm not getting the hostility or upsurping of anyone's parental rights.

It was a common sense suggestion until the OP decided to tell the boy too "because his uncle told him too"
That is the child's parents call, not the uncle and not the OP's. This wasn't a kid out in public, he was in his backyard.
The OP said she knows the parents have disagreed about it before, so if this was an issue before it obviously wasn't enough of an issue where the parents felt he needed to be in pants that day. The OP stepped in to discipline when it wasn't needed. His parents were there and aware he wasn't wearing pants. If it bothered the OP and her dh she should have spoken to them and let them handle their own child.

That is how the family dynamics are in mine and dh's family.
A 5 year old not wearing pants for one Sunday dinner in the backyard wouldn't be a hill to die on for their parents or their aunts and uncles though.

 

[DeniseJH]

To answer your actual question: he should have had pants on. Should you have said anything? That's between you and his parents. There is nothing more to say.

 

[Poohforyou]

Background: My mother hosted Sunday dinner last night. We ate outside, Mum now lives in a "Grannie Suite" attached to the main house my sister and I grew up in. DSIS and DBIL have bought 1/2 the house from DMUM. Attendees were DMUM, myself, DH, DD9, DAunt, DSIS, DBIL, DNephew5, DNiece3. We were carrying food out to the table and DH notices DNephew had a shirt, and sweatshirt on but no pants or shorts (he was wearing undies) DH asks him to go put shorts on as dinner will be ready soon. He says No, I don't have to. I reply "Your uncle has asked that you go put some shorts or pants on for dinner please go do it." This time DBIL overheard us saying the he needed to put pants on. DBIL agreed and told his son to put pants or shorts on for dinner. He goes upstairs. Comes down 5 minute later, no pants/shorts one. I tell him again, my DSIS is here now and says "he doesn't need to." My reply is DBIL told DNephew to put pants/shorts on." DSIS was a little huffy and said OK. DBIL backed me up and said if they "were at someone else's house he would have to have bottoms on. DSIS said "We're at home." DBIL replied "And there is company over. He is 5 and entering kindergarten in 3 weeks. He needs to learn new things as he's growing up." DSIS is still a bit upset that we (myself,DH, DMUM, DBIL) think that it's not appropriate for DNephew to be pantless at the table.

For the record I don't care what the rules are when it's just the 4 of them, but when company is over, the rules change. DD9 hasn't be less than fully clothed at the table since she was potty fully trained. DNeice 3 was fully clothed.

EDITED: DBIL (The child's father) has at previous occasions told said child to put pants on. EVERYONE else was in dressier clothes (button up shirts, khakis, or dresses)

He had underwear on so I don't see the big deal and if I was his mom I'd be annoyed that you and your husband tried to parent my child over such a trivial matter. Little kids try to control their world in odd ways this just wouldn't be a hill I'd die on. Now, I would have something to say to my child about his rude response to his uncle.

 

[DeniseJH]

He had underwear on so I don't see the big deal and if I was his mom I'd be annoyed that you and your husband tried to parent my child over such a trivial matter. Little kids try to control their world in odd ways this just wouldn't be a hill I'd die on. Now, I would have something to say to my child about his rude response to his uncle.

And to anyone else that tried to tell the OP that she shouldn't have said anything, blah, blah, blah. That wasn't the question, and you can't (shouldn't) presume to know the relationship between her and the parents. As seen here, many families are amenable to close relatives directing their children as to what's right. There is just so much hostility on here, my goodness - people are just looking for some assistance, not an *** whooping. Lighten up!

 

[BLAZEY]

UPDATE: DSis seems to be over it, as she texted me and asked if I could watch the kids, as she and DBIL were invited to an adults only event at his work in a next weekend. I told her I would have to check my calendar. It's the truth as I wasn't at home where that calendar is. I am one of the only ones who will watch both kids, DMum will only watch DNephew for maybe an hour, (DNiece is fine, will watch her all day plus DD). Nannie (DBIL's mother ) will watch him or her but not both.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I rather like this saying...

Glad the situation seems to have resolved itself, OP. In a situation like you describe, I would want my kids to have pants on. But I've got no problem walking around the house wearing just underwear and an oversized men's t-shirt as long as we don't have company. Life's too short to wear pants all the time.

 

[DeniseJH]

^^^ Can't argue with that! ^^^

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

But I've got no problem walking around the house wearing just underwear and an oversized men's t-shirt as long as we don't have company. Life's too short to wear pants all the time.

don't tell anyone!! Dang now my secret's out too . I promise I only do that when it's either only myself or just my husband and myself--my cat gets no say so

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Good to hear no lasting hard feelings OP between you and your sister.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

I'm not sure you'd want to open that can of worms. There are places where it's not illegal for instance for a woman to be topless. At least this kid had on underwear rather than going without any underwear at all. Also I don't think it's actually black and white you're in your underwear it's illegal. I believe a lot of that hinges on city ordinances, activity one is doing, etc. I think you're confusing what is a criminal act (where I'm sure there are places where you could be fined) versus socially unacceptable. It would be far more socially acceptable to see a young child in their underwear just walking out and about than an adult. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's illegal everywhere for an 18 and older individual to be out in their underwear.

You're right that it may not be entirely illegal in every area... but it still isn't socially acceptable in most areas and would (again in most areas) probably result in a talking to/ verbal reprimand/ order to cover up by the police if someone is in public in their whitey tighties. With a child, especially one beyond the diapering stage, I don't see why it should be more socially acceptable.

I have a problem with parents backing up other adults even if they don't agree with them because an adults opinion overrules a child's. No, just no.

If an adult family member were telling my kid to do something dangerous, irresponsible, disrespectful, etc then no, I would not back them up. If they were telling them it was okay to do something that they knew I would not allow my child to do or had previously told them no to (like eat candy 5 mins before dinner after I told them no, or that they could run around WITHOUT pants because they spilled something on them), then no, I would not back them up. It's not okay for an adult family member to go behind your back and tell your kid to do something they shouldn't be, but in the reverse, it's a completely different situation. If it's a simple matter of my brother telling my kid something that is slightly more strict in "rules" or me doing the same to his kid, then we totally support each other on that. It's not like one of us is screaming at the other's kid, telling them to do something that completely goes against the other's morals, or that's disrespectful to the kid.

In the OP's situation, it was pants. Would you have a problem with an adult family member telling your kid to put a coat on before going outside on a cold day or to put shoes on before leaving the house?

 

[mom2rtk]

UPDATE: DSis seems to be over it, as she texted me and asked if I could watch the kids, as she and DBIL were invited to an adults only event at his work in a next weekend. I told her I would have to check my calendar. It's the truth as I wasn't at home where that calendar is. I am one of the only ones who will watch both kids, DMum will only watch DNephew for maybe an hour, (DNiece is fine, will watch her all day plus DD). Nannie (DBIL's mother ) will watch him or her but not both.

Glad it all worked out. I just get the vibe that you think this little boy is out of control. And maybe he is. Or maybe he's just an active little 5 year old. For the record, I never would have allowed my kids to show up at a family function, even one at my own home, without pants.

But it also seems to me like you find this boy to be a bit out of control and you're going to step in and take a bit of control. It's probably how I was raised, but that would not fly in my family. I see you have a daughter. I have to tell you after having 2 boys and a girl, that my boys at age 5 were a lot more energetic and physical in their play than my daughter or any of her friends were. I hope you don't let your experience parenting a girl alter how you're interacting with an energetic little boy.

Or maybe he's a hellion on his way to a life of crime if someone doesn't step in. I'm just saying that I hope you're considering all angles. Your judgment of him is pretty clear every time you carefully point out that you're the only one who will watch him.

 

[NYCgrrl]

I found a job for those who have issues wearing clothing!

Nonsexist or ageist too.

 

[DeniseJH]

You're right that it may not be entirely illegal in every area... but it still isn't socially acceptable in most areas and would (again in most areas) probably result in a talking to/ verbal reprimand/ order to cover up by the police if someone is in public in their whitey tighties. With a child, especially one beyond the diapering stage, I don't see why it should be more socially acceptable.



If an adult family member were telling my kid to do something dangerous, irresponsible, disrespectful, etc then no, I would not back them up. If they were telling them it was okay to do something that they knew I would not allow my child to do or had previously told them no to (like eat candy 5 mins before dinner after I told them no, or that they could run around WITHOUT pants because they spilled something on them), then no, I would not back them up. It's not okay for an adult family member to go behind your back and tell your kid to do something they shouldn't be, but in the reverse, it's a completely different situation. If it's a simple matter of my brother telling my kid something that is slightly more strict in "rules" or me doing the same to his kid, then we totally support each other on that. It's not like one of us is screaming at the other's kid, telling them to do something that completely goes against the other's morals, or that's disrespectful to the kid.

In the OP's situation, it was pants. Would you have a problem with an adult family member telling your kid to put a coat on before going outside on a cold day or to put shoes on before leaving the house?

"Oh, but pants aren't a necessity - when it's cold a coat is"...blah, blah, blah. These people just like to argue. They seem to have a need to find a bit of minutia to dispute, whether it is pertinent or not.