Wedding registry- and etiquette

[Nancyg56]

I think registries are helpful for folks who like to give a gift. I have no problem with a honeymoon registry, but to be honest, I just give cash for both shower and wedding. The only time I will give a gift is if my sister inlaw asks if I want to go in with her on a more expensive gift.

 

[KPeterso]

Oh she should definitely register. And she should have at least 2 registries to give people options and price ranges. And some of the more expensive items - absolutely register for those. Several people or family members may go in together and buy hose items. My Mom was a bridal consultant for years setting up registries and those were always her 2 recommendations. I tend to be turned off by people asking directly for cash and that gets you a gift card (or several) for a restaurant(s) for a date night once married.

Funny story on the differing stores --- I had a friend who registered at Crate & Barrel, Bloomingdales, and Tiffany's. We were 2 years out of college, so I had no money. I looked at the one affordable option (Crate and Barrel) and it was pretty bought up (and this was several weeks before the shower), then went to Bloomingdales where the cheapest item was $300 - nope, and then to Tiffany's where I could afford 1 teaspoon --- pass. I called my friend and told her she needed to go register for more things at Crate and Barrel (for her poor friends who had just barely graduated college)and then bought something else for her. She did love what I got her.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I think it's fine to register at more than one store, and for a variety of items in a large range of budget prices. (I love OXO stuff too!)

I also think Honeymoon registries are tacky. HOWEVER, I think it's fine for family to answer, when asked what the couple would like for the wedding, to reply with their wishes. 'Oh they'd love help with their dream honeymoon. But anything you gift them will be loved. And thank you so much for asking!'.

Registries do make things easier for guests who want help in choosing. As long as brides don't take them as shopping lists. Sometimes guests like to choose their own, and that should be ok too.

 

[SharonZ]

Target is very popular, and it gives the ability to send gift cards.

 

[Turn the Page]

I agree with the majority here. Yes to multiple places, yes to a wide price range, no to honeymoon registry.

My cousin got married a few years ago and they registered at two places. One was a super expensive home goods store in our home town (didn't even walk in the store to look at that registry) and Amazon. Amazon is nice because you can register for just about anything you could want in one place. Of course they didn't register for anything less than about $200 so they got a check....and it wasn't for $200.

I would say no more than two or maybe three stores. Any more than that gets a bit ridiculous.

I think honeymoon registries are becoming more popular because as time goes on more and more people are waiting longer to get married. They are often more established in their careers, have more income, and, like your DD, already been living together for a bit so they aren't setting up a new household. Since more and more people don't need the traditional registry items like fancy china, silver, crystal, etc. they don't want to register for things they don't need so they figure a honeymoon registry allows people to give them gifts they actually want and would use. I get the logic but I have always found it so incredibly tacky. That said, DH and I had an adults only trip planned for this winter but we probably have to cancel it because we got hit with several thousand dollars in car repairs this year that we weren't expecting. My mom offered to give us money for Christmas so we could go on our trip which we don't feel right about. However, she pointed out that she would rather give us money to go on vacation than give us money to spend on bills. I can see that too. So maybe people would rather give them money towards a honeymoon than something they would just tuck in a closet and never use.

I still think it's tacky though.

 

[gotomu212]

I personal think there’s nothing wrong with “experience” registeres and like that they are becoming more popular. I see no difference between asking for a vegetable peeler/new towel sets and asking for a date night package or snorkel trip. HOWEVER that’s the beauty of registries you have a mix of things and prices on there and everyone can decide what they are comfortable giving.

My other non-related piece of advice is to go easy on yourself worrying if something is tacky or not. From thread after thread here we’ve all learned that some people find one thing tacky and the other side finds the opposite tacky, people from one area find something horrendous while other areas said our families would be upset if we actually did it any other way.... you really can’t please everyone. The couple can ask around their social circles, you know your families too, do what YOU think is right and don’t worry if anyone will judge you (because someone will but what can you do).

 

[verleniahall]

Honeymoon registries are UBER tacky - don't even go there

Register at 2-3 places - make sure to have several things in each "pricing" catagory

 

[NYCgrrl]

Oh she should definitely register. And she should have at least 2 registries to give people options and price ranges. And some of the more expensive items - absolutely register for those. Several people or family members may go in together and buy hose items. My Mom was a bridal consultant for years setting up registries and those were always her 2 recommendations. I tend to be turned off by people asking directly for cash and that gets you a gift card (or several) for a restaurant(s) for a date night once married.

Funny story on the differing stores --- I had a friend who registered at Crate & Barrel, Bloomingdales, and Tiffany's. We were 2 years out of college, so I had no money. I looked at the one affordable option (Crate and Barrel) and it was pretty bought up (and this was several weeks before the shower), then went to Bloomingdales where the cheapest item was $300 - nope, and then to Tiffany's where I could afford 1 teaspoon --- pass. I called my friend and told her she needed to go register for more things at Crate and Barrel (for her poor friends who had just barely graduated college)and then bought something else for her. She did love what I got her.

My sister and I had a go to gift from Tiffany's back in the days: crystal champagne flutes. Cost about $20.00 a piece back then and still came in those lovely iconic blue boxes. This is the newer version which no longer has a bowl that extends to the base yet the price is still quite reasonable:

https://www.tiffany.com/jewelry/ite...MIpPnt4c3v3QIVBkSGCh3sBwL8EAYYAiABEgKTZvD_BwE

Oh and when the man in your life thinks he's doing you a favor by throwing the "empty" box in the garbage and buys the Crate and Barrel version instead you'll know the diference by weight and stability in a nanosecond. And and nowww he'll have to add on to the Sasaki bar glasses too as a mea culpa.

 

[jdb in AZ]

I like registries such as Target, where you can buy the gift online and have it shipped, especially when the wedding is out of state. So convenient.

What I don't like is when the wedding invitation includes "the couple is registered at...." Very tacky.

 

[RUDisney]

My sister and I had a go to gift from Tiffany's back in the days: crystal champagne flutes. Cost about $20.00 a piece back then and still came in those lovely iconic blue boxes. This is the newer version which no longer has a bowl that extends to the base yet the price is still quite reasonable:

https://www.tiffany.com/jewelry/items/trumpet-flute-set-37212377?omcid=ppc_google_PLA+-+Home+-+US&utm_source=google&utm_term=&utm_campaign=PLA+-+Home+-+US&utm_medium=cpc&utm_content=1dJSjlGh|pcrid|94556209933|pkw||pmt||pdv|c|targetids|pla-337820476693|groupid|23027671093|&mkwid=s1dJSjlGh|pcrid|94556209933|pkw||pmt||pdv|c|mtid|744dpc50313|slid||productid|37212377_PLN TRUMPT FLTE S2 CRYGLS|targetids|pla-337820476693|groupid|23027671093|&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpPnt4c3v3QIVBkSGCh3sBwL8EAYYAiABEgKTZvD_BwE

Oh and when the man in your life thinks he's doing you a favor by throwing the "empty" box in the garbage and buys the Crate and Barrel version instead you'll know the diference by weight and stability in a nanosecond. And and nowww he'll have to add on to the Sasaki bar glasses too as a mea culpa.

The trumpet flutes were $17 per stem when we got married. I wanted trumpet flutes for our reception and I looked all over. Imagine my surprise when Tiffany's had the best price for them! We still toast from them on our anniversaries and on NYE... it'll be 25 years in April.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Congrats OP, to you and your daughter! I’m ok with registries, although full disclosure— back when I got married, I didn’t have one.

Around here, almost everyone gives cash for the wedding, so registries are used mainly for shower gifts. Most popular seem to be BBB, Target, and Macy’s. It’s helpful to include a wide range of items at different price points.

A common practice here is a bridal shower “wishing well”, which is for small inexpensive items such as the peeler you mentioned, other kitchen gadgets, and things like pot holders, dish towels, cleaning products, etc. So each guest brings a wrapped gift and also may (optionally) contribute to the wishing well.

 

[lorimay]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Enjoy all the planning and dress appointments it all goes by so fast. I have one daughter and one son, they are both married and I was lucky enough to get to be involved in both weddings start to finish. I will always cherish those months of planning.

My daughter in law dd 2 registries one at Target and one through Disney (no, I don't find it tacky at all).
They received a lot from Disney and it paid for all their excursions and onboard spending on their Mexican Riviera cruise. They had a wonderful time.
They got mostly cash for the wedding.

My daughter received almost all cash for her wedding, it was in Disney so our thought was people don't want to carry gifts to a destination wedding.

 

[rigs32]

I felt very duped the first time I encountered a honeymoon registry. I spent time choosing something for the couple and went a bit over budget to provide them that memory. I was pissed when I learned that 1) the website just cuts the couple a check, 2) the website takes a small cut of the money, and 3) the couple had no plans to use the money on their honeymoon anyway.

If I want to give money, I'll give money. But the deceit involved in a honeymoon registry, not to mention the dollars "lost" to overhead, upsets me. The same reason I will donate directly to a charity, but not to the United Way that takes a huge chunk of the money for their overhead first.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

(Here we go, a wedding thread )

DD25 has just become engaged and as they want to marry in late May or early June 2019, we are in Uber-planning mode. How do people decide where to register, and for what? Do people even DO registries these days? DD and her fiancé have had an apartment together for two years, so while they have the basic stuff, a lot of this is mismatched, yard-sale finds. When I was "a girl" registries were for china patterns, crystal patterns, silver patterns, but I am pretty sure it's not done that way anymore.

Is it reasonable for her to register at several places? I know they aren't looking for anything fancy, necessarily, but they'd like dinner plates that match (and I'm talking Corelle, not Noritake). Is it silly to register for low-priced things like vegetable peelers and can openers (she loves the Oxo Good Grips)? Is it OK to register for more pricier items (she'd love a stand mixer or a Cuisinart, but both are out of their normal budget). I've also heard of some brides setting up a honeymoon account. How do people feel about that- is it tacky to 'ask' for money? Would you rather put money into a honeymoon account or just send a check? Anyone have any experience with this? Quite a few of our relatives live out of state and might not attend showers or even the wedding... can't decide if registering is 'helpful' or if people would prefer to just send money!

Not silly at all to register for small stuff or for more pricy stuff. In fact, they should register at a variety of prices. Not everyone has the same budget. Not everyone is as close a relation etc etc. We did register for a nice kitchenaid mixer thinking we'd never get it. But someone did. I would consider it tacky to ask for money only. Even in social circles where it is customary to give money, I have noticed that it really isn't asked for all that much. In such circles, it's just known that you're going be giving money. But because you asked, I'm going to assume you are not in such a circle. So go ahead and register. If people want to give cash they will give it.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

My DS is getting married tomorrow!
They registered at Bed, Bath and Beyond and Macys. I will say that most people I know bought the shower gifts off the registry but are giving cash for a wedding gift

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I felt very duped the first time I encountered a honeymoon registry. I spent time choosing something for the couple and went a bit over budget to provide them that memory. I was pissed when I learned that 1) the website just cuts the couple a check, 2) the website takes a small cut of the money, and 3) the couple had no plans to use the money on their honeymoon anyway.

If I want to give money, I'll give money. But the deceit involved in a honeymoon registry, not to mention the dollars "lost" to overhead, upsets me. The same reason I will donate directly to a charity, but not to the United Way that takes a huge chunk of the money for their overhead first.

That would chap my hyde too. Here you browse through all those things and you find the right thing. It's over budget but it's the right gift and YOLO. So you go in ham and get it. Then you find out you did all that work for nothing and they got money less the site's cut.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

 

[luvsJack]

I understand not liking honeymoon registries because it says you are paying for an experience and really just putting money in an account.

But I am really not seeing how a asking for horseback riding on the beach is tacky and asking for a $300 mixer is not. That doesn't make the slightest bit of sense.

If you buy a gift, you spend money. If you give them cash or check you are giving them money. What is the blessed difference in either of those and spending money on an "experience" on the honeymoon or helping fund the honeymoon or whatever.


I just can't help but wonder if some don't find it "tacky" simply because its a newer trend.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Yes it's tacky to ask for money. Just don't have a registry and most people will give a monetary gift.

 

[DisneyHardin]

If your daughter is going to be having any showers, then she definitely needs to register for a wide variety of price ranges of items. People pretty much always bring a gift to a shower (not cash or a gift card). If she doesn't have plenty of choices for things for gifts, she will most likely get a whole lot of candles, dish towels, etc.

 

[_19disnA]

There are many online wedding registry websites. If you register at multiple stores, you may end up with duplicate items since stores each tend to run their own registry, that is the main advantage to having a single online registry. Typically, you post gift ideas with a range of prices so each person can choose according to what they want to spend. Registries are 'suggestions' and some may still to choose a gift not shown. I consider the honeymoon part of the wedding, so it would be tacky to setup another place to solicit 'donations', almost like asking for 2 wedding gifts. Some may choose to give money as a wedding present and part of how it can be used is for the honeymoon expenses.