Resort pool etiquette: other parents unsafe children

[Babsy]

I never did say how old she was. If I had to guess, she was in her mid twenties. Spent approximately 100x more time on her phone than I would have done in that situation.

OK, so there WAS a supervising adult present. That changes things a little bit and opens up another option..

OP, if you felt the situation needed attention and didn't want to leave or get a lifeguard, then perhaps addressing your concerns to the 'cousin' would have been a better choice than giving an ultimatum to the children. She was likely the 'responsible' adult.
Of course, that still could result in an altercation, so I still maintain that removing my child from a potential danger and then alerting appropriate personnel would be the best option.
It does feel unfair as your child wan't causing the problem by breaking the rules. But sometimes life just isn't fair. And one person ignoring the rules doesn't give another person the right to take matters into their own hands. That is why we have people with designated authority to deal with these situations - police, security guards, employees of the business, etc.

Can this possibly be the company policy? Surely there are many scenarios where a guest needs to discipline other kids? If this is in fact the actual policy, unsupervised pool areas seem like a bad idea
*edit*
Link to a photo of the splash pad for folks who haven't seen it.

1. Yes
I don't know the actual company policy here, but...it seems possible.

2. No
From what the LG reportedly said to you, I think that there are few scenarios (if any) where Disney expects a guest to, in any way, discipline any children other than their own. ("He said 'Come get a lifeguard. Don't do anything.'")

3. Many places provide facilities that are "Use at your own risk". But it would seem likely that this is an area where Disney should have someone stationed. It would be very appropriate for you to voice your concerns to management.

 

[ParrotBill]

Unfortunately, this is a lose-lose situation. Let's run the scenario the way they want it to be run. You say nothing, remote your child, and go find a CM. CM arrives. Talks to children. "Are you behaving and being safe?" "Yes we are." "OK, make sure you do." Kids go back to being unsafe within 5 minutes.

Worse: Other mom rushes in. Figures out you must have been the one to report them. Confrontation ensues. "Why did you report my kids?"

Lifeguards don't make routine welfare checks on the playgrounds and it's highly likely the behavior won't stop unless the lifeguard sticks around.

 

[4evryoung]

I would’ve removed my child and not said anything to those kids. I MAY have politely asked them to let my kid go down the slide if they were truly blocking it but that’s it. if they refused we would’ve moved to a different area.

I personally don’t reprimand anyone’s kids. You never know what psycho parent you may be dealing with. If some ghetto fabulous mom decides to approach me because I said something to her kid it would probably get ugly really fast. I avoid situations like that. It’s better than getting kicked off of Disney property.

There are people who get paid to watch the pool area. They can take care of it.

Not my monkeys. Not my circus.

And that is why some kids learn that adults are scared of them and they can do whatever they want. We are all responsible for calling out bad bahaviour in children (and praising good behaviour when we see it) that's how the community "socialises" our youngsters to understand what is acceptable and what is not.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

And that is why some kids learn that adults are scared of them and they can do whatever they want. We are all responsible for calling out bad bahaviour in children (and praising good behaviour when we see it) that's how the community "socialises" our youngsters to understand what is acceptable and what is not.

I don’t think anyone is scared of any child. I know I’m not. But I don’t have time to discipline other kids. I gave birth to two kids and I have the privilege of raising them and teaching them right from wrong. People need to take responsibility for their own kids. Parent your own child.

Where I come from calling out a kid can lead to a physical altercation because some parents aren’t all there. They will literally try to fight you over it. I don’t have time for the BS. Especially when I’m on vacation with my kids.

 

[20yBWDW]

I forgot to address this in my previous post.

This doesn’t necessarily apply to this exact situation, but you spoke broadly about a cultural shift. In our house, adults we know and trust are considered authority figures, but you can get in a lot of trouble teaching kids that adults are all authority figures simply because they are adults. There are a lot of bad adults out there. Healthy skepticism about strangers is ok for kids (and helps them stay safe).

That said, the kids were completely in the wrong here. They were misbehaving. They clearly embellished their story to mom. And their mom was wrong. They should have been supervised and shouldn’t have been horsing around the splash pad in the first place.

As I mentioned earlier (and I know you understand) removing your child from the splash pad and getting a CM is the safest way to go here.

I completely agree with this. Every time a member of the older generation questions why children today do not listen to all adults as authorities, I want to ask them if they have taken the time to think about how the scandals with priests, teachers, coaches, Boy Scout leaders, and others have impacted the choices today's parents make and the ways we've had to adapt traditional wisdom in order to keep our children safe. Don't blame our generation. We weren't the ones violating the blind trust and obedience of adults that our parents instilled in us.
I

 

[MomOTwins]

And that is why some kids learn that adults are scared of them and they can do whatever they want. We are all responsible for calling out bad bahaviour in children (and praising good behaviour when we see it) that's how the community "socialises" our youngsters to understand what is acceptable and what is not.

We try to teach our children it is not acceptable to lose your temper and yell.

 

[marikujawa]

We try to teach our children it is not acceptable to disregard rules or disrespect adults.

 

[Childs1stTime2Disney]

I had an unfortunate expirence at the Disney resort pool this afternoon. I'm curious if anyone else has expierenced something similar and/ or knows what Disney's policy on the matter is.

I have a 2 year old daughter who was having a great time In the splash pad at the Riviera resort. This area is indicated to be reserved for children 48 inches and under. There is no dedicated lifeguard on duty. 99% of the kids are supervised and playing safely.

We had been enjoying the area for around 2 hours, with no issue and many great interactions with other guests. At this point, 3 boys enter the area. 2 appear be over 48 inches. The other is borderline. I had no issue with this until they started behaving in an unsafe manner. Running at full speed, jumping around/over my daughter, sitting in the slide exit, climbing UP the slide, riding the slide 3 at a time and stopping themselves IN the tube slide and sitting there for minutes on end.

Their cousin was making a small effort to control their behavior but quickly gave up. It appeared they had long tuned her out. My wife gently asked them to behave at least once. Eventually, my daughter climbed the stairs to go down the tube slide (having seen no one enter recently). She almost ended up sliding down while the 3 boys were still inside. ( Because they had purposely gotten themselves stuck in there again). Luckily I stopped her before going down, but there was definitely a risk there. Maybe I have an over protective outlook, but I can imagine all types of issues in that scenario.

At this point, I told the boys "either your done here, or I'm going to have to get the life guard". Unsurprisingly, I was ignored. I raised my voice and repeated myself. This time they knew I meant business. They high tailed it out of there, and I figured they opted to learn a valuable lesson instead of being embarrassed by a life guard.

Sadly, I was sorely mistaken. About 10 minutes later, an angry mother comes along with a very Junior life guard and her smallest boy. (Lord knows what story the boy concocted for her benefit). She asked me why I had "threatened" her son. I explained the situation. In my mind, I gave the boys an option. I didn't threaten them. In any case, obviously the mom and I had it out, but that's not why I'm posting. I was most surprised by the life gaurd's response. He said, "come get a life guard. Don't do anything." I responded, "even if I believe the behavior is unsafe? There was no lifeguard around, surely I need to act in that situation." From there he kept repeating the same line about getting a lifeguard. And even asked if I knew CPR, as if that would be a requirement to be involved in pool safety. My wife declined to speak with a manager. I was getting no where.

Can this possibly be the company policy? Surely there are many scenarios where a guest needs to discipline other kids? If this is in fact the actual policy, unsupervised pool areas seem like a bad idea.

Maybe this is a cultural shift, but I remember when I was young. Adults were considered authority figures. Is the best answer to alert lifeguards to kids over 48 inches as soon as they enter a height restricted area? Obviously, larger kids pose a much bigger risk to my daughter than smaller. But kids would be given No benefit of the doubt.

*edit*
Link to a photo of the splash pad for folks who haven't seen it.

While I can relate to your feelings, I would not have gotten to the point of telling them what to do. I would have gone to get a lifeguard to tell them what to do. Because kids can lie and kids can twist and parents like that won't care because obviously if they did, their kids would not be in there alone, acting like that. I will be honest and say it's really not your place to discipline other people's kids to that extent, even if it meant you were on edge and worried about your own kids (rightfully so) and can only lead to fights or worse when that parent comes for you like that person did. I believe the life guard was correct in telling you to come find a lifeguard.

 

[Childs1stTime2Disney]

I also want to add, I would never do that again if I were you because those children could have easily accused you of harassment, putting your hands on them, cursing at them, or even worse. Yes, kids CAN and DO lie. You need to realize this before someone accuses you of something and matters can get much much worse in another event.

And you probably should have a screen name that is not your likely actual name, for privacy sake.

 

[Nancyg56]

And that is why some kids learn that adults are scared of them and they can do whatever they want. We are all responsible for calling out bad bahaviour in children (and praising good behaviour when we see it) that's how the community "socialises" our youngsters to understand what is acceptable and what is not.

I do nto think this is about kids learning that adults are afraid of them. I know I am not, however i am not the authority figure for someone else's kid. If I 'suggest" they restrain their behavior and they ignore me, I figure that at that point I have done what is required of me, and I find someone in management to address their behavior. The management has the authority to not only insist the behavior change, but enforce the consequence should they not adhere to the policy. BTW< this goes for adults as well. WE are discussing behavior between adults and children, however there could be the argument that the adult in question overstepped and misbehaved.

The same holds true if adults at a resort were out of line in some way. Does the "fear" factor you speak of count in that situation? I handle that the same way. I ask nicely, and then get someone to address the situation. I do not escalate problems, not when kids are involved or adults.

 

[Ben E N]

I also want to add, I would never do that again if I were you because those children could have easily accused you of harassment, putting your hands on them, cursing at them, or even worse. Yes, kids CAN and DO lie. You need to realize this before someone accuses you of something and matters can get much much worse in another event.

Considering this interaction was done in a public place, with what sounds like plenty of others around, I really doubt any accusations like those would go anywhere at all.

 

[P'colaBeachBum]

First off...isn't hindsight a wonderful thing.

I completely agree with this. Every time a member of the older generation questions why children today do not listen to all adults as authorities, I want to ask them if they have taken the time to think about how the scandals with priests, teachers, coaches, Boy Scout leaders, and others have impacted the choices today's parents make and the ways we've had to adapt traditional wisdom in order to keep our children safe. Don't blame our generation. We weren't the ones violating the blind trust and obedience of adults that our parents instilled in us.
I

As the mother of a Fl school teacher I listen to her telling me on a weekly basis about the kids and parents that are out of line and disrespectful. Schools are not there to babysit kids and parent them as well. Where I bolded your statement... IMHO... is parents are not keeping kids safe if they are letting kids do what ever they want. I see that that everywhere I go. Parents on cell phones and kids as well. A generation that is learning to not communicate face to face. I'll quit because I don't want to get banned.

We try to teach our children it is not acceptable to disregard rules or disrespect adults.

Thank you! Parents have to set the example though and I don't see it that often.

 

[StarSeven7]

I think it's everyone's place to show kindness to others, it is not everyone's place to step in and discipline other people's children. You might think that the parent is not doing an effective job but you really know absolutely nothing about the child or the situation going on. People parent very differently and what might not work in your household may work great in someone else's. My SIL has 4 kids and runs a home daycare so she thinks she knows everything about raising kids and how to effectively discipline them. But her parenting style is very different from mine and from the other members of my DH's family. She often feels like it's her place to step in to discipline her nieces and nephews (even if the parents are right there). This often leads to drama because she doesn't treat the kids with respect the way everyone else does and she talks very harshly to them so we end up with children who are very upset over some minor infraction.

OP, I completely get that you were annoyed with the way the older kids (however old they were) were acting and felt that it was unsafe with your 2 year old around - that's valid. But you had no authority in the situation to make the children leave so it really would have been best to let the lifeguard handle the situation. Better luck next time!

 

[DrunkJam]

We try to teach our children it is not acceptable to disregard rules or disrespect adults.

I generally support this, but also, it is important to know WHY the rule exists (it MAY be beneficial to break a rule if you have a good, urgent and safety related reason) AND it is also important that it is good to be respectful, and also to EXPECT respect in return.

 

[nkereina]

We are all responsible for calling out bad bahaviour in children

No, kids' parents or guardians are responsible for that. Unless someone is in imminent danger, mind your own business.

 

[Childs1stTime2Disney]

Considering this interaction was done in a public place, with what sounds like plenty of others around, I really doubt any accusations like those would go anywhere at all.

That's just something that's not worth the chance. You will find that even though there are people nearby, often no one sees anything and people don't want to get involved.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

That's just something that's not worth the chance. You will find that even though there are people nearby, often no one sees anything and people don't want to get involved.

I think its pretty far fetched that at a public pool area with dozens of other people around a child could get away with saying an adult put hands on them when that is not the case. I don't think we need to live our lives worried about what someone might say. anyone could accuse me of anything at any time. Doesn't mean its credible.

I think it's definitely worth the chance of stepping in if the child's behavior is putting others at risk. I would feel pretty rotten if I sat there and did nothing and another child got seriously hurt.

 

[cobright]

So we are abdicating the safety of our own children to a lifeguard who is likely a teenager or young adult?

As someone who is perhaps overly concerned about pool safety, I will say that the WDW lifeguards are really the best I have ever seen. Sit back and watch them sometime. They are like machines. Scanning the pool zone by zone. Counting each section.

If my kids were misbehaving that way I would welcome another adult correcting them.

When I hear "correcting them" I think something like, "Hey kiddo, gonna need ya to slow it down."

The OP was asking about "Disciplining" other people's kids.

a boy was playing Dead Man at the steps at the big pool

My second pool rule (can't call it the number 2 rule) is that we do not behave like someone in distress behaves. We don't scream like someone in trouble screams. We don't yell, "Help". And we sure don't float like a dead or dying person.

• My wife and the cousin both told the kids what they were doing was wrong. On multiple occasions. I gave them the option leave. Yes, I raised my voice. That was a necessary condition to get their attention.

But it wasn't your option to give. It's not your pool. You have no authority to evict them. So all you can legitimately threaten them is that if they don't stop what they are doing you will go get someone who can do all those things. Problem is, once you do, they will stop the behavior and the LG isn't going to bounce someone based on your word.

• I'm confused why you would think that larger children pose the same danger to my 2 year old as children close to her age.

I think she was saying that a kid who's a little over 48" isn't going to be more of a danger than a kid who's 48"

Ancillary to that... If another person is creating a dangerous environment, shouldn't step on be to remove your 2 year old from it? It sounds like their behavior annoyed you but not enough to get up and tell the lifeguard until the hooligans were taking up the slide your daughter wanted.

Worse: Other mom rushes in. Figures out you must have been the one to report them. Confrontation ensues. "Why did you report my kids?"

The lifeguard isn't going to punish someone for something they haven't seen themselves. So you can say that to the angry mom, or you can say nothing at all. Or you can reply, "¿Que?"

And that is why some kids learn that adults are scared of them and they can do whatever they want. We are all responsible for calling out bad bahaviour in children (and praising good behaviour when we see it) that's how the community "socialises" our youngsters to understand what is acceptable and what is not.

I'm in favor of calling out bad behavior.
Here's what that looks like... "You! The line starts back there!" ... "Hey! No running by the pool!" ... "Miss, your kids are plugging up the slide."
It is not the same as ordering someone out of somebody else's property.

 

[cobright]

Also...
One boy was borderline 48" and two appeared to be over 48" ... how much over 48"? Two inches over? Four? Six?
Looking at an average height to age chart ... 48" is the average height for 7 year old boys. 8 year old boys average 50 inches. 9 yr olds run 52.4". At 10, most boys are about 54.5"

So most likely we're talking about a 7 year old and two 8 or 9 year olds?
...

She almost ended up sliding down while the 3 boys were still inside. ( Because they had purposely gotten themselves stuck in there again). Luckily I stopped her before going down, but there was definitely a risk there. Maybe I have an over protective outlook, but I can imagine all types of issues in that scenario.

What was the risk? That she would slide into 3 other kids? You know this happens every day on every playground without comment.

What types of scenarios were you imagining would happen? What did you fear those three 3rd and 4rth graders would do in that busy resort playground between the time your toddler crashed into them and you arriving to retrieve her?

 

[jessiegirl1982]

Also...
One boy was borderline 48" and two appeared to be over 48" ... how much over 48"? Two inches over? Four? Six?
Looking at an average height to age chart ... 48" is the average height for 7 year old boys. 8 year old boys average 50 inches. 9 yr olds run 52.4". At 10, most boys are about 54.5"

So most likely we're talking about a 7 year old and two 8 or 9 year olds?
...

What was the risk? That she would slide into 3 other kids? You know this happens every day on every playground without comment.

What types of scenarios were you imagining would happen? What did you fear those three 3rd and 4rth graders would do in that busy resort playground between the time your toddler crashed into them and you arriving to retrieve her?

Yes exactly! How old were these kids?My Kindergartner is 5 and is almost 48" (and most of his class is around the same height or taller). He is extremely gentle and would never act roughly around little kids, but lots of kids do. We always try and avoid the rough kids, if possible (go get a lifeguard). ..but it seems like these were younger kids to begin with and are within their right to play in the kids water area. My son will be 6 on our summer trip, and we plan on playing in the kids area with his 2 year old sister.