Where should my kid go? Help :(

[Southernmiss]

What matters is what is offered at the schools near YOU.

Where will your child be challenged as they move through school? Where will they have more opportunities for personal growth and advancement?

For us, even in Mississippi, it was public school over private. Contrary to what some believe about Mississippi public education, my kids received such an education as to do well on national ACT and SAT tests and flourish in college.

For my nephew also in Floriday, it was private.

You need to check out the opportunities in your public schools and the opportunities in private schools.

At this early age, they'll make friends at either place.

 

[DLgal]

Here's my vote:

Public School, but do NOT enroll him in the gifted program at least not yet. He's 5. Let him just enjoy school and making friends and don't put any additional pressure on him.

The reason I say Public is because if he is having behavior problems now, they might continue or get worse and he may need some Interventions or supports that won't be available in private schools. It's telling that your child's behavior is being blamed on "boredom." That's rarely the real reason.

For the record, my son tested as "gifted" at 5, IQ wise. He was reading 2nd grade level books at age 3. He could calculate double digit multiplication facts instantly at age 4, and he understood the concept of solving for X. By 5 he knew how to count to 100 in about 10 different languages. At age 8, he had memorized 135 digits of Pi. We called him Little Einstein (after the popular Disney Jr show of the time).

In reality, he turned 18 last year and didn't even graduate high school with a diploma. He got a certificate of completion because he is autistic/ADHD and couldn't remain on grade level in language arts after 5th grade. He is now in continuing special education for students 18-22. Every 3 years during his special ed reevaluations, his IQ score got lower and lower. IQ measured at 5 is not reliable. My son's true IQ is now closer to 105, once they began using more sophisticated IQ tests that incorporated language skills. But his math ability and his memory are savant level.

At age 5, IQ tests are largely using rote memorization and visual perceptual ability. It's not a true marker of intelligence, just the brain's ability to handle those types of tasks well. Don't make too many decisions based on one IQ test at age 5.

 

[easyas123]

If you like the qualities of a private school education, perhaps explore other private school options?

Both my kids went to a academically challenging private HS (although they were not gifted/above average intelligence/AP class takers) and while they did great there, it was AMAZING to see what they could do for the more academically inclined kids that they'd never get in public schools.

 

[RoseGold]

I just did all of this, whew. It was very difficult. You need to talk to some parents in the public school. Just because there is a gifted program doesn't mean it is worth anything. Same is true for the private schools.

In my area, there are consultants who help people place kids in school options. Usually, people use this for trying to find a place for "troubled" kids, but there is a person who knows which private schools have resources for the gifted.

And I don't say this lightly, but this might be when you look into moving. Your kid is not average. You need the good school district and the good schools. They might even have whole gifted campuses or programs or who knows. I take education seriously enough that this would be on the table for me, if there are better options elsewhere.

Find the nosy lady in your neighborhood who knows everything and everyone. She will put you in touch with someone and you can talk to some moms. You need more information to make the choice. You need to talk to a lot of moms. They have done this.

I know to me, the private school with no gifted resource is a fast no.

 

[RoseGold]

Oh, and timing matters. You need to do it now. If you are doing lotteries for public school, all of that is happening right now. If you are talking about elite private schools, you might already be too late, yes, even for kindergarten testing that high.

If your kid is really that gifted, who cares about state testing. He should be able to do all that with his arms tied behind his back. I don't even see why that's in this discussion.

 

[Christine]

My son was in public school when they found out he was "gifted." A little higher than your son's level. The reason he was tested is that he was having issues in the classroom staying focused/attention etc and was often disruptive but not behavioral if that makes sense. His IQ was tested as part of a neuropsych eval where it was determined he had a high IQ. He was put on medication (worked like a charm) and in second grade was put in the gifted program. At that time, it consisted of him being pulled from his regular classes for about 2 hours a day for enrichment. I think it was in later grades where you went on a dedicated track. The 2 hours of enrichment were fabulous. But they would have been fabulous for any student and it was a shame some of the stuff wasn't offered to all, but I digress....

In 5th grade I decided to move him to parochial school only because the middle school we are zoned for was abysmal. A slot came open and even though I loved the elementary school, I needed to take the slot.

I never regretted the move because it was necessary for us. We live in an academically "competitive" area. Lots of people with very smart kids so my son was no outlier with his IQ. The private school system we used up through high school had 3 tracks and the gifted kids were in one track. It was always enough for him and he was challenged. I will say that the high school he went to was brand new and they were a little light on their AP courses when he was there, so he probably didn't take as many as he could have in a public school. In the end, it all worked out.

A lot of your decision really comes down to the schools in YOUR area so we all might not be able to help you with that decision.

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

I don't see this mentioned, but have you discussed having him skip a grade at the private school? Of course there are social and maturity issues to take into account there as well but if you want to keep him at that school it might be a solution.

 

[cvjw]

Both my sons went to public school. Both were tested for gifted in kindergarten and entered the target program in 1st grade. This program lasted all the way thru 5th grade and ensured they were placed in accelerated classes in middle school. The accelerated classes in middle school ensured they were put on the college prep course in high school. The extra rigor in high school ensured they got into UGA. All was connected.

Learning to do extra work at an early age made college easy for them. Lots of their piers from smaller high schools or private high schools had a hard time adjusting to the rigors of college. Lots had never had to study. Can be culture shock. It was just business as usual to my kids as they were used to extra work - as far back as 1st grade.

 

[VandVsmama]

Yeah, a strange question to ask the internet but here we are.

My 5yo son starts kindergarten next year. He's currently at a private, religious preschool that has k-8. He loves it there, has friends, etc. Here's the problem: our son was tested for gifted. He scored high. Please, don't think this is bragging - it's relevant details. His IQ came back 146 (which is 99.9%). Again, not bragging, it's an important detail. The school psychologist said because he scored so high, he NEEDS gifted enrichment. Of course, the school he's at... doesn't have a gifted program. When speaking with the early ed. coordinator, she said "teachers try to differentiate but..." yeah... not promising that he will get the enrichment he needs.

He struggles with behavior in pre-k. His teacher says he gets bored and is frustrated when kids aren't on his level.

He could go to public school - there's a brand new one. I have a few friends with kids there that are happy. They have a gifted program that he could be in. But, I'm worried about all the state testing, hw, and safety.

So, weigh in DISboards... what are you doing? Sending him to public where he WILL get the gifted enrichment he needs but have to do lots of state testing? Or, leave him at the private school he loves where he won't get the enrichment. Important to note: the religious element doesn't matter to us. We're split and can't decide.

public school w/the gifted enrichment program. Our ODD had similar problem...I suspected in kindergarten that she was really bright. Asked her to be tested. School at first resisted, but finally did. She scored really high, then qualified for gifted program. Next year in 1st grade, though, her 1st grade teacher basically didn't believe that ODD was gifted, despite the standardized testing which showed that she was. 1st grade teacher decided on her own that ODD had ADHD and treated her as such.

ODD was totally & complete bored. The gifted enrichment program at the school was not every day, so most of the school day, ODD was just in her regular classroom w/everybody else.

the following year, we switched to a public charter school in our area that was known for having a very rigorous program. And we never looked back. It was awesome. She's now in 11th grade in the same charter school system, but is at the high school. Best thing we ever did.

 

[georgina]

It's my assertion that exposure to the variety of people in a public school situation makes for a better social education. I never met more biased, close-minded people as when I went to a private high school "college prep" school. Children need social as well as academic education. If your local public school has a gifted program, what's the question? The cream will rise to the top, regardless of special programs.

Interesting. My son-in-law grew up in a fairly wealthy area of Virginia, and says he doesn't want his kids going to private schools because of the kids he knew who went to them. Only problem is they live in DC which does not have a great reputation for jr and high schools. There is one pretty good high school but they would have to move to be in its area. They may have to move anyway because once they have a 2nd child their current house will be quite cramped.

 

[Buzz Rules]

Yeah, a strange question to ask the internet but here we are.

My 5yo son starts kindergarten next year. He's currently at a private, religious preschool that has k-8. He loves it there, has friends, etc. Here's the problem: our son was tested for gifted. He scored high. Please, don't think this is bragging - it's relevant details. His IQ came back 146 (which is 99.9%). Again, not bragging, it's an important detail. The school psychologist said because he scored so high, he NEEDS gifted enrichment. Of course, the school he's at... doesn't have a gifted program. When speaking with the early ed. coordinator, she said "teachers try to differentiate but..." yeah... not promising that he will get the enrichment he needs.

He struggles with behavior in pre-k. His teacher says he gets bored and is frustrated when kids aren't on his level.

He could go to public school - there's a brand new one. I have a few friends with kids there that are happy. They have a gifted program that he could be in. But, I'm worried about all the state testing, hw, and safety.

So, weigh in DISboards... what are you doing? Sending him to public where he WILL get the gifted enrichment he needs but have to do lots of state testing? Or, leave him at the private school he loves where he won't get the enrichment. Important to note: the religious element doesn't matter to us. We're split and can't decide.

I have a suggestion. Try giving some top colleges in your area/State a call or try calling some Ivy League institutions. They would be able to suggest appropriate schools that their alumni have attended that could be close to where you live. Is he gifted in all subjects or just specific ones?

 

[fly girl]

Not an easy answer to this question. Especially after you read all the various posts with parents dealing with their own child with similar circumstances. As a parent we will always second guess every decision, especially ones like this. Just know, your decision is never final. If whatever choice you make doesn't work, it isn't permanent.

I do know from my best friend who lives in Florida that they have an overload of testing versus what we have here. However, I wouldn't base my decision wholly on that.

Also, kids are very resilient at that age with switching schools. I wouldn't keep my child in the school just because of that. Middle/High school, different scenario. Pre-K, no.

You mentioned your current school does not provide a gifted program, but is it just that particular private school? Do you have both public and private school options with a gifted program near you? If it were me, I would be calling to visit the schools to tour and get a feel of what I think would be best for my child. Find out exactly what programs they offer at the public school. Does it fit what you think your child needs?

The biggest variation we cannot answer on the Dis is how the schools are in your area. Many have wonderful public schools. Others, like mine, are not nearly as good at the private. It varies so much that our opinions don't factor that key component in, because we don't know it!

Good luck.

 

[Ursula J]

Just to weigh in--your kid is already in good hands because you know and you care. I had no choice on where I went to school. I was in a small town public school. Yes, I got bored--in kindergarten the teacher build me a cubicle full of books, put me in the corner, and told me to quit bothering other kids But my parents were always advocates for me. They'd explain to teachers that I needed a challenge, and *they* challenged me to be a learner. If I had a weird question, my mom would take me to the library to find the answer (yes, still possible and still better than google!). They were the difference. Whatever you choose, your advocacy and love will be the key. Trust yourself.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

A couple of things:

• Just because it is a private school doesn’t mean they don’t do standardized testing. The private school I almost sent my kids to still does standardized testing.
• Private schools can only provide so much customization to a student’s education. They aren’t legally required to do so, and usually don’t have the staff to.
• A private school isn’t necessarily safer than a public school. Parents have a false sense of security on that. The same risks are there, but are more easily swept under the rug.
• Private schools can have way more homework than public schools because they tend to follow old-school thinking about education.

We didn’t send my kids to the private school because they couldn’t guarantee that my mathematically gifted daughter would be challenged, they overlooked behavior concerns in children whose parents paid a lot of money to the school, and they have a ridiculous amount of homework that serves no purpose but to say they have rigorous academic standards.

 

[Pooh2]

One of my kids was in "gifted" programs in elementary school.
It was not particularly challenging.
Until he got to high school where there were AP classes, he was not very challenged in public school.

If I were in your situation and could afford private school, I would search for a private school that meets his needs.
Perhaps the teachers in his current school would consider sending him to a higher grade for math or reading or wherever his talents are.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The thing that stuck out at me is the OP's mentioned that their son was frustrated at others for not being at his level...as a 5 year old. There absolutely can be a feeling of left out when other kids are the ones poking fun, making comments, etc so that the kid feels so wildly different than their peers. But if the 5 year old is frustrated with their peers for not being at their level that might be time to consult with a behavioral therapist like someone mentioned because that isn't about comforting the child that "hey everyone's different" "it's okay" that behavior of seeing others as the issue can easily carry on throughout life and affect interpersonal relationships

Public, private doesn't matter in that respects because they will likely find the same frustration at both places and it's something they need to be able to process continually.

 

[NotUrsula]

The trick in Florida when it comes to public schools is to never rely on the reputation or services promised by a school *district*. In Florida it is not at all unusual for the district as a whole not to be especially good, but certain individual schools within that district may be outstanding.

Most educators would probably agree that the absolute best Florida school for gifted kids is Pine View, a K-12 all-gifted public program in Osprey (Sarasota County.) It's quite difficult to get into, and requires both a full psychoeducational evaluation and professional recommendations. It also does not accept mid-year transfers.

As to private "college prep" high schools, I have found that if that's your best option because the available public school is sub-par, then try to stick to those that value diversity and are willing to give out a lot of scholarship money to create it. You're still going to have a more-affluent-than-not student body, but there should be at least some check on blatant flaunting and assumptions of wealth. (IME as a parent, the degree of power granted to parent organizations can torpedo those good intentions, though. If the various parents' organizations are allowed to operate on the assumption that all school families are wealthy, then the balance of power can go way off. Never pick a private school without going to a parent organization meeting first.)

As a kid who always got bored in school and as the parent of a high-functioning kid on the autism spectrum, I'll tell you the one danger signal you really do NOT want to see: Run far, far, away if any member of any school's staff tells your child he "is not allowed" to work ahead or to do outside reading in class when his classwork is already done, or who try to exercise veto power over a child's outside reading. Schools and educators that actively hold kids back intellectually for the sake of order and uniformity are deadly, and there are a lot more of them out there than most people think.

 

[kymom99]

The answers and experiences here are all over the place, as you might expect. My son went to private school 1-12. He was very well prepared for college and earned a 4.0. He is of average intelligence, so that was not an issue for us. His school, as well as the others in our diocese outperform the public schools in ACT scores and graduation rates. They provide accelerated classes and remediation. They also take standardized tests but the results aren’t tied to funding. That’s the difference.


I have taught for 35 years in public schools. Gifted programs are hit or miss around here. They identify students, but sometimes that’s as far as it goes. I used to take a lot of grief for sending my son to private schools when I taught in public schools. People don’t say that much anymore. Our public schools are in a world of hurt right now.

Your mileage may vary.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

At age 5, IQ tests are largely using rote memorization and visual perceptual ability. It's not a true marker of intelligence, just the brain's ability to handle those types of tasks well. Don't make too many decisions based on one IQ test at age 5.

I second this! My daughter tested with high IQ/gifted when she was 6 but the tests they do at that age can't measure how a child will do in school later on, they just aren't accurate for education purposes. In spite of my daughter being recommended for gifted instruction, she now receives special education services because she was later diagnosed with Adhd, dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia and she still has an active rule out for autism. Even though she tested as "reading" at 3 grades levels above in kindergarten, the tests they do at that age don't measure true reading ability, they measure things like phonemic awareness which are tested verbally. The IQ test at that age involves memorization, pattern recognition, organizing shapes into other shapes, etc.

High intelligence often goes along with other dignosis that would qualify a child for special education. So I have to agree, based upon my own experience raising 2 smart kids with special education needs, I would not base your son's whole educational future on testing done now at age 5. In your situation, OP, I would recommend that you choose the school that is best for your family and definitely plan on nurturing his intelligence in the ways that you can as a parent--get him involved in learning an instrument, taking classes to build his mind and confidence, etc. and hopefully you can work with the school you choose to help him get some kind of enrichment at school as well.

 

[Polychrome]

If the public schools actually offer a Gifted & Talented program where the kids can do advanced work, I would give my child the opportunity. I think it will be easier to change schools / friend network at an earlier age than waiting until the child is older. I would probably also advocate for a public school because of the larger number of students from which your child can eventually find 'his people'. As other posters have mentioned, social interactions / friendships are just as important as the intellectual gains.

Our town had a population of about 19k people as a reference.

My child's public school's G & T efforts were a pull out 45 minutes a day for 1st grade to 4th grade. First grade was a waste ( they worked on creating and illustrating an Alphabet book and yet he was reading 4th grade level books on his own) but in 2nd through 4th grade there was a great part time teacher that did projects like growing a garden and went into all the science involved in a garden. Using projects that entailed art & reading in relation to the garden, also.

For 5th & 6th grade, they did nothing for T & G except all the kids were already divided up into higher, mid-level & kids needing more help for their academic classes. There was nothing for T & G.

It wasn't until a month into 7th grade where, after a direct appeal to the superintendent, where they allowed him to take the 8th grade math class ( algebra). This meant when he got to 8th grade, they had to bus him from the jr. high to the high school each day. High school started an hour early, so it actually gave him a chance to take an extra music class in his jr high schedule and he took up the bassoon. He was very happy with the situation and it paved the way for the advanced students that came after him.

State testing never bothered him. In high school he opted to eat lunch in class so he could take an extra class along with an online AP class on his own.

There are outside school programs / resources to help enrich / expand upon your son's school programs. I would highly suggest looking at Johns Hopkins CTY as a starting point. There are also extra curricular programs like Odyssey of the Mind and Destination Imagination where my son developed his closest friends while allowing him to go beyond what he was learning in school. Some of those friends were in that 8th grade math class he had moved into, so the teacher was surprised that some of the class already knew him & were friends with him.

You are your child's own best advocate. You need to almost start at the end of the current year for the following year. I figured out eventually that whenever I approached the teachers in the fall, they would say, oh, well let's just get through theses beginning adjustment weeks, then it was the holidays, etc.

My spouse and I were not the type of parents to focus on high achievement, we took our kids out of school for Disney trips, we didn't 'reward' good report cards. etc.

School safety - that is a very scary thing these days and seems to get worse every year. I think any place that there is a gathering / a pool of people, it offers a target. Schools, movie theatres, parades, churches, malls are all target rich environments. I still don't think I would choose private smaller school over a larger public school for safety reasons, but easier for me to say since DS is all grown up now and has his PhD in math.

It is probably most important for your son to have peers he can relate to and explore the world with. Frustration at age 5 does not bode well for future happiness.

Good luck !