Where should my kid go? Help :(

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Run far, far, away if any member of any school's staff tells your child he "is not allowed" to work ahead or to do outside reading in class when his classwork is already done, or who try to exercise veto power over a child's outside reading.

Schools really do that? That sounds awful.

Like when I was in school pretty much all teachers knew I had a book in my backpack well not at age 5 but def. in middle and high school although I had been a lover of reading in elementary school always seeking new things to read but outside reading was my sanctuary. I would read nearly everyday on the way to school on the bus and often on the way home.

 

[_19disnA]

I would like to see what sort of test they can give someone who is 5 yrs old to determine they are gifted. There is more to the world then going to classes/studying and taking tests. If he easily excels in class then maybe look for other things he can do that aren't related to intelligence. Play sports, learn a musical instrument or any number of similar non-academic activities. He will make new friends, probably see that some are better at it then he is and realize how 'smart' he is isn't the only thing in life that matters. He can also learn and grow as a person and perhaps become more supportive/accepting of those around him.

 

[monsterkitty]

I don't see this mentioned, but have you discussed having him skip a grade at the private school? Of course there are social and maturity issues to take into account there as well but if you want to keep him at that school it might be a solution.

The OP stated that he has a few behavior and gets frustrated with other students so skipping a grade would probably not be the best for this child.

My sister is incredibly smart and when we moved to a brand-new school when she was in 4th grade (I was in first), my mom told her teachers that my sister got bored easily because she found school so easy. The teachers rolled their eyes, probably like I did as a teacher when I had a parent tell me how gifted their child was in music. A few weeks after school started, they called my mom and asked if they could move my sister to 5th grade because my sister was GT and they felt it would be a better academic match. My mom said absolutely not. She told them that it was my sister's job to make sure she dug deeper into the subject and not the teachers' job to provide more or different work.

As a retired teacher, I highly suggest visiting your local public school so that you can see for yourself what they can provide educationally for your son. As others have said, at this young age it's not always about academics, but social skills as well. I actually believe the social aspect is more important than the academic because the academic skills can be obtained in a variety of environments. Social skills, not so much, especially when a person becomes easily frustrated by others when they don't move as quickly. This was one of the biggest frustration factors I saw in my GT students.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I second this! My daughter tested with high IQ/gifted when she was 6 but the tests they do at that age can't measure how a child will do in school later on, they just aren't accurate for education purposes. In spite of my daughter being recommended for gifted instruction, she now receives special education services because she was later diagnosed with Adhd, dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia and she still has an active rule out for autism. Even though she tested as "reading" at 3 grades levels above in kindergarten, the tests they do at that age don't measure true reading ability, they measure things like phonemic awareness which are tested verbally. The IQ test at that age involves memorization, pattern recognition, organizing shapes into other shapes, etc.

High intelligence often goes along with other dignosis that would qualify a child for special education. So I have to agree, based upon my own experience raising 2 smart kids with special education needs, I would not base your son's whole educational future on testing done now at age 5. In your situation, OP, I would recommend that you choose the school that is best for your family and definitely plan on nurturing his intelligence in the ways that you can as a parent--get him involved in learning an instrument, taking classes to build his mind and confidence, etc. and hopefully you can work with the school you choose to help him get some kind of enrichment at school as well.

In 6th grade I got the Presidential Award for Academic Achievement due to test scores (and teacher input), in 7th grade I was invited to take the SATs for free due to my prior test scores and guidance into looking into programs for future grades and I did decide to do that but didn't do anything with the results after that, in 8th grade I also received another Presidential Award. However, in middle school my brain switched from understanding math better than my peers to understanding english and social studies and history continued to excel. These aren't markers that would have been absolute at age 5. I mean you do want the ability to find kids who are so far and above away from others but in reality those are very few. I think it's good that posters have touched on maybe holding off on placing all the eggs in the basket related to this one moment in time with this one test.

 

[dez1978]

I'd say if you live in an area with good public schools, where you feel safe and the school is well rated and liked by others, send him there. As far as the state testing, while I think it's dumb, and benefits the school more than the students, I don't think it's a big deal. My 11 yr old is super smart (they don't really have gifted classes at our small school) but hates the tests because ADHD makes it hard for him to concentrate on them that long. I just tell him to do the best he can but not to stress out about it. He has all A's so even if he bombs the state testing, it's not like they are going to hold him back. After I explained those tests are more of a measure of how well the school is doing rather than how smart he is, he stopped worrying about it. I wouldn't let the state testing factor into your decision.

 

[Lumpy1106]

I don't know about where you live, but the (highly rated) public schools for K-8 in So Cal have NO IDEA how to handle a kid like yours. DS got bored a lot in Public school and their way of dealing with it was to send us an email - often times from more than one teacher in the same day. Next day, repeat. What good did that do? We did what we could but finally moved him to a much smaller private school where he would at least get some discipline. It wasn't until is Freshman year at a Private HS where a counselor finally asked DS straight-up; "have you ever had any treatment for your ADHD"? Because of privacy concerns the public school admin could not do that. We got him treatment then moved him back to Public school so he could take AP classes and play lacrosse. The Private HS couldn't offer him either and that was causing a new set of problems. DS is now getting treatment and is doing GREAT in his SOPH year in the college of his choice - very proud of him.

LSS - it's a journey and only you really know what the right answer is. Not only that, but sometimes even you don't get the answer right - don't give up! Having been through it, what I would do is get DS the most individual instruction you can for now, K-8. Grades don't matter until he gets to HS. Once there, as @_19sidnA said above, there is more to school than learning - give him the full experience (sports, extra curriculars, everything), but also make sure he's in the AP classes so he gets the GPA bump. Don't take no for an answer.

 

[LSUmiss]

Depends on the area. Our public schools have gifted programs, but the schools are deplorable schools. So private school for us now matter what.

 

[Kennywood]

Can he skip to 1st grade?

Like you, I'm not trying to be immodest when I say that I have a rather high IQ. I skipped kindergarten and went straight to 1st grade. Even there, I was bored and got into trouble because of it. I couldn't understand why everyone else wasn't done with the work and I would end up talking to people around me. I got sent to the principal's office, stood in the corner, and even got paddled. It was all simply because I was bored.

I went to high school with a guy who was VERY good at math. In fact, the high school math teacher told him that she had nothing more to teach him.

It's probably important that your son be with his friends, but perhaps in the next grade. He would be challenged but still develop the necessary social skills.

 

[Miffy]

I think one thing that is often overlooked when talking about gifted education is the social aspects. These are often a really big deal for gifted kids who struggle to relate to peers, are often left out , and appear different to their classmates. The public school gifted program challenged my son and gave him learning opportunities that he wasn’t getting. But the single most important thing it gave him was a tribe of kids who understood him. That was priceless.

I was bored like mad through school with the exception of a couple of classes in high school. I have no idea what my IQ is or if I would be considered "gifted," but I was very smart and an extremely fast learner (I'm still a fast learner) and I had a public education in a good public school system but especially in grades K through 6, I was unbearably bored and despised going to school.

It was suggested that I skip a grade in 2nd grade, but my parents decided that my socialization was more important. If you knew how poorly socialized I am right now, you'd laugh at this decision!

I agree with a previous poster who said that having your child flourish was more important than their friends.

 

[bjscheel]

Always hard to know what to do and we don't know the details in your area. Pick the school you like better and see how K goes. At this age I wouldn't let having pre-k friends be the deciding factor. He may also not end up being that far ahead as time goes on.

For me personally, during K I went to the 1st grade room some. We didn't have a G&T department. At some point in those early years I was doing math one on one with the principal. When real 1st grade came I was miserable. At that point they moved me up to 2nd grade where I fit in better academically and socially. I was only 1 month younger than the youngest of the regular 2nd graders and at recess I had felt like I wanted to play with them instead. Best decision for me, not for everyone.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

My daughter went to a private Pre K-8 private, religious school in California.. Mostly because the public schools in our district were horrible. Religion didn't factor too much into it. We moved to the Southeast when she entered 5th grade. We choose where we live now for the school system. Highly rated. My daughter struggled in 5th grade, a lot. She was way behind, especially in math. Her state scores showed she had a 3rd grade knowledge in math. That private school in California was rated very well and not easy to get into. My daughter found her ground in 6th grade and since has done very well. She's a straight A student and the funny thing is, her best grades are in Math (and sciences). She wants to be an engineer. She is going to be tested for TAG in March. Our schools all have TAG and there are so many doors that open with that. And more resources. You mentioned that the school your son is in now goes to 8th grade, if he continues at that school, what was the plan afterwards? That was the issue at my daughter's private school in California. We would of had to move to a better school district, which a 2 BR condo started at over a million dollars or rent or pay for private high school which started over $30k.

 

[theMoreDisneytheBetter]

Being smart in a normal class sucks. I remember there were multiple years where I was completely ignored in school because the teachers already knew I knew the answer. It wasn’t until middle school where we finally were separated that I stopped hating school, and even then it was still too slow. I ended up in a top 1-3 (depending on ranking) college, and it was only then when I was finally challenged academically.

There are 2 problems with public school:
1. Unless you are exceptionally lucky and can go to an entirely gifted school, even if you have G&T opportunities school will be boring the rest of the time. I don’t care what people say about differentiation, teachers are much more focused on the bottom vs challenging the top. Especially in kindergarten there are so many other things to worry about that actual learning comes way down in the list.

2. Depending on your district, commitment to G&T education may vary. Eg where I live schools have been de leveled in the name of equity, to the point where the overall standards are really low to nonexistent, even in “honors” classes. It has actually worked out ok for DS in terms of grades - not so much academically but that’s a different matter - but for me it would have been a disaster.

If your child really is gifted and you have the means to do so, s/he will be much more challenged in a smaller setting where the teachers are incentivized to get to know the students and teach accordingly. You just won’t find that in public school unless you are in one of a very VERY few highly specialized schools in the country.

 

[NotUrsula]

Schools really do that? That sounds awful.

Like when I was in school pretty much all teachers knew I had a book in my backpack well not at age 5 but def. in middle and high school although I had been a lover of reading in elementary school always seeking new things to read but outside reading was my sanctuary. I would read nearly everyday on the way to school on the bus and often on the way home.

It happened to me in the early 1970s and it happened to DS in the early 2000s. I distinctly remember having a family copy of Edith Hamilton's Mythology taken away from me by a 2nd grade teacher who said it was "too old for me." She thought I'd be better off with "The Bobbsey Twins." My parents thought she was nuts, but the school principal backed her up and said I couldn't read it at school unless it came from the school library, which had no adult-level books at all. (I'd left stuff like The Bobbsey Twins behind when I was 4. The Hamilton had been one of my sister's college textbooks and it was my absolute favorite for years, not least because it was a pocket edition that was easy to carry.)

It happened to me again in 5th grade when I was reading Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, which, interestingly, also got taken away from DS in 5th grade, and with exactly the same comment. In my case it was a public school, and in DS' case a private school.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It happened to me in the early 1970s and it happened to DS in the early 2000s. I distinctly remember having a family copy of Edith Hamilton's Mythology taken away from me by a 2nd grade teacher who said it was "too old for me." She thought I'd be better off with "The Bobbsey Twins." My parents thought she was nuts, but the school principal backed her up and said I couldn't read it at school unless it came from the school library, which had no adult-level books at all.

It happened to me again in 5th grade when I was reading Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, which, interestingly, also got taken away from DS in 5th grade, and with exactly the same comment. In my case it was a public school, and in DS' case a private school.

Gosh that's not good at all. I know schools can be particular about books (hence banning things ) but I think there's a line in the sand policing every single little outside reading detail.

 

[mjkacmom]

Here’s the thing, that score is at the low end of high, a little higher than moderate, kindergarten hasn’t started, the level of academics in this age group is going to vary A LOT! Some kids are learning letters, some are reading chapter books, around 3rd grade or so is when things start to level off. I can’t imagine a lot of behavior issues being based on being frustrated with other kids academics, my kids went to several different preschools but most were play based.

 

[Boopuff]

OP whatever you decide, if you choose public…FIGHT for your child. Inclusion is the “band-aid” districts use to funnel all kids into the same mold (And not spend money) good luck to you and your child. Fight the good fight

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I can’t imagine a lot of behavior issues being based on being frustrated with other kids academics,

I totally can.

It's about a perception into what skills others have, how they handle topics, etc. It can lead to elitism, inability to connect with others because they are just not ever going to be at your level. I think I was more put off by the fact that age 5 this is already showing. Doesn't mean that's the be it all but certainly worth discussing with professionals just so the parents are aware. Kids can get bored and without challenges even more bored. But if most of your peers around you actually get you to a state of frustration because they don't level up to you it can lead a path towards anti-socialness or other issues.

 

[Threehearts]

My opinion- those intelligence tests are just tests. My daughter was 4 when she tested in to MENSA. She continued to test in over the years because we wanted to make sure that her score at such a young age wasn't a fluke. We never discussed Mensa after that and when those monthly newsletters arrive now they go right into the recycling. My daughter says, "Mom, it was a test.I don't need to read that to see what I'm accomplishing."

I'm not a big believer that children have behavioral issues because they are bored. My daughter did have behavioral issues in Kindergarten- basically her way or the highway. The school's solution was to send her to a highly gifted school where she promptly tested out of two grades. She was so entitled by the time we moved to a new school district that I decided to hold her back until her social skills improved. It was the best decision that my husband and I ever made.

She went from being bossy and demanding to realizing that no one wants to invite you to their birthday party if you act like that. We had taken my daughter to a psychologist for additional testing. I won't get in to that except to say that the psychologist told us, "Intelligence doesn't go away. Psychological and emotional issues can cause forever problems. Deal with behavior now and gifted later." That's what we did. Teachers are trained to manage all types of children within reason. My daughter's teacher was able to give her more advanced books to read, math challenges and more. She was fabulous.

I was a room mother for 6 years. The smartest kids I saw were the kids who went out to play after school, who understood the value of kindness and empathy and who were curious about the world around them.

My daughter got a full academic scholarship to a top university. She did just fine with enrichment in her very good public school.

Every parent needs to make the best choices for their child. The path we chose worked for us, but I completely respect how another family would make a different choice.

 

[unrequited23]

I suggest you find out exactly what type of gifted enrichment the public school offers. Not all programs are equal. Not all programs start in kindergarten. Some are just differentiated instruction, on par with leveled reading groups. Some offer weekly pull out services. Some school districts have a separate school for students identified as gifted. Some states will consider honors or AP classes as gifted enrichment just because the teachers had 12 hours of professional development in gifted student instruction, when nothing else has changed in the curriculum.

There is a lot of enrichment you can do with your child to challenge them, lovingly frustrate them and let them know not everything in life is going to come easily or be perfect.

 

[Imzadi]

He struggles with behavior in pre-k. His teacher says he gets bored and is frustrated when kids aren't on his level.

Bored kids can be troublemakers.

State testing is a non-issue for my gifted DS. A waste of time? Certainly. But he doesn’t stress because it’s easy for him and he doesn’t do a lot of the prep because he’s pulled for his gifted enrichment during a lot it.

Not a parent, but I remember a fellow student in my class in grade school. He, too, had constant behavioral issues in class. When we all were tested, his IQ was about 156. So, the teacher KNEW he was a genius. Even told him so, as though that knowledge should have helped him straighten up. But, back then, (during the dark ages,) we didn't have any gifted or enrichment programs.

He was bored out of his skull in class for 6 hours. His brain needed to be actively engaged with something that would challenge him and keep him engaged. I remember when we would silently read passages in class. I'd look up, about a third of the way through, and he'd already be DONE and needing something to do, while we all caught up. So, he'd shoot spit balls & rubberbands at the other students. ANYTHING to engage his brain and keep the boredom at bay.

As he grew, he would always get detention, suspensions, punished. He didn't care. He was smarter than everyone else, including the teachers. He got into drinking and drugs. The day he finally turned 16, the legal age to quit school, he did.

He could have been the next Bill Gates or whomever, and done great things for the world, if he had been properly taught at HIS level as a kid. Instead, he died at a fairly young age, in his 50's, as probably the drugs and alcohol ravaged him.

I loved standardized testing (Iowa tests and later MCAS) as a kid, does that make me weird? It was a nice break from actual classes.

Exactly. Had the kid above gotten challenged in a positive way, he probably would have aced all the tests and been happy.

OP, you can help approach the tests with a positive attitude. Your child might not have the problem with the tests in the way you are concerned about.