Public restroom-be very aware of your surroundings

[Southernmiss]

I disagree. It makes more sense to increase the height (and lower the bottom) of the stall walls than to have single bathrooms. After all, what's a "stall", but a small room? The issue is the walls don't go down far enough or up far enough.

If you raise/lower stall walls, you can do more unisex bathrooms.

The full enclosed stall is one reason why people love Buc ees bathrooms!

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

That sounds so scary! I am so sorry you had to experience something like that!

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

So, to summarize, a man looked at you over the wall between two stalls.

Maybe he thought he was at the gents and he heard something unusual coming from your side of the wall and had a look. He got scared by the scream and ran out.

I never pay attention to which stalls are open and if I should take one on the opposite of the one taken. I could have taken the one next to the OP.

Question from a European: What is going on the US that adult women need a man standing guard at the restroom? Is it so incredibly common for women to be ambushed by men in a restroom?

No, it's not.

Is it possible a guy went in, with nefarious purposes? Yes. It happened Jacksonville (link) to a 9 year old girl (right up the road from where we were living at the time). But it doesn't happen as a daily occurance, which is why it makes national news when it does happen.

We lived in Vegas for a few years, and I never had an issue at a casino.

 

[Disneylover99]

So, to summarize, a man looked at you over the wall between two stalls.

Maybe he thought he was at the gents and he heard something unusual coming from your side of the wall and had a look. He got scared by the scream and ran out.

Really? That seems like a stretch to me.

 

[Karin1984]

Really? That seems like a stretch to me.

We don't know how the OP sounded to the man in the stall. For all we know she made sounds that were unusual or sounded as if she was in pain. It's Vegas, maybe the man was intoxicated just a little (could explain his sounds).

To me it's quite a stretch that this man is up to no good. It's a busy night at a casino, there is an employee working there, women (and apparently men) can walk in and out constantly. There are only a few seconds available.
Option 1: He is a peeping tom. Not likely. He would have been in the bathroom the entire evening and probably looking through the gaps at the door, as there is less risk, and a better view.
Option 2: He wanted to do more than just peep. Unlikely, as he has a better chance overpowering her when she comes and and push her back in. But if he wanted to overpower a woman, he would probably have chosen a frail-looking woman. (like the girl in Florida the previous poster referred to)
Option 3: He wanted to steel her purse. It then doesn't make sense to look over the bathroom wall when the intent is to steal, as you probably cannot reach a purse on a floor, on the lap or hanging at the door. You have a better chance to kneel and reach from under the door, if the purse is on the floor. And there must be better ways in Vegas to pickpocket and steel purses, as everyone is focused on their games.

I don't want to diminish the OP's feelings and that she got scared by suddenly seeing a man's face where it shouldn't be. It's described as a horror story, which maybe it was to the OP, but with what really happened, I have no reason to believe that the man was up to no good, and instead it could be a mistake.

 

[Disneylover99]

We don't know how the OP sounded to the man in the stall. For all we know she made sounds that were unusual or sounded as if she was in pain. It's Vegas, maybe the man was intoxicated just a little (could explain his sounds).

To me it's quite a stretch that this man is up to no good. It's a busy night at a casino, there is an employee working there, women (and apparently men) can walk in and out constantly. There are only a few seconds available.
Option 1: He is a peeping tom. Not likely. He would have been in the bathroom the entire evening and probably looking through the gaps at the door, as there is less risk, and a better view.
Option 2: He wanted to do more than just peep. Unlikely, as he has a better chance overpowering her when she comes and and push her back in. But if he wanted to overpower a woman, he would probably have chosen a frail-looking woman. (like the girl in Florida the previous poster referred to)
Option 3: He wanted to steel her purse. It then doesn't make sense to look over the bathroom wall when the intent is to steal, as you probably cannot reach a purse on a floor, on the lap or hanging at the door. You have a better chance to kneel and reach from under the door, if the purse is on the floor. And there must be better ways in Vegas to pickpocket and steel purses, as everyone is focused on their games.

I don't want to diminish the OP's feelings and that she got scared by suddenly seeing a man's face where it shouldn't be. It's described as a horror story, which maybe it was to the OP, but with what really happened, I have no reason to believe that the man was up to no good, and instead it could be a mistake.

Based on the OP’s detailed report, I’d say he was up to no good.

 

[wenrob]

I hope they're able to get something from the security footage. There are definitely cameras all over in casinos, so there's a good chance!

I think we'll be seeing a change in public restrooms in new construction - places going with several single bathrooms rather than two multi-stall rooms.

I’ve noticed when visiting my DD in Seattle most of the places we went the restrooms were like this. Here, newer construction while it’s still one larger bathroom the stalls actually have walls and doors.

Dh and I have a trip planned to Las Vegas later this year. Thank you so much for letting us know that it is now legal for men to enter women's restrooms! When in a public area I will make sure dh stands outside if I need to use it and he will also enter if he sees a man go in. So sorry this happened to you.

It’s not that it’s “now legal,” it’s that it was never illegal. It’s a courtesy thing.

So, to summarize, a man looked at you over the wall between two stalls.

Maybe he thought he was at the gents and he heard something unusual coming from your side of the wall and had a look. He got scared by the scream and ran out.

I never pay attention to which stalls are open and if I should take one on the opposite of the one taken. I could have taken the one next to the OP.

Question from a European: What is going on the US that adult women need a man standing guard at the restroom? Is it so incredibly common for women to be ambushed by men in a restroom?

Well. Touchy subject and one that I’m sure will lead to this thread eventually getting locked. In general some see public restrooms as the perfect opportunity for bad things to happen while others (like myself) don’t think even think about it beyond awareness in *any* situation. My DH only waits outside the restrooms if we happen to be using them at the same time. In my 55 years on this earth I’ve never encountered a man (or at least never noticed) in the women’s restroom. I have however used the men’s restroom a time or two out of sheer desperation.

 

[ronandannette]

...Well. Touchy subject and one that I’m sure will lead to this thread eventually getting locked. In general some see public restrooms as the perfect opportunity for bad things to happen while others (like myself) don’t think even think about it beyond awareness in *any* situation. My DH only waits outside the restrooms if we happen to be using them at the same time. In my 55 years on this earth I’ve never encountered a man (or at least never noticed) in the women’s restroom. I have however used the men’s restroom a time or two out of sheer desperation.

This caught my eye. I've never even considered having DH or anyone else come to the washroom with me, including when we're travelling abroad. Just never given it a single thought. I make my way to wherever the facilities are, come out and re-join my companions. If I ran into trouble, I wonder how long it would be before someone came looking?

The whole idea of having to be so hyper-vigilant at all times is hard when you have never inherently felt unsafe. You read/hear/know things that have been reported and there's really no reason to downplay or disbelieve the experiences of others, but it's just quite hard to internalize unless your temperament is naturally bent that way. I totally understand @Karin1984 's perspective on it. Many may call us fool-hardy and just waiting for trouble, but in reality 99.9% of people come and go safely through their days without incident. My heart goes out to the few who don't, but it doesn't imprint deeply enough to change my behaviour.

 

[DL1WDW2]

I'm so sorry to hear this, OP. That is terrifying. I've started carrying pepper spray everywhere I go, but you wouldn't think you would need it or need to be on guard in the bathroom.


Ah, so you're the person who was next to us screaming that scared my kid? (kidding! but also not really lol)

I promise I am very aware of small children in the Chamber and will not scream if I know they have been brave enough to get that far with their parents .

I was just chosen to go onstage at Universal Studios Horror MonsterShow and at one point they asked me if I could scream !
I imagine their sound techs working backstage were not prepared for me !

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Well, here we go.

 

[Karin1984]

This caught my eye. I've never even considered having DH or anyone else come to the washroom with me, including when we're travelling abroad. Just never given it a single thought. I make my way to wherever the facilities are, come out and re-join my companions. If I ran into trouble, I wonder how long it would be before someone came looking?

The whole idea of having to be so hyper-vigilant at all times is hard when you have never inherently felt unsafe. You read/hear/know things that have been reported and there's really no reason to downplay or disbelieve the experiences of others, but it's just quite hard to internalize unless your temperament is naturally bent that way. I totally understand @Karin1984 's perspective on it. Many may call us fool-hardy and just waiting for trouble, but in reality 99.9% of people come and go safely through their days without incident. My heart goes out to the few who don't, but it doesn't imprint deeply enough to change my behaviour.

People have different thresholds for safety. I think you can compare it with cleanliness (pre-covid and for those without illnesses), some people clean the hotelroom or plane seat before they use it. Same with this, some people do not feel safe in life in general and do what they can to create a sense of safety. While, indeed, 99.9% of the time it is not necessary.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

OP, sounds like an upsetting experience.

I think that we should always pay attention to our intuition about things. Sometimes it kicks in and surprises us. As women, we’re taught to “be nice” and that can lead to putting aside our feelings that something’s not right, which can sometimes be to our detriment. So I say, if your intuition was that it was a bad situation for you, then you did the right thing.

Btw I just saw this recently and it comes highly recommended:
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

I keep a small airhorn on me when out with my dogs. Under $10 at WalMart and it’s very effective if there is a dog fight. I think it would’ve worked well in this situation, too, and saved your voice. Stick it back in your pocket and walk out calmly like you own the place. (Just trying to keep things light here.)

 

[RedAngie]

I’d be more wary of a man “standing guard” outside a casino ladies room than anything that could happen inside. I’d likely try to find another restroom.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

it is now legal for men to enter women's restrooms!

It's never not been legal.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

People have different thresholds for safety. I think you can compare it with cleanliness (pre-covid and for those without illnesses), some people clean the hotelroom or plane seat before they use it. Same with this, some people do not feel safe in life in general and do what they can to create a sense of safety. While, indeed, 99.9% of the time it is not necessary.

While this could be true (not sure I completely agree, though - there are nefarious sources out among us), the OP said she is a 59 yr old woman. She may not have received the memo yet that it’s ok for men to be in women’s bathrooms, and grew up in a time where that just didn’t happen. I think we need to cut her some slack on this.

We also don’t know that this person looking over her stall while she was going to the bathroom (who does that??) wasn’t up to no good. Her intuition is enough for me. (That was how I always understood the Women’s Movement - support for other women. I realize that seems to have changed now, too.)

 

[mousefan73]

I would be freaked out too. And good that you notified security. Though I would think most likely this guy was more on the stupid/intoxicated- not sure which bath/pervert route vs. going to steal/physically harm - unless the guy is a super idiot as everybody knows in Vegas there are cameras and security EVERYWHERE.

side note as an American who lives now in the EU. I never realized how "open" our bathrooms stalls are. The lack of privacy and gaps. How ironic seeing how prude Americans are about nudity, but I guess when peeing everyone has right to peek through the gaps.. I love the restrooms basically the rest of the world . most are completly enclosed stalls or at least you dont have a gap.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think we'll be seeing a change in public restrooms in new construction - places going with several single bathrooms rather than two multi-stall rooms.

I'm not sure, they just remodeled one of the main bathrooms in our Union Station and it caught both my husband and I off guard because it was a central hand washing sinks and then to the left was mens to the right womens but the hand washing was shared.

In our new airport set to open in a week and a half there will be all-gendered bathrooms where it's just like gendered with multiple stalls although according to what I could find it would have floor to ceiling doors. Gendered bathrooms will still be available. There should be videos soon of it up as I'd like to see how it will all look, right now thousands of volunteers are trying out the new airport in general. One thing I do like is there will be adult changing rooms. It's supposed to be basically the most inclusive airport built thus far from gender to disability.

I think the opposite is likely to occur, more and more gender-neutral options rather than single bathrooms, I think that's more just space because it takes up a lot of space to do multiple single bathrooms than multi-stalled ones. But I think we all would like more stall privacy!

 

[mousefan73]

I'm not sure, they just remodeled one of the main bathrooms in our Union Station and it caught both my husband and I off guard because it was a central hand washing sinks and then to the left was mens to the right womens but the hand washing was shared.

In our new airport set to open in a week and a half there will be all-gendered bathrooms where it's just like gendered with multiple stalls although according to what I could find it would have floor to ceiling doors. Gendered bathrooms will still be available. There should be videos soon of it up as I'd like to see how it will all look, right now thousands of volunteers are trying out the new airport in general. One thing I do like is there will be adult changing rooms. It's supposed to be basically the most inclusive airport built thus far from gender to disability.

I think the opposite is likely to occur, more and more gender-neutral options rather than single bathrooms, I think that's more just space because it takes up a lot of space to do multiple single bathrooms than multi-stalled ones. But I think we all would like more stall privacy!

Most newer restrooms I have seen in buildings go more single use ( gender neutral) bath over here in Germany ( makes no sense to make two baths with one stall that is gender specific.. Just make two universal baths so if let's say 2 girls gotta pee and no man.. they both go.. why have one wait while the other is not in use, type thing. Unless it's a large place ( malls, airports) still gender mainly as the men's have a urinal section.

 

[ronandannette]

OP, sounds like an upsetting experience.

I think that we should always pay attention to our intuition about things. Sometimes it kicks in and surprises us. As women, we’re taught to “be nice” and that can lead to putting aside our feelings that something’s not right, which can sometimes be to our detriment. So I say, if your intuition was that it was a bad situation for you, then you did the right thing.

Btw I just saw this recently and it comes highly recommended:
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

I keep a small airhorn on me when out with my dogs. Under $10 at WalMart and it’s very effective if there is a dog fight. I think it would’ve worked well in this situation, too, and saved your voice. Stick it back in your pocket and walk out calmly like you own the place. (Just trying to keep things light here.)

I don't think anybody is saying otherwise. Who would urge somebody NOT to act defensively if they felt unsafe in any way? The discussion has now just gone in the direction of what our own gut-reactions are. It's not a matter of "affirming or disregarding" the OP, nor does it turn this into a controversial topic.

Well, here we go.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

OP I'm so incredibly sorry for your experience I can only imagine how you must have felt. I would have felt startled too regardless of who the gender was as anyone peeking over the top or through the gaps or whatever is very unsettling.

With Vegas there are all sorts of cameras so you better believe they can find the person at least in image and having a backpack probably helps. To say this bluntly I don't think he was after your purse, this seems more likely like a peeping tom to me but that's my impression from your description. Nearly all the bathroom stalls I've been in Vegas have had notices about what numbers to call for human trafficking but your description didn't lead me to think that was the thought.

I appreciate the reminder to be aware of your surroundings although I'm very sorry for your experience