anotherboardnposter
Say Hello To My Little Friend...Wait, that's a din
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2003
Modifying the lyrics, adding lines, deleting words and trying to get it to flow better, I present a piece I wrote last year for Saturday Night You about a fantasy raid on The Walt Disney Company as made by the Disney Princesses and several other Disney females...
The piece is entitled "Sleeping Beauty 2: Knockout Drops". The cast list reads as follows:
Michael Eisner...Alec Baldwin
Secretary...Chris Kattan (V.O)
Belle...Rachel Dratch
Jasmine...Maya Rudolph
Ariel...Amy Poehler
Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)...Tina Fey
Pocahontas...Ana Gasteyer
Snow White...Julia-Louis Dreyfus (in a cameo)
Cinderella...Kylie Minogue (in a cameo)
Jessica Rabbit...Kathleen Turner (in a cameo)
Shareholders...Male extras
(Fade in on the headquarters of The Walt Disney Company. Michael Eisner is sharing the latest news about the studio with several eager shareholders)
Michael Eisner: It's coming along swell for "Sleeping Beauty 2: Knockout Drops". We're getting Christina Aguilera to do some new songs for the soundtrack, and the folks at Disney TV Animation are making the whole thing, so that way we have money for...
Shareholder 1: (Interrupting) The theme parks?
Michael Eisner: Yes...we'll be using profits from "Sleeping Beauty 2" and another sequel entitled "Beauty and The Beast 4: Beauty Is The Beast"...that's where Belle transforms into a female doppelganger of the Beast...Where was I? Oh, yes...we'll be using those profits to get some new topiaries in front of the "Welcome To Walt Disney World" sign in Orlando, Florida.
Shareholder 2: What about new rides? I'm surfing the Net and the troops are getting restless, Mikey...
Michael Eisner: Let them enjoy what they got...I have no time to hear what they have to say.
Shareholder 3: If you've been paying attention to what's been going on all over the Web, surely you're aware that people think California Adventure is about as exciting as watching paint dry.
Shareholder 4: The situation's pretty grim over in Florida as well. Besides that, you've got to settle disputes with Lucas and Spielberg. The fans want more bang for their entertainment bucks...
Michael Eisner: Well...um...er...I don't know what to say except that this is the way I'm operating the ship. If you don't like, feel free to jump overboard. Perhaps Universal could use you.
Secretary: (V.O) Mr. Eisner, a group of distinguished employees are here to see you.
(One by one, the Disney ladies enter. Belle is in her yellow dress from the ballroom scene in "Beauty and The Beast". Jasmine is in her clothing from the "Aladdin" number "A Whole New World". Ariel has human legs but a shell bra. Princess Aurora is dressed in her clothes from the "Sleeping Beauty" song "Once Upon A Dream". Pocahontas is dressed in traditional Indian gear. Snow White is in her blue dress, and when the audience sees that it's Julia-Louis Dreyfus essaying the role, 17 years after she left "SNL", we hear the audience in wild cheering. The cheering continues when Kylie Minogue enters as Cinderella, in the pink gown Cinderella wore to the ball in the movie. Jessica Rabbit, as played by a live-action Kathleen Turner and dressed in a red-sequined gown gets the loudest cheers of all. All the ladies have pieces of paper)
Belle: Mike, we've got to register a complaint. We don't like the way this company is headed.
Jasmine: The DTV sequels were harmless at first, but now you're burning the vaults, making it seem like we're all cheaply animated.
Snow White: To that end, we each have some views we wish to share about the company.
Cinderella: If we may be allowed to say, or rather, sing them...Ahem.
(Cinderella/Kylie sings to the tune of "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes").
Cinderella: (Singing)
"A nightmare is all I see now
Looking at Disney
The studio's gone to tatters
Now you've screwed up the company
D-T-V Sequels and Full-Frame
D-V-Ds
Oh what will we do?
You know you better start achieving
Or else we'll stop believing
That the dreams that Walt wished will come true"
(Jasmine/Maya sings next, to the tune of "A Whole New World")
Jasmine: (Singing)
"Have you been to the World?
Florida's star is now dimming
They leave Epcot at noon for swimming
Now there's no time to decide
For Disney World
A magic place, that much is true
But Rides aren't updated
Now you're hated
If you don't change, I think you might be (bleep)ed"
(Pocahontas/Ana sings next, to the tune of "Colors Of The Wind")
Pocahontas: (Singing)
"At California Adventure
We see now
That that park's dragging down Disneyland
How come you can't see that?
Up here in your own flat
There's no supply, therefore there's no demand
Don't you understand that soon you will be old
And then you'll run this whole (bleep) ship with dentures
Can you understand the direction you're headed
Thanks to Cali-for-nia Adventure
Thanks to Cali-for-nia Adventure?"
(Ariel/Amy sings next to the tune of "Part Of Your World")
Ariel: (Singing)
"I wanna be on the big screen
But only in a first film re-release
No more direct-to-video
Listen, you beast
I'd rather be on the Superstation
Than a victim of TV animation
At the movies I'm the most
On video I am the least
No more Videos
No more of this (bleep)
Don't make me do 3
Or I walk...I quit!
There should only be
The first movie
Here in this world"
(Belle/Rachel sings next, to the tune of "Something There")
Belle: (Singing)
"Well, I come home
What do I see?
When I put in a Disney DVD?
I see something totally lame
I see you put your titles right there in full-frame
I know it may seem like a scar
I hear you say the families don't like O-A-R
I say it's boring
Can't play these games
I give a (bleep) about O-A-R
I hate full-frame"
(Jessica Rabbit/Kathleen sings next to the tune of "Why Don't You Do Right")
Jessica: (Singing)
"You had plenty of money in 1992
Aladdin was on top
The cash came flowing through
But I see you've changed
Studios fallen through
Hollywood Pictures is way beyond gone
Touchstone Pictures hasn't had a hit
Since the president was Ron*
Animated features
Well, you should be singing the blues"
(Princess Aurora/Tina sings next, to the tune of "Once Upon A Dream")
Princess Aurora: (Singing)
"They know you
And they hate your politicking style
Kat-zen-berg and Spielberg want you to just shut up for a while
Your tongue has made your grave deeper by the day
George Lucas is mad
Slugging down Old Granddad
While complaining about "Star Tours"
And calling us and you (bleep)s
It makes me want to scream"
(Snow White/Julia ends the scene to the tune of "Someday My Prince Will Come")
Snow White: (Singing)
"Your last day is finally here
Now's the time to live in fear
We're sorry to tell you
That we're staging a corporate coup"
(All the Disney characters join in at this point, as do the male stockholders, who are tired of Eisner)
All: (except Eisner)
"We're taking over this company
Eisner, you've been set free
We'll make Disney the best
Now get out of here and clean out your desk"
(Eisner speaks up)
Michael Eisner: Bunch of stupid women. Who needs you? I'm outta here.
(Eisner exits)
All: (Singing again after shrugging their shoulders)
"We have just staged a corporate coup"
Snow White: (Singing and turning to the audience)
"We'll make Disney better...for...you!"
(The music reaches the crescendo from the end of the movie "Snow White and The Seven Dwarves", that crescendo being the short insturmental of "One Song")
-----------
*Ron being a reference to Ronald Reagan, who was in office at the time of the release of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit". I know of Touchstone hits that came after WFRR (stuff like "Pretty Woman" and "The Sixth Sense"), but "Rabbit" was probably Touchstone's zenith.
Either way...
The uncensored original, with rougher lyrics, several instances of non-rhyming, and various other faults...
Can be found here
So, any comparisons? What do you think of my writing? If you visit my writer's profile, you can see my other song parodies, along with various pieces of bizzare doggerel written by yours truly.
Sincerely,
John "anotherboardnposter" Kilduff
The piece is entitled "Sleeping Beauty 2: Knockout Drops". The cast list reads as follows:
Michael Eisner...Alec Baldwin
Secretary...Chris Kattan (V.O)
Belle...Rachel Dratch
Jasmine...Maya Rudolph
Ariel...Amy Poehler
Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)...Tina Fey
Pocahontas...Ana Gasteyer
Snow White...Julia-Louis Dreyfus (in a cameo)
Cinderella...Kylie Minogue (in a cameo)
Jessica Rabbit...Kathleen Turner (in a cameo)
Shareholders...Male extras
(Fade in on the headquarters of The Walt Disney Company. Michael Eisner is sharing the latest news about the studio with several eager shareholders)
Michael Eisner: It's coming along swell for "Sleeping Beauty 2: Knockout Drops". We're getting Christina Aguilera to do some new songs for the soundtrack, and the folks at Disney TV Animation are making the whole thing, so that way we have money for...
Shareholder 1: (Interrupting) The theme parks?
Michael Eisner: Yes...we'll be using profits from "Sleeping Beauty 2" and another sequel entitled "Beauty and The Beast 4: Beauty Is The Beast"...that's where Belle transforms into a female doppelganger of the Beast...Where was I? Oh, yes...we'll be using those profits to get some new topiaries in front of the "Welcome To Walt Disney World" sign in Orlando, Florida.
Shareholder 2: What about new rides? I'm surfing the Net and the troops are getting restless, Mikey...
Michael Eisner: Let them enjoy what they got...I have no time to hear what they have to say.
Shareholder 3: If you've been paying attention to what's been going on all over the Web, surely you're aware that people think California Adventure is about as exciting as watching paint dry.
Shareholder 4: The situation's pretty grim over in Florida as well. Besides that, you've got to settle disputes with Lucas and Spielberg. The fans want more bang for their entertainment bucks...
Michael Eisner: Well...um...er...I don't know what to say except that this is the way I'm operating the ship. If you don't like, feel free to jump overboard. Perhaps Universal could use you.
Secretary: (V.O) Mr. Eisner, a group of distinguished employees are here to see you.
(One by one, the Disney ladies enter. Belle is in her yellow dress from the ballroom scene in "Beauty and The Beast". Jasmine is in her clothing from the "Aladdin" number "A Whole New World". Ariel has human legs but a shell bra. Princess Aurora is dressed in her clothes from the "Sleeping Beauty" song "Once Upon A Dream". Pocahontas is dressed in traditional Indian gear. Snow White is in her blue dress, and when the audience sees that it's Julia-Louis Dreyfus essaying the role, 17 years after she left "SNL", we hear the audience in wild cheering. The cheering continues when Kylie Minogue enters as Cinderella, in the pink gown Cinderella wore to the ball in the movie. Jessica Rabbit, as played by a live-action Kathleen Turner and dressed in a red-sequined gown gets the loudest cheers of all. All the ladies have pieces of paper)
Belle: Mike, we've got to register a complaint. We don't like the way this company is headed.
Jasmine: The DTV sequels were harmless at first, but now you're burning the vaults, making it seem like we're all cheaply animated.
Snow White: To that end, we each have some views we wish to share about the company.
Cinderella: If we may be allowed to say, or rather, sing them...Ahem.
(Cinderella/Kylie sings to the tune of "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes").
Cinderella: (Singing)
"A nightmare is all I see now
Looking at Disney
The studio's gone to tatters
Now you've screwed up the company
D-T-V Sequels and Full-Frame
D-V-Ds
Oh what will we do?
You know you better start achieving
Or else we'll stop believing
That the dreams that Walt wished will come true"
(Jasmine/Maya sings next, to the tune of "A Whole New World")
Jasmine: (Singing)
"Have you been to the World?
Florida's star is now dimming
They leave Epcot at noon for swimming
Now there's no time to decide
For Disney World
A magic place, that much is true
But Rides aren't updated
Now you're hated
If you don't change, I think you might be (bleep)ed"
(Pocahontas/Ana sings next, to the tune of "Colors Of The Wind")
Pocahontas: (Singing)
"At California Adventure
We see now
That that park's dragging down Disneyland
How come you can't see that?
Up here in your own flat
There's no supply, therefore there's no demand
Don't you understand that soon you will be old
And then you'll run this whole (bleep) ship with dentures
Can you understand the direction you're headed
Thanks to Cali-for-nia Adventure
Thanks to Cali-for-nia Adventure?"
(Ariel/Amy sings next to the tune of "Part Of Your World")
Ariel: (Singing)
"I wanna be on the big screen
But only in a first film re-release
No more direct-to-video
Listen, you beast
I'd rather be on the Superstation
Than a victim of TV animation
At the movies I'm the most
On video I am the least
No more Videos
No more of this (bleep)
Don't make me do 3
Or I walk...I quit!
There should only be
The first movie
Here in this world"
(Belle/Rachel sings next, to the tune of "Something There")
Belle: (Singing)
"Well, I come home
What do I see?
When I put in a Disney DVD?
I see something totally lame
I see you put your titles right there in full-frame
I know it may seem like a scar
I hear you say the families don't like O-A-R
I say it's boring
Can't play these games
I give a (bleep) about O-A-R
I hate full-frame"
(Jessica Rabbit/Kathleen sings next to the tune of "Why Don't You Do Right")
Jessica: (Singing)
"You had plenty of money in 1992
Aladdin was on top
The cash came flowing through
But I see you've changed
Studios fallen through
Hollywood Pictures is way beyond gone
Touchstone Pictures hasn't had a hit
Since the president was Ron*
Animated features
Well, you should be singing the blues"
(Princess Aurora/Tina sings next, to the tune of "Once Upon A Dream")
Princess Aurora: (Singing)
"They know you
And they hate your politicking style
Kat-zen-berg and Spielberg want you to just shut up for a while
Your tongue has made your grave deeper by the day
George Lucas is mad
Slugging down Old Granddad
While complaining about "Star Tours"
And calling us and you (bleep)s
It makes me want to scream"
(Snow White/Julia ends the scene to the tune of "Someday My Prince Will Come")
Snow White: (Singing)
"Your last day is finally here
Now's the time to live in fear
We're sorry to tell you
That we're staging a corporate coup"
(All the Disney characters join in at this point, as do the male stockholders, who are tired of Eisner)
All: (except Eisner)
"We're taking over this company
Eisner, you've been set free
We'll make Disney the best
Now get out of here and clean out your desk"
(Eisner speaks up)
Michael Eisner: Bunch of stupid women. Who needs you? I'm outta here.
(Eisner exits)
All: (Singing again after shrugging their shoulders)
"We have just staged a corporate coup"
Snow White: (Singing and turning to the audience)
"We'll make Disney better...for...you!"
(The music reaches the crescendo from the end of the movie "Snow White and The Seven Dwarves", that crescendo being the short insturmental of "One Song")
-----------
*Ron being a reference to Ronald Reagan, who was in office at the time of the release of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit". I know of Touchstone hits that came after WFRR (stuff like "Pretty Woman" and "The Sixth Sense"), but "Rabbit" was probably Touchstone's zenith.
Either way...
The uncensored original, with rougher lyrics, several instances of non-rhyming, and various other faults...
Can be found here
So, any comparisons? What do you think of my writing? If you visit my writer's profile, you can see my other song parodies, along with various pieces of bizzare doggerel written by yours truly.
Sincerely,
John "anotherboardnposter" Kilduff
