Alternative to GoFundMe - friends raising $ for special event

[Allons-y!]

Circle, I have to admit that boards like this generate so many threads where people look for money, that your OP coupled with your post count led me to look at your past posts. What I saw is that the person you are referring to in this thread is likely your daughter. I'm so very sorry that your daughter has had to deal with so much at such a young age.

If you want people's advice, please don't hesitate to give the full story, though. I would imagine that her treatments have been a financial drain, and it's really sweet of her friends to want to take her on a nice vacation. I do still think that they should look into something they can afford, or at least do some kind of event to raise money instead of just asking people for it. You could also set up a vacation registry for her, and as her parent, I think it would be okay for you to use word of mouth to let to family members know that instead of more stuffed animals or whatnot, she is saving up for a trip and would appreciate money going into a vacation registry instead.

 

[mjkacmom]

I figured that it must be expensive to them, since they can't pay for it themselves. Or perhaps they are looking at more expensive cruises, when they should be looking into ones they can afford.

I figured that since they are in their mid-20's, they'd actually have more fun on a cheaper cruise. Although I loved my spring break in Cancun when I was in college (10 of us, 2 rooms, we survived on cheap gross food, plus beer and margaritas), you couldn't pay me to take that same trip today!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

If I knew these 4 people, I would say that I would donate money toward the birthday girl's cruise, but tell the other friends to pay for themselves.

 

[pocomom]

Circle, I have to admit that boards like this generate so many threads where people look for money, that your OP coupled with your post count led me to look at your past posts. What I saw is that the person you are referring to in this thread is likely your daughter. I'm so very sorry that your daughter has had to deal with so much at such a young age.

If you want people's advice, please don't hesitate to give the full story, though. I would imagine that her treatments have been a financial drain, and it's really sweet of her friends to want to take her on a nice vacation. I do still think that they should look into something they can afford, or at least do some kind of event to raise money instead of just asking people for it. You could also set up a vacation registry for her, and as her parent, I think it would be okay for you to use word of mouth to let to family members know that instead of more stuffed animals or whatnot, she is saving up for a trip and would appreciate money going into a vacation registry instead.

I do think OP being the parent changes things...Op, You probably see all these " wasted" gifts and were thinking it would be better used to this vacation. Very different than her friends making the same judgement for their own trip.
You could mention to close family /your friends etc.that contributing to the trip is what you think would be the best gift for her. I would not do a mass email or anything like that however.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I have to agree with others. I would not be comfortable asking others to fund the trip. If the 3 friends can't afford the cruise, they should do something else instead, within their budget. Consider a smaller trip--maybe a long weekend to a Caribbean island, Las Vegas, WDW, or someplace closer to home. Or perhaps just a surprise party at a nice restaurant. It really is the thought that counts.

At 25, my friends and I were just finishing college or grad school, paying off student loans, getting settled in our first professional jobs, etc. Some were planning weddings, buying first homes, having their first babies, etc. As good as your intentions are, I think asking friends for money puts pressure on them and some may feel guilty because they want to help but are not in a financial position to do so.

If you are this young woman's mother as has been suggested, while I can totally sympathize, I think you should let her friends treat her to a special trip/event but stay out of it. Believe me I know how difficult it is to be a caregiver. Perhaps you are the one that needs a vacation.

 

[cijay]

Another non-fan for GoFundMe. I realise it has valid purposes (which this is definitely one of them!) it has just become like a slum street with any Tom, Dick or Harry sitting on the pavement with a tin cup in front of them.

I like the fundraiser - BBQ or yard sale. Another fun thing is like a 'challenge' ('I'll donate $100 if Joe will take the bus for a week instead of driving his car' type thing.)

All in all, I think I'd be a bit embarrassed if I knew friends were asking other friends for money for my holiday. The lady deserves only good things from this point forward, perhaps her friends may want to scale back, instead of a cruise, how about a more local destination? To de-stress after my mum died, a few friends of mine came to town and we just did a girl's weekend at a Comfort Inn here in the city.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I tried gofundme once with limited results so I used getbackhereandfundme with great success.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I tried gofundme once with limited results so I used getbackhereandfundme with great success.

I heard about getbackhereandfundme.com on that NPR game show "Wait, Wait... Please Fund Me!"

 

[Bren's Mom]

I think it's a lovely idea for these 3 friends to have, but it's a recipe for disaster unless they have some good controls in place. Before fundraising for a trip like this, they should get consent of the ill friend. Confirm she WANTS the trip, that this particular trip (a cruise) is appropriate for her current condition/recovery, and that she's ok with her portion of the trip to be crowd-funded. She may be uncomfortable with any part of that, and her wishes should be followed.

It sounds to me like perhaps the other 3 friends are expecting there portions to be crowd-funded to, and I think that's wrong.

 

[mefordis]

Hi,

I'm looking for some advice or suggestions. Three long time friends are planning a surprise cruise to celebrate a friends (and their own) 25th birthday. Their friend has gone through a lot - that's actually quite an understatement. Their friend was diagnosed with cancer just before her 20th birthday. She has endured two recurrances along with extensive surgeries. She no longer has a fibula in her left leg or most of the jawbone on the right side. Currently she's dealing with radiation damage and an extensive wound in her face - she has had radiation to the same area 3x.

The 3 girls planing the surprise have supported her through many challenges. Their friend has had to spend the last 4+ years in treatment - she hasn't been able to do most of the "normal" things a young adult does. So the cruise is a surprise and a way to give her back some of that independance. Because of the complexity of her treatment she had to have a parent move in with her. Some friend time (and time away from parents) is way overdue.

So here's the dilemma - many people want to help and they send her silly gifts to make her smile. The gifts and thoughts are always appreciated but as you can imagine she doesn't need any more. Many have already been donated to other causes. The girls would greatly appreciate some help funding this trip but a GoFundMe page just doesn't feel right. Not many people will take the time to write a check and mail it so online is the preferred way to go. Is there a way to do this without a GoFundMe format? The goal is to have people who would normally give a birthday gift donate to the cruise instead. Totally voluntary - the girls have a lot of friends and they think people would like to help but they don't want to be tacky.

All suggestions are welcome

I personally feel that no one should be instructed on what to give. It is an awkward thing to tell people to stop sending small gifts and instead give money. It just doesn't sit right with me. If her close friends want to take her on a trip they should do that, and just leave everyone else to give whatever they want whenever they want.

Regarding gofundme (not necessarily related to your post, OP) and the trend in asking for hand outs: I feel that people are looking for too much charity. Where is the pride these days? It used to be that people would keep their financial problems to themselves or at the very most in their own family. These days people have no problem asking for hand outs. These people need to keep in mind that once you go around asking for money, your finances are all of a sudden everyone elses business. So, if you have collected 20k for medical bills and all of a sudden you want to add an addition to your home or take a trip, do you think that might raise a few eyebrows? Nothing comes without a price.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

I have to admit that I too hate the whole GoFundMe idea and asking others to fund a trip that they are not invited on. There are SO MANY dirt cheap cruises that young kids would have a blast on, but at the same time would not break the bank for the friends to pay for it all themselves. It would also mean so much more to all of them if it was paid for by them.

 

[Tinijocaro]

agree that if the friends want to do this, then they need to figure out how to pay for it themselves without asking for donations.

Agree! Not a fan of planning extravagant things you cannot afford at the expense of others. Why not plan a nice getaway for a few days-nice dinners out, a show, some shopping,...does it have to be a cruise? Whatever happened to buy only what you can afford?

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Agree! Not a fan of planning extravagant things you cannot afford at the expense of others. Why not plan a nice getaway for a few days-nice dinners out, a show, some shopping,...does it have to be a cruise? Whatever happened to buy only what you can afford?

YES! This is a wonderful idea and comes straight from the heart AND the wallets of those enjoying it all.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Why can't the 3 girls just split the cost of her cruise 3 ways?

It's just me but I wouldn't set up an account or Paypal or webpage. I would figure it out with the people that are going. Just like bridesmaids do when it's the bachlorette party.