Am I even a real adult?

[TheDisneyDoll]

I've been an adult for a couple years now (legally). I do normal adult things, i make my own doctors appointments, talk to insurance companies, even did my own taxes.
I still enjoy paying my bills heck i even enjoy taxes, being a functional member of society is exciting for me at this point in my life.


But i admit i still live at home with my parents, for circumstances unfortunately out of my control.
Lets be honest living with your parents in adulthood is degrading, whether other people treat you poorly for it, or it's just that mental strain of "you're not a real adult".

Does this make me not an adult?

Let me add please, I do have a good job but my health frequently lands me in the hospital unable to work so I don't have a steady enough income for housing at this point in time. It is a dream of mine to own a house in the future, but right now even an income assisted apartment isn't an option.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

Don't let it make you feel that you are not an adult. Believe me, being an adult and staying with parent(s) is beyond stressful and mentally degrading. I have been there/done that because of a bad marriage. Sometimes you just don't have anywhere else to go. I am guessing people won't look at you differently really.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I am not sure if this is the right answer but from what I read it sounds like you are a adult to me

 

[minnie mum]

Being an adult does not depend on where, or with whom you reside.

Age is the legal requirement. Other than that, being responsible for your self, your actions, and your future, is what makes you an adult.

 

[TheDisneyDoll]

Don't let it make you feel that you are not an adult. Believe me, being an adult and staying with parent(s) is beyond stressful and mentally degrading. I have been there/done that because of a bad marriage. Sometimes you just don't have anywhere else to go. I am guessing people won't look at you differently really.

People can be really awful sometimes in how they treat others. I hope you have found yourself in a good safe place, regardless of who you're living with

 

[punkin]

I was married, had a baby, and lived in my mother's house. There were reasons why this was best for all of us. No one had the right to judge me then and no one has the right to judge you now. You are an adult!

 

[bookgirl]

There are degrees of 'adult', one has to do with age, one with paying your own way, one with being able to be independent no matter where you live or who you live with.

I share a house with my parents. I do not live WITH them. I pay over a third of the expenses. I do over half the cooking. I do their taxes. I could and have lived independently. But as they age they need me. They asked me to move home and because it did benefit me in some ways (I was still new to my career and it cut my expenses at the time I moved in) I moved back home and was happy too.

I am a professional with a degree and a Masters. I hold an important position with my employer and have been promoted twice in three months. I supervise about 50 other employees. I have to make responsible and hard decisions every day. I pay all my own expenses, and could move out again if I wanted. I don't particularly want too.

I am not ashamed of living 'with' them. They are not ashamed of me living there either.

I'd be insulted by anyone who tried to make me feel bad about it. I wouldn't take that crap attitude from anyone either. I'm not degraded, I'm part of a family.

Do you feel like an adult? Do you support yourself and contribute to the house hold? Can you make decisions with out having to have your parents guide you? If you feel like you are not quite there than take some small steps to be more responsible for your self, but don't be ashamed or think it's degrading. Other people are going to treat you, in relationship to how you feel about yourself.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I vote adult. You're certainly not the TV stereotype of someone living with their parents out of laziness and video game addiction. Being an adult is about stepping up to your challenges, and I definitely think you do that!

 

[MataHari22]

I've been an adult for a couple years now (legally). I do normal adult things, i make my own doctors appointments, talk to insurance companies, even did my own taxes.
I still enjoy paying my bills heck i even enjoy taxes, being a functional member of society is exciting for me at this point in my life.


But i admit i still live at home with my parents, for circumstances unfortunately out of my control.
Lets be honest living with your parents in adulthood is degrading, whether other people treat you poorly for it, or it's just that mental strain of "you're not a real adult".

Does this make me not an adult?

Let me add please, I do have a good job but my health frequently lands me in the hospital unable to work so I don't have a steady enough income for housing at this point in time. It is a dream of mine to own a house in the future, but right now even an income assisted apartment isn't an option.

Well, if you aren't, neither am I, and I'm a heck of a lot older than you are. I am sort of in the same boat you are. I was married for 15 years, and left my husband the night I found out he was cheating. I had no where to go, and ended up moving in to a place that my parents own that they got for my grandmother, who cannot live alone. I filed for divorce and was getting my life back together, and I was saving money, and things were looking up for the better. I had put a deposit on a home and was buying my own place. That ended up falling through, because I couldn't get a clear title. Then, I ended up being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I had surgeries, and radiation...I suffer from many side effects from treatment. I also ended up with another type of cancer a few years later. More disfiguring surgeries....more horrible side effects.

I worked for almost 24 years and when I could no longer work, at first I felt really guilty. Now, I have accepted that part, but it's hard. I am constantly fighting with disability to keep my status, and have had to pay attorneys to do that. Despite my Drs agreeing that I can no longer work. I also have a rare genetic illness and have far outlived my life expectancy. (I am one of the oldest alive with Fanconi Anemia, and I'm only 48.) I won't be getting any better, and the reality is that I will more than likely continue to get worse.

I am probably going to hear from disability this month or next, and I'm sure they will be saying that I am considered cancer free again, and can go back to work again. Which, I cannot. I'll have to get an attorney, again. It's very stressful.

Yes, I could probably live alone somewhere, in some low income housing, and scrimp and worry about how the heck I'm going to pay my bills, and feed myself, or I can stay here, where I know I have a roof over my head. If I move out, my father would also need to put his mother in a nursing home. I may not pay rent here, but I pay everything else for myself (medical bills, insurance, food, phone, gas......it all adds up.)

Most people are understanding, but occasionally I'll get someone who will make comments about me not working, and or living at a place my parents own. You don't need to justify anything you do to anyone else. If you and your parents are ok with things, that is all that matters. People who do not live with chronic health problems have no idea, and I really think they should just zip it. They should have to be me for a week before they comment. They wouldn't make it past the first day.

I read your post about running in that marathon, and I was amazed at your strength. You are an inspiration, and when I grow up and become an adult, I want to be like you.

 

[cijay]

I've been an adult for a couple years now (legally). I do normal adult things, i make my own doctors appointments, talk to insurance companies, even did my own taxes.
I still enjoy paying my bills heck i even enjoy taxes, being a functional member of society is exciting for me at this point in my life.


But i admit i still live at home with my parents, for circumstances unfortunately out of my control.
Lets be honest living with your parents in adulthood is degrading, whether other people treat you poorly for it, or it's just that mental strain of "you're not a real adult".

Does this make me not an adult?

Let me add please, I do have a good job but my health frequently lands me in the hospital unable to work so I don't have a steady enough income for housing at this point in time. It is a dream of mine to own a house in the future, but right now even an income assisted apartment isn't an option.

I don't think you're living "with your parents" as much as living "at your parents' house." When I moved back here from overseas, i rented my old bedroom. Made my own money, bought my own groceries, paid for internet did everything independantly but I couldn't afford to pay for an apartment. It sounds like that's what you're doing.

 

[TheDisneyDoll]

Well, if you aren't, neither am I, and I'm a heck of a lot older than you are. I am sort of in the same boat you are. I was married for 15 years, and left my husband the night I found out he was cheating. I had no where to go, and ended up moving in to a place that my parents own that they got for my grandmother, who cannot live alone. I filed for divorce and was getting my life back together, and I was saving money, and things were looking up for the better. I had put a deposit on a home and was buying my own place. That ended up falling through, because I couldn't get a clear title. Then, I ended up being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I had surgeries, and radiation...I suffer from many side effects from treatment. I also ended up with another type of cancer a few years later. More disfiguring surgeries....more horrible side effects.

I worked for almost 24 years and when I could no longer work, at first I felt really guilty. Now, I have accepted that part, but it's hard. I am constantly fighting with disability to keep my status, and have had to pay attorneys to do that. Despite my Drs agreeing that I can no longer work. I also have a rare genetic illness and have far outlived my life expectancy. (I am one of the oldest alive with Fanconi Anemia, and I'm only 48.) I won't be getting any better, and the reality is that I will more than likely continue to get worse.

I am probably going to hear from disability this month or next, and I'm sure they will be saying that I am considered cancer free again, and can go back to work again. Which, I cannot. I'll have to get an attorney, again. It's very stressful.

Yes, I could probably live alone somewhere, in some low income housing, and scrimp and worry about how the heck I'm going to pay my bills, and feed myself, or I can stay here, where I know I have a roof over my head. If I move out, my father would also need to put his mother in a nursing home. I may not pay rent here, but I pay everything else for myself (medical bills, insurance, food, phone, gas......it all adds up.)

Most people are understanding, but occasionally I'll get someone who will make comments about me not working, and or living at a place my parents own. You don't need to justify anything you do to anyone else. If you and your parents are ok with things, that is all that matters. People who do not live with chronic health problems have no idea, and I really think they should just zip it. They should have to be me for a week before they comment. They wouldn't make it past the first day.

I read your post about running in that marathon, and I was amazed at your strength. You are an inspiration, and when I grow up and become an adult, I want to be like you.

I understand a lot of what you're talking about, but one thing I always say having a condition like mine is that i'm really lucky to be born with all these problems. I have been prepared from day one, for the most part I know exactly what's coming, i can't imagine just having all this thrust on you in a day.
I also have a condition that continues to worsen and I completely understand the horrible side effects. I have a med to treat the type of pseudomonas I have and it causes my joints to lock up and makes it impossible to not only walk but to move anything in general. Unfortunately the bad part of living at home is that your family has to see you in those conditions, good that they can help but it's not a pretty sight either.
It took my health getting a lot worse because before i got into running, and unfortunately i've never seen an improvement it's just stopped getting worse and that isn't really even a complaint.

One thing i have learned about people is that if you're sick or unhealthy they expect you to be miserable. You're not allowed to be happy because then that means you're fine and healthy. That whole "you don't seem sick" attitude is just awful, and i don't think averagely healthy people who don't have these problems even come close to realizing how real that perception is, it's not enough to be sick you have to prove it in your attitude and for upbeat happy people it makes thing difficult.

 

[sunshinehighway]

If your situation works for you and your parents then you shouldn't let other people's opinions make you feel like less of an adult. I know many adults of various ages who live with or have lived with their parents for a variety of reasons.
I don't see anything wrong with it as long as it works for all people involved and the adult child is not just sponging.

 

[HeatherC]

There are many families who have multi generations living together. There is NOTHING wrong with that. Family is the most important thing in the world. Don't ever feel bad for being there to support each other. If people have a problem with it, that is exactly what it is! Their problem.

 

[Gigi22]

Not only are you an adult, you are a grownup. Adult, meh, that's a legal thing. Grownup, you become through life experience.

 

[ols386]

Sounds to me like you are an adult.

Don't let others make you feel otherwise.

 

[MataHari22]

I understand a lot of what you're talking about, but one thing I always say having a condition like mine is that i'm really lucky to be born with all these problems. I have been prepared from day one, for the most part I know exactly what's coming, i can't imagine just having all this thrust on you in a day.
I also have a condition that continues to worsen and I completely understand the horrible side effects. I have a med to treat the type of pseudomonas I have and it causes my joints to lock up and makes it impossible to not only walk but to move anything in general. Unfortunately the bad part of living at home is that your family has to see you in those conditions, good that they can help but it's not a pretty sight either.
It took my health getting a lot worse because before i got into running, and unfortunately i've never seen an improvement it's just stopped getting worse and that isn't really even a complaint.

One thing i have learned about people is that if you're sick or unhealthy they expect you to be miserable. You're not allowed to be happy because then that means you're fine and healthy. That whole "you don't seem sick" attitude is just awful, and i don't think averagely healthy people who don't have these problems even come close to realizing how real that perception is, it's not enough to be sick you have to prove it in your attitude and for upbeat happy people it makes thing difficult.

Just not getting any worse health wise, would be a big relief.

Not only do some people expect you to be miserable, but they also expect you to look like you're on you're death bed if you're not working, apparently. I often have people say to me, "Well, you look great. You look fine, you don't look sick." Well, I am not faking it.

 

[figment80]

You are an adult. I also share a house with my mom. When I moved back home several years ago I moved in with both my parents as a way to save some money for a future apartment. About the time I was thinking about moving out my father's health started declining and it just made more sense for me to stay and help, then always constantly having to go to the house to help. 1 1/2 years later he was gone and it just didnt make sense for me to move out. I pay rent, buy my own groceries, pay the bill when we eat out, and help around the house. It really is nobodies business what your living arrangement is as long as it works for you and your family both parties are okay with it.

 

[TheDisneyDoll]

Just not getting any worse health wise, would be a big relief.

Not only do some people expect you to be miserable, but they also expect you to look like you're on you're death bed if you're not working, apparently. I often have people say to me, "Well, you look great. You look fine, you don't look sick." Well, I am not faking it.

it's literally a "if you're so sick why are you happy?" attitude, it's awful

 

[5kidsmommy]

You sounds pretty darn grown up and adult-y to me.

I am sure your parents are very proud of you.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You are human along with the rest of us.