Am I justified in thinking this is ridiculous, or am I the ridiculous one

[jrmasm]

People here never hesitate to give their honest opinion about things, so I want to see what you all think.

My nephew is 23 and just finished a Master's Program. He went straight to the Master's Program when he finished his Bachelors 2 years ago. His actual graduation was last week, but in a couple weeks, my Brother and SIL are throwing a huge graduation party for him at my parent's house. We had a huge graduation party when he graduated high school and then another when he graduated college. I think this huge party for finishing a Master's Program is ridiculous and just a gift grab. Never in my entire life, have I been invited to a party for getting a Master's before. When I got my Master's degree about 15 years ago, no one did anything.

Whose being ridiculous here? My brother for having this huge party or me for thinking it's just a gift grab? I'm sure part of me is jealous that no one acknowledged my Master's degree, but then again, I didn't really expect anything.

**Edited to add - I am planning to go to the party and will give him a card with money.

It could be worse. You could have been invited to an 8th graduation party.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I don't know what else to call them. One got married a few years ago (nieces were all grown at that point). She was in her 50's. Other sister never married. My point was more that neither had husbands or children--all the focus in the family was on my SIL and her children. The sisters seem perfectly happy with their life choices--they just didn't choose to marry and/or have children.

Aunts would work just fine. You could mention unmarried and childfree if relevant to the discussion which in this context I understand why it was. I just found your choice of words....quite interesting.

 

[DisneyHardin]

It could be worse. You could have been invited to an 8th graduation party.

We did have a family dinner (with gifts) for his kindergarten and 5th grade graduationo, but I don’t remember one for 8th grade.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think ridiculous is a little harsh. It sounds like they just want to celebrate his accomplishments. It would’ve been nice if you all celebrated yours, too. At the time, what did you want to do for your graduation?

Parties are funny - some people like them, and some people don’t. Maybe people thought you didn’t want to do anything big. I’m not a big “party“ person myself (and my family knows it), but I do enjoy general get-togethers. I feel like they help families and friends stay close.

Neither of my kids had a college graduation due to Covid. Nor did my daughter have a nurse’s pinning. (We did our own.) We took them each out to dinner to celebrate. Daughter will be graduating with her Master’s in the fall. We are encouraging her to go to her graduation, and hope she does. We’ll do a nice dinner somewhere whether she does or doesn’t. If we were planning a party we would definitely say, “No Gifts, please”. I would hate for anyone to think of it as a money grab.

 

[nw6675]

I think some people just really love throwing parties. I personally do not like throwing or going to parties, but that's just me. LOL. I would go and bring a small token gift. Maybe a nice bottle of wine, a monogramed key chain, a nice picture frame, monogramed wireless charger etc.

Oh you said nice bottle of wine. You are nicer than me! I was thinking some Strawberry Hill Boone's for the graduate and some Mad Dog for the DB would fit this situation.

 

[disny_luvr]

I don't think you are being ridiculous, but I do think it is nice that his parents are acknowledging his accomplishments. I have two master's degrees and no one in my family, not even my parents, got me a card for either one. I'm pretty sure my sisters aren't even aware that I got a second master's. It's fine, I don't need anything, but a congratulations would've been nice (which my parents did congratulate me). I have two nieces that just graduated from college (they are not sisters, but rather cousins) and neither of my sisters are having a graduation party for them. I did give both of them a card with money because I am super proud of them and happy for them. That said, when my boys graduate from college, I do plan on doing something for them, whether it is a nice dinner out with family or a small graduation party. I don't think there is any right or wrong, you just do whatever you are happy with.

 

[Disneylover99]

I don’t think you’re being ridiculous, nor do I think the party is ridiculous.
You have your thoughts and feelings about it, but they like to celebrate. And maybe the prime reason for the party really is to get gifts. Oh well. Go to the party, give a gift card and eat and drink your moneys worth.

FWIW, I come from a family of graduators, but grad parties are not a thing around me.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

**Edited to add - I am planning to go to the party and will give him a card with money.

Then why are you worried about it? Either shrug and go or don't go. There's no need to waste mental energy being upset about it.

 

[focusondisney]

My nephew probably wouldn't even notice if he didn't have a card from me, but my brother would notice.

Well that’s ridiculous IMO. We did have parties for both my kids high school & college graduations, plus both had weddings. I have no idea who gave them what for any of those events. Especially a grown adult after getting his masters, it shouldn’t be any of your brothers business what you gave him.

We did have a family dinner (with gifts) for his kindergarten and 5th grade graduationo, but I don’t remember one for 8th grade.

Oh brother. If anything would make me roll my eyes, it would have been the dinner with gifts for a kindergarten “graduation”. I’m guessing this is the only grandkid on your side? Honestly I’d probably send a card in the mail & skip the party.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Oh brother. If anything would make me roll my eyes, it would have been the dinner with gifts for a kindergarten “graduation”. I’m guessing this is the only grandkid on your side? Honestly I’d probably send a card in the mail & skip the party.

He was the only grandchild for 21 years. My younger sister now has twin girls that are almost 2.

 

[longboard55]

three sisters, one with 3 kids, two one each. And the one with 3 insists on giving gifts for christmas and holidays even though they are all in their 20s. Not a coincidence

 

[Pea-n-Me]

He was the only grandchild for 21 years. My younger sister now has twin girls that are almost 2.

For your parents, I’m guessing the sun probably rises and sets on him. That’s just how it can be for grandparents.

 

[starlite_]

??? My in-laws are not anyone's Grandparents - DH and I do not have any kids.

I'm super happy for his accomplishments. I guess I just felt like a family dinner as a celebration was more appropriate than a big party for 50 people with printed invitations. My focus on the money mostly comes from just knowing my brother, and his focus on money.

My apologies then, I am confused about your family tree.

I stand by the rest of my comment. Being so ticked off by someone having a party is just gonna make you the judgy aunt/uncle. There is no point to it. And if your brother is indeed gift grabbing then that's a him problem.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

My apologies then, I am confused about your family tree.

I stand by the rest of my comment. Being so ticked off by someone having a party is just gonna make you the judgy aunt/uncle. There is no point to it. And if your brother is indeed gift grabbing then that's a him problem.

To be fair, I didn't get the impression that the OP was ticked off (maybe a little hurt)...she asked the question to see if she was over reacting and she was open to feedback. I kind of think all opinions about these types are parties are fair since it really seems to depend on family culture and then maybe what is the norm for your local area. For example, those drop in grad parties a lot of people talk about here aren't common where I grew up but people had graduation parties.

I respect the OP for asking the question and listening to the responses openly.

 

[shh]

If we were planning a party we would definitely say, “No Gifts, please”. I would hate for anyone to think of it as a money grab.

Funny. I've never been invited to a party with that message - I think I'd faint from shock lol. Every single function - from the major to the absurdly minor continues to carry the expectation of gifts - many invites had registry info included.

 

[MamaMermaid]

Not common and FEELS like a gift grab, IMO but I also understand celebrating is important to some people and maybe they earnestly are those type of people.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Funny. I've never been invited to a party with that message - I think I'd faint from shock lol. Every single function - from the major to the absurdly minor continues to carry the expectation of gifts - many invites had registry info included.

That's gotta get old! One of our nieces is pregnant, and we'll probably get a "courtesy invite" to her shower (we live 800 miles away, so attendance isn't happening). The difference being, we're very fond of our niece, we're thrilled she's having a baby, and we'd love to get her something. My oldest lives close, and was a bridesmaid for her cousin--we told her, pick something big off the registry, and we'll pay for it, from the whole family--DD27 can bring the gift to the shower.

But, I also don't feel like that's a gift grab, since it's her first child and we're so happy for her--we'd send something, even if there wasn't a shower.

 

[snowwite]

Everyone is different. My son got his degree and didn’t even want to walk and had his degree mailed to him.
My daughter really wanted to participate so we went to her ceremony and then we all went to the Hoop De Doo Review. She was a Dis CM at the time and Dis helped pay for Stetson University Masters.

 

[DisneyHardin]

To be fair, I didn't get the impression that the OP was ticked off (maybe a little hurt)...she asked the question to see if she was over reacting and she was open to feedback. I kind of think all opinions about these types are parties are fair since it really seems to depend on family culture and then maybe what is the norm for your local area. For example, those drop in grad parties a lot of people talk about here aren't common where I grew up but people had graduation parties.

I respect the OP for asking the question and listening to the responses openly.

Thanks. I’m not ticked off. I totally expected we’d have a family dinner where gifts would be expected. What I think is ridiculous is a big party for over 50 people, some of which aren’t much more than acquaintances, when we just did this 2 years ago when he graduated college.

 

[sam_gordon]

I don't think either side is being ridiculous. So they want to throw a party. So what? If you think it's just a gift grab, don't go, or don't give a gift. Or go and give a gift.

I also understand your feelings being hurt. But I'm guessing they have a different family dynamic than you. I remember my parents throwing a party at their house when I graduated HS. When I graduated college, we had dinner with family who had come in from out of town. When our kids graduated HS, we took them on a cruise. When they graduate college, it will probably just be a dinner. That really doesn't make sense, because HS graduations (like middle school and kindergarten) should be kind of "expected" don't you think? Not so much a college graduation. But it's how we do things.