An adult threatened my 6 year old

[piccolopat]

I wouldn't file a police report but I would respond back to the corporate email. Don't accuse them of lying but tell them there was no manager in the store at that time to address it immediately. Tell them what the cashier said and let them know this might not be the first or an isolated instance. Recommend they be moved to a back of the house, completely non public facing role. Use this as a learning moment for your child so they feel empowered to respond back in the future. Take your child back and let them use the store credit for special treats so they aren't afraid.

 

[AustinTink]

That is a good lesson to teach your son about people who are on the spectrum- I had a bagger once bagging my items- clearly was on the spectrum- when I asked for a few things to be bagged seperatly (they were things for my neighbor) she snapped at me saying "don't tell me how to do my job"- my first response was to go tell the manager then when I thought about it I was like I am sure she is trying her best and I did not say a word.

The thing is these teachable moments go both ways. It’s perfectly ok to speak out and let the person know they were being rude. Spectrum or not. I have plenty of family members on the spectrum. None of them would do what the OP described or what you have described here because they have been taught proper manners. Being differently abled is not a free pass for rudeness.

 

[AustinTink]

I wouldn't file a police report but I would respond back to the corporate email. Don't accuse them of lying but tell them there was no manager in the store at that time to address it immediately. Tell them what the cashier said and let them know this might not be the first or an isolated instance. Recommend they be moved to a back of the house, completely non public facing role. Use this as a learning moment for your child so they feel empowered to respond back in the future. Take your child back and let them use the store credit for special treats so they aren't afraid.

This is a perfect response to the entire scenario.

Seems like everyone wants the teachable moment to be walking away and telling the child that people have a bad day sometimes. Truly it should be a teachable moment about manners and speaking up when others treat you badly.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Tell them what the cashier said and let them know this might not be the first or an isolated instance.

Recommend they be moved to a back of the house, completely non public facing role.

Use this as a learning moment for your child so they feel empowered to respond back in the future.

I think you might need to rethink the whole "teachable moment" aspect. You would be teaching a child to assume things that cannot be assumed and to also listen to hearsay, that gossiping is acceptable, etc.

When you're making a complaint against an employee, which I think everyone agrees is a-okay, it's not really a good look for us in general to start making our own conclusions and solutions. As a customer making the complaints as they pertain to you is best. In this case describing the scenario that happened including only the details between the employee doing the seaweed display, the OP and the child.

Who are you to decide a stranger you just met shouldn't be public facing and needs to move to the back of the store?

Who are you to decide you know what a stranger (in this case the cashier) is meaning and that they are meaning something negative to the other employee?

I know you aren't the only one making assumptions, plenty of people have on this thread, but I don't think a moral high ground is to engage in behaviors such that you've described especially in the context of a "teachable moment".

It can easily snowball into teaching a child that they are able to pass judgement on people, that what they believe should happen is what happens, etc. I mean realistically we're talking about a 6 year old who is unlikely to ingrain such empowerment as you call it but certainly over time if that's the lesson being taught empowerment can slide into entitlement if you're not careful how you present it.

Empowerment IMO would be focused on knowing who is the appropriate person to discuss your concerns with and that you've voiced your concerns, it's not about power trips nor assumptions of person's ability.

 

[cabanafrau]

I wouldn't file a police report but I would respond back to the corporate email. Don't accuse them of lying but tell them there was no manager in the store at that time to address it immediately. Tell them what the cashier said and let them know this might not be the first or an isolated instance. Recommend they be moved to a back of the house, completely non public facing role. Use this as a learning moment for your child so they feel empowered to respond back in the future. Take your child back and let them use the store credit for special treats so they aren't afraid.

This is an overall rational response -- IF the entire situation is as OP perceives, and speculates. That's not objectively known at this point, even quite frankly by OP. It's unclear if at any point OP misheard and/or misinterpreted any of the comments in the store that day. For example, it's entirely possible that the "what'd she do this time?" comment had nothing to do with OP's situation or even the clerk in question, ala the old Carly Simon song -- you probably think this song is about you, don't you? Is it? We don't know, nor does OP with any degree of certainty.

The store owner may have received very different information after inquiring of employees and simply reached out to OP with a gesture simply in the spirit of customer retention, nothing more.

 

[CdnCarrie]

That is a good lesson to teach your son about people who are on the spectrum- I had a bagger once bagging my items- clearly was on the spectrum- when I asked for a few things to be bagged seperatly (they were things for my neighbor) she snapped at me saying "don't tell me how to do my job"- my first response was to go tell the manager then when I thought about it I was like I am sure she is trying her best and I did not say a word.

Then the cashier working with them should correct them politely - "X we don't speak to customers like that" or " X the customer asked to put those items separately".

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

That is a good lesson to teach your son about people who are on the spectrum- I had a bagger once bagging my items- clearly was on the spectrum- when I asked for a few things to be bagged seperatly (they were things for my neighbor) she snapped at me saying "don't tell me how to do my job"- my first response was to go tell the manager then when I thought about it I was like I am sure she is trying her best and I did not say a word.

Sorry you experienced that, it was very rude but it was not a threat. What if instead she had said "don't tell me how to do my job or I'll shove these groceries down your throat woman." Now, that is a direct physical threat to a customer which must be reported to management and action needs to be taken. Even worse in op's case as the threat was to her 6 year old child.

 

[mjkacmom]

Sorry you experienced that, it was very rude but it was not a threat. What if instead she had said "don't tell me how to do my job or I'll shove these groceries down your throat woman." Now, that is a direct physical threat to a customer which must be reported to management and action needs to be taken. Even worse in op's case as the threat was to her 6 year old child.

But it’s up to the management to take action, and management doesn’t have to tell the OP how it was handled.

 

[RedHead0186]

I wouldn't file a police report but I would respond back to the corporate email. Don't accuse them of lying but tell them there was no manager in the store at that time to address it immediately. Tell them what the cashier said and let them know this might not be the first or an isolated instance. Recommend they be moved to a back of the house, completely non public facing role. Use this as a learning moment for your child so they feel empowered to respond back in the future. Take your child back and let them use the store credit for special treats so they aren't afraid.

I don't agree with the part about recommending the employee be moved to back of house. It's the manager's job to decide how to manager their employees/discipline them, etc. Not the customer's. I don't think any of us would like it if a customer came into our place of employment and told us how to do our jobs or how to manager our teams.

 

[Disneychick75]

I don't agree with the part about recommending the employee be moved to back of house. It's the manager's job to decide how to manager their employees/discipline them, etc. Not the customer's. I don't think any of us would like it if a customer came into our place of employment and told us how to do our jobs or how to manager our teams.

I think the comment was made as a suggestion. Sure the manager decides. The customers decide though whether or not to patronize a business. If a particular employee is driving away customers, then the manager needs to deal with the problem employee. In a case like this one, customers, as the OP did, need to share their displeasure with the manager.

 

[RedHead0186]

I think the comment was made as a suggestion. Sure the manager decides. The customers decide though whether or not to patronize a business. If a particular employee is driving away customers, then the manager needs to deal with the problem employee. In a case like this one, customers, as the OP did, need to share their displeasure with the manager.

I understand that it was a suggestion, and I still don't agree. It's not the customer's job to suggest how a manager should manage their team. The manager has been made aware of the situation, and it's already been made clear that situation has cost them (the store) customers. From there it's the manager's job to determine how to handle the employee in question.

 

[mkayser]

If you're up for it, you might want to chat with the owner and let them know that a $20 gift card doesn't quite cut it for what went down. It's important to make sure they understand the severity of the issue.

 

[mjkacmom]

If you're up for it, you might want to chat with the owner and let them know that a $20 gift card doesn't quite cut it for what went down. It's important to make sure they understand the severity of the issue.

Seems to me this 30 second situation is done and dusted.

 

[piccolopat]

I think you might need to rethink the whole "teachable moment" aspect. You would be teaching a child to assume things that cannot be assumed and to also listen to hearsay, that gossiping is acceptable, etc.

When you're making a complaint against an employee, which I think everyone agrees is a-okay, it's not really a good look for us in general to start making our own conclusions and solutions. As a customer making the complaints as they pertain to you is best. In this case describing the scenario that happened including only the details between the employee doing the seaweed display, the OP and the child.

Who are you to decide a stranger you just met shouldn't be public facing and needs to move to the back of the store?

Who are you to decide you know what a stranger (in this case the cashier) is meaning and that they are meaning something negative to the other employee?

I know you aren't the only one making assumptions, plenty of people have on this thread, but I don't think a moral high ground is to engage in behaviors such that you've described especially in the context of a "teachable moment".

It can easily snowball into teaching a child that they are able to pass judgement on people, that what they believe should happen is what happens, etc. I mean realistically we're talking about a 6 year old who is unlikely to ingrain such empowerment as you call it but certainly over time if that's the lesson being taught empowerment can slide into entitlement if you're not careful how you present it.

Empowerment IMO would be focused on knowing who is the appropriate person to discuss your concerns with and that you've voiced your concerns, it's not about power trips nor assumptions of person's ability.

In my response I suggested actions and recommendations, not demands. It still would be up to the store to investigate and take any action they deem appropriate. Teachable moments are life lessons that aren't a one and done. A 6 year old can be taught to tell someone like this that the comment was mean and that they should say that they're sorry. That approach could then apply if kids at school say bad things. If they're afraid, you teach them to tell someone in charge. As the child gets older, the discussion can cover other scenarios and responses. I think you've made assumptions here.

 

[3rd_time_the_charm]

You know there is always 3 sides to the story - yours, theirs and the truth is normally somewhere in the midle

This.

Seems to me this 30 second situation is done and dusted.

Can I hug you? Lol. This.

 

[A Squared]

Thank you for being willing to share your POV.

Thank you, appreciate it. Also, thank you to everyone who liked my post, wasn't easy to write.

 

[lisaviolet]

Debated in my head if to reply or not, deep breath, here goes. I think there is a good chance the employee is neurodiverse as wearing headphones that are not normally permitted. Speaking as an autistic myself, its impossible to sort criticism of what doing - in this case seaweed display - from personal attack, particularly at work. I'm 50+ and still can't until I've talked to someone ( usually DH ) who explains not personal and why. Even then I can dwell on things for months, even years afterwards. As a neurodiverse, there's always the fear of losing the job over "doing something wrong" which is something others wouldn't bother about. For example, I rung up something wrongly on card machine but correctly on till so till was short at the end of the day. I offered to put the difference in ( a small amount ) and manager says "we're human, mistakes happen, don't worry about it".
The employee in question may have gone down that thought process and fear came out as anger. Yes, wrong to do so but we have trouble with emotions especially when in sensory overload - I do and start using the f word and hitting things, not people or animals I hasten to add. Its not that I can control it, won't control it, Its I CANNOT control it. I feel terrible afterwards too.
The cashier you spoke too may also not understand neurodiversity/ autism, or worse, believe its not real and/or adults don't have it, like we grow out of it something .
Was the employee in question young? Taken me decades to learn what not to say, but I still come out with the inappropriate things - eg NOT say "Wow, you've put on weight" but say "You look different from last time I saw you"
Conclusion? As others have said, use it as a teaching moment to explain neurodiversity and move on.

I too thank you for the post A Squared, especially your strength and the vulnerability it must have taken to decide whether to reply to an already contentious thread.

Beyond that it is wonderfully informative & helpful for us all.

 

[Pink Partridge]

"I'll shove some seaweed down your throat, boy.

If your child is African American, this is a racist comment.

If your child transitioned from Male to Female, this is a homophobic slur.

If you don't accept that people with neurodivergent disorders are allowed to say these things, you are not validating the experiences of these individuals and dismissing their deficits.

And if you write about your experience on a discussion board, you are a Karen.

There is a totem pole (can I say that?) to these situations. Who is on top? That's what you have to figure out.

 

[bsmcneil]

If your child is African American, this is a racist comment.

If your child transitioned from Male to Female, this is a homophobic slur.

If you don't accept that people with neurodivergent disorders are allowed to say these things, you are not validating the experiences of these individuals and dismissing their deficits.

And if you write about your experience on a discussion board, you are a Karen.

There is a totem pole (can I say that?) to these situations. Who is on top? That's what you have to figure out.

Your sarcasm notwithstanding (which - I disagree with the theory but nevertheless is true - is against the rules of the DIS Board), it's great that you've learned some lessons from the way people have been treated over the past 60 years!

 

[disykat]

This is a perfect response to the entire scenario.

Seems like everyone wants the teachable moment to be walking away and telling the child that people have a bad day sometimes. Truly it should be a teachable moment about manners and speaking up when others treat you badly.

I don't think anyone is advocating for that. Everyone here has said that it's not okay and the OP was right to report it. The difference of opinions is whether the response she received from the owner was inadequate.