Another would you be offended question

[eliza61]

So, as normal co workers this morning were all chatting about what they did over the holiday weekend. One co worker asked us if this scenario would be a problem, so I'm posting it to you guys.

Gal and her hubby, happily married have 2 little girls.
No huge financial issues, just the normal money is tight.

Well gal's sister invites them to the Jersey shore for the long weekend, nothing big and gal declines. Nothing major just money is tight, lots of spending over the summer, couple of school related items, yada yada yada

Anyway, they chat some more, hang up and a few days later gal gets 300 bucks in a card with a note saying love ya, see ya soon. Gal never asked for money, totally surprised, thinks nothing of it.

Hubby got offended. felt that it implied he couldn't take care of the family??

I told her my kids college text book bill this term is about 750 bucks, anyone in my family who wanted to help with that would be welcome with a lot of thankyou,thankyou thankyou and accompanied by serious hugging.

Would Ms. Manners be appalled?

 

[SC Minnie]

So, as normal co workers this morning were all chatting about what they did over the holiday weekend. One co worker asked us if this scenario would be a problem, so I'm posting it to you guys.

Gal and her hubby, happily married have 2 little girls.
No huge financial issues, just the normal money is tight.

Well gal's sister invites them to the Jersey shore for the long weekend, nothing big and gal declines. Nothing major just money is tight, lots of spending over the summer, couple of school related items, yada yada yada

Anyway, they chat some more, hang up and a few days later gal gets 300 bucks in a card with a note saying love ya, see ya soon. Gal never asked for money, totally surprised, thinks nothing of it.

Hubby got offended. felt that it implied he couldn't take care of the family??

I told her my kids college text book bill this term is about 750 bucks, anyone in my family who wanted to help with that would be welcome with a lot of thankyou,thankyou thankyou and accompanied by serious hugging.

Would Ms. Manners be appalled?

Personally, I would be taken aback not offended but .

 

[Forum Jumper]

I am guessing that Hubby is more upset that his Wife might be telling relatives they are having money troubles.

My DH could be upset if he'd like....he'd get over it.

 

[powellrj]

I have to say I would be taken aback. Money has been really tight at different times in our marriage and you just cut back. No need for anyone to send us a check, we just tighten our belts!

 

[sunshinehighway]

I think it's a nice thing for her sister to do.

 

[Laura66]

I have to say I would be taken aback. Money has been really tight at different times in our marriage and you just cut back. No need for anyone to send us a check, we just tighten our belts!

This is how I would feel as well.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

I would say thanks and spend it, but give it back in one form or another when money wasn't tight. No need to get husband involved.

 

[ImDMous]

$300 does not say " I don't think you can feed your family". $300 says "Hey sis, go get yourself something nice because I know it's not in your budget. I'd be stoked and appreciative.

 

[ChanFO]

Would I be offended? Slightly, I guess, but more confused than anything.

When I say "I can't afford that right now" about something optional, fun, or frivolous, what I usually mean is "I've already allocated all of the fun money in my budget for this paycheck and don't feel it's worth dipping into savings for". Not "OMG break out the ramen noodles".

I'd keep it in the spirit that it was intended (kindness and generosity) and thank them for the gift, maybe try to return the favor by paying for their dinner sometime, but man would that be awkward.

 

[eliza61]

$300 does not say " I don't think you can feed your family". $300 says "Hey sis, go get yourself something nice because I know it's not in your budget. I'd be stoked and appreciative.

that's how me and my siblings roll also. LOL
We're having our family reunion in London this year, primarily because my great uncle is gifting the family with the air fare from JFK. no way am I not going.

 

[Christine]

I also think it was a nice gesture on the part of the sister. If they have that type of relationship and the sister was doing well enough to spare it and wanted to, why not?

If the husband is offended then there are either two things going on:

1. He is insecure
2. He's not insecure and the wife was complaining which made him feel bad.

 

[NFLDERS]

$300 does not say " I don't think you can feed your family". $300 says "Hey sis, go get yourself something nice because I know it's not in your budget. I'd be stoked and appreciative.

This shared with the coworker may give her hubby a different way of looking at the gift. Enjoyed this reply thanks ImDMous!

 

[kmb584]

I wouldn't be offended. I'd be incredibly appreciative and view the gift card as a nice gesture. And when I had the opportunity to do so, I'd pay it forward.

 

[DVC-Don]

I'd take the $300, go to the Jersey Shore and say thanks for making this possible to the sister when she gets there.

 

[Chuckers]

Well, if you can't talk to your immediate family about your life.. good and bad.. then that's an issue the hubby has to deal with on his own. You shouldn't have to couch what you say to your sister.

It sounds like they have a good relationship and Sis was just saying 'have some fun.' It would be the same as if she sent her a gift certificate for a full day at a luxury spa - same cost, different presentation. I bet it's the actual cash that bothered him.. not the surprise gift.

Did she get the money in enough time to make plans to go to the shore for the weekend? (If it was enough to cover it?) If it was, then I would have used the money to go to the shore.. it could have been her sister's way of saying, "I really want to spend the weekend with you."

 

[aprilgail2]

So, as normal co workers this morning were all chatting about what they did over the holiday weekend. One co worker asked us if this scenario would be a problem, so I'm posting it to you guys.

Gal and her hubby, happily married have 2 little girls.
No huge financial issues, just the normal money is tight.

Well gal's sister invites them to the Jersey shore for the long weekend, nothing big and gal declines. Nothing major just money is tight, lots of spending over the summer, couple of school related items, yada yada yada

Anyway, they chat some more, hang up and a few days later gal gets 300 bucks in a card with a note saying love ya, see ya soon. Gal never asked for money, totally surprised, thinks nothing of it.

Hubby got offended. felt that it implied he couldn't take care of the family??

I told her my kids college text book bill this term is about 750 bucks, anyone in my family who wanted to help with that would be welcome with a lot of thankyou,thankyou thankyou and accompanied by serious hugging.

Would Ms. Manners be appalled?

I would not be offended- that is what family does, if one needs something and another family member can provide it then that is great! Husband must be VERY insecure!

 

[Kimberlyann11]

Would I be offended? Slightly, I guess, but more confused than anything.

When I say "I can't afford that right now" about something optional, fun, or frivolous, what I usually mean is "I've already allocated all of the fun money in my budget for this paycheck and don't feel it's worth dipping into savings for". Not "OMG break out the ramen noodles".

I'd keep it in the spirit that it was intended (kindness and generosity) and thank them for the gift, maybe try to return the favor by paying for their dinner sometime, but man would that be awkward.

It would be super awkward. Especially with my family dynamics the way they are. I'm afraid I'd send it back. I wouldn't be offended, but I'd be very weirded out.

 

[John VN]

So, as normal co workers this morning were all chatting about what they did over the holiday weekend. One co worker asked us if this scenario would be a problem, so I'm posting it to you guys.

Gal and her hubby, happily married have 2 little girls.
No huge financial issues, just the normal money is tight.

Well gal's sister invites them to the Jersey shore for the long weekend, nothing big and gal declines. Nothing major just money is tight, lots of spending over the summer, couple of school related items, yada yada yada

Anyway, they chat some more, hang up and a few days later gal gets 300 bucks in a card with a note saying love ya, see ya soon. Gal never asked for money, totally surprised, thinks nothing of it.

Hubby got offended. felt that it implied he couldn't take care of the family??

I told her my kids college text book bill this term is about 750 bucks, anyone in my family who wanted to help with that would be welcome with a lot of thankyou,thankyou thankyou and accompanied by serious hugging.

Would Ms. Manners be appalled?

Could be I am reading my bolding wrong, but to me it means the sender sent $300.00 CASH for sis to make the trip to the shore, not to help out with bills or something else.

I'd go.

 

[minkydog]

I think it's a nice thing for her sister to do.

I think so too. I have been on both sides of this sort of thing. When my Brother and SIL were down on their luck, I sent them money for diapers and formula for several months.

One Christmas we were struggling. My sisters stepped up and sent my kids presents and homemade candy & cookies; Mom made us a huge batch of Chex Mix.

What goes around comes around. I would not be offended in the least. I know that sooner or later I'll have the opportunity to either pay it back or pay it forward.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It really depends.

I will say that yes, it can be insulting.

But I really don't have anyone in my family who would send me $300.

We did have someone who in invited me to a Baby shower for my sister in law, but I was coming off wicked hypermesis and couldn't make the drive and my husband was in the midst of layoff (but job offer lined up), so my brother in law offered points and ASKED us if I could come if he got the ticket. It allowed us to decide and we did accept. It is presumptuous to just throw money or a ticket at an invite decline. Offering and asking is much better.

But then again, I am not a fan of anyone creation a situation where I am expected to be somewhere. Had enough if that growing up.