Anyone had to convince family NOT to come along?

[2019TripIdeas]

We're taking our kids on their first WDW (my 4th trip to WDW) visit next Spring and my parents are wanting to come. I feel like this is a terrible idea but the grandparents don't want to hear otherwise.

I feel like it's a bad idea for tons of reasons, but among them the fact that our vacation styles are SO different (we're early risers, my parents stay in bed until 10); we're fine with public transport (we live in a city, its just what we do) whereas they are afraid of even Uber and will want to take car everywhere; my parents don't enjoy when my kids whine or are loud (bound to happen at Disney at least a few times).

The biggest reason though is that my parents just aren't Disney people. Even when they took my brother and I as kids, they made it apparent they hated the experience and tried to spend as little time in the parks as possible. When we went as older teens, they actually didn't come into the parks at all and stayed by the pool at the resort for the week. They recently had a chance to do Disney for a week (had a conference and stayed at Swan or Dolphin?)- they went into the parks once, and only to Epcot because it was the only place they could drink. They stayed for 2 hours.

Their logic is that it's their grandkids first trip, so they should be there for that. Also, we only get to see them a few times a year and Disney is only 4 hours from their home (we live on the opposite side of the country). The only plus I can think of is that they could watch our youngest at the hotel at night if we wanted to stay out later (our kids will be 18m, almost 3 and almost 5 when we go).

I guess I envision just major schedule challenges (we'll be up and doing rope drop, back to hotel in afternoon to nap, when they'll just be getting out for the day around noon).

Anyone have any advice for convincing them they'd be better off skipping this one? I tried the "I'll send lots of pictures and videos!" and "We'll come do a relaxing vacation at your house the following year" but they don't seem convinced. Also, ha, I didn't invite them along to begin with, making this even more awkward!

 

[sponica]

Only you know your parents and the relationship. But I wouldn't phrase it so much as "I think this is a bad idea" as much as hey "I remember A B and C when we were kids, and xy and z will be happening, and I know how much that drives you bonkers"

If that doesn't work, I'd set firm boundaries like "we'll meet for dinner" or "we're doing these parks these days".

 

[AZMermaid]

Maybe explain to them the way you will be visiting (rope drop, buses, naps) and get your kids to be screaming in the background while you try to talk- haha! Remind them that the kids go to bed early (if they do) and you will need to stick to that schedule. But, if you want to offer for them to come on a pool day, or maybe meet for dinner one night, that seems like a decent compromise.

If they don't come, are you planning on visiting them? Can you add a couple days to do so- since they do live so far.

I feel ya. My parents are coming with us to DL in April. We originally invited them for a May trip and we were going to run Tinkerbell. So, basically, babysitting- haha. Then Tink was cancelled but the offer had been made. We changed the dates a bit because we didn't want to go Mother's Day if there was no race. My mom also doesn't like when my kids are rowdy and is very much her way or the highway. We brought it on, but I am hoping it isn't a disaster!

 

[Shanti]

We're taking our kids on their first WDW (my 4th trip to WDW) visit next Spring and my parents are wanting to come. I feel like this is a terrible idea but the grandparents don't want to hear otherwise.

I feel like it's a bad idea for tons of reasons, but among them the fact that our vacation styles are SO different (we're early risers, my parents stay in bed until 10); we're fine with public transport (we live in a city, its just what we do) whereas they are afraid of even Uber and will want to take car everywhere; my parents don't enjoy when my kids whine or are loud (bound to happen at Disney at least a few times).

The biggest reason though is that my parents just aren't Disney people. Even when they took my brother and I as kids, they made it apparent they hated the experience and tried to spend as little time in the parks as possible. When we went as older teens, they actually didn't come into the parks at all and stayed by the pool at the resort for the week. They recently had a chance to do Disney for a week (had a conference and stayed at Swan or Dolphin?)- they went into the parks once, and only to Epcot because it was the only place they could drink. They stayed for 2 hours.

Their logic is that it's their grandkids first trip, so they should be there for that. Also, we only get to see them a few times a year and Disney is only 4 hours from their home (we live on the opposite side of the country). The only plus I can think of is that they could watch our youngest at the hotel at night if we wanted to stay out later (our kids will be 18m, almost 3 and almost 5 when we go).

I guess I envision just major schedule challenges (we'll be up and doing rope drop, back to hotel in afternoon to nap, when they'll just be getting out for the day around noon).

Anyone have any advice for convincing them they'd be better off skipping this one? I tried the "I'll send lots of pictures and videos!" and "We'll come do a relaxing vacation at your house the following year" but they don't seem convinced. Also, ha, I didn't invite them along to begin with, making this even more awkward!

1. It is so rude and presumptuous of anyone to invite themselves onto anyone else's vacation. I just don't get that. Would never happen in my family (even though we're close), but I've read a lot about it happening on these boards.

2. In the future, keep your vacation plans to yourself until you get back (that includes social media).

3. Okay, that leaves dealing with the reality of your situation. Since this is your 4th trip, it seems clear that you'll be back. I recommend taking one for the team & letting them come this time, with the understanding that they can help out with the kids occasionally, as you described. Since you've never taken the kids before, you don't know how exhausting it can be, so you might end up appreciating their help more than you now realize.

This is actually the perfect trip to take the grandparents on (as opposed to a later one), as the kids are too little for heavy-duty touring, anyway. It's the right age to take Disney at a more relaxed pace that the grandparents could keep up with. I would still politely make clear some ground expectations, such as if they don't want to get up early you'll go anyway and just meet up with them at a certain location within the park at a certain time.

And for future trips when the kids are older & you'll really be putting the pedal to the metal, remember #2, above.

 

[lynzi2004]

I agree with the other posters, that it is likely too late to turn back now. If I were you, I would actually be glad it’s YOUR parents, instead of in-laws. Those seem to always turn out terrible! Lol

1. If they are close enough to drive to Disney, can they come for a few days then leave? Or show up a few days later? That way you could have some time to yourselves either before or after.

2. Traveling with kids that young, I would make it clear to your parents that your kids will dictate touring plans. Our kids are early risers as well and I would refuse to keep them cooped up in a room until your parents are ready to go. Same for eating some fancy 2hr dinner late at night when I know they are going to be cranky. You might have to compromise on a thing or two, but touring plans, naps, etc would not be one of them.

3. As you alluded to in your post, you might be able to take advantage of them being there with some extra help and babysitting. Since it is their grandkids first trip to Disney, I can see where they would enjoy seeing some of the smiles and excitement.

Good luck!

 

[2019TripIdeas]

1. It is so rude and presumptuous of anyone to invite themselves onto anyone else's vacation. I just don't get that. Would never happen in my family (even though we're close), but I've read a lot about it happening on these boards.

2. In the future, keep your vacation plans to yourself until you get back (that includes social media).

No kidding. I felt like it was totally pushing a boundary for them to assume they could just come along. Also, we vacation quite a bit without them so its not like we'd normally invite them along and we're just skipping this time. When we see them a few times a year, they're exhausted after a few hours with the kids. Whereas my inlaws are young and enjoy seeing the kids excited and doing things together with them, my parents are just "old" and their idea of a good day is quiet and peace and glasses of wine. Not quite Disney....

I wish we could've kept it to ourselves, totally. Unfortunately with my family, I know that would cause major hurt feelings. I did think about doing it and then apologizing by way of "I know Disney isn't your favorite, and didn't want you to feel like you had to be excited for us!" or something.

 

[Shanti]

No kidding. I felt like it was totally pushing a boundary for them to assume they could just come along. Also, we vacation quite a bit without them so its not like we'd normally invite them along and we're just skipping this time. When we see them a few times a year, they're exhausted after a few hours with the kids. Whereas my inlaws are young and enjoy seeing the kids excited and doing things together with them, my parents are just "old" and their idea of a good day is quiet and peace and glasses of wine. Not quite Disney....

I wish we could've kept it to ourselves, totally. Unfortunately with my family, I know that would cause major hurt feelings. I did think about doing it and then apologizing by way of "I know Disney isn't your favorite, and didn't want you to feel like you had to be excited for us!" or something.

I would let them come but make it clear in advance that you're going to be touring a certain way. If they can and want to keep up, then great. If not, you'll see them later, and they can go sip wine in their resort room. After experiencing a trip to WDW on your terms, they'll likely not ask to come along again.

 

[NJlauren]

My dad and sister also live close to WDW about 3 hours. This is what we do, its just what works for us but maybe will work for you.

I say let them come for 2/3 days out of a 7/8 day trip. So in your case maybe the middle 2 days make 1 day a pool/break day and one day a park pool day maybe a late start or a late night with babysitting or something along those lines. Explain to them this is your family trip and you would love help and a visit for 2/3 days but the rest is for you to enjoy as a family.

It isnt ideal but possible helps solve the problem. We just did this with my family and at the end of the 2 and a half days I was so happy for them to go, but it’s a nice break for a bit of extra help in the middle.

Just a suggestion.

 

[smiths02]

Are they inviting themselves to stay in your room or just be there at the same time? Are they trying to get you to pay for their vacation?
If they will just be a WDW during the same time frame and are paying their own way, just make all the plans you wanted to make, let them know what your plans are, and they can decide whether to tour with you or not.

 

[2019TripIdeas]

^ I like the middle of the trip suggestion. Or them being there for wherever our "rest day" falls. I think they could do this- drive in, stay a few, leave.

Right, maybe if they insist on coming the whole time having things really scheduled would work well. I'm sure they'd make fun of me for it, but if I let them know "Here's our itinerary, come along when you feel you can handle it" (Ha maybe doing that ahead of time would convince them this isn't for them....)

We did Hawaii with them several years ago and they were very disinterested in going out on any hikes or excursions, yet oddly were also kind of huffy about us not wanting to hang and drink with them by the pool every single day. That alone gives me so much pause on them to Disney. I think its almost funny they want to be there for this, considering.

Are they inviting themselves to stay in your room or just be there at the same time? Are they trying to get you to pay for their vacation?

Nope- they'd pay their own way and get their own room.

 

[danielocha30]

This is the reason I don’t tell anyone my Disney plans, there is always family or friends who invite themselves. My advise: do not tell anyone about your Disney plans until the night before you leave.

 

[NJlauren]

^ I like the middle of the trip suggestion. Or them being there for wherever our "rest day" falls. I think they could do this- drive in, stay a few, leave.

Right, maybe if they insist on coming the whole time having things really scheduled would work well. I'm sure they'd make fun of me for it, but if I let them know "Here's our itinerary, come along when you feel you can handle it" (Ha maybe doing that ahead of time would convince them this isn't for them....)

We did Hawaii with them several years ago and they were very disinterested in going out on any hikes or excursions, yet oddly were also kind of huffy about us not wanting to hang and drink with them by the pool every single day. That alone gives me so much pause on them to Disney. I think its almost funny they want to be there for this, considering.



Nope- they'd pay their own way and get their own room.

Happy the suggestion helped a bit! I also say this is my plan FP, ADR, we are leaving at 8am for xyz Park, meeting here, if you aren’t there you can meet us later. They are usually there if not we leave.

Not in a mean way, but in a this is my trip I planned this you can come along or do your own thing, either way do not let this ruing your trip! Lay it out now before the trip so they know the plans and what your doing no surprises. Then if they get huffy, oh well you already explained it.

 

[KenHutch]

If you have to take them you might do what I do. In order to keep peace in my family when I bring my daughter I pay for her mother and stepfather. These people are the exact opposite of us. We are park commandoes who go from rope drop to close. They think vacation at Disney means sleeping in until 10:00 hours. What I do is let them. I make fastpasses for 11:00 or later and I tell them where they are and what time dinner is. If you miss a ride you miss it. If you miss a meal your paying for your own. I have found that her mother will try to reach the park at 11:00 and after dinner (which except for Illuminations and Ohanas) I schedule early like 17 to 1800. They come for the few hours eat and back to the hotel they go (without fights). With grandkids your parents might fool you and try to enjoy the place.

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

I had this problem on my last trip...my grandparents wanted to come along and they only knew about it because I posted on social media...dumb move. Lol. They ended up coming and of course there was more complaining that necessary. But we ended up just telling them that we do not have to all stay together on this trip. Everyone can do their own thing. Even though there were still moments, this definitely helped. We moved at our own pace and they moved at theirs.

 

[scrapquitler]

We're taking our kids on their first WDW (my 4th trip to WDW) visit next Spring and my parents are wanting to come. I feel like this is a terrible idea but the grandparents don't want to hear otherwise.

I feel like it's a bad idea for tons of reasons, but among them the fact that our vacation styles are SO different (we're early risers, my parents stay in bed until 10); we're fine with public transport (we live in a city, its just what we do) whereas they are afraid of even Uber and will want to take car everywhere; my parents don't enjoy when my kids whine or are loud (bound to happen at Disney at least a few times).

The biggest reason though is that my parents just aren't Disney people. Even when they took my brother and I as kids, they made it apparent they hated the experience and tried to spend as little time in the parks as possible. When we went as older teens, they actually didn't come into the parks at all and stayed by the pool at the resort for the week. They recently had a chance to do Disney for a week (had a conference and stayed at Swan or Dolphin?)- they went into the parks once, and only to Epcot because it was the only place they could drink. They stayed for 2 hours.

Their logic is that it's their grandkids first trip, so they should be there for that. Also, we only get to see them a few times a year and Disney is only 4 hours from their home (we live on the opposite side of the country). The only plus I can think of is that they could watch our youngest at the hotel at night if we wanted to stay out later (our kids will be 18m, almost 3 and almost 5 when we go).

I guess I envision just major schedule challenges (we'll be up and doing rope drop, back to hotel in afternoon to nap, when they'll just be getting out for the day around noon).

Anyone have any advice for convincing them they'd be better off skipping this one? I tried the "I'll send lots of pictures and videos!" and "We'll come do a relaxing vacation at your house the following year" but they don't seem convinced. Also, ha, I didn't invite them along to begin with, making this even more awkward!

Maybe you can convince them to just come meet you for one or two days, and then maybe let them take the kids around the park for a couple hours while you and your spouse go to a dinner or something?

 

[katyjeka]

We travel with my husbands family quite often and have had very few issues. My parents are a different story!!!! We love them to death and enjoy time with them but not on vacation. My mom is almost impossible to travel with. I remember our last trip to WDW with her. We were sharing a room at Poly and she decided to start rattling her car keys at 5:00 am. She is a VERY early riser and we had plans to sleep in. Well, that never happened and our day started way too early. WDW is an expensive vacation and you have the right to choose who you travel with. We decided as a group a couple years ago no more vacations together. They head North and we go South. No hard feelings...The love is still there. If for some reason we would have to vacation with them again I would probably only do a cruise. The cabins are to small to share and its very easy to do your own thing. Hope all turns out well.

 

[bigbabyblues]

We don't vacation with anyone else. We just don't. The first couple of times we went, DH's parents hinted that they wanted to go. He told them that we want our vacations to be just the four of us. They finally stopped hinting. We love them dearly, but we have done a day trip to Kings Island with them and that was enough for a lifetime. We just do things differently and it would be a disaster. We live five minutes from them, we have dinner every Sunday with them, but we will not vacation with them. Vacations are too expensive to be unhappy.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I just got back from a WDW trip last week. A while ago I had promised my mom that I would take her to Disney with us if she quit smoking. She did quit finally, but it was when I was separated/going through a divorce and couldn't afford to go. I am still going through the divorce but I got a new job that paid me a bonus so I booked the trip, my bonus paid for about half. My kids and I enjoyed the trip, my mother complained about everything. It was too hot, too crowded, the lines were too long, too much walking, the food was bad, the water tasted like toilet water, if we had rented a car we could go to the grocery store, the hotel room was too small/too high up/too far from the food hall, everything was too expensive (even though she didn't pay for anything!). She didn't want to do the stuff that the kids and I wanted to do. A couple of times she told us to go ahead and ride a ride or something without her, but apparently it was a passive/aggressive test because when we got off Soarin' she was incredibly angry with us that we would dare leave her, even though she insisted that we should ride things we wanted to ride! Same thing when we got off Test Track and Tomorrowland Speedway, so we just stopped riding things that grandma didn't want to go on. She wouldn't read any of the books/articles/websites that I used to try to educate her before the trip, insisted that I should book everything and she would be fine, but then on the trip she kept getting angry with me because she didn't understand the new fastpass system. She complained that we hardly rode anything at Animal Kingdom (it's Disney's zoo, mom. You walk around and look at animals at a zoo!). At one point, she trudged about 5 feet behind us and every time we stopped she would plop down on whatever rock/wall was closest and pull out a Reader's Digest and start reading. AT DISNEY WORLD, A TRIP THAT COST ME ABOUT $180/PER PERSON/PER DAY! I make about $15.00 an hour, it will take me many years to save up for another trip! I think I may have bit a hole through my tongue to keep from arguing with her over her childish behavior. So anyway, given my recent experience I would strongly argue against extended family vacations. No more for me, I've learned my very expensive lesson.

Thanks for letting me vent! STAND YOUR GROUND, OP!!!

 

[MomOfDisneyPrincess]

You could switch your plans and go to Disneyland instead!

 

[Shanti]

You could switch your plans and go to Disneyland instead!

How would that help?