Are “good manners” a thing of the past?

[mrodgers]

I have to say that I am pretty worked up over this thread. I am 68, considered a boomer but why the heck is a label to my age necessary? Why does any age have to have a label whether it's boomer, genZ, millennial or whatever? A particular poster on here seems to think that those of us in our upper years are all horrible, rude, people lacking in manners and filters. How fair is that? He/she sure paints her generation as the best of the best. Well, maybe I think mine is or perhaps someone else might think their generation is. Ridiculous. Rudeness and lack of manners come in all ages. This boomer prides herself with manners.

Just today I was coming out of a 7-11 juggling two drinks while opening the door. One girl about the age of 30 decided to take advantage while I had the door open and squeezed in and a man maybe late 30's or early 40's then did it, too. I held that door with my body because my hands were full for two people that didn't even bother to acknowledge me. It was just convenient for them.

This genX guy would have seen you and, well, not ran, but moved quickly to grab the door for you.

 

[JLTraveling]

Yesterday a bicyclist was hit by a car on the main road in front of my house. I didn't see it, but I did see what happened immediately afterward: Everyone in the immediate area jumped into action. It's a pretty busy road in the middle of a highly mixed neighborhood. The group of helpers included a woman who jumped out of her expensive car, the working class guy who always eats lunch in front of the corner store, the homeless guy who happened to be wandering by, the guy who runs the used car lot across the street, some random tourist couple....probably 20 people total. All ages, all genders, all social classes, all ethnicities. The cyclist was sitting up in the median when the paramedics arrived, so I'm hoping he'll be okay.

It's sad that it takes a potential tragedy to restore faith in humanity. But it does deepen my belief that when it comes right down to it on an individual level, most people will do the right thing.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

This genX guy would have seen you and, well, not ran, but moved quickly to grab the door for you.

Love it. Thanks!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Not a bad idea.

 

[monorailrabbit]

I am in my mid 30s and I manage college students. I completely agree that issues today are not specific to one age group. I am a firm believer that the main culprit is social media. The fact that there is very little accountability in saying what you want to say, judging others, or just plain being a jerk. Some of these kids are my absolute favorite people on the planet. Some of them make me want to cry because they are so awful! Some have a crazy sense of entitlement and it's very apparent when they are called into my office to discuss poor attendance or poor productivity that this is the first time they have been told they are not meeting a goal or need to adjust their attitude and they do NOT deal with it well. I want to note, prior to this role, I managed adults at a large company for 10 years and had similar issues when providing less than glowing feedback.

I also want to point out that its increasingly frustrating to work in an age where the general mindset is everyone deserves something. I frequently give prizes or bonuses to kids who pick up extra shifts, and other students who are barely working the minimum will throw fits and tell me it isn't fair, how come they don't get anything? Are you kidding? EVERYONE who works extra gets something... but, you need to work extra....? I don't understand why this is hard? I'm running into entitlement problems far more often than just bad manners.

Edited to add: the one thing that absolutely KILLS me at work is the lack of gratitude. For example, in the past 2 weeks I've brought in tacos for everyone for Cinco De Mayo, brought in my laptop and a projector and popcorn so we could watch Star Wars during shift on May 4th and today brought in donuts for everyone working an extra shift. Want to know how many thank yous, or even people acknowledging these things? 2. In fact today, instead of getting a thank you for donuts, one kid complained that "the assortment sucks". Neat.

 

[scrump]

I also want to point out that its increasingly frustrating to work in an age where the general mindset is everyone deserves something. I frequently give prizes or bonuses to kids who pick up extra shifts, and other students who are barely working the minimum will throw fits and tell me it isn't fair, how come they don't get anything? Are you kidding? EVERYONE who works extra gets something... but, you need to work extra....? I don't understand why this is hard? I'm running into entitlement problems far more often than just bad manners.

Edited to add: the one thing that absolutely KILLS me at work is the lack of gratitude. For example, in the past 2 weeks I've brought in tacos for everyone for Cinco De Mayo, brought in my laptop and a projector and popcorn so we could watch Star Wars during shift on May 4th and today brought in donuts for everyone working an extra shift. Want to know how many thank yous, or even people acknowledging these things? 2. In fact today, instead of getting a thank you for donuts, one kid complained that "the assortment sucks". Neat.

I have to agree with entitlement and gratitude - and it kills me too. I notice it a lot in the businesses in my neighborhood - very few of them will say "thank you." Maybe they will close out the transaction at the register and I'll say "thank you" for bagging up my stuff or for giving me change, but I will rarely hear a thank you from them for shopping with them. My bar for customer service is really low, but gratitude is a core value for me. I am convinced that if more businesses practiced gratitude with their customers, it would be a positive game changer for them - at least for the businesses in my neighborhood.

 

[Christine]

I am in my mid 30s and I manage college students. I completely agree that issues today are not specific to one age group. I am a firm believer that the main culprit is social media. The fact that there is very little accountability in saying what you want to say, judging others, or just plain being a jerk. Some of these kids are my absolute favorite people on the planet. Some of them make me want to cry because they are so awful! Some have a crazy sense of entitlement and it's very apparent when they are called into my office to discuss poor attendance or poor productivity that this is the first time they have been told they are not meeting a goal or need to adjust their attitude and they do NOT deal with it well. I want to note, prior to this role, I managed adults at a large company for 10 years and had similar issues when providing less than glowing feedback.

I also want to point out that its increasingly frustrating to work in an age where the general mindset is everyone deserves something. I frequently give prizes or bonuses to kids who pick up extra shifts, and other students who are barely working the minimum will throw fits and tell me it isn't fair, how come they don't get anything? Are you kidding? EVERYONE who works extra gets something... but, you need to work extra....? I don't understand why this is hard? I'm running into entitlement problems far more often than just bad manners.

Edited to add: the one thing that absolutely KILLS me at work is the lack of gratitude. For example, in the past 2 weeks I've brought in tacos for everyone for Cinco De Mayo, brought in my laptop and a projector and popcorn so we could watch Star Wars during shift on May 4th and today brought in donuts for everyone working an extra shift. Want to know how many thank yous, or even people acknowledging these things? 2. In fact today, instead of getting a thank you for donuts, one kid complained that "the assortment sucks". Neat.

Wow. I think we could start a whole new thread on entitlement. Not only entitlement but the part that is sort of entitlement's twin--victimization. The stuff I hear everyday (being a manager) as well as just reading social media regards the inability to take blame for their actions that caused them to have negative outcomes. I don't think it's generational either. I've seen it in all ages.

 

[shh]

Edited to add: the one thing that absolutely KILLS me at work is the lack of gratitude. For example, in the past 2 weeks I've brought in tacos for everyone for Cinco De Mayo, brought in my laptop and a projector and popcorn so we could watch Star Wars during shift on May 4th and today brought in donuts for everyone working an extra shift. Want to know how many thank yous, or even people acknowledging these things? 2. In fact today, instead of getting a thank you for donuts, one kid complained that "the assortment sucks". Neat.

Loved your post. I see a lack of gratitude often. There are the few angels who dedicate personal time and effort to plan events, make someone's day special, clean up office breakrooms, bring in treats, etc, and then there are the "others". The people who just take it for granted that "someone else" does that. They don't acknowledge or reciprocate.

I agree with previous posters...the sense of entitlement is staggering: so many people refuse to exercise any self discipline/responsibility to manage their money, take care of their health - then when surprise! - bad things happen, it's always someone else's fault. Who can we sue? Who can we blame?

This thread is soooo cathartic!

 

[jrmasm]

I have to agree with entitlement and gratitude - and it kills me too. I notice it a lot in the businesses in my neighborhood - very few of them will say "thank you." Maybe they will close out the transaction at the register and I'll say "thank you" for bagging up my stuff or for giving me change, but I will rarely hear a thank you from them for shopping with them. My bar for customer service is really low, but gratitude is a core value for me. I am convinced that if more businesses practiced gratitude with their customers, it would be a positive game changer for them - at least for the businesses in my neighborhood.

Unless the cashier is the owner, why should they thank you?

I thank everyone all the damn day long in my life but I just can’t see I’m owed a thank you from a grocery store cashier.

 

[Planogirl]

Unless the cashier is the owner, why should they thank you?

I thank everyone all the damn day long in my life but I just can’t see I’m owed a thank you from a grocery store cashier.

Maybe because like so many jobs they represent the company and also because of customers they have that job? I am not one who cares much if people say thank you but I do see the reasoning. Plus it’s another bit of positivity which this world could use a lot more of IMO.

 

[tvguy]

Until the pandemic my brother tutored second grade reading in a public school. Forget Good Manners, Civil Behavior was lacking, and it isn't the kids fault. It's the parents. My brother says he had it easy because kids cut him a break because he was 85 years old (when the pandemic started) they would just cuss him out. The teachers REGULARLY had to deal with Second graders throwing chairs and books and iPads at them. And if the teacher tried to talk to the parents, IF they returned the call, the parents would blame the teacher.

 

[jrmasm]

Maybe because like so many jobs they represent the company and also because of customers they have that job? I am not one who cares much if people say thank you but I do see the reasoning. Plus it’s another bit of positivity which this world could use a lot more of IMO.

Sorry way too much of a stretch for me. Seems more like entitlement by the customer than a lack of manners on the part of the cashier.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

also because of customers they have that job?

That sounds a lot like an entitlement attitude. Job security sure gets joked about but totally different than saying "you should thank me it's because of me you even have a job" sorta like people who play the "I pay your salary" line when it comes to civil employees.

I more just appreciate a pleasant demeanor

 

[Planogirl]

I don't know if its entitlement as much as the employer requiring it. Mine certainly goes on about employees saying thank you. We aren't retail but its the same.

 

[jrmasm]

I don't know if its entitlement as much as the employer requiring it. Mine certainly goes on about employees saying thank you. We aren't retail but its the same.

But it’s not the employer complaining is it?

 

[tvguy]

That sounds a lot like an entitlement attitude. Job security sure gets joked about but totally different than saying "you should thank me it's because of me you even have a job" sorta like people who play the "I pay your salary" line when it comes to civil employees.

I more just appreciate a pleasant demeanor

I hope I have never have rude to an employee. I know once I did lose my cool with several worker at a printing company. My company sent out things in the mail daily. They had to be printed, stuffed in envelopes, run through the postage meter and taken to the post officer by 4:30 pm every day. Our printing press died, and we had an account with a local printing company in that situation. I had never had to deal with that, and neither had the printing company employees. It was 2:30 pm, I needed 100 copies, had to drive them back to the office to get them ready to be mailed, and mail them by 4:30 pm. The print shop employees said it would be two days! I said I needed them immediately, rather forcefully. She called over one supervisor, and then the next supervisor until someone finally looked up our account and saw in the owners handwriting that our contract specified our jobs must be completed within 15 minutes of our arriving. I guess they complained to the owner who told them they had to honor the contract, and called my boss and said because of the confusion there would be no charge.

 

[Planogirl]

But it’s not the employer complaining is it?

It is from our perspective. They explain that they want consumers to go away happy. I really don't know if any complain about that.

 

[jrmasm]

It is from our perspective. They explain that they want consumers to go away happy. I really don't know if any complain about that.

I was talking about posts on this thread not your employer

 

[Planogirl]

I was talking about posts on this thread not your employer

To be more clear, maybe they are trying to head off complaints such as these. Again not a big deal to me.

 

[jrmasm]

To be more clear, maybe they are trying to head off complaints such as these. Again not a big deal to me.

And now we‘re back to where I started. I believe complaints such as these are examples of entitlement.