At afterschool care on Friday, my DD was...

[AnonyMouse]

On Saturday, my DD (age 7) asked me, "Mom, what's a Fa**ot?"
So, I asked where in the world she heard that word from.
She responded that a little girl (age 10) called her that on t he playground.
I asked her to tell me EXACTLY what was said.
She said that (girl) said, "Get away, Fa**ot!"
I just told her it was an ugly word that ladies don't say and that she needs to tell someone if she hears it again.

So yesterday, when I dropped her off before school, I told the director of what happened over the weekend and she just said, "Well, (girl) will only be here for the rest of this week. I'm sorry that happened." I also told her that we don't use language like that as my brother is homosexual. We don't really talk about that, either yet (I think 7 is a little young to try to go there at this point).

My questions are:
1. Should I explain to DD what a fa**ot is? And if so, what do I say?
2. SHould I insist on speaking to the parents of (girl)?

 

[Pooh93]

Imo, you did the right thing bringing it up to the director. I would have done the same thing and now would probably let it drop and not talk with the girl's parents. As far as explaining what that means, I would try to keep it simple at this age and explain that it's not a nice word and can really hurt someone's feeling etc.

I also have a 7 year old dd and she came home from afterschool care last week saying that a 3rd grader called her "dummyhead."

Last year in kindergarten, she was asking me what the "bad finger" was because that was being discussed at afterschool care. I brought that up to the teacher running it, just so she could keep an eye or ear on the kids. In explaining it to dd, just kept it simple and said again, that it was not a nice thing to do and could hurt someone's feelings and she seemed satisfied.

Sound like these kids are getting "educated" at an earlier age!

 

[Beauty]

Yes they are learning things at a much much earlier age. I will be honest and although I'm sure many won't agree I feel like if you don't explain, that someone else will. Children know far far to much far far to young now! I just feel like its important that they get the right information from their parents.

 

[kinlaw6450]

We have gone rounds with this same topic at home. My best friend and my daughters very favorite person is gay. We skirted around the issue for years then last summer at the age of 7 she looked dead at him and said, "Your gay aren't you!" LOL When we asked her how she knew she said at school she heard that boys who liked boys etc etc. So we chose that day to sit and explain things to her. Simplified of course but I think 7 is old enough.

 

[jsmith]

Look Fa***t up in the dictionary-I believe you will find a definition relating to bundles of firewood. That should give you an explination to give your DD both of the meaning and of the unforunate situation the other child has been brought up in where she is taught that calling some one a bundle of firewood is an insult-there will be time to deal with the fact that there are people who think that it is appropriate to teach that kind of insult to a child-who in all likely hood used the word because she had heard it before and understood it to be an insult, but would not begin to understand why it is an insult or to whom-children may learn a lot younger but knowing something (that is an insult to a homosexual person) and understanding something (what it means to be homosexual) are worlds apart.

 

[Pooh93]

I just feel like its important that they get the right information from their parents.

Agreed!

Look Fa***t up in the dictionary-I believe you will find a definition relating to bundles of firewood.

Boy, do I learn new things here everyday!

 

[AnonyMouse]

Thank you so much for the feedback!

This morning, I decided to tell DD that a "fa**ot" is a bundle of firewood.
She then cracked up laughing and said that (girl) was pretty silly calling her a bundle of firewood. DD came to her own conclusion that (girl) probably doesn't know what the word means, either!

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

Originally posted by jsmith
Look Fa***t up in the dictionary-I believe you will find a definition relating to bundles of firewood. That should give you an explination to give your DD both of the meaning and of the unforunate situation the other child has been brought up in where she is taught that calling some one a bundle of firewood is an insult-there will be time to deal with the fact that there are people who think that it is appropriate to teach that kind of insult to a child-who in all likely hood used the word because she had heard it before and understood it to be an insult, but would not begin to understand why it is an insult or to whom-children may learn a lot younger but knowing something (that is an insult to a homosexual person) and understanding something (what it means to be homosexual) are worlds apart.

I wouldn't give my child misinformation. when she learns the derogatory meaning of the word she won't believe what I have to say about other things either. when mine were younger I'd just say "it's a nasty word, don't use it."

but ot be honest, my girls knew a lot more than I gave them credit for at that age. if they wanted a further explanation I gave them a simple one and ansered any questions they had.

they both knew what "gay" meant by the time they were 8.

 

[Beauty]

I agree BR.

J.C. also knew what it was to be gay by that age. I respect what you decided to tell your daughter but if she goes to school and tells everyone that and then they tell her the truth and she comes home and asks you straight out......then what will you say? I don't know its definatly a hard issue but I'm still standing by honesty is the best explanation.

 

[RUDisney]

In defense of the girl who used that word, it very well may be that she thinks it means "stupidhead" or something equally unattractive.

When I was in about 4th or 5th grade, I said to one of my friends that I thought Nellie Olson (from Little House on the Prairie) was a pr***. I thought it meant that she was nasty and mean. I had no idea that it meant anything other than that. Well, my friend told my mother what I said and she told me what it meant. Had I known what I was saying, I wouldn't have used that word at all. Once my Mom told me, I can honestly say that I didn't use the word again... well, at least until college.

I'm not saying that you should tell the girl's mother, but you probably should explain to your DD that the true definition is a bundle of firewood, but some people use it to degrade and humiliate people who are different from them. You can explain that different doesn't have to mean bad.

 

[DaisyDebbie]

Originally posted by AnonyMouse
Thank you so much for the feedback!

This morning, I decided to tell DD that a "fa**ot" is a bundle of firewood.
She then cracked up laughing



Well now when your dd thinks it funny to call people a bundle of firewood, don't be surprised.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well my 6yo dd knows what gay is and if I told her it was a bad word to say about someone who is gay she would know what that means.
That is a simple way of putting it.

 

[December99]

I have always been very upfront and honest with my dd - from the time she was 4. They understand enough if you explain it in "their" words and to the point that you are being honest with words she can understand. I would have told my dd what the meaning in the dictionary says but what the person saying that probably meant.

 

[disykat]

I think that saying that "the dictionary definition says it's a bundle of firewood, but some people use it as a bad word" is enough of an explanation for now if you're not ready to explain homosexuality. She'll probably say "oh" and you can leave the more detailed explanations until later.

Similar to me telling my boys the bi*** means female dog, but some people use it as a bad word.

 

[luv2nascar]

The bundle of firewood was okay but I would go a little further so she knows not to say it and that it is offensive
Don't be surprised if she already knows what gay is
they learn young
we had an interesting discussion in our house on with 7 yr old dd on the disney movie "The Color of Friendship"
they used the "N" word and the africian word for the "N" word
my DD has never heard this word and had some questions which we did answer and explain on her level with proper instructions that we do not use those words in our house and she should never use those words as they are hurtful
That was on Martin Luther King Day and it hasn't come up since

 

[whirlsy]

i also agree with telling your daughter what the dictionary meaning is, there is no need for another child to go on with ignorance and learning the wrong meaning of a word. If we dont stop teaching our children these "slang" words where does it stop. If you want to discuss what homosexual is then teach them that not what the street name is.