At what age is it no longer appropriate for kids to be pantless when company is over?

[BLAZEY]

What if the boy prefers dresses or skirts to pants when he is at home? Pass the smelling salts and hand me my pearls. As a society we are doomed.

Perfectly fine.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My sister and her husband's marriage is just fine, a difference of opinion between them on whether their son can pee a few feet from the dinner table and has to wear pants when people outside the immediate family are over is not going to end in divorce.

You're right. I apologize for coming off that "judgey", I worded my previous post poorly. I just meant that if they were known to disagree regarding parenting (you've given two examples of that here in this thread) I wouldn't have said anything.

 

[Domo]

I think I look rather dapper in my Birthday Suit

 

[mummabear]

I think society has determined pants or some item of clothing covering underwear is a requirement. If you go to a house for dinner (whether friends or family), I feel like you and your family (including children of all ages) would wear pants. This is what happened here. They went to the mom’s house (and I don’t care if the houses are connected, it is still on moms side). If I am wrong about that and it is socially acceptable I am surprised that I don’t see more people (of all ages) walking around/eating meals in underwear.

For adults sure, kids at their home is a more grey area.

The point is though, the mom was fine with it. No one was being hurt. The sister knew before she butted it what her sisters thoughts on the matter were.

And the "If a parent is going to do it then I am" is not an acceptable thing to do. If the parent has decided on a course of action, including either being ok with it, or if Irving their behaviour as a means to an end then it isnt up to another family member to decide that they will take matters into their own hands.

I probably WOULD say something to my sister’s kids (and she’d say something to mine.) I know her well enough to know her expectations and I would be doing what I thought she would find acceptable.

The big difference here is that OP already knew that this was an issue between her sister and BIL.
She knew her sister was ok with the kid being pantsless and attempted to impose anyway.

 

[Summer2018]

Just because some wait until six doesn't mean 5 is not school-aged, since many (most?) are starting school at five. Anyway, even for those who start at six, why wait until then to expect such basic social behavior as wearing pants?

This little boy will start school in a few days, yet he thinks it is OK to walk around and sit at the table without pants. There is a chance that he will want to be without pants at school too, since it's not big deal at home.

When I was five I would have been mortified to be walking around in a shirt and underwear in front of my uncles, aunts and cousins. It would have never happened, because I was used to be dressed since I remember.

I teach a full-day class of 4 year-olds in a public school. Some of my public school colleagues teach 3 year-olds. Once a child is enrolled and attends school, he/she is expected to abide by certain norms. Unfortunately, many children do not arrive ready for school, and I have to play “catch-up,” teaching them things ordinarily taught at home.

 

[BLAZEY]

The big difference here is that OP already knew that this was an issue between her sister and BIL.
She knew her sister was ok with the kid being pantsless and attempted to impose anyway.

It was not known that Dsis had a different point of view until this incident. He had put bottoms on previous at occasions when requested by his father without the backtalk . DH & I were not at the peeing in the flower pot next to the table incident but my DD9 was at dinner that night as she was stay over at my mother's while we were at a wedding and mentioned told us that it had happened which I confirmed with my mother.

 

[mummabear]

It was not known that Dsis had a different point of view until this incident. He had put bottoms on previous at occasions when requested by his father without the backtalk . DH & I were not at the peeing in the flower pot next to the table incident but my DD9 was at dinner that night as she was stay over at my mother's while we were at a wedding and mentioned told us that it had happened which I confirmed with my mother.

I have spoken with DBIL (the father) he agrees with me. My sister overules her husband. This time he put his foot down.

^Seems to imply prior knowledge to me

 

[BLAZEY]

^Seems to imply prior knowledge to me

It was the SAME day. He told me he gets overruled sometime as she spend more time with the kids.

 

[JPPT1974]

I am thinking in between the ages of 3-4. That just my two cents worth.

 

[smiths02]

Just because some wait until six doesn't mean 5 is not school-aged, since many (most?) are starting school at five. Anyway, even for those who start at six, why wait until then to expect such basic social behavior as wearing pants?

This little boy will start school in a few days, yet he thinks it is OK to walk around and sit at the table without pants. There is a chance that he will want to be without pants at school too, since it's not big deal at home.

When I was five I would have been mortified to be walking around in a shirt and underwear in front of my uncles, aunts and cousins. It would have never happened, because I was used to be dressed since I remember.

I literally just talked to my children's kindergarten teacher. She went on and on about how well-behaved they are. My son has a thing with shirts at home and he constantly takes them off. Yet, somehow, he knows not to do that at school.

Again, we do pants at dinner at home, but there is a chance that children can be exposed to how they should act in multiple situations. Social behavior is learning how to act in different situations.

I have worked in preschools and elementary schools, I have never seen a typically-developing child have a problem wearing pants. I don't think pants are the be all end all of social behavior.
I am going to bet that kindergarten is not devolving into pants-less animals. Some things will also always need to be taught...hanging up a backpack, walking in line, being silent at lunch, etc. No, I didn't practice those things with my children because they aren't really necessary for many things except school...I don't have to walk in a line with my colleagues at work or hang up my backpack or not talk at lunch. We did practice following the directions and following the rules of each place, and we've always practiced being kind and respectful.

So I do have a problem that the mom and dad didn't go ahead and have the kid put on pants because it obviously bothered the aunt and uncle. Also, once an adult gave a reasonable direction, there should be follow through. However, I would also not correct someone else's child while the parents are there in their own house unless there was harm or danger.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

What if the boy prefers dresses or skirts to pants when he is at home? Pass the smelling salts and hand me my pearls. As a society we are doomed.

Then the dad would have said, "go put on your dress/skirt."

Why as a society do we always have to throw shade when none is needed?

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

OK, so ignoring the weird side bar with Denise, here is what i have got so far:

-My kids wore pants/skirts most of the time, even as toddlers---unless they were playing in water or eating blackberries outside before being hosed down because those are such a mess with toddlers, etc. I might think it is odd to see someone else's preschooler running around pantsless at someone'S house, but not a big deal.

-OP---you clearly dislike how your sister is raising her son. You may be right, you may not be---I don't know. I DO know that setting up power struggles between the adults in his life that he is present for and in the middle of is not at all helpful to him, nor will it endear your sister to you or your parenting techniques to put her on the spot and force her to defend her parenting or give in.

-It is abundantly clear in your comments that you knew the wearing or not wearing of pants to dinner is a topic your sister and her husband disagree on and that you knew the little boy is often allowed not to wear them---thus this was not a helpful bit of auntie and uncle parenting that accidentally went awry---this was a power play to show who was in charge and show your sister how you think she should parent. I find that pretty awful. Your sister sounds far more forgiving than I would be.

- Sure, some families all the extended family parent each other's kids and it works great---then again, if this family were that close, the aunt and uncle being over would not be "company" and certainly even in those cases if you KNOW something is a bone of contention between the parents and no one is in danger and your own belongings, etc are now being messed with---why on earth would such a friendly family group intentionally create division?

- It is downright silly to say the boy was not at HIS house when he lives in a house the yard belongs with

- And even if you are going to play the above silly game of saying that makes it all OK, the OP was not the owner of that strip of grass either. If Grandma, as hostess, was so very bothered by the pants issue, she could have said something to her daughter or grandson about it.

-I very much doubt that there are many places in the US where it is illegal to be out in public wearing non see through underwear which is covering all the bits normally required to be covered. It might raise eyebrows. It might even lead to police asking questions or monitoring---but I cannot imagine that it is illegal in more than a handful of places.

You said it so much better than I would have.

 

[kimmar067]

....in MY house, even the turkey as to be dressed:

 

[kimmar067]

 

[smiths02]

Just in case we were worried about the downfall of society:
I visited several kindergarten classrooms this morning. I have to report that no student needed to be told to wear pants and I saw no nudity.

 

[kimmar067]

 

[kimmar067]

....but on a more serious note, if I ever saw this at the dinner table, I'd have to excuse myself to go vomit...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B7MvqnMIMAAg_NG.jpg
[WARNING: click on the link with caution]

EWWWWWW!

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I have to admit I clicked on this because it's 13 pages....but I didn't read past the first. I'm with the sister - who the hell cares if the kid is wearing proper pants in his house. And I think the term "company" is being used loosely here when we are talking about family, especially one that shares a yard.

FTR, my 3 year old may take off his pants when he gets home from daycare but that doesn't mean he has a problem wearing them all day. And quite frankly, I might do the same when I get home from work. Still...I understand that I might have to wear them at work.

 

[BLAZEY]

....but on a more serious note, if I ever saw this at the dinner table, I'd have to excuse myself to go vomit...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B7MvqnMIMAAg_NG.jpg
[WARNING: click on the link with caution]

EWWWWWW!

Yep! That's exactly what it looked like! Except the my nephew is probably older as he doesn't use a booster seat at the table as the child pictured does.

 

[BLAZEY]

I have to admit I clicked on this because it's 13 pages....but I didn't read past the first. I'm with the sister - who the hell cares if the kid is wearing proper pants in his house. And I think the term "company" is being used loosely here when we are talking about family, especially one that shares a yard.

FTR, my 3 year old may take off his pants when he gets home from daycare but that doesn't mean he has a problem wearing them all day. And quite frankly, I might do the same when I get home from work. Still...I understand that I might have to wear them at work.

Out of town guest was there!!!