babysitting conflict. am i being unreasonable?

[Disney Doll]

The best thing to do is not watch the baby.
The mom has ideas about parenting that you disagree with, and that make your job more difficult.
My only other thought is asking the mom if she is opposed to the baby having water from a bottle. It wouldn't fix the underfeeding issue but it might help with the sucking/soothing issue.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

The best thing to do is not watch the baby.
The mom has ideas about parenting that you disagree with, and that make your job more difficult.
My only other thought is asking the mom if she is opposed to the baby having water from a bottle. It wouldn't fix the underfeeding issue but it might help with the sucking/soothing issue.

That is a really, really bad idea. Babies that young, in general, shouldn't be given water on a regular basis.

 

[gwynne]

The best thing to do is not watch the baby.
The mom has ideas about parenting that you disagree with, and that make your job more difficult.
My only other thought is asking the mom if she is opposed to the baby having water from a bottle. It wouldn't fix the underfeeding issue but it might help with the sucking/soothing issue.

The baby needs milk/formula when it's hungry. Attempting to substitute water for milk/formula deprives the baby of vital nutrients needed to grow and thrive.

 

[DizBelle]

If not provided with enough milk for the duration of the babysitting, and the sitter is trying to make it last for the whole time, the baby could be underfed.

So the 8 oz milk that was provided is gone in 3 hours because the baby demanded it and then starves for the next 6. This is the way it is supposed to work?

I would think that being a little hungry for all 9 hours would be better than absolutely starving for 6. But I don't know.

 

[disney world dreamer]

ok thats it.
i have got to draw the line somewhere.
not sure who said it now but i just saw where someone said that if i'm visually impaired i should not be taking care of a baby.
there are no words.

 

[mom2rtk]

So the 8 oz milk that was provided is gone in 3 hours because the baby demanded it and then starves for the next 6. This is the way it is supposed to work?

I would think that being a little hungry for all 9 hours would be better than absolutely starving for 6. But I don't know.

Starving for 6 hours or being a little hungry for 9 hours are not the only choices.

When the milk runs out and the day is young, you call mom and tell her you need more milk.

 

[Hrhpd]

Since the OP's story is a bit difficult to follow, here are all the posts in one place. I know that I am starting to confuse what the Op has said vs what others have said, so hopefully this will make it a bit more clear to have all the responses in one place.

first i'd like to say that i respect the parent's wishes although i do not agree.

my sister's friend recently had a baby and after visiting a couple day cares would prefer to not place her in one at least not at this young age.
so she asked my sister if we could watch her a couple times a week for the duration of the summer and then also wanted to know if i would watch her a couple times per week after that.
we agreed to watch her for the summer at least and i had not even met the newborn at that point so i said i'd have to get to know her a bit before giving my answer.

we've watched her 4 times now.

i can say that i'd consider watching her beyond the summer but there is one major deal breaker for me....
she has not introduced a pacifier and does not plan to.

her reason is due to breastfeeding.
she read somewhere that if you introduce a paci "too soon" they may not take the breast.
now i can understand that if she was purely taking milk from the breast.
but she's been drinking breast milk from a bottle during the day and the breast at night and has no issue.

i do not want to give her a paci to "shut her up" or anything but i can tell that when she has been fed, changed, and is not tired and just cries that its because she wants to sooth suck.
at home apparently she does so on the breast but obviously thats not an option for me.
she has been finding her hands but not for long enough to be able to calm herself down.
and when we mentioned that sucking on her hands could turn into a terrible habit to break and result in needing braces we got a shocking response that they don't mind paying for braces.
one thing they fail to realize is that its easy to take a paci away at a certain age but you can't just take a thumb away.
my sister knows this all too well since she sucked her thumb from the time she was in the womb and was still sucking it when she got braces at 16.

we have not mentioned it since and we have just dealt with it by tag teaming when she cries.
when she is crying due to wanting to sooth suck the only thing that calms her is constant bouncing motion so we do get tired after a little while.

she's now planning on having someone else watch her since i said no paci is a deal breaker.
i get the feeling she has not told that person about not using a paci.
personally i don't really think its fair to have anyone watch a baby without the option of a paci.

am i being unreasonable that i would not consider watching her for 8hrs per day by myself without a paci?

do you have suggestions of other solutions?
i'd be willing to hear them.

i don't believe i have a bad attitude about it.
as i said we have not mentioned it since the first time watching her and we do respect that she is the mother and its her choice to give her baby a paci or not.
just as i feel its my choice to say that i really don't think it will work out for me with no paci.

she still wants me to watch her child so don't think that she thinks i have a bad attitude.


yes we have burped, helped her pass gas, changed her, fed her, tried to get her to sleep.
its easy to tell she wants to suck on something when she keeps making sucking noises and keeps turning her head to try to suck on my arm.

we do those things.
one thing is she hates to be rocked in a chair.
she wants you to stand up and bounce around which as i said gets tiring.
the parents said that one of the only things that helps at home is swinging her in her car seat which is where she sleeps most of the time.
well that gets very tiring after just 15 seconds.
what they did was drill holes into their ceiling and hook up chains to her car seat swing her in it.

aren't jolly jumpers for slightly lder babies?
she's 8 weeks.
as i've said i have not made mention ofr it since the first day so i really don't think that i'm over stepping.
i did say that i'd consider jumping in here and there if the other person can't do it one day.
i really don't have a problem if its only once in a while but i just don't think i could commit to x amount of months or anything.

seriously? did you not read my first post?
i said i would not use it to "shut her up" and yet thats exactly how you make me out to be.

letting her know my opinion about pacifiers while also agreeing that its completely her choice and i will respect it is telling her she's a bad parent?

well think what you want but i've watched a number of other babies from newborns and i would never use a paci in that way.
she didn't tell us until she brought her over so i don't think its unreasonable to think that.

alright.

She says not to feed her more because she may spit up
As I've said I respect her wishes so I do what she asks of me

i am amazed at how many people act like i am not respecting the mother's wishes when i have said more than once that i am.
i may not agree with her wishes but i am not going against them.

btw my sister is a mother and she is the one that really pushed the issue the first day so its not just coming from a childless person.

i should also add that this person is more like a cousin to me because our parents and her parents were friends long before her or my sister were born.
so its not like i'm discussing baby matters with a practical stranger.

its been 90+ daily here so walks with the baby have not been introduced yet.
btw i think i mentioned in that other thread that my knee has been just fine.
went to hawaii walked plenty no problem.
i've also been walking 2.5 miles daily yes in this heat!
i just have not been doing so on the days i've been watching the baby.

actually she wanted to go back to work a week after baby was born.
she does not HAVE to she WANTS to.
i'm not saying there's anything wrong with it but i'm just trying to explain that she's not forced into working this soon. she likes her career.

you asked. i was just giving you an answer.
you brought up the knee problem so i just let you know that i had already mentioned in the knee thread how much better my knee was.

who said i did? someone else mentioned that the mom is probably a hot mess having to go to work this soon.
i was just pointing out that its her choice and she likes her career.

nope

i'll continue to watch the baby through the date i agreed to.
i AM and will continue to respect her wishes.

as i just stated. i will continue to watch her through the dates i agreed to.
i also said i would still respect her wishes so really i am not refusing to watch her without a paci but i have declined dates beyond what i agreed to initially.

"sorry i can't" is pretty much all i said to her.
she does understand my pov which is why we don't seem to have the problem that others would have with me.
i feel bad about the whole thing but i just cannot watch a baby that wants to suckle and cries because she can't.

we have both watched her those 4 times.
we tag teamed throughout the day.
today i watched her by myself because my sister had a prior engagement made before she knew the exact dates we'd be watching her.

something that might help is if she were on a schedule but she's not.
she also has different amount of milk in bottles depending on how much she was able to pump.
its hard to know whether i should give her this bottle or that bottle and when i ask about how many ounces she should eat and how often she says never give her more than 2ish ounces at a time and doesn't give a time frame.
nothing against breastfeeding but when i've watched formula fed babies i know x amount of oz every x amount of hours and know that gbetween the baby should be content with the amount of food they have been given.

at some point back in this thread (lol) i did say she doesn't want her to have more food because she's worried she'll spit up.
i think her sister just kept feeding her one day and she spit up a lot so now she doesn't want her eating too much.

i may very well have a greed with you but no one else seemed to.
i didn't want to get into what i thought was a different issue.

but hey i'm unreasonable to give my paci opinions so who the heck am i to say a dang thing about the feeding habits?

and she's been shocked by how much we do end up going through.
she thinks it was enough for the 2 days in a row and then at the end of the first day we as


yes we watch her from the time the mom goes to work until she picks her up.
she works mon-thurs.
the husband has every other mon and tues or wed and thurs off.
i believe that he take the baby up to her work at times.

the pacifier was what i had a question about not the food supply which is why i did not lead with that.
but again i've been told how many times that i can't have an opinion about a paci but now i'm supposed to tell her about feeding habits?

also i'm not a mother as many has so clearly pointed out so how should i know how much food the baby should be eating?
this is why i defer to the parent.

i think yesterday she left a total of 10oz.
she had 5.
today she gave me some more as a just in case.
she ate before she came and had 5oz while here.

she is her own employer.

bottle was empty.
yes i thought it was 3-4 every 3-4 but again that was when i was watching formula fed babies.

yes i think she'd drink more.
only about 2oz in the bottle to begin with.

well according to others i couldn't express my opinion about a paci so how the heck am i supposed to approach not eating enough?

its about a 30 minute drive.
it would be possible for my sister to take her but not when i'm the only one watching her.

haha ok i get it.
so either way i'm the bad babysitter.
everyone has made their point.
i will tell her she needs more food and not a paci and i won't watch her anymore.

i think i'll join you on the sideline and chill.

thats what this thread needs. a bit more humor to lessen the tension.

ok thats it.
i have got to draw the line somewhere.
not sure who said it now but i just saw where someone said that if i'm visually impaired i should not be taking care of a baby.
there are no words.

 

[kashzan]

ok thats it.
i have got to draw the line somewhere.
not sure who said it now but i just saw where someone said that if i'm visually impaired i should not be taking care of a baby.
there are no words.

Correct, There are no words for such rudeness. The person who made the awful comment is perhaps the one who should not be taking care of children,. Would not want any child of mine to be subjected to that kind of thinking and hurtfulness.

 

[Shanti]

Since the OP's story is a bit difficult to follow, here are all the posts in one place. I know that I am starting to confuse what the Op has said vs what others have said, so hopefully this will make it a bit more clear to have all the responses in one place.

Wow- seeing all of the OPs words really makes the situation more clear. It's quite obvious now that this is a feeding issue, and the OP is clueless about how to handle it.

Completely agree that this argumentative thread should end...and that the OP should not be caring for a newborn. Not due to a lack of vision, but due to a lack of common sense.

 

[Hrhpd]

ok thats it.
i have got to draw the line somewhere.
not sure who said it now but i just saw where someone said that if i'm visually impaired i should not be taking care of a baby.
there are no words.

We must be reading different posts. I read one where the poster was asking how you were managing due to your disability, a disability that you have mentioned numerous times over the years. While the question was a bit blunt, I don't see anything where the poster says you are incapable of caring for a baby due to your disability?

Perhaps the poster was just curious.

 

[gwynne]

So the 8 oz milk that was provided is gone in 3 hours because the baby demanded it and then starves for the next 6. This is the way it is supposed to work?

I would think that being a little hungry for all 9 hours would be better than absolutely starving for 6. But I don't know.

Babies are tiny humans. When they are hungry, they need to be fed milk or formula till they are full. They can't wait many hours for another full feed.
Playing around with feeding a baby is unsafe and could have serious health effects.
(Just pointing this out for the record, not saying you would do this.)

 

[MariMama]

Of course you're being unreasonable. It is not your child, so you have zero input into whether the baby uses a paci or not. You aren't the parent. It is a good thing for everyone involved you declined to care for this newborn.

Don't you have disabling vision problems? How are you able to safely care for an infant on your own?

Judging by past threads, you'll find all kinds of ways to justify why you are right and everyone else is wrong, so I am not sure why I am wasting my time.

Correct, There are no words for such rudeness. The person who made the awful comment is perhaps the one who should not be taking care of children,. Would not want any child of mine to be subjected to that kind of thinking and hurtfulness.

Here is my exact quote, to be sure it isn't somehow twisted. No, I wouldn't want someone who claims to have disabling vision problems taking care of my child alone. My two children were taken care of just fine, no worries.

 

[DizBelle]

Babies are tiny humans. When they are hungry, they need to be fed milk or formula till they are full. They can't wait many hours for another full feed.
Playing around with feeding a baby is unsafe and could have serious health effects.
(Just pointing this out for the record, not saying you would do this.)

All of the milk she provided is gone and she won't/doesn't provide more. Now what?

Maybe she's providing all of the breast milk she can pump and forbids the use of formula. Then what?

 

[Hrhpd]

I am going to say it again that the OP is confused about how to feed the baby. Rereading all her posts, nowhere does she say she does not have enough milk. In fact, she says twice that she was given 10 ounces and the baby ate 5 ounces of that 10. So, the OP had enough to feed the baby more. She is interpreting a hungry baby as a baby that wants to just suckle on a pacifier.

i think yesterday she left a total of 10oz.
she had 5.
today she gave me some more as a just in case.
she ate before she came and had 5oz while here.

Since the OP has committed to watching the baby for a little while longer, she needs to sit down with the Mother and have the mother write down specific instructions so that she is clear on how and when to feed the baby.

 

[Hrhpd]

All of the milk she provided is gone and she won't/doesn't provide more. Now what?

Maybe she's providing all of the breast milk she can pump and forbids the use of formula. Then what?

If you read the OP's posts, she has never said that she does not have enough milk. The mother left 10 ounces the first day, the OP fed the baby 5. The next day the mother gave the OP more milk (on top of the 5 ounces she had left from the day before) and fed the baby another 5. Each day she had milk left over, the first day double what she had already fed the baby, so there is no reason the baby should be hungry.

i think yesterday she left a total of 10oz.
she had 5.
today she gave me some more as a just in case.
she ate before she came and had 5oz while here.

 

[MainMom]

Op-when the mother says no more than two ounces perhaps she meant no more than 2oz. At a time. I would feed her more especially since you have more milk to give.

 

[gwynne]

All of the milk she provided is gone and she won't/doesn't provide more. Now what?

Maybe she's providing all of the breast milk she can pump and forbids the use of formula. Then what?

OK, I have a minute, I'll play only one round of hypothetical what if with you.

If I was employed by someone in that situation this is what I would do: I would call her and see if she was on her way or if she wants me to bring the baby to her. Those would be the only options. I certainly would not start doing things that are totally against medical advice.
If mom has little or no milk and demands no formula she needs to place an emergency call the pediatrician for advice.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

All of the milk she provided is gone and she won't/doesn't provide more. Now what?

Maybe she's providing all of the breast milk she can pump and forbids the use of formula. Then what?

You adding issues that the OP isn't having.

She has plenty of milk. In fact, the mother has left more than enough.

 

[Wishing on a star]

....Rereading all her posts, nowhere does she say she does not have enough milk. In fact, she says twice that she was given 10 ounces and the baby ate 5 ounces of that 10. So, the OP had enough to feed the baby more. She is interpreting a hungry baby as a baby that wants to just suckle on a pacifier.

Wow, what a thread!!!!
I totally agree with the above. I had agreed with those who, on the first pages, had mentioned that the baby could actually be hungry.

If one is going to take care of very young infants, it would seem that they could try to work with the parent and make sure that they are informed about things like basic dietary and feeding needs. Yet the OP did not seem to mention the basics of how much or how often the baby was being fed.

I do hope that the babies next well-visit and weight check-up is coming soon.
But, it seems to me that the baby is probably getting MUCH more nutrition on the breast, (while not being fed enough while in child-care) so that there is no significant weight loss or failure to thrive... So, for the the type of mother that this babies mother seems to be, she will feel just wonderful and validated in her very specific 2 oz rules and parenting abilities. If the mother doesn't realize that BABIES SPIT UP... or just does not want the inconvenience... then that is a huge concern. Spitting up is not a reason to with-hold milk. In fact, it is a reason to make sure that any nutrition that is lost due to the digestive issues is replaced. And, yes, young babies, especially BF babies with digestive issues, can need to be fed more often... That isn't a reason to 'ration'. Because it might be hassle

I too, could never watch a young baby, or even young child, if I thought that they were hungry and I was being expected to deprive them.

 

[mom2rtk]

I am going to say it again that the OP is confused about how to feed the baby. Rereading all her posts, nowhere does she say she does not have enough milk. In fact, she says twice that she was given 10 ounces and the baby ate 5 ounces of that 10. So, the OP had enough to feed the baby more. She is interpreting a hungry baby as a baby that wants to just suckle on a pacifier.



Since the OP has committed to watching the baby for a little while longer, she needs to sit down with the Mother and have the mother write down specific instructions so that she is clear on how and when to feed the baby.

That's correct. Quantity of milk left was never mentioned as her problem until around page 9, after it became clear she had little support on a pacifier issue.