Being the new partner after their divorce

[SonjaSma]

What a tough place to be in. I completely understand why you would feel the way you do, and really this has nothing to do with Disney. It doesn't matter how great it could be or that you haven't been there before or that there are additional things your SO can do there with you and his kids that he hasn't done before, the destination associated with these types of memories could be anywhere else and you would be validated to have the feelings you have. Everyone is allowed to feel insecure and off balance about aspects of their life and I completely understand why you're feeling the way you are. I cannot imagine how hard it is to be a stepparent. Your SO might not be the emotional resource you need to help you through this specific issue right now (sounds like he has some of his own baggage to unpack around his past relationship), but you should one hundred percent talk this through with the people who are close and supportive to you.

Hopefully you'll find a place outside of Disney that you can create special memories with your SO and his children that are specific to you. That doesn't take away from their memories at Disney and any new experiences you can have with them, but I completely understand where you're coming from and think that it will be good for you to have things that are only specific to you and your relationships.

Hugs to you and hope you have a good time.

Thank you and yes it wouldn’t matter it was.. if it were Hawaii or Europe. The destination of 15 years once or twice a year with ex and then continued with new partner is a tough spot to be in.. it just happens to be DisneyWorld in my case. The place of fun and magic and happy. Because he is a shared DVC holder every other year with his ex wife then it is understandable why that is were the vacations are.. Financial reasons for sure.. it’s paid into so needs to be used.. plus he was and is a huge Disney person and so was his ex. Don’t get me wrong I like Disney and always has but I’m not the the same level of enthusiast and maybe because I’ve never been to get that Disney magic feeling yet. Either way I know this trip will happen and his kids love Disney as well.. it is the only vacation spot they have gone to since birth. Now I will say my bf has not experienced everything at the Star Wars section (Hollywood Studios?, forgive me if I’m wrong about location). He is a huge fan of Star Wars so I will focus on making new memories in that area. Thank you for understanding my point of view and this thread has made me look at many other areas to focus on and what to do to try to redirect any insecurity. I am going to not focus on all the memories he has shared his his ex and won’t take away any of the remarks the kids will say about their mother about Disney or memory talk of past family experiences.. They are not in any doing it to be mean.. I’ve always made our home a free conversation place of any topic including their mother and anything past. I shouldn’t expect anything different on vacation. I am just hoping for at least one day free of past memory conversation on my 1st family vacation with them.. I should add my children are a little older and never talk about their other home with their father and step mother.. so I don’t worry about them in that way.. lol

 

[ElizabethG]

My family has been going every year for 12 years. Our trips are about 2 weeks on average. My kids were 4 and 6 on our first trip. So, they have spent every year there since they can remember.

There has not been a single trip where we didn't try at least 2 new things. There are new things all the time. Since we were not able to go in 2020, we haven't been to Star Wars or Runaway Railway. Plus, they recently completely changed the entrance area to EPCOT. So, pictures there will be completely different. The Ratatouille ride is supposed to open this spring. I'm anxiously awaiting the Space 220 restaurant, Guardians of the Galaxy ride, and Tron coaster. There will be a new fireworks show at EPCOT. These are all things that are coming (plus more).

Our last trip, we took the 'Behind the Seeds' tour in the EPCOT Land pavilion. It was great (and reasonably priced).

It is not like a local amusement park. I don't think you will feel the way you think you are going to feel.

 

[SonjaSma]

My family has been going every year for 12 years. Our trips are about 2 weeks on average. My kids were 4 and 6 on our first trip. So, they have spent every year there since they can remember.

There has not been a single trip where we didn't try at least 2 new things. There are new things all the time. Since we were not able to go in 2020, we haven't been to Star Wars or Runaway Railway. Plus, they recently completely changed the entrance area to EPCOT. So, pictures there will be completely different. The Ratatouille ride is supposed to open this spring. I'm anxiously awaiting the Space 220 restaurant, Guardians of the Galaxy ride, and Tron coaster. There will be a new fireworks show at EPCOT. These are all things that are coming (plus more).

Our last trip, we took the 'Behind the Seeds' tour in the EPCOT Land pavilion. It was great (and reasonably priced).

It is not like a local amusement park. I don't think you will feel the way you think you are going to feel.

Thank you.. it is wonderful hearing about your experience and I’m looking forward to having new experiences as well.. by bf took the kids Sept 2020 (I couldn’t go due to work related reasons ) and then the kids went again in March 2929) there mother also has the ability to use her parents DVC points so she has the ability for more frequent trips or upgraded accommodations. So not sure what else has changed since then. Obviously since we are Canadian this year will not be a Disney vacation due to covid and lockdowns but hopefully as soon as we can there will be a trip planned.. .

 

[Miffy]

No kids involved, but I've been to WDW with more than one ex (some weren't XH, just XBF) . . . because I love WDW. When I introduced my current DH to WDW, we had a fantastic time and I never once for even a microsecond thought of any of the previous exes. If I remember anything from the past while I'm there, it's the Disney experience, which I love. So, stop worrying. If your SO and the kids love WDW, they'll love it with you--and I hope you'll love it too!

 

[SonjaSma]

Thank you.. it is wonderful hearing about your experience and I’m looking forward to having new experiences as well.. by bf took the kids Sept 2020 (I couldn’t go due to work related reasons ) and then the kids went again in March 2929) there mother also has the ability to use her parents DVC points so she has the ability for more frequent trips or upgraded accommodations. So not sure what else has changed since then. Obviously since we are Canadian this year will not be a Disney vacation due to covid and lockdowns but hopefully as soon as we can there will be a trip planned.. .

Thank you.. I’m sure you are right and we will have a great time.. I’m looking forward to seeing what all the hype is about... lol..

 

[JFox]

I was worried about this when I remarried. Disney had been a HUGE part of my first marriage. All 4 of my kids are a product of a Disney vacation so there were core memories.

When I remarried it was important that my new husband have the same Disney spirit. He passed the test and we just had our 10th trip together, 11th coming up in March.

The only thing I try to avoid is stay at the same resorts we visited with our former spouses. There are so many possibilities we could avoid those for a while. He doesn't have the same concern and every trip suggests the Beach Club. He and so and so stayed there and BLAH BLAH BLAH. That's a hard pass for moi.

 

[SonjaSma]

I was worried about this when I remarried. Disney had been a HUGE part of my first marriage. All 4 of my kids are a product of a Disney vacation so there were core memories.

When I remarried it was important that my new husband have the same Disney spirit. He passed the test and we just had our 10th trip together, 11th coming up in March.

The only thing I try to avoid is stay at the same resorts we visited with our former spouses. There are so many possibilities we could avoid those for a while. He doesn't have the same concern and every trip suggests the Beach Club. He and so and so stayed there and BLAH BLAH BLAH. That's a hard pass for moi.

 

[ktlm]

I am a huge Disney person and so is my DD. DH and I went there on our honeymoon. We have been to WDW or DL or both every year since DD (14) was 2 except for 2020. If we had ever split up, I would really hope to find someone who would enjoy Disney with myself and DD. I would hope we could have NEW experiences there as things are constantly changing at Disney. I would actually hope that DH would also find someone who enjoyed Disney-- he isn't as huge a fan as me-- but I would like to see someone that would enjoy Disney with DD and go with them and listen talk to her about all the Disney things she loves in general when they aren't on vacation. I know it is hard, but I would try embracing the Disney they love and trying to go in to just enjoy it and trying not to think about what happened in the past. The kids might mention certain memories-- but they are going to do that anywhere. Have they ever been to Disneyland? Maybe when Disneyland re-opens you could suggest trying a trip there. That could be someplace that is new for all of you. You all could make new Disney memories for everyone there.

 

[Ohiostatefan606]

I've been reading along for a couple of days. I agree with the advice you are receiving, especially from those that have been in your shoes (because I am not). One idea I didn't see. Memory Maker, the Disney photopass photographers. Stop and get your pictures taken, a lot. Not to be pain, but so YOU are in the photos, and this is YOUR vacation. Stand in line at the Lanterns (near the tangled castle) and get family and couple photos. so worth it. As the mom or step-mom, some how we are always the ones taking the pictures. I use Memory Maker on every trip, so I am in the photos. (not just a bunch of selfies!) Start your memories and your memories together.
And yes, I think you need to talk about your priorities on this trip. It is your vacation too. And just because someone doesn't like Dole Whip doesn't mean you won't. I love it, my husband, he isn't a fan. Doesn't stop me from getting one every year at Animal Kingdom where they add rum. Yep, the adult version! When we pass the building in AK, my husband immediately says, "Hey, the line is fairly short, you better get in line"
Have fun!

 

[SonjaSma]

I've been reading along for a couple of days. I agree with the advice you are receiving, especially from those that have been in your shoes (because I am not). One idea I didn't see. Memory Maker, the Disney photopass photographers. Stop and get your pictures taken, a lot. Not to be pain, but so YOU are in the photos, and this is YOUR vacation. Stand in line at the Lanterns (near the tangled castle) and get family and couple photos. so worth it. As the mom or step-mom, some how we are always the ones taking the pictures. I use Memory Maker on every trip, so I am in the photos. (not just a bunch of selfies!) Start your memories and your memories together.
And yes, I think you need to talk about your priorities on this trip. It is your vacation too. And just because someone doesn't like Dole Whip doesn't mean you won't. I love it, my husband, he isn't a fan. Doesn't stop me from getting one every year at Animal Kingdom where they add rum. Yep, the adult version! When we pass the building in AK, my husband immediately says, "Hey, the line is fairly short, you better get in line"
Have fun!
View attachment 553337

Thank you.. I think I will try an adult one.. I’m not a huge pineapple fan but I’ll try anything with booze in it....

 

[disneyjes]

My ex-husband and I brought our son to WDW before and we have a lot of memories there. But they're just that, memories. We had great times then and my son will always remember those moments, but, the new memories we make with my husband/his stepfather will also be amazing moments. Neither will outshine the other. I know it can be hard but try to just focus on the moment and not to compare.

Hang in there!

 

[tinkerbelletreasure]

Disney is always changing so there is always opportunities for new experiences! I have recently remarried. My ex was a Disney Store CM, so trips were always a big part of life. We are getting ready to have our second Disney vacation with my new husband. It actually took more adjusting on my part, to set aside the things my ex and I used to do and open myself to new experiences. DH and I stay in CBR and my ex and I usually stayed offsite. On the first vacation we visited a lot of the dining places my ex and I used to like, but this trip we are trying a lot more new to us restaurants because my new husband isn’t as picky eater. We tour completely different! My ex was a crisscross the park multiple times type person to get to shorter lines. DH and I take the pace a little slower. We are fine with waiting in reasonable lines. We don’t have to ride Pirates or Haunted Mansion as many times as humanly possible. Overall, the last trip was so much more enjoyable! The kids loved that he and I weren’t bickering over what to ride next and it’s a whole new experience for us. My husband is a total Disney convert from having never been before to, we’ve taken several adult only trips when the kids were with their dad. And new memories are replacing old ones.

 

[brockash]

Hello Everyone

I have been dating a man for 2 years and now live with him. He and his ex wife got engaged and honeymooned at Disney. Over 13 years they visited once or twice a year. They started out alone and after having kids made it a family trip. They are DVC members and split it to every other year for each parent. Due to Covid we were unable to use his points due to living in Canada and in lockdown. He and the kids love Disney and it is a topic discussed regularly in our home. I have reservations because he has been so often with memories and experiences with his ex. I will never have a new experience with him and kids there due to the fact they have done it all. I feel that I will always be a memory comparison. I voiced my concerns and he understands them but thinks it is ridiculous because yes he will always have past memories but will also have ones with me which will make it unique. That didn’t make me worry any less so is there Any advice or words of wisdom or do’s and don’t to help me..

I agree with him it's ridiculous. I mean; it's not as if he's proposing or wants to have your wedding their too. Each trip creates new memories, so of course you all will have tons. I really think this is something you need to get over and if you can't or have doubts, maybe there are other issues/reasons why this would bother you, but if you all have a solid relationship tgis she not be a concern.

 

[stephk1981]

My advice is to find a new vacation spot that can be a tradition with you and your SO, even if it's in addition to the Disney trip.I don't know that I would want to step into their ' family traditions. The kids no matter what will most likely be comparing the trips they had as a family to the trip with ' dad's girlfriend. If you all find a new fun place that can be your tradition it may be better all around. Good luck, I hope it works out!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Make new memories at Universal Studios?

I would highly recommend this for many reasons:
1. Three of their onsite hotels (all equivalent to Disney deluxe) give the perk of Express Line for your entire stay. Just show your room key and it's like an unlimited fast pass. You are instantly spoiled. That alone is worth the cost of the hotel stay, which is also a short walk to the parks for 2 of the 3 hotels. If you do this with a split stay, I would recommend doing WDW first. Once you get used to getting in the express line all day long, for 2-3 days, it's hard to wait even 15 minutes at WDW. We made that mistake only once.

2. USO has a lot of cool rides for older kids. It does have a Dr. Seuss section for little ones but it's not such a huge draw for toddlers the way WDW is.

3. Hopefully, it is something very new and different that they didn't already do with their mom/ex. Not a walk down memory lane.

4. If #3 applies, it will break up the "been there, done that" feeling. We've been fortunate to go to WDW many, many times and I'm not complaining but at times it gets to feel like it's not so exciting anymore. My kids definitely got that feeling you describe where they're not that excited to go because they've done it so many times. Trying something new would give them a little anticipation of not knowing exactly what to expect.

Good luck to you!!

 

[westie55]

I haven't read every response, but I just wanted to say I sympathize with how you are feeling. However, I think it is important to remember that if Disney was important to your SO and his children, why should that change after the divorce? I bet they love Disney for ITS qualities-- and these qualities don't have to be tied to their mother/ex. If my family were to get splintered by a divorce, I would still continue to go to Disney. This did happen to my sister. She and her ex-husband went to Disney very often. She got divorced and remarried. She now goes with her new husband, and her love of all things Disney does not mean she is there remembering her ex and taking a walk down memory lane. Life changes and moves on sometimes, but we don't have to move away from things we enjoy just because we leave a relationship. I am currently married with children. We ski together as a family-- it is our thing. If my husband weren't in the picture anymore, would I continue to ski? Absolutely. I like skiing. Why would I stop? Disney is the same way. It is a hobby and a lifestyle!