Bringing a friend for daughter's 16th birthday

[kaytieeldr]

Thanks everybody, sounds like the majority pay for everything. I will figure out how much extra for her friend (I'm thinking about $1500), and then see what I can afford and go from there.

Majority, maybe, but not all.

Yes, she will be happy either way - we always have a fun time just the 2 of us. And unfortunately, I don't know the parents of the girl very well.

But they know your daughter, right? I would go directly to them, not use your respective daughters to communicate.

 

[robinb]

Majority, maybe, but not all.

Yup. And who cares what the majority says anyway? OP, they don't know your finances. For some people $1500 is a lot of money and the price of an entire trip while for others it's the price of two nights at their resort. I'm not saying that the folks who say that they always pay for everything don't have a point. It is wonderful that they can be so generous! Kudos to them! For me, I pay as much as I can and am at peace with that.

But they know your daughter, right? I would go directly to them, not use your respective daughters to communicate.

I agree with this. Don't go through the kids! While we all know the girls are probably plotting behind the scenes for this, it's not right for you to go through the girl in case the parents say "no" for whatever reason. As a parent I would definitely want to speak to the other parent about this before my kid asked me.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I disagree with @[B]DizMe[/B] . You DO NOT have to pay for everything just because you invite someone on an expensive vacation with you. If you have plenty of money to burn, then knock yourself out. However, there is no RULE that says you have to pay for 100% and it is not RUDE when you're talking about spending hundreds to thousands of dollars on another child.

My DD is also a single child and we have taken friends with us multiple times. Each time I ask the parents to pay for something, usually passes or airfare plus spending money. We pay for the hotel (since it's the same with an extra kid) and food. Since I choose where we eat, I'm prepared to pay for what ever that costs. Sometimes we'll pay for airfare and sometimes park passes but never both. I talk to the parents first and float the idea and when I do I tell them what I am going to pay for and what I'd like them to pay for. I have never had a parent turn me down. It's a win-win. Their kid gets to go on vacation for a couple hundred dollars and my kid has company.

I agree. Where did this "rule" come from? We took ds17's friend last year and I had airline pts so I offered to cover the friend's air and food if the parents could just cover the cost of his ticket. They were delighted and recently took my son on their trip to WDW and made the same arrangement except that I had airline pts for ds which they don't know much about. So for $350 + some airline pts I could send ds to WDW with a friend. Is that a bad thing? No. Would I prefer that they never asked since they didn't offer to cover the ENTIRE cost? Of course not. That's ludicrous.
Sure, if a family has plenty of money and offers, that's lovely but I wouldn't think most families are in a position to demand all or nothing.

 

[DizMe]

I agree. Where did this "rule" come from? We took ds17's friend last year and I had airline pts so I offered to cover the friend's air and food if the parents could just cover the cost of his ticket. They were delighted and recently took my son on their trip to WDW and made the same arrangement except that I had airline pts for ds which they don't know much about. So for $350 + some airline pts I could send ds to WDW with a friend. Is that a bad thing? No. Would I prefer that they never asked since they didn't offer to cover the ENTIRE cost? Of course not. That's ludicrous.
Sure, if a family has plenty of money and offers, that's lovely but I wouldn't think most families are in a position to demand all or nothing.

I think you've taken things out of context. What many of us have said is that we don't invite a friend if we aren't prepared to pay for him/her. If the parents offer to help with costs, that doesn't mean we would turn it down but I wouldn't expect them to make that offer, either, which means I must be prepared to cover the costs myself if we invite someone along. That is MY rule, which is what the OP was asking. I believe the OP wanted a general gauge of what others do. The part I bolded was a statement I didn't quite understand. I don't demand anything from another family. I personally feel I have to be prepared to pay all if I'm going to invite them.

 

[wgeo]

My daughter wants to bring a friend for her 13th birthday this summer. We've discussed it and are prepared to pay for the tickets/hotel and food of the friend. The problem is that her closest friend is a twin and the twins always do stuff together. There is never a single sleepover for example, it's either both twins or none. So even though my daughter is clearly closer with one of the twins she doesn't think she can just invite that one she thinks it would have to be both. We are not prepared to pay for 2 extra people so we're currently trying to figure this out as well.

 

[scottmel]

My DD took a friend one year and to be honest I could afforded to pay everything for her but I chose not to. I paid airfare, meals, and a tour experience but I did ask her parents to pay for her ticket to WDW and universal. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would feel too akward allowing someone to pay her entire way if my DD were the guest...I felt this was a good compromise and we ate VERY WELL while away

 

[leebee]

When DD was 11 we took her best friend with us (9 year old). When I talked with the mom I was upfront: I would cover hotel (which I was paying for anyhow) and meals. They would need to pay for her park pass and flight. I told them what the pass cost and gave them the flight itinerary we were hoping to take. They were fine with this. The way I looked at it was, I was taking their kid on vacation for a week to a place they absolutely would never have considered going. In the end, I booked the flight so we were together but they paid me back for it, and they sent their daughter with money for food (but I paid for most of the meals anyhow and let her use her money for fun/extra things). It worked out well. (For my part, I know I wouldn't ever be comfortable letting my kid accept an invitation to a party that cost $1000s of dollars. To me, it's just too much money for a "present" from friends/acquaintences.)

 

[AnnaS]

There is no right or wrong if it's discussed ahead of time. You an discuss it with her parents. Approach and suggest what you would like to do/will/can treat for and leave it up to them to decide.

When I invited my dd's three friends and my sister (I wanted two adults and hubby said to ask my sister), I paid for everything. We took Amtrak. I paid for Amtrak, tickets and food for all.

My dd was invited to one of the girls we took for her 16. We paid for Amtrak and food. They provided the room only (the parents were there also). I had no idea before hand and I had assumed they were doing the same as me. It was not big deal for us.....but it was not discussed. Maybe my dd knew and she never told me.........they were old enough to know what the parent "might" be paying for. They do a lot of talking. Better to be open about it and enjoy yourself!!!!

Have a great time!!!

 

[cel_disney]

I am in the minority’s i guess as I don’t believe you have to offer to pay for everything unless you would be devastated if the child can’t go. I would offer to be the chaperone and provide room, food, Orlando transportation etc but the kid buys their own air fare and park ticket (maybe pay for the park hopper upgrade or something if you are don’t that).

I would present it saying ‘would be happy to chaperone your daughter and help cover some expenses if you can pay for airfare and park tickets’.

 

[Dakota731]

Depends on your financial and the friend’s financial situation. If you know the family can afford it then make the offer with you paying something and they can pick up the rest of the tab. We paid everything but airfare for my daughter’s friend and it was not an issue. Once my daughter was invited to a friend’s birthday party at an expensive amusement park and the well-to-do parents told all the kids they had to pay for everything themselves. That was being cheap in my opinion!

 

[Pooh2]

When we invited a child to come with us for an outing (beach, local park, camping, etc) we paid their way.
I would not invite a child on an expensive vacation then ask the parents to foot the bill.
You can always take the friend out for a nice dinner and evening with your daughter when you get back from the trip to celebrate her birthday.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I don't think you have to pay for everything. This isn't a day at the beach or an afternoon at the aquarium. For things like that I usually pay for everything.

I would go to the parents before asking your DD or letting the girl know. I would say "DD would like to take a friend to WDW with her for her 16th birthday. Due to finances I can't pay 100% for the extra person. Is there any way you can cover her park ticket and plane ticket and I cover hotel and food." Or whatever arrangement you decide works best for you.

Some people would LOVE to send their kid to WDW with someone else and not have to pay for it entirely. Some people just aren't into WDW.....gasp! lol

 

[SharonZ]

I would expect to pay for everything since I extended the invitation. Usually, the parents provide the child with some spending money.

 

[erij11]

I took my daughter's boyfriend with us for her 16th birthday. His parents paid for his ticket and gave him spending money. We drove and stayed offsite. I paid for the condo, food for the condo, all food at the parks, any extra activities that we did and I got him a couple of souvenirs. It worked out great. We didn't actually "invite" him but my daughter kept talking to him about the trip and she came to me one day and said he kinda wanted to go and his parents didn't want to ever return to Disney. I think his parents were happy to chip in so they didn't have to return.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

In my circle we extend invites a lot. At least once or twice a week. It can range from dinner to comedy show to drinks to a club or vacation. Kids events and adult events. Never ever it is assumed the inviter will pay for the people they invite. That's just crazy to me.

I'm going to Mexico with a group of friends in July. It's someone's 40th bday. She invited us. Should she pay for us?? No way! But we're still going.

 

[iivye]

We are considering bringing a friend as well for my daughter's birthday. If I invite another child I would offer to pay for everything. If the parents offered to pay some portion I would probably decline because I don't want to burden them with expenses for a trip I planned.

However, if another parent approached me about bringing my daughter with them, I would have no problem with paying for my daughter's portion if they asked and I would offer some money even if they didn't ask.

I do agree with approaching the parents before inviting the child not matter if you are paying for all of it or some of it.

 

[AquamarineSteph]

I am going to be the minority opinion here as well. Having a fun birthday shouldn't mean struggling to pay the bills due to your current finances. A trip with airfare and hotels isn't the same as taking the kids to the zoo for the day.

As others have said above, figure the costs and then present it to the other parents by saying something along the lines of, "My DD is celebrating her 16th birthday at DL. She'd love for [other child] to come along. I am happy to cover the cost of the room and...(TBD, but probably most of the meals since that one does depend on where you and your daughter decide to eat). The only cost to you would be airfare, park ticket & spending money, etc., etc.

If they like that, fantastic. If they can't, you've been up front and honest with everyone. It's also a wonderful opportunity to give a practical demonstration on how to set priorities and still have a good time. You're not depriving your daughter if you don't pay for her friend. You're giving her a wonderful example plus a fantastic birthday memory.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

My daughter wanted a trip to Disneyland with one of the her friends for her 16th birthday. Since it was her birthday present I paid for everything for her and her friend (her friend brought spending money but even that I didn't require since I was planning on buying them each something to take home). If I couldn't afford to pay for the friend we wouldn't have invited them in the first place. It is tacky IMO to extend an invitation and then say "you now need to come up with $$$." Of course even paying for everything I still came out ahead since I didn't have to spend money on a huge party for all her friends.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

When it comes to inviting someone to do something, I think the concept of footing the bill is completely based on the cost. Taking a kid's friend(s) to dinner, the zoo, a local amusement park for one day, etc, I would absolutely expect to cover the cost. For something expensive like a trip to Disney, a cruise, etc, I would tell the parents that I will pay for x, but I cannot pay for x and leave it up to them on whether they want to/are able to send their kid with me. I just took my brother and 4 of his friends (along with DH and my other bro) to an Escape Room for his 18th bday. DH and I and other bro split the cost (which was far more than I would have normally spent on a present, but still somewhat reasonable in the grand scheme of things). If I was taking one of my kids' friends to Disney, I wouldn't be able to foot the whole bill and would have no problem explaining this to the parents and letting them make their own decision.

 

[MickeyMouseCD524]

They way we've done it when we did the friend thing was "Hey we're going to WDW and would love for you to join us! I'm covering the hotel and park tickets but if you want to come you need to figure out the getting there by yourself." And after a day or two to make sure they could swing it, it's always a resounding yes! And when we did the rah rah you graduated college, trip we covered the room and then everyone paid for their own ticket and their own dining plan credits. Cause there were so many people and being on the dining plan was just easy and it wasn't a "well I picked up the last meal." "Yeah but that was cheaper than this one." It just made life easy. I think asking for her to pay for her own airfare is completely fare. I would just make sure you coordinate flights with the other parent so that way they can make sure you're all together.