BRISTLING AT COMPARISONS TO HIS FATHER, BUSH HAS HIS NAME LEGALLY CHANGED
Dow Surges On Rumors That Someone Else Is President
President George W. Bush, increasingly annoyed by the medias penchant for comparing his Presidency to the ill-fated tenure of his father, former President George Bush, has taken the unusual step of having his name legally changed.
From this day forward, the President formerly known as George W. Bush will now answer to the name of Mr. Mojo Risin, White House press secretary Ari Fleischer announced today.
Stock market investors, hearing rumors that someone named Mr. Mojo Risin now occupied the White House, immediately sent the Dow Jones Industrial Average surging 488.95 points.
The name change, while an extraordinary measure for a sitting President, is expected to have many benefits for President Risin.
In addition to putting distance between his Presidency and that of his father, the President believes that it will be harder for investigators to find the name Mr. Mojo Risin in any documents relating to the unfolding Harken Energy Corp insider trading scandal.
In a related move, White House aides said they were hard at work creating a list of things that make the current President different from his father.
We have been working overtime trying to find differences between the two, and its really starting to pay off, one aide said. Weve already found one.
The one major difference between the two Presidents, the aide said, is that while the former President passed out after throwing up on the Prime Minister of Japan, the current President passed out after eating a pretzel.
The President, who has made a habit recently of delivering speeches in front of slogan-wallpapered backgrounds, is scheduled to make a major economic address today in front of a background that reads, NOT LIKE HIS FATHER AT ALL, REALLY.
****Borowitz Reports*****
Dow Surges On Rumors That Someone Else Is President
President George W. Bush, increasingly annoyed by the medias penchant for comparing his Presidency to the ill-fated tenure of his father, former President George Bush, has taken the unusual step of having his name legally changed.
From this day forward, the President formerly known as George W. Bush will now answer to the name of Mr. Mojo Risin, White House press secretary Ari Fleischer announced today.
Stock market investors, hearing rumors that someone named Mr. Mojo Risin now occupied the White House, immediately sent the Dow Jones Industrial Average surging 488.95 points.
The name change, while an extraordinary measure for a sitting President, is expected to have many benefits for President Risin.
In addition to putting distance between his Presidency and that of his father, the President believes that it will be harder for investigators to find the name Mr. Mojo Risin in any documents relating to the unfolding Harken Energy Corp insider trading scandal.
In a related move, White House aides said they were hard at work creating a list of things that make the current President different from his father.
We have been working overtime trying to find differences between the two, and its really starting to pay off, one aide said. Weve already found one.
The one major difference between the two Presidents, the aide said, is that while the former President passed out after throwing up on the Prime Minister of Japan, the current President passed out after eating a pretzel.
The President, who has made a habit recently of delivering speeches in front of slogan-wallpapered backgrounds, is scheduled to make a major economic address today in front of a background that reads, NOT LIKE HIS FATHER AT ALL, REALLY.
****Borowitz Reports*****
