Budgeting Help

[leebee]

DD has just said that she's looking for a site to sell her clothes as "we are in the weeds right now." She won't accept money from me, either gift or loan. They are young, trying to figure it all out. He has a good job (engineer, but just starting out) and her degree in English qualifies her for a job that is paying not too much. ANYHOW... they were doing OK but some things came up and now they are trying to figure it all out, while paying rent, utilities, transportation costs, school loans, etc. I know there are folks on here who are budgeting gurus, and wondered if you could point me in the direction of some good programs to recommend to them. I know there's YNAB and Dave Ramsey, but don't know what the programs entail, how they work/differ, etc. Can anyone enlighten me, or make other recommendations? (I saw YNAB gives 34 days free then $84 for the year... is it really worth that? Do you have to do the annual subscription or can you just do the first month?)

 

[Dakota731]

That would be a great birthday or Christmas gift for your daughter. Nothing is more stressful on a marriage than money issues so you would be doing them both a huge service to help them get their finances straightened out.

 

[leebee]

That would be a great birthday or Christmas gift for your daughter. Nothing is more stressful on a marriage than money issues so you would be doing them both a huge service to help them get their finances straightened out.

I already thought about that! Actually, I'd love to just give them some money to help them out a bit, but I know that'd only be a bandaid on the situation. Besides, she said they wouldn't accept it, they don't want to be in debt to us (although I said it'd be a "give" not a "loan" and it's not all that much). I love that they are trying to be responsible, I really do, but it makes me sad to see them struggle. It's funny, because when I was their age we had WAY less to live on (even adjusted for inflation, COL, etc) and I don't remember it being awful, but when I look at them now, I think it's heartbreaking. Oh well. I think the St.Pat's Leprauchaun and the Easter Bunny will be delivering grocery store gift cards instead of beers and baskets, LOL!

 

[TwoMisfits]

If they are dual income, no kids and "a few things came up" and they are struggling, it probably means they were living a little too high on their income before (and not saving any emergency money)...so figuring out the happy medium of what they can spend without having 1-2 unexpected things get them in trouble would be good for them to do...

If they won't take a gift of money from you, I might not do grocery gift cards, either...that seems "too needy." Instead, I might find their favorite "want" (the one they'd give up last when they get down to their financial core) and gift that...if that's a year of Netflix, a year of T-Mobile, a year of movies (Moviepass or Sinemia), a set of Disney tickets, a gift card to their favorite bar/restaurant, etc...so they can focus on the needs, and you can still make sure they have some fun, too...

 

[pigletto]

If they are in the weeds then they likely don’t have an Emergency fund. When you are just starting out like that, and you don’t have an Emergency fund , just about anything can push you into crisis mode. Pop a tire? Can’t cover it. Fridge breaks? Can’t cover it. Higher tax bill than expected ? Can’t cover it.

$1000 ( to start) in an Emergency fund can turn all the above from things that cause stress, tears and marital arguments into something that is annoying but manageable. There was no single piece of debt advice that helped us more than that. It was a lifesaver.

We got the idea from Dave Ramsey though we never followed the entire program . If you gift her the grocery or gas gift cards, she can divert the funds from those things to start her own Emergency fund. I would look for a way to get her to start that fund somehow.. it’s life changing. Maybe like you said, you can buy her some books or subscribe to a year of YNAB that would be a start.

 

[bethwc101]

If they are dual income, no kids and "a few things came up" and they are struggling, it probably means they were living a little too high on their income before (and not saving any emergency money)...so figuring out the happy medium of what they can spend without having 1-2 unexpected things get them in trouble would be good for them to do...

If they won't take a gift of money from you, I might not do grocery gift cards, either...that seems "too needy." Instead, I might find their favorite "want" (the one they'd give up last when they get down to their financial core) and gift that...if that's a year of Netflix, a year of T-Mobile, a year of movies (Moviepass or Sinemia), a set of Disney tickets, a gift card to their favorite bar/restaurant, etc...so they can focus on the needs, and you can still make sure they have some fun, too...

Or they are being modest about a few things coming up. When DH and I first got married 3 years ago, we were both working, but 3 months into our marriage DH got in a dirtbike accident with 2 broken wrists. Another 3 months later I started having seizures, with decreased lung function, and heart palpitations. Meaning our first year of marriage was pretty much spent in various hospitals/dr. offices. But when we talk about our first year of marriage, we say we had a couple challenges. We don't go into detail. But those "couple challenges" put us $40,000 in debt before our one year anniversary.

 

[robinb]

I don't know how religious you are, but Dave Ramsey's program is Christian faith based. I am ... not. He has some good ideas (like his emergency fund and paying off debt) but I personally couldn't get past his religiosity when I read his books. I used YNAB when it was priced for a program on my PC but didn't continue when it went subscription based. It was interesting but I'm not sure it helped me. I've also heard of Mint which I think is free.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Or they are being modest about a few things coming up. When DH and I first got married 3 years ago, we were both working, but 3 months into our marriage DH got in a dirtbike accident with 2 broken wrists. Another 3 months later I started having seizures, with decreased lung function, and heart palpitations. Meaning our first year of marriage was pretty much spent in various hospitals/dr. offices. But when we talk about our first year of marriage, we say we had a couple challenges. We don't go into detail. But those "couple challenges" put us $40,000 in debt before our one year anniversary.

To random friends and maybe siblings, yeah, but did your mom really not know? I guess some young adults do keep major medical issues from their parents, but I'd say that's less normal...this is the mom posting about "a few things coming up"...so you'd hope she'd know if it was major medical issues vs a failing roof, a car issue, an appliance issue, etc...

 

[robinb]

Or they are being modest about a few things coming up. When DH and I first got married 3 years ago, we were both working, but 3 months into our marriage DH got in a dirtbike accident with 2 broken wrists. Another 3 months later I started having seizures, with decreased lung function, and heart palpitations. Meaning our first year of marriage was pretty much spent in various hospitals/dr. offices. But when we talk about our first year of marriage, we say we had a couple challenges. We don't go into detail. But those "couple challenges" put us $40,000 in debt before our one year anniversary.

This is OT, but it's nice how you've bounced back from such terrible setbacks. I hope both of you are OK now.

 

[firefly_ris]

In addition to budgeting books/software, they might like a lot of the content found on Reddit on the personalfinance subreddit (https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/). They can get a load of advice in there, in addition to the "Featured Posts" pinned to the sidebar there that go over things like the "Prime Directive" and can filter by topics (budgeting, debt, investing, planning, etc). It might help them get some ideas on starting to build up emergency funds and maybe look at their income in a different way to help them get back in the black.

 

[barkley]

credit unions often offer free workshops on budgeting, finances and financial planning. some like the one I belong to doesn't require membership to enroll and attend (they are free to members and the public). I've also seen similar workshops offered free or low cost through parks and rec programs.

I think it's sometimes helpful in these financial situations for people to hear other people discussing their issues and challenges-facilitated by an uninvolved 3rd party. you find you're not alone in what you're going through-and what you perceive as 'being in the weeds' can be turned around by a few tweaks in the budget/changes in spending habits. as well it can be a big wake up call to make changes NOW to prevent having the weeds overgrow and choke the living daylights out of you/a marriage.

the other advantage to a locally budgeting workshop is they might find out about programs that can help with their budgeting-my dd got stressed out when she got her first BIG winter utility bill at her new apartment (not that big-but more than she had ever been billed before), she was totally unaware that she could sign up for a balanced payment plan with her utility provider so that she pays the same amount each month and those nicer months when the bill is very low she's 'saving' a credit towards those higher cost winter months. same with some of the local transportation-there are programs where monthly passes are sold at reduced rates if they are purchased through plans that use automatic payroll deductions. every little bit saved helps.

It's funny, because when I was their age we had WAY less to live on (even adjusted for inflation, COL, etc) and I don't remember it being awful, but when I look at them now, I think it's heartbreaking. Oh well. I think the St.Pat's Leprauchaun and the Easter Bunny will be delivering grocery store gift cards instead of beers and baskets, LOL!

I think it's harder watching our kids go through it vs. having gone through it ourselves b/c we're on 'the other side' and ideally are able to breathe a little easier.

p.s.-the easter bunny has been known to gift my dd w/gift cards as well-but I think one of the most useful/budget gifts she got one year was a new crockpot, a cookbook and some ingredients.

 

[WeLoveM1CKEY]

I find Clark Howard (podcast and website) to have a real life budgeting, saving, planning type of focus. He has sites listed for selling clothes like you mentioned they are wanting to do. He has a free call center as well for asking questions

 

[Shanti]

DD has just said that she's looking for a site to sell her clothes as "we are in the weeds right now." She won't accept money from me, either gift or loan. They are young, trying to figure it all out. He has a good job (engineer, but just starting out) and her degree in English qualifies her for a job that is paying not too much. ANYHOW... they were doing OK but some things came up and now they are trying to figure it all out, while paying rent, utilities, transportation costs, school loans, etc. I know there are folks on here who are budgeting gurus, and wondered if you could point me in the direction of some good programs to recommend to them. I know there's YNAB and Dave Ramsey, but don't know what the programs entail, how they work/differ, etc. Can anyone enlighten me, or make other recommendations? (I saw YNAB gives 34 days free then $84 for the year... is it really worth that? Do you have to do the annual subscription or can you just do the first month?)

Maybe career counseling for your daughter, to help her get into a higher-paying field? English degrees can serve as an indirect basis for a lot of careers that you wouldn't expect. People with great reading, writing and speaking skills are needed in many industries. Pinching pennies while laboring in a low-paying job isn't going to serve her well financially, no matter how hard she pinches.

I'm not too pro on some of the financial planning gurus & guidebooks. Many of them overlook the basis of financial challenges for so many people: insufficient income. They want to sell their speeches/books to everyone, so they preach that people at all income levels need to behave in a similar way with the money they have, and that will be their path to financial security. But the reality is that if you don't have a comfortable income, you're always going to be financially unstable no matter how much you try to save, because you can only save so much while living off a low income, and then if a severe or chronic medical issue comes up: wham, there goes any savings, and you're likely to go into debt.

I've been there in the past. The key to getting out wasn't some financial version of 12 Steps someone was selling. It was the fortunate alleviation of some chronic, unavoidable & expensive health problems in the family, plus an increase in our income. And viola, now we're financially stable, and get to take vacations to boot...

 

[QueenIsabella]

Maybe career counseling for your daughter, to help her get into a higher-paying field? English degrees can serve as an indirect basis for a lot of careers that you wouldn't expect. People with great reading, writing and speaking skills are needed in many industries. Pinching pennies while laboring in a low-paying job isn't going to serve her well financially, no matter how hard she pinches.

I'm not too pro on some of the financial planning gurus & guidebooks. Many of them overlook the basis of financial challenges for so many people: insufficient income. They want to sell their speeches/books to everyone, so they preach that people at all income levels need to behave in a similar way with the money they have, and that that way will be their path to financial security. But the reality is that if you don't have a comfortable income, you're always going to be financially unstable no matter how much you try to save, because you can only save so much while living off a low income, and then if a severe or chronic medical issue comes up: wham, there goes any savings, and you're likely to go into debt.

I've been there in the past. The key to getting out wasn't some financial version of 12 Steps someone was selling. It was the fortunate alleviation of some chronic, unavoidable & expensive health problems in the family, plus an increase in our income. And viola, now we're financially stable, and get to take vacations to boot...

I second the bolded. Someone who can take technical wording and put it into language that's understood by the masses is very valuable. It might not be her dream job, but it could keep the wolves from the door in the short term. Longer term, she could springboard into something she likes better. Or maybe she'll love it--I don't know.

 

[dosekies]

I've always wanted to try one of the books/programs but haven't gotten around to it yet. As a youngin' who is on her first year living on her own with her fiancé, these have been the best tools for us financially:
- sit down and and look at exactly where your money is going each month. how much are you spending on eating out? groceries? etc. see where you are spending more than you think and where you can cut back even just a little bit
-as others have mentioned, EMERGENCY SAVINGS!!! I made sure to have mine built up before moving out and helped my fiancé build his up after. we also make sure that we both put money into those accounts each month
-live beneath your means when it comes to rent if possible. a bigger/fancier/upgraded apartment may be nice, but if it isn't necessary then that money could be well used somewhere else

 

[Dakota731]

Yes I agree giving them money would only help in the short term. If they don’t learn to budget and get some financial training then they will probably keep getting into trouble. I’d get them a course or offer to pay for a class at a local college for them. Our township sends a mailer out quarterly and they have evening money courses at a very low cost.

 

[Sagginit]

Tell her to come join us on the DIS boards! Seriously though I learned a lot about budgeting and debt while joining here about a decade ago to plan my first trip to WDW. I agree with the other person who stated not all of these gurus have an approach that works for everyone and not all of these books are full of advice that worked for everyone. I checked several books on financial planning out of the library when I was about 25-26 as I had massive student loans and wanted to figure out how to pay them off better. One of the books was written by a woman who bought a house at a young age..... and then I found out at the end of the book the way she did it was her parents loaned her the down payment! What a sham. Dave Ramsey is good but I don't agree with everything he says.

The best books I read were "smart women finish rich" and another book I can't remember about basic budgeting skills as well as how to keep basic costs under control. I would suggest a few books over a course as the courses are like those courses on how to flip real estate, mostly a way for the person teaching to make money and less about altruistic need to share information, thus they will make you feel good when you leave but not always give you real long term help. I can say this, there are a ton of great bloggers these days on Instagram with amazing advice. They make their money from sponsors and you clicking on their referal links, so the content has to be good or their blogs will crumble.

Another type of gift idea for book is books on minimalism and living with less. Selling clothes or garage sales can be a quick fix if you have too much to begin with, but overall they may need to understand how to downsize until they have more money as many young people live beyond their means without realizing it (I did for years, hard to admit those $15 cocktails every weekend is not a normal budgetary cost). These books can make you feel good about living with less than your peers.

Another idea is to gift her a subscription that can help them save money. So like a meal kit once a week for a few weeks. A gift card for a few oil changes if they commute a lot. Amazon prime so they can stream for free and order items cheaper online with free shipping.

 

[imbatman]

Been there. Refused help from my mom, too. But she was sneaky and loving in the way she helped. She "bought an extra turkey" because the price was too good to pass up and "didn't have room in her freezer." Or she "made too much dinner, so here are the leftovers." I love her for not ramrodding my errors down my throat and helping the best way she could. She also held a yard sale at my house and I didn't learn until years later, that she'd given me most of her proceeds.

In regards to budget, if you look at my posts, you'll see that this year, I've jumped on the debt-train. It's taken YEARS for me to admit it. YEARS. I tried budgets. I tried ignoring budgets. I tried watching the bank account daily. Or ignoring it. But it took me coming to terms with our spending to change it. Read all of the books suggested above. Even tried Dave Ramsey. I don't know what clicked this year, but I am so done running lean when I know our income is better than that.

 

[stazmatic]

Unless your DD is specifically asking you for budget help and advice, I would refrain from offering it. Asking you where to sell clothes and asking how to manage money are very different. Maybe casually mention some books that have helped, or go to the library together, or send her some random FB links about financial issues. Anything more could be seen as interfering and backfire.
With holidays and gifts, I agree with the PP, buy gifts they aren't buying for themselves right now, but that they already like. Maybe mix a few practical things in there too.

 

[hhartill]

Well I can tell you that my 16 year old daughter sells her clothes at a local consignment store, google is your friend, Plato's closet in our area. She makes about $90 - $150 every 3 months. How about selling books on half.com, book scouter? You can sell CD's, DVD's there too or on decluttr (app). She can take up some dog walking in her spare time, check out what is in your area. If she's looking to make some extra cash Pinterest has countless ideas on creating a "side hustle" for extra cash.

There's always a good old fashioned garage sale.