Bullies in school -- a big problem?

[tvguy]

I don't even know what to make of bullying. It certainly is the fad thing to complain about these days, but two things just don't make sense to me. First, I don't think bullying is any worse than it was when I was a kid. And I was the victim many times. But I never ever thought about committing suicide becasue of it. I'd like to know if there is another reason these days it drives kids to consider suicide. I'd also like to see some numbers of teen suicides from the 60's and '70's as compared to today to see if there is any difference. I have had friends committe suicide, but all were over age 55. I am not away of any teens that my kids knew that committed suicide.

 

[java]

I don't even know what to make of bullying. It certainly is the fad thing to complain about these days, but two things just don't make sense to me. First, I don't think bullying is any worse than it was when I was a kid. And I was the victim many times. But I never ever thought about committing suicide becasue of it. I'd like to know if there is another reason these days it drives kids to consider suicide. I'd also like to see some numbers of teen suicides from the 60's and '70's as compared to today to see if there is any difference. I have had friends committe suicide, but all were over age 55. I am not away of any teens that my kids knew that committed suicide.

Personally I would imagine that it's the constant attack with the availability of the internet and texting now. The actions are probably similar but it's the extent of it. You can't get away from it. (blocking texting can help but most kids can get around that by using a friend's phone ect..) Last year 2 girls attempted suicide at my son's school. One is now brain dead. But her parents are keeping her alive. That has had more of an impact than anything anyone could say.

 

[goofy!]

Now I think popular girl cheerleader types are EXACTLY the type of girls who bully.

My daughters start middle school in a matter of weeks. I cannot put into words how much I am dreading everything about it.

Those are exactly who are the bullys- they were when I went to school in the dark ages and they still are. No way was I letting my daughter be one of "those" girls!

I am going to have to stand up for cheerleaders here.

I have a 23 year old daughter with Down syndrome. So, we have done the whole school thing.

She also cheers on a competitive special needs team. We travel to competitions, our biggest one in Dallas - the so-called mecca of cheer.

First of all, cheerleading is one of the only sports period to embrace special needs teams as equal to every other team. They compete at the same competitions, etc.

Now remember, we have done the whole school thing. So, I can absolutely, assuredly say that cheerleaders are some of the most caring, giving, decent people we have ever met.

Walking down a hallway with your team of 20 special needs cheerleaders with all sorts of disabilities, both physical and intellectual, from Down syndrome to Autism, to CP, to TBI, amongst 20,000 other "typical" cheerleaders, and having team after team after team from across the country stop in their tracks and clap your team down the hallway was awe inspiring. These teens were truly accepting and really want the special needs kids to be a full part of their sport. My daughter told me "it was the first time she ever felt normal."

In our gym, you actually have to try out to be a "junior coach" on the special needs team because SO many of the cheerleaders want to help.

You all have been watching way too many "Bring It On" movies to paint an incredible group of young ladies and men as "bullies." We know about bullies, and cheerleaders we have found are about as far from the stereotype as you can get.

 

[Magpie]

I don't even know what to make of bullying. It certainly is the fad thing to complain about these days, but two things just don't make sense to me. First, I don't think bullying is any worse than it was when I was a kid. And I was the victim many times. But I never ever thought about committing suicide becasue of it. I'd like to know if there is another reason these days it drives kids to consider suicide. I'd also like to see some numbers of teen suicides from the 60's and '70's as compared to today to see if there is any difference. I have had friends committe suicide, but all were over age 55. I am not away of any teens that my kids knew that committed suicide.

Actually suicide rates among teens are NOT increasing.

From the American Society for Suicide Prevention:

Between the mid-1950s and the late 1970s, the suicide rate among U.S. males aged 15-24 more than tripled (from 6.3 per 100,000 in 1955 to 21.3 in 1977). Among females aged 15-24, the rate more than doubled during this period (from 2.0 to 5.2). The youth suicide rate generally leveled off during the 1980s and early 1990s, and since the mid-1990s has been steadily decreasing.

http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewpage&page_id=050fea9f-b064-4092-b1135c3a70de1fda

Just because there's more coverage in the news doesn't mean it's happening more often. It just means we're finally talking about it.

Which is good!

 

[elizke]

I don't even know what to make of bullying. It certainly is the fad thing to complain about these days, but two things just don't make sense to me. First, I don't think bullying is any worse than it was when I was a kid. And I was the victim many times. But I never ever thought about committing suicide becasue of it. I'd like to know if there is another reason these days it drives kids to consider suicide. I'd also like to see some numbers of teen suicides from the 60's and '70's as compared to today to see if there is any difference. I have had friends committe suicide, but all were over age 55. I am not away of any teens that my kids knew that committed suicide.

I don't think it's a fad. I am taking about my daughter's reality.

Bullying has always existed. No one is saying it's a brand new phenomenon. I just think it's more widespread. Just like kids in general have less respect for authority, they just seem to in general, in many areas, have less restraint on their behavior. Not all kids, just far more than when I was young. Growing class sizes, decreased punishment (in school suspension, really?) lack of parental and even more so community supervision, "not my child" mentality; and in my opinion, media exposure to teens and adults who have no clue as to how to behave. Stupid sitcoms and even more, reality TV, has desensitized kids to ugly behavior and cruelty.

Teen suicides have for the most part have not increased over all recent decades; you can research the statistics if you wish. But tween and very young teen suicides have increased more, and I personally doubt they are as related to drugs and other variables as older teen suicides. I read that it is now the 4th greatest cause of death for the tween-young teen age group, and that is very concerning.

But most bullied kids will not go that far, so it's not just about that. It's about something that goes on and needs to be addressed. And as I said, I'm sure not every school or area has the problem to the extent some do. It is wonderful that not everyone is experiencing it! But for those of us who are, we can see the phenomenon as it manifests now, and I can compare it to my own experience just as well as anyone else. I see an incredible number of kids taking part in the bullying of my daughter. When your 12 year old girl comes home every day reporting all the comments made to her, most of them viciously cruel, I don't think you would consider it a fad to talk about it and find a way to fix it.

 

[elizke]

Just because there's more coverage in the news doesn't mean it's happening more often. It just means we're finally talking about it.

Which is good!

Agree!!!!

 

[goofy!]

Now I think popular girl cheerleader types are EXACTLY the type of girls who bully.

My daughters start middle school in a matter of weeks. I cannot put into words how much I am dreading everything about it.

Those are exactly who are the bullys- they were when I went to school in the dark ages and they still are. No way was I letting my daughter be one of "those" girls!

One more thing about cheerleaders -

Do you know that there is a huge campaign in cheerleading community called the "Bully Free Zone?"

Cheerleaders are pledging to remove bullying from their sport and schools and to stand up for those being bullied.

Here are a couple of videos different cheer gyms have submitted to the Bully Free Zone campaign.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1ac5-q6P_M&feature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3CzqU1UHSs&NR=1

To find out more about the Bully Free Zone campaign, go to

www.cheerforacause.org

Painting a whole group of extraordinary young men and women as "bullies" is about as bullyish as it gets.

Having a daughter with special needs, bullying is a touchy subject with us. However:

I am PROUD for my special needs daughter to call her fellow "typical" cheerleaders friends.

I am PROUD to have my niece be involved in cheerleading and be a part of this incredible group of young people.

 

[Edward7777]

Agree!!!!

Yes, absolutely -- bullying has been happening for years. Now is the time to use our powers of internet communication to focus attention on the issue and decrease it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoUIHIjB0Io&feature=related

 

[LukenDC]

I was relentlessly bullied in school, especially in grades four through eight. My family moved around a lot (I ultimately attended 13 different schools by the time I finished high school) and I was always the new kid. I was also an excellent student and often the teacher's pet, which disturbed the pecking order that existed before my arrival. And of course being gay did not help matters either. Fourth grade was the worst and my mother had several meetings with the teacher and principal to try to help me.

I support strong anti-bullying initiatives. No one should be bullied for any reason. Period. Since kids often do not understand the ramifications of bullying, I believe that school administrators should be held accountable for fostering a school environment that does not tolerate bullying and educating students about the pernicious effects of bullying.

For those of you interested, the Southern Poverty Law Center sponsored the creation of a documentary entitled Bullied about the Jamie Nabozny case in Minnesota. Jamie was a gay student who was mericlessly bullied and violently assaulted at his high school while school administrators refused to take meaningful steps to end the attacks. He won a landmark legal battle against his school district that set the precedent that schools can be held liable for bullying. The SPLC has distributed thousands of copies of the documentary to schools across the country.

 

[cari12]

Now I think popular girl cheerleader types are EXACTLY the type of girls who bully.

I agree completely

 

[PeterPan09]

I was bullied intensely in school, I can't remember a time I wasn't. Thankfully then, it only lasted during the day and when I went home it stopped-today's bullied kids get to suffer full time with social media. The other side of the internet and 24/7 media is that bullying has been publicized and people are beginning to realize how damaging it really is.

In my day it was the cheerleaders that led the charge, I know that's a stereotype but I can still remember the faces, the names and the things they did and said.

 

[PeterPan09]

I don't even know what to make of bullying. It certainly is the fad thing to complain about these days, but two things just don't make sense to me. First, I don't think bullying is any worse than it was when I was a kid. And I was the victim many times. But I never ever thought about committing suicide becasue of it. I'd like to know if there is another reason these days it drives kids to consider suicide. I'd also like to see some numbers of teen suicides from the 60's and '70's as compared to today to see if there is any difference. I have had friends committe suicide, but all were over age 55. I am not away of any teens that my kids knew that committed suicide.

I went to school around the same time and was bullied quite a bit. Yes, I considered suicide often, the only thing that stopped me was how it would have hurt my parents. We had 2 suicides in my senior year of HS, one of which I KNOW was from being bullied. The other could have been, but I didn't know that person as well.

My godchild has had one friend commit suicide from bullying and another die from an overdose that she believes was intentional.

It is that serious in some places.

 

[miralys]

Bullying is a problem. We talk about it more today, and we more often take the stance today that it is unacceptable. I remember for a long time, at least when I was growing up, that bullying is "a fact of life" and the victims just have to "suck it up." I know because I was bullied.

Bullying will likely continue to exist as long as the strong (popular, protected, what have you) are allowed to pick on the weak (the fringe, the unprotected, what have you) without consequences.

I'll point out that I have seen my fair share of adult bullies as well. It is not just limited to children and school campuses.

 

[cari12]

One more thing about cheerleaders -

Do you know that there is a huge campaign in cheerleading community called the "Bully Free Zone?"

Cheerleaders are pledging to remove bullying from their sport and schools and to stand up for those being bullied.

Here are a couple of videos different cheer gyms have submitted to the Bully Free Zone campaign.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1ac5-q6P_M&feature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3CzqU1UHSs&NR=1

To find out more about the Bully Free Zone campaign, go to

www.cheerforacause.org

Painting a whole group of extraordinary young men and women as "bullies" is about as bullyish as it gets.

Having a daughter with special needs, bullying is a touchy subject with us. However:

I am PROUD for my special needs daughter to call her fellow "typical" cheerleaders friends.

I am PROUD to have my niece be involved in cheerleading and be a part of this incredible group of young people.

I don't think the comment was meant against the sport of cheerleading or your daughter. It is the popular(cheerleading) types that are the problem. These types of cliques exist in most schools and are not necessarily cheerleaders but are usually the bullies. it is the ones who think they are better than everyone else and spit on the ones they see as inferior. Yes they are portrayed as cheerleaders in most movies (like Mean Girls) but it is the type of girls, not the sport that is the problem here.

 

[agnes!]

Anyone interested in high school social dynamics simply must read "The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth". I wish it had been written a few years ago, might have made a small difference in our family's & DD's experience with high school.

There is a general term-usage that I would like to address. People often refer to a group of kids as being 'popular', and while that term can mean well-liked/liked it doesn't necessarily mean 'well-liked' or even 'liked'...most of the time it simply means that these kids are visible, usually through participation in athletics or in another highly-visible club/group/activity. 'Popular' can also be used to refer to a group of people/kids in a school who rule through social manipulation of others. Children are *afraid* of social ostracism (and, seriously, aren't most of us?) so they sometimes go along with the packleader's/clique's choices or whims.

agnes!

 

[NotUrsula]

There is a general term-usage that I would like to address. People often refer to a group of kids as being 'popular', and while that term can mean well-liked/liked it doesn't necessarily mean 'well-liked' or even 'liked'...most of the time it simply means that these kids are visible, usually through participation in athletics or in another highly-visible club/group/activity. 'Popular' can also be used to refer to a group of people/kids in a school who rule through social manipulation of others. Children are *afraid* of social ostracism (and, seriously, aren't most of us?) so they sometimes go along with the packleader's/clique's choices or whims.

I've been reading some pieces on depression in teens lately, and one thing one author said stood out for me: he said that in the teen world, "popular" does not usually mean well-liked; "popular" really means "powerful". These kids are not so much just visible as they are influential; they have leadership skills.

That old saw about bullies just being weak people is rubbish. They get away with it because they are strong; they have power and influence that others want a piece of.

 

[punkin]

I've been reading some pieces on depression in teens lately, and one thing one author said stood out for me: he said that in the teen world, "popular" does not usually mean well-liked; "popular" really means "powerful". These kids are not so much just visible as they are influential; they have leadership skills.

That old saw about bullies just being weak people is rubbish. They get away with it because they are strong; they have power and influence that others want a piece of.

True, but dealing with bullies still involves standing up to them, whether they are cowards or not. The only thing they respect is power.

My DD is going into 8th grade next year and she is in the middle of prime bullying time. Her friends are "popular" according to your meaning and they are like a pack of rabid dogs, ready to turn on each other at a moment's notice. The horrendous back stabbing and putdowns that go on within the clique are just remarkable. Everything is a power game.

I had never seen this type of behavior, being a nerd myself. Somehow I even managed to avoid the majority of bullying throughout school, despite my nerd status (I think it was the schools I attended). It hurts me no end that DD is involved with these girls.

 

[SRM1981]

Having two boys I was able to avoid the “mean” girl bullying. But when my youngest was in MS he was physically bullied by some older kids. My older son stepped in and was then portrayed as the bully by the other child’s parents. It was like a never ending battle. In my day, we fought it out and walked away.

 

[Edward7777]

I've been reading some pieces on depression in teens lately, and one thing one author said stood out for me: he said that in the teen world, "popular" does not usually mean well-liked; "popular" really means "powerful". These kids are not so much just visible as they are influential; they have leadership skills.

That old saw about bullies just being weak people is rubbish. They get away with it because they are strong; they have power and influence that others want a piece of.

May explain why jocks can pick on kids and get away with it. Usually these jocks are popular with the administrators who brag about their teams winning sporting events.

 

[JarethDrakul]

May explain why jocks can pick on kids and get away with it. Usually these jocks are popular with the administrators who brag about their teams winning sporting events.

That's how it was for me, I was bullied everyday and they got away with it (actually one time it was made out that I was bullying someone else who had been bullying me for years). I always remember the headteacher saying I deserved it because I had different interests to most people.

It's a shame those who bully can't see how it affects me in later life........as I've never managed to accomplish much in life because I never felt respect for myself because I was never shown it.