Charging guests for a wedding after party

[powellrj]

I think many people forget these are invited guests, not royal subjects.

 

[MrsDuck]

Tacky as heck. I'd leave that event so fast.

 

[ols386]

Nope. Would not participate in something like that.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'm really wondering if the person was just clueless. I mean it sounds like they knew they were attending the after party. If they knew the bride/groom, they would have shown up for the wedding to begin with. So they were showing up for the party, (probably one the few that were there for social reasons and not the food and booze) and my guess is that they just missed a memo about the charge...and again, if they were there for the couple, they would know about the set up going in.

But even given that, I'm just not even seeing why you'd whip your credit card out at the door for something like that. Like why even pay it. Turn around and go home. I don't think you even need to bother to be annoyed. Unless maybe if you were genuinely there FOR THE COUPLE, and then I'd still not pay and explain to my friend (bride or groom) afterward why that policy cost them my presence.

But my guess is that "old college friend" had not been part of their lives in quite sometime, so in my case, that invite is going into the trash to begin with.

What you're saying sounds like the opposite of what the original post is saying. The original post has the following:

"However I had lunch with a mutual acquaintance who insisted that the wedding was on Friday but mine had Saturday on it so naturally I was confused and double checked – it had Saturday so I just thought the other person must be wrong.

Anyway it got to the day and myself and partner went along (it had a plus one so was not gate crashing) when we got there it became clear that the wedding was the day before and we had been invited to the after party. Then the real clincher I was informed (not asked) that the COST was €50pp (NZ$104) to cover the BBQ and and drinks from the beer fridge.

No where on the invite did it say the wedding was the day before or that there would be a charge."
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Given that no it didn't sound like the guest was being clueless or that they knew they were attending the after party. As far as if they knew the bride/groom they would have shown up to the wedding........yeah it sounds like they thought they WERE showing up for the wedding but instead they had actually been invited to the afterparty the next day.

That being said personally speaking I'm a stickler for making sure plans are made and I've got the right information. So for me if one person mentioned the wedding date was Friday but my invite said Saturday I would be calling up the bride/groom and asking for clarification. I would phrase it as "I just want to make sure the wedding is on Saturday the X at Y time". The bride/groom can either lie and say yes the wedding is on Saturday the X at Y time or they can come clean and say "no Saturday the X at Y time is for our afterparty and by the way it will be a $Z charge for the afterparty"

FWIW I would have declined going into the party. But I disagree with you that the guest shouldn't feel annoyed unless they were there for the couple. I doubt you'll find many people who would be totally chill with paying for an after party such as described in the original post. Look at this thread and people's responses. Being there for the couple as your main reason for attending a wedding doesn't mean you're on board to paying for an after party and not being on board to paying for an after pary doesn't mean you're not actually there for the couple.

 

[manning]

Not sure what I'd do if confronted with a situation like this.

A fantasy would be to pay the admission cost, eat and drink, then cause a scene denouncing the tackiness of it all. Maybe have DH pee all over the Barbequed ribs. But I doubt I'd have the nerve.

Not that. I would get something big to write on and stand out front with sign saying. Food and drink free. Cover charge $104, no exception.

 

[tcufrog]

I agree with you on this point. If you can't afford unicorns at your wedding, leave them out.

But, again, if YOU don't want to have a party and charge people, good news, YOU don't have to.

Cluck cluck and grab your pearls all you want, but leave us out of it.

I can't afford to buy the pearls I deserve to clutch. Please come to my soirée so that I can afford to buy the pearls worthy of my judgment. The cover price is very reasonable.

 

[kimblebee]

I can't afford to buy the pearls I deserve to clutch. Please come to my soirée so that I can afford to buy the pearls worthy of my judgment. The cover price is very reasonable.

I need to know about your prizes first. Then we can talk lol

 

[tcufrog]

Fake pearls of course

I need to know about your prizes first. Then we can talk lol

Fake pearls of course. I'm the only one who deserves real ones.

 

[bcla]

Not that. I would get something big to write on and stand out front with sign saying. Food and drink free. Cover charge $104, no exception.

New Zealand dollars though.

 

[Disney Doll]

Man, I am about to blow you guys away and have pearl clutching go up by 100%.

Where I live (Manitoba), it is standard to have a party a few months before the wedding to help pay for it. It's called a social (you can even Wiki it)

Tickets are $10 and there is also a huge silent auction (grand prizes are tvs, fire pits, bbbqs..higher ticket items) regular prizes are kitchen themed, movie night basket..that type of thing. You also pay for drinks (mix is free) AND there's also a 50/50 and a 'perfume' draw (you can't legally auction off liquor so it's called perfume).

There's dancing and a small speech by the bride and groom to be. There's a DJ and a light show too.

Now, the most important part..attendance isn't limited to family and friends. It's for ANYONE who hears about it and wants to go. All you have to do is pay for the ticket. Usually it's a friend of a friends brother or aunt or something but I have been to many socials for people I didn't know.

I'm not a drinker but I LOVE silent auctions. Usually I'll put $40 or so on tickets. Yep, I willingly spend $50 for a strangers wedding. Why? Because it's tradition and someone I don't know spent $50 at my social..

It works for us and no one complains.

Just because you wouldn't do it, doesn't make it tacky. It just makes it different.

That kind of sounds like an old fashioned bachelor party from down here. I don't have a problem with the because it sounds as if that's the norm in your area and people know what to expect.

To get an invitation that makes it seem like you are being invited to a wedding, only to find out that youve been invited to the after party (so you're on the B list) and then you have to pay.

No, I'd have turned around and left, and probably would not strain myself trying to maintain that friendship.

 

[Vijoge]

I personally don't have a problem with the honeymoon registries, they seem pretty common these days, the people that I know who have had them had all lived together a long time and didn't need stuff.


I would expect to pay at a shower in a restaurant, but as with any event being clear up front makes everyone happier.

I don't mind any kind of registry the happy couple chooses to have, as I'm giving them cash anyway.So if they want to use the money for their honeymoon, or to pay the caterer, or to pay next month's rent it's all the same to me.

I have attended quite a few showers in restaurants though, and never have I been asked to pay for my meal. The menu is pre-selected by whoever is throwing the shower and they just have always paid the bill.

 

[PlainJane]

Things are a lot different in the moment. In the moment I would probably be thinking over how it was going to look if we just left. Would people who didn't know about the misleading invitation think we were just being cheap? How would it affect any of those relationships? I wouldn't care so much about my relationship with the "old college friend," because it would be very clear that they think very little of me. I might also want to stay if I had been planning on catching up with people other than the bride and groom.

I would probably also be thinking about how we also went to the trouble of getting a sitter, what would we do now? I hope no one came from out of town not knowing it was just an after party that had a cover charge.

How odd to extend a "plus one" for an event you have to pay for.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

How odd to extend a "plus one" for an event you have to pay for.

My thoughts also. Plus one, at $52 per person it's plus however many you want.

 

[teller80]

Does anyone else think $52 NZD is a very specific number? What, the bride and groom couldn't round it down to $50 and cover the last $2 (one US dollar). Even more crazy.

 

[teller80]

Man, I am about to blow you guys away and have pearl clutching go up by 100%.

Where I live (Manitoba), it is standard to have a party a few months before the wedding to help pay for it. It's called a social (you can even Wiki it)

Tickets are $10 and there is also a huge silent auction (grand prizes are tvs, fire pits, bbbqs..higher ticket items) regular prizes are kitchen themed, movie night basket..that type of thing. You also pay for drinks (mix is free) AND there's also a 50/50 and a 'perfume' draw (you can't legally auction off liquor so it's called perfume).

There's dancing and a small speech by the bride and groom to be. There's a DJ and a light show too.

Now, the most important part..attendance isn't limited to family and friends. It's for ANYONE who hears about it and wants to go. All you have to do is pay for the ticket. Usually it's a friend of a friends brother or aunt or something but I have been to many socials for people I didn't know.

I'm not a drinker but I LOVE silent auctions. Usually I'll put $40 or so on tickets. Yep, I willingly spend $50 for a strangers wedding. Why? Because it's tradition and someone I don't know spent $50 at my social..

It works for us and no one complains.

Just because you wouldn't do it, doesn't make it tacky. It just makes it different.

I think thats a great tradition, and I'd totally go! What a nice way to promote community.

 

[jevs]

Does anyone else think $52 NZD is a very specific number? What, the bride and groom couldn't round it down to $50 and cover the last $2 (one US dollar). Even more crazy.

Is it NZD? I thought mumsnet was a UK forum and was reading it in € not $.

 

[Aliceacc]

Here's how I see it:

Adults pay their own way.

If they want a big wedding, they work an extra job, have a long engagement, save the money to pay for it. Any and all gifts are extra, money in the bank, maybe a down payment for a house down the road.

But adults pay their own way. They don't ask mommy and daddy, or their aunts and uncles and cousins and friends, to support the lifestyle to which they hope to become accustomed.

Want a big flashy after party?? Wonderful. Then save your money and pay for it. Want the "type of wedding your love deserves"?? Wonderful. Then save your money and pay for it. Want to invite people to help celebrate that love? Wonderful. Then save your money and pay for it.

 

[teller80]

Is it NZD? I thought mumsnet was a UK forum and was reading it in € not $.

Ah, you're right. Never mind me!

 

[Disney Doll]

Here's how I see it:

Adults pay their own way.

If they want a big wedding, they work an extra job, have a long engagement, save the money to pay for it. Any and all gifts are extra, money in the bank, maybe a down payment for a house down the road.

But adults pay their own way. They don't ask mommy and daddy, or their aunts and uncles and cousins and friends, to support the lifestyle to which they hope to become accustomed.

Want a big flashy after party?? Wonderful. Then save your money and pay for it. Want the "type of wedding your love deserves"?? Wonderful. Then save your money and pay for it. Want to invite people to help celebrate that love? Wonderful. Then save your money and pay for it.

This. When I throw a party, I pay for it.

 

[Vijoge]

The comments are all over the place. But this one was so full of entitlement:

"We both have full time jobs, and even with that – we can’t afford a wedding we believe our love deserves. It won’t be flashy and over the top (our hall actually costs less than our social hall to rent!) but, with weddings naturally costing more than my car – I don’t really know how any one expects us to pay for one ourselves.....I think to say it’s all a money grab is kind of ridiculous and insulting to us......it helps someone achieve a wedding they’ve always dreamed of."

Lol! They can't afford a wedding their "love deserves".

And weddings DO NOT cost more than cars. If you choose for your wedding to cost that much and you can't afford it, well you are off to a very bad start.

Here's how I see it:

Adults pay their own way.

If they want a big wedding, they work an extra job, have a long engagement, save the money to pay for it. Any and all gifts are extra, money in the bank, maybe a down payment for a house down the road.

But adults pay their own way. They don't ask mommy and daddy, or their aunts and uncles and cousins and friends, to support the lifestyle to which they hope to become accustomed.

Want a big flashy after party?? Wonderful. Then save your money and pay for it. Want the "type of wedding your love deserves"?? Wonderful. Then save your money and pay for it. Want to invite people to help celebrate that love? Wonderful. Then save your money and pay for it.

I just sit with my mouth open when I see that phrase. YIKES!