Children Moving Out?

[wenrob]

My oldest DD will be 23 in 11 days. The deal was she can stay here rent free as long as she was working or going to school. She does both. She will graduate in December. She has enough saved for a down payment on a house so will probably be moving out in the next year or so. We’ve crunched the numbers and even with home maintenance it would be cheaper than renting. She’ll be 100% on her own financially.

Right now she’s on our car insurance but is billed separately and pays her own. Same with the family phone plan. She has her portion set up to auto deposit into my checking account. She’s also on our health insurance and will stay there until she ages out. We pay for that just for peace of mind. Otherwise she pays her own bills and has since she was about 17.

I would say about half of her friends are out on their own with a mix that get help from their parents and those who don’t.

 

[ronandannette]

I have a cousin who is 31... showing no signs of moving out of her parents' house. They have said that she is just waiting for them to die so that she can take over the house.

This thought will now haunt me...thanks! (JK)

 

[sjrec]

After college and grad school she got married, but I think she would have moved out anyway because her job was a good hour away.

We often spend a week or more together over the summer at our place at the beach or Disney, but I’m not sure either one of us would like to live together full time.

Are they unable to support themselves at this time? I’m all for helping out when needed, but maybe a conversation about moving out by a certain date would make you feel better.

 

[tvguy]

DS was 25 when he moved out seven years ago
DD closed escrow on a house last week, and is busy buying a bed, washer, dryer, having burglar alarm and cameras installed etc......should be out in the next couple of weeks. she is 28. Although she was only home a few weeks her Freshman year of college, and gone her entire Junior year as she was going to school in England.
I was 24 when I moved out of my parents house
My wife was 23 when she moved out of her mother's house.

 

[Darcy03231]

DS #1 went away to college at 19 and never came back home. We helped pay for his apartment when he was in school, but upon graduation he landed a great job and could cover all his own expenses.
DD#1 moved out right after high school. She refused to go to college and got a job and shared an apartment with two other girls. She paid all of her own expenses
DD#2 was 22 and DS#2 was 20. We decided to downsize and sold our home and moved about an hour away. They moved into an apartment together and we helped them with some expenses. DS #2 has currently moved home as he decided that he wasn't getting anywhere without some kind of education. He'll be going to trade school in the fall. DD#2 and her fiancé just bought their first house.

 

[Praying Colonel]

DD moved out at 23 to join the Navy. She hasn't moved back in (yet).

DS has a revolving door on his bedroom. Out for a year at 23 as a CP, then back to school. Out at 25 for another CP after graduation, then back. Out at 27 to give WDW a go as a CM, then back after 8 months. Now looking at teaching overseas. I'm in favor of changing the locks but DW will overrule me.

 

[disneychrista]

Tell them this and discuss a move out date.

If only it was that easy. Would you honestly kick your child out of the house to have them forced to live in their car ?

Do your daughters contribute financially like for food or a bit of rent or anything. If not, that’s why they’re still there. Make it a little uncomfortable financially and that will get them out.

They are NOT being given a free ride. They have paid for all their food, personal needs including car, insurance, cell phone, etc for as long as they have been working. They also pay "rent" to me the past few years.
My yougest who is in the better financial position to move out still can't afford rent on a small one bedroom in the town (an hour away) that she works. My mortgage on a 3 bed, 1 bath house, with insurance and property tax escrow is less than what rents run on small 1 beds or even studios.

 

[dish rag]

If only it was that easy. Would you honestly kick your child out of the house to have them forced to live in their car ?


They are NOT being given a free ride. They have paid for all their food, personal needs including car, insurance, cell phone, etc for as long as they have been working. They also pay "rent" to me the past few years.
My yougest who is in the better financial position to move out still can't afford rent on a small one bedroom in the town (an hour away) that she works. My mortgage on a 3 bed, 1 bath house, with insurance and property tax escrow is less than what rents run on small 1 beds or even studios.

No. You said you are so ready for them to move out. I offered you a simple and reasonable solution. Sit them down, choose a sensible time frame, put it in writing, help them along and stick to the time frame. They are very well into adult hood. This is how things work in the real adult world.
I don't recall saying anything about kicking any one out or having them live in a car. That would be their choice, to live in a car. Not yours.

 

[disneychrista]

No. You said you are so ready for them to move out. I offered you a simple and reasonable solution.

Maybe in your world it is that in simple, but in the real world not as much. It is not like they don't know mom is done with them living at home or that they wouldn't want to live on their own. Rents are high and wages low.

 

[Meriweather]

They both went away to college. Moved out after that to their own place.
DS moved to another state for his job with his then DGF (now wife). Paid his own bills.
DD moved out figuring out what to do. Paid her own for those 6 months, then decided to go get her masters. Moved across state to an apartment. We supplemented her for that time. Then she moved out of state too.....same one as DS. On her own then

 

[lifesavacation]

Our oldest lived with us for 6 months after college graduation while he saved for a house down payment. He wants to buy a second house and use the first as a rental. We are in the process of building a new house along with an ADU which will have a 1 bedroom apartment. He’ll likely move into that and save for the 2nd house down payment.

One of our twin 23 year olds is renting a house with 2 roommates while he’s in the fire academy.

The other twin is living at home and working full time after college graduation while he saves for a house down payment. He just applied to the fire department and they have a live there requirement so I expect he’ll move in with his brother if he’s hired.

 

[Floridaman999]

When my wife and I decided to start charging rent.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I hear you there. DD’s 28 & 26 are both still home. I am so ready for them to move out.

Tell them that. Polling strangers whose lives and living situations differ from.you're by a little or a lot really doesn't help. Remember when your kids said, "But Johnny's doing it. I want to do it, too", and you said, "if Johnny jumped off a bridge, would you?"?

You can't now turn around and tell them they have to move out because DIS adult kids did at their ages.

 

[dish rag]

Maybe in your world it is that in simple, but in the real world not as much. It is not like they don't know mom is done with them living at home or that they wouldn't want to live on their own. Rents are high and wages low.

Then they need to think of another solution. They could get more meaningful work or training, that could happen during the time frame. Or, they could find room mates, or a second job, or they could relocate, or all of those. I have in my life time. It can be done. They just don't have to do it, so they won't, most people wouldn't.
I

 

[NYCgrrl]

At what age did you children move out on their own? Did they move into shared housing or in their own apartment.? Did you help with any expenses or where they self sufficient?

Oldest son left for college at age 17, received his baccalaureate and essentially didn't return until he was 22 for a 1/2 year.
During his college years he lived between the dorm and home.
His paternal grandfather left him some money when son was 3 y/o. The funds were turned over to him when he reached 21 thus he was self sufficient.

Youngest son went off to college at age 18 and also lived on campus. He did not become self sufficient until a year after he finished his master's degree and became a Federal employee.

Similar to another poster, oldest son's 6 month stay was cutailed when it came time to pay the rent. He had 3 month's rent free, paid for 2 after that and "skipped town" on the 6th month. Good thing I wasn't depending on the money, LOL.

 

[morgan98]

Maybe in your world it is that in simple, but in the real world not as much. It is not like they don't know mom is done with them living at home or that they wouldn't want to live on their own. Rents are high and wages low.

Have you told them that you really would prefer to live alone and the expectation is that they start to make plans to move in that direction? Maybe they can live together?

You are obviously not happy with the situation. There should be some type of discussion to move things in that direction.

It isn't like they are 18. Do they have plans to move out? Do they have second jobs?

It is one thing for kids to continue to live with you with some expectation of a move out date, like graduation or marriage. This sound like their plans are more vague.

 

[okeydokey]

Both of mine are in College. The oldest earned scholarships that pay for tuition and books but we paid her rent the first two years and she used her college account to pay for the last two years. She is starting her Sr year soon. She works to pay the rest of her bills.

My youngest is home for the summer but lives on campus and earned a scholarship that pays for everything plus he gets money back each semester so he is self sufficient as well.

We are in a financial place that we could help them out if they needed it and I would absolutely consider that if they were taking the steps they needed to take to get their own independent lives started.

 

[RedAngie]

I have a cousin who is 31... showing no signs of moving out of her parents' house. They have said that she is just waiting for them to die so that she can take over the house.

That was the same plan of one of my male cousins. He's about 65 now. He returned home after college, never married, and continued to live with his parents until they died. Now he lives there alone. Apparently his parents never had a problem with it. I have no idea if he contributed financially.

 

[mjkacmom]

Maybe in your world it is that in simple, but in the real world not as much. It is not like they don't know mom is done with them living at home or that they wouldn't want to live on their own. Rents are high and wages low.

Housing is insane here, when I moved out after college I had a roommate, DH had 2 for 7 years until we moved in together. Dd23 has 4 roommates at 1 time, 6 at her last place. She will be moving out of our house after a 6 month period, she wanted to bang out her CPA exams. Her salary at her new job is good, but with loans to pay, she will definitely need a roommate. Starter homes start around $400,000, she says she can’t imagine ever affording a Home.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Maybe in your world it is that in simple, but in the real world not as much. It is not like they don't know mom is done with them living at home or that they wouldn't want to live on their own. Rents are high and wages low.

Why not have them stop paying rent and put that into savings?

They could still pay all the other stuff but depending on the rent you are charging that can add up real quick.

With them paying everything else on their own not paying rent wouldn't make them any less in my eyes but it could help them build savings so they can get out on their own.