Choices in Life

[Lorelei Lee]

I think the bottom line is that your daughter needs, and asked for, counseling. I don't think the friend is the real issue, and your daughter needs to work out the real issue in counseling.

 

[kP72]

College years can be stressful, but they can also be the best time of your life.

OP, you mentioned that these girls are good friends. I see an opportunity for your daughter to open up to the fun opportunities offered during college years, but also, to be a good influence for her friend.

Perhaps your daughter can make a deal with the roommate... If friend takes her schooling more serious, then your daughter will be more inclined to socialize.
Just a suggestion.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I think the bottom line is that your daughter needs, and asked for, counseling. I don't think the friend is the real issue, and your daughter needs to work out the real issue in counseling.

This. Sometimes it's hard to find a balance but it's so important. It's a good thing that the daughter has recognized she is overwhelmed and asked for help. For many asking for help is the hardest thing.

 

[Stitchfans]

But is that a bad thing? I want my daughter to be well rounded but she feels her grades are the priority. I personally am not stressing that but I did tell my daughter that since I don't expect her to work at a job school is her priority.

I could have written this post myself. My DD is also in her 2nd year of college. She is working very hard to get good grades and strives for straight A's. I told her she didn't need to put so much stress on herself and she has finally eased up on herself and accepts an occasional B.

She seldom goes out. But she is lucky her friends do not pressure her to. I hope it all works out in the end for you DD and no doubt her hard work will pay off.

 

[Mkrop]

My dh went to one of the toughest schools in the country, and he played varsity baseball. He was a pitcher and could throw 90+ MPH. He was really good. But he realized that 5 hours a day of practice wasn't helping him achieve his real, goal, which was medicine. So he quit playing ball. It was a good choice. He focused everything on his grades, and that was a good choice, too. Obviously he still had a social life, we were dating then, and got married right before he went to med school. But for some professions, grades matter more than others. I didn't need to graduate with honors. It has done nothing for me, vs just graduating. But dh had to have a certain GPA and MCAT score to even think about med school.

Maybe I should mention he got a full ride to both, undergrad and med school. And he had to keep up a certain GPA.

When I was is college one of the guys I worked with, so he had a job, played Varsity baseball, was at our school on scholarship, was in a frat that threw parties, graduated with the highest honors, went to med school and is now a promienent physician in our area, was able to balance alot and be successful.

The ortho I mentioned one of the best in our area, like I said played rugby and he partied with my BIL, who I know had door busting parties. BIL went on to be a dentist.

My point is that everyone is different, some can balance a whole lot and some only a little, BUT there needs to be balance. Your DH gave up the baseball but he did socialize bc you said he was dating you. And I get it college level sports are very time consuming.

All work and no play is not a good thing. Like I said it doesnt need to be parties, just joining a club, seeing a movie, hitting a ball around the raquetball room like goofballs bc you were lousy, all of that is key to being successful. Study hard but have fun too. That is what college should be about.

 

[disneynewbee]

My daughter is a junior and was the same way, still is, but not as extreme as she was her first 2 years. She met her fiance at the end of her freshman year and he has helped her to stop and smell the roses some. My daughter does plan to go to grad school so grades are important so she does have to find a happy balance. She was making herself physically sick she was carrying so much stress so I am thankful for her fiance. She is still getting all A's with a very rare B (German 3) so relaxing some can be done without hurting her gpa. Her friend shouldn't pressure her but maybe she is just trying to help, seeing how stressed her friend is and just doesn't know how. They should set aside a certain number of hours a week to do something fun together. This will stop her friend bugging her and will relieve some of her stress. A win win situation.

 

[alyssadoesdisney]

I'm going to offer my opinion as someone who is in pretty much the exact same situation right now. I'm a first-year student doing second-year work (I had a lot of credits transferred over from my high school academic program...in terms of credits, I have more than most second-semester sophomores). My chosen major is pretty rigorous, and the master's program that I would like to pursue is extremely competitive. I definitely feel a lot of pressure to keep my grades at their peak. I was devastated when I got a 3.9 GPA instead of a 4.0 last semester (I know how silly that sounds... but I worked REALLY hard and made all As, just that one darn A- messed me up. It was really frustrating!).

In addition to that, I'm currently working as a nanny/babysitter, a childcare assistant at my YMCA, and an assistant director at a children's theater group.

To say I'm stretched thin is kind of an understatement. The fact that I AM a first-year student and I don't have a whole lot of friends at my school doesn't help. Most of my friends went to different schools, and I don't exactly have a lot of time to go out and meet people, and then hang out with them after I do meet them! I do have some friends but not a lot of actual meaningful relationships outside of my boyfriend and work friends.

It gets really lonely sometimes. Loneliness on top of an enormous amount of school pressure and stress can pretty easily lead to some serious problems. If she is actually reaching out for help, and requesting counseling, that to me says "I cannot do this by myself anymore, I need help, this is too much." I think the pursuit of good grades is very noble, but she needs to take a break every now and again. Actually making time within her busy schedule to go out and have fun and take a load off is essential, I think, and will be more than beneficial to her in the long run. Life is all about moderation! Tip the scale too far in one direction, either too much work or too much fun, and it's not going to end well.