Christmas as kids grow up

[la79al]

I'm curious as to why this annoyed you? Your feelings are your feelings, but I'm asking because I have 4 kids over an 11-year span--this may well be the last year DD23 is here Christmas morning (and even that's kind of iffy--there's a young man, you see). I do treat DD23 a bit differently--I'm more inclined to ship her stuff, since she lives 800 miles away. She also visits by plane, so by definition, I have to limit size, if not scope of presents. But I try to include her as much as possible--I would feel bad if she somehow felt left out.

Probably I was most annoyed because I lived less than 20 minutes away and didn't have kids at that point so I had nothing really going on Christmas morning and would have enjoyed some Christmas morning excitement. Now on the flip side, all of my siblings have moved out and none of them have kids so I have the most Christmas excitement. I always invite my mom to come to our house for Christmas morning (my DH usually works that day so it's just me and the kids) but she always declines.

 

[luvsJack]

I agree. My step daughter's children get gifts from us, her mom and her family, the husband's family and they go WAYYY overboard. And Santa sure isn't stingy with them. Honestly they wouldn't be any more impressed if I spent $200 vs. $30 on each of them. They get so much. My niece would prefer we didn't get her kids anything because they have a small house and lots of toys already. I just get them something small to open. I really don't enjoy shopping anyway so I don't have the urge to spend more.

Exactly the same here. My hope is to finally focus more on Christmas events and outings and less on gifts.

 

[barkley]

I will say the part that annoyed me the most was when my younger siblings still got Christmas morning on Christmas morning and whichever of us had moved out got it later Christmas day or at a later gathering

for another perspective-i'm the youngest (by 7-15 years younger than my sibs) and when my first sibling got married my mom stopped celebrating on christmas day in favor of christmas eve b/c she felt that the newlyweds should be available to celebrate with the in-law side of the family b/c that side had grand kids. now, it should be noted-none of my sib's marriages ever resulted in any children (in which case i FULLY support shifting the date so that little kids can celebrate christmas morning ON christmas morning). i always felt like my mom placed a higher priority on ensuring that her dil's extended families had special christmas mornings vs. her own child (yes, i was still a youngish child).

as for our household-when we first got married dh and i went with the flow, my mom was still on the christmas eve schedule so more often or not we went to dh's parents for christmas day UNTIL our first child was born. a couple of christmas's into our marriage we were doing the whole christmas morning deal at his parent's and we heard one of his nephews ask their parent 'how come santa NEVER comes to OUR HOUSE?'-and it occurred to us, the kid had NEVER had a christmas morning in his own home. that did it for us-we said if/when we had kids they would always wake up to christmas in our own home and if anyone couldn't stand missing seeing it-they were welcome to be there at the crack of dawn when the kids got up (funny how when they were the ones who had to travel they were fine just hearing the highlights later in the day).

 

[luvsJack]

for another perspective-i'm the youngest (by 7-15 years younger than my sibs) and when my first sibling got married my mom stopped celebrating on christmas day in favor of christmas eve b/c she felt that the newlyweds should be available to celebrate with the in-law side of the family b/c that side had grand kids. now, it should be noted-none of my sib's marriages ever resulted in any children (in which case i FULLY support shifting the date so that little kids can celebrate christmas morning ON christmas morning). i always felt like my mom placed a higher priority on ensuring that her dil's extended families had special christmas mornings vs. her own child (yes, i was still a youngish child).

as for our household-when we first got married dh and i went with the flow, my mom was still on the christmas eve schedule so more often or not we went to dh's parents for christmas day UNTIL our first child was born. a couple of christmas's into our marriage we were doing the whole christmas morning deal at his parent's and we heard one of his nephews ask their parent 'how come santa NEVER comes to OUR HOUSE?'-and it occurred to us, the kid had NEVER had a christmas morning in his own home. that did it for us-we said if/when we had kids they would always wake up to christmas in our own home and if anyone couldn't stand missing seeing it-they were welcome to be there at the crack of dawn when the kids got up (funny how when they were the ones who had to travel they were fine just hearing the highlights later in the day).

Your experience as a child is why we sometimes had two Christmas celebrations. Because of the way ods works, we have often shifted Christmas to have a family celebration with him. But we always maintained Christmas morning with Dd.

And your second experience is why we have continued to shift the celebration. Lol. Now we seem set on Christmas night for most of the family and then we will all get together again when ods gets home in January. It gives everyone the chance to have Christmas morning at home and time with other family.

 

[JAMIESMITH]

My parents grill steaks and shrimp every year on Christmas Day. My kids get a few gifts, but that's it. My parents and I agreed that we we're tired of searching for gifts for each other when we all buy what we want throughout the year for ourselves. We enjoy a great meal without the stress of gift giving.

My husband is a scrooge. He could care less if we even put up a tree (we do!). His parents typically come over for dinner on Christmas Eve. They usually bring a few small gifts for everyone.

 

[Owlpost23]

A bit off topic,but the mention of stockings reminds me of everyone's favorite stocking stuffer years ago-cartons of cigarettes.That was the best gift.

 

[monorailmom]

Wow I never expected to get so many replies! This is awesome!

After discussing with DH, I think we've decided to cut down on actual "gifts" and do more cash, same for all kids including of course our new DSIL and the boyfriend that our other DD is living with. Boyfriend of our college student will be in the same budget range as our nieces and nephews. I will continue to do stockings for all since I love doing those LOL! Of course, everyone will also continue to get a Disney Gift Card to put away toward their upcoming trips!

Last year when my DD was engaged, she and her then-fiance came over bright and early in their Christmas pj's to open gifts with the family and we all had breakfast together. I'm hoping to continue that this year.

It's so hard at first to figure out how to continue family traditions, but stay within some kind of a budget as the family grows. I really appreciate all the thoughtful answers given here, it really did help us sort things out!!

 

[heartsy77]

Santa, and the Easter Bunny stop at 21. My dd who is almost 23 and lives on her own with bf still complains! She gets 3-4 gifts and 2 to share with bf ; that’s enough! Stockings are also capped at 21! My youngest is almost 12 and I have the littles to buy for now (god daughter, 2 great nieces and great nephew). I don’t buy for parents just the kids! I always say Xmas is for kids!

 

[Amy and kids]

My dd is now 18 so this is something that I really need to start thinking about and hadn't. I do not spend a certain equal amount on my kids and never have. Most years it is pulling teeth to get my 2 boys to even make a list because they don't even want anything. My kids give me a list of what they want and I buy everyone from their list and give the same amount of gifts, one may have $100 more spent on them but they will all have equal number of gifts under the tree. No one cares if I spent more on one over the other, they are all just happy that they got exactly what they wanted off their lists. Some years I may spend more on dd and other years it may be one of the boys, it all equals out over time. But I know that it won't always be able to be like this when it comes to boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses, etc. I have no idea what I will do then. I know that my kids love opening gifts as of now and they would never want money over the surprises under the tree, but that could obviously change. My parents have always given us money since I was 13 or so and I actually hated it that I never had anything to open as a surprise on Christmas morning. I love reading through this thread to see what others do.

 

[wenrob]

There is a 9.5 year age gap between my Older DD (22) and my younger DD and DS (will be 13 in November). As of right now everyone gets the same amount of gifts to open. It’s getting harder and harder for Older DD though as she has an excellent job and buys what she wants. Cash doesn’t work because she has her own. She wouldn’t want cash anyway, she’s too sentimental for that. I mentioned in the Christmas Shopping thread that I bought her stuff from the Fanatics sale and this morning she comes to me and tells me if I want anything we should order together. I had to tell her DO NOT buy herself anything! I have a feeling eventually she’ll be getting experiences as gifts. As far as S/O she doesn’t have one. I guess it will depend on the relationship. My folks have never bought my DH a gift and his never bought me one. Always bugged me. My grandmother always wrote DH a check on his birthday, same as she would give me and wrote our family a check at Christmas as well as give little gifts that included DH.

Probably I was most annoyed because I lived less than 20 minutes away and didn't have kids at that point so I had nothing really going on Christmas morning and would have enjoyed some Christmas morning excitement. Now on the flip side, all of my siblings have moved out and none of them have kids so I have the most Christmas excitement. I always invite my mom to come to our house for Christmas morning (my DH usually works that day so it's just me and the kids) but she always declines.

So are you saying she didn’t invite you? Or you wanted them to hold off until you got there?

It’s a tough call for parents of kids with a large age gap. My older DD has had to work Christmas the last two years. The first wasn’t too bad because she worked 10am-6pm so was home for Christmas morning and home in time for Christmas Dinner. Last year she had to work 4am-Noon so no Christmas Morning for her. (I did leave her some small treats for when she woke up.) It was hard/weird for all of us but she’s had 20+ Christmas Mornings, over half of them all to herself. It just wouldn’t be fair to ask her siblings to wait. As they get older they may choose to and who knows, maybe we’ll be going to DD’s house for Christmas Morning. Whatever the case she’ll always be welcome to be here bright and early if she chooses to.

 

[MrsPete]

Funny, but my mom used to always buy us Smartwool socks for Hanukkah and then she stopped when we were all in college. My siblings and I miss that so much because they are so nice, but on the pricey side, so it isn't something we would normally buy ourselves.

Everyone appreciates a pair of good socks.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

My parents treated my husband like a son. Same for my BIL.

When my sister and I had children, our kids got treated really well, and ours backed off a bit.

But even during my last Christmas with my parents, I received gifts from either Santa or Mrs, Claus. I was in my 40's.

 

[slpeters]

No kids here so no real advice I suppose. The main thing that strikes me in reading the thread is how much everyone spends on gifts. I guess we were never much of a gift family. On the other hand now it's generally just my husband and I on Christmas morning and Santa still comes in the night to deliver a few things, fill stockings, leave special treats... twice. Sometimes he tries to visit in the middle of the night but he has to come back because he realizes he's already here...

 

[mjantz]

I haven't read all the comments but on my side of the family, Santa still comes to everyone. My grandfather had a stocking every year until he died at age 91 and my parents (in their 70s) still get a stocking every year.
I like it. Its a nice little treat for us to just sit around & pull stuff out of them.

 

[Carrie Ellis]

One year we did Christmas in TN in a cabin. It was my parents, my sister's family and all of us. Since the vacation was part of Christmas we decided we would all be a part in filling up the adult stockings. That was fun because it had to be small but you could still find cool stuff! We didn't do big gifts for adults. We are doing Disney next Christmas and I think we will do the same again!

Also this year, I think I am going to get my 22 year boys tools. I know it will not be exciting but I think eventually they will be happy for them. Such as really good wrench set, a really good drill etc..

 

[fifthdimensiondweller]

Also this year, I think I am going to get my 22 year boys tools.

This is an excellent idea. My aunt did this for my husband and I when we moved in together in college- it was SO useful for us!

 

[TwoMisfits]

One year we did Christmas in TN in a cabin. It was my parents, my sister's family and all of us. Since the vacation was part of Christmas we decided we would all be a part in filling up the adult stockings. That was fun because it had to be small but you could still find cool stuff! We didn't do big gifts for adults. We are doing Disney next Christmas and I think we will do the same again!

Also this year, I think I am going to get my 22 year boys tools. I know it will not be exciting but I think eventually they will be happy for them. Such as really good wrench set, a really good drill etc..

That is a great idea. I know someone who got their 18 year old a really nice tool box with the bare necessities of tools, and then every Christmas after, kept buying 2-3 really useful and nice tools for the box. It's my plan for all of my kids (boys and girls)...nothing beats having a tool when you need to fix something vs not having it...

 

[MomToOne]

Also this year, I think I am going to get my 22 year boys tools. I know it will not be exciting but I think eventually they will be happy for them. Such as really good wrench set, a really good drill etc..

Tools aren't just for boys My father started loading me up with the basics the last few years before I left home. I still have many of those tools 30+ years later. I had thought about starting a tool box for DD18 this year, but I decided to wait another year or two since she's living at home for college.

 

[luvsJack]

A bit off topic,but the mention of stockings reminds me of everyone's favorite stocking stuffer years ago-cartons of cigarettes.That was the best gift.

I do! Not for me, I was too young but for my siblings. Both of my brothers and their wives smoked at the time, so each got a carton in their stocking. My bil chewed tobacco so he got a carton of that. And then whenever she could, Mom would wrap their gifts in boxes of those same brands (she and dad owned a small grocery store so she could get all kinds of boxes). Funny to think those actually were affordable stocking stuffers!!

 

[Owlpost23]

I do! Not for me, I was too young but for my siblings. Both of my brothers and their wives smoked at the time, so each got a carton in their stocking. My bil chewed tobacco so he got a carton of that. And then whenever she could, Mom would wrap their gifts in boxes of those same brands (she and dad owned a small grocery store so she could get all kinds of boxes). Funny to think those actually were affordable stocking stuffers!!

It was a great gift!