Dad refuses to allow his daugher a Make a Wish trip?

[aubriee]

Well it seems like so many issues.........dig a little deeper and the whole story changes!

Seems most of us including myself owe the Father a appology.

AKK

True! Me too.

 

[Kellykins1218]

I saw the interview with the "dad' on tv and it was clear that it still was just done out of spite. He barely has a relationship with his daughter & he wanted to tag along & bring HIS kids. He gave absolutely no thought to what his daughter wanted nor what she deserved. Sorry, but he is still a total dirtbag.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

Keep in mind that stories such as these never provide all of the facts. None of us have any idea as to the real story.

 

[dclfun]

Our local news reported live on this story and noted that the family has raised over 10K. As I mentioned above, this is more than most would get for a MAW trip. Of course they will likely not be staying at GKTW if they're not on a designated trip.

 

[Tonka's Skipper]

I saw the interview with the "dad' on tv and it was clear that it still was just done out of spite. He barely has a relationship with his daughter & he wanted to tag along & bring HIS kids. He gave absolutely no thought to what his daughter wanted nor what she deserved. Sorry, but he is still a total dirtbag.

Sorry I disagree..........seems there are issues on both sides of this! It was certainly not as first presented!

AKK

 

[starienite]

When we were going thru the wish process they were pretty clear that family members in the same home were family members that could go, so that sounds to me why the grandmother and sisters were able to go. JMO.

 

[kritter47]

When we were going thru the wish process they were pretty clear that family members in the same home were family members that could go, so that sounds to me why the grandmother and sisters were able to go. JMO.

Kinda.

The rule I've always been taught is that MaW will pay for a maximum of two adults who are not necessary medical personnel. The biological parents, assuming no loss of parental rights, have the right of first refusal for those spots, even if they don't live in the house. Grandparents, even if they live in the house, are not automatically eligible to have the trip paid for by MaW because of that. Step-parents who live in the house are also not automatically eligible, and there is not an extra hotel room provided for divorced parents, which can create a fair amount of tension if the parents aren't willing to act like adults and put their issues with each other aside for the short term.

With siblings, if the child is an only child, then they can take a friend (on most wishes with some exceptions). Siblings, including half or step ones, under the age of 18 or 19 in the house automatically go assuming both of their biological parents sign off. Siblings who live outside of the house may be eligible to go if both of their bio parents agree and it can be established the Wish kid wants them to be a part of the experience. That's a tricky situation at times.

Now a family can choose to bring more people along, but they will have to pay for most of that person's experience and they will not be able to provide lodging that exceeds the needs for the chunk of the family that's being paid for (i.e., GKTW has a max capacity of seven per room, so if there are two parents, four kids, and two grandparents, at least one of the grandparents would have to find alternate accommodations and an extra villa would not be provided).

 

[starienite]

It could be our chapter only, but that is what they told us when got our packet when Dev got his wish granted. I know that people not included in the wish need to pay their own way (my dad and brother tagged along, but stayed with us GKTW). All in all I think it was poorly handled by the adults.

 

[kritter47]

It could be our chapter only, but that is what they told us when got our packet when Dev got his wish granted. I know that people not included in the wish need to pay their own way (my dad and brother tagged along, but stayed with us GKTW). All in all I think it was poorly handled by the adults.

Could definitely be your chapter, or it could be that your Wish Granters evaluated your situation and told you just the information that's applicable to your family. Heck, I'm still trying to figure out how they got far enough into the Wish process that they got approved without the father's signatures in the first place. As far as I know, MaW has to have both bio parent's signatures to officially approve anything, so unless the mom incorrectly said she was a single parent and dad had no rights, he would have had to have been involved earlier in the process.

I definitely agree with you that this is poorly handled by all the adults involved. You'd think both of them would be able to put their obvious issues with each other aside for her benefit. The good news is MaW will wait until they figure it out and she will get a wish eventually.

 

[kerstfan1]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLjkVxA3_M4


i do believe the dad does not even knows what he is talking about

 

[SueM in MN]

One of my Disboutique friends just checked it out with Make-a-Wish. It is legit, but the Make-a-wish chapter said it is a family matter and they are hopeful it will work out and the child will still get her wish.

To bad it didn't stay a family matter, and instead became public where it will be more difficult to work out.
I'm sure, with all the divorces, unmarried parents, etc, that MAW does deal with family matters like this frequently without anyone outside of the family ever hearing about it.

Yikes. What a sad story. Regardless of what either side has to say about the situation, a little girl is in cancer remission and that is something no child or family should have to endure. The one good thing from this situation is that the Make A Wish Foundation has gotten a lot of people interested in their foundation and I hope people will make a donation directly to the charity. I have feeling that this very deserving little girl will get her wish granted!

yes, it needs to be back to the child and not about the squabbling family members.

It could be our chapter only, but that is what they told us when got our packet when Dev got his wish granted. I know that people not included in the wish need to pay their own way (my dad and brother tagged along, but stayed with us GKTW). All in all I think it was poorly handled by the adults.

Other people have said the same thing. I have a feeling though that, in this situation, the adults have a lot of issues and would have a very difficult time (and might ruin the girl's trip) if they were all tagging along.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLjkVxA3_M4


i do believe the dad does not even knows what he is talking about

He does seem to have some BIG misunderstandings, both about cancer and about Make-A-Wish ( as well as about 4 yr olds).
Some may be not having information, not understanding the information or not believing/accepting it (regarding cancer - remission does not mean the same as total cure).
I have to believe that the Make-A-Wish people tried to clear up his misconceptions regarding not being only for terminal cases, that the wish has to be the child's - not someone else saying "she should have something local or something like a swing set she could enjoy every day". If those were here wishes, that would be what was granted.
He also has some misconceptions about cost. I'm pretty sure MAW does not tell people exactly what is being spent, plus I am sure they don't count up the cost of all the donations that go into any one wish (in the case of WDW wishes, that amount would be considerable).

If what he said in the interview is correct and the mom pulled out of the MAW trip, I can see why she would have. No judgement of either parent is necessary to know that they are so far apart in coming to an agreement about the trip that it probably would not be possible to get the dad to sign off on a WDW trip.

 

[kaytieeldr]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLjkVxA3_M4


i do believe the dad does not even knows what he is talking about

If you mean he doesn't realize remission and cured arent the same, I agree. But I'd hope people would have empathy for him, instead of making some of the nasty comments I read on YouTube . And since he seemingly wasn't involved in most of the MAW transaction, he doesn't understand how the organization works.

But I think he knows exactly what he's talking about when it comes to McKenna's mother and grandmother.

 

[Jellifer]

What I don't get is he didn't get visitation rights until after the child got her wish granted so why is this even being debated? The child probably doesn't have much of a relationship with him and his other kids. This is a wish not a binding experience. If the kid wants to go with her household the new-found dad should have been told to jog on!

 

[kritter47]

What I don't get is he didn't get visitation rights until after the child got her wish granted so why is this even being debated? The child probably doesn't have much of a relationship with him and his other kids. This is a wish not a binding experience. If the kid wants to go with her household the new-found dad should have been told to jog on!

Because that's not how it works. Even if he didn't have visitation rights until recently, he still has some parental rights, and that makes him a.) legally obligated to sign off on the wish and b.) an automatic qualifier to go on the wish as one of two paid-for adult participants unless he gives up that right for someone else.

This is done to prevent one parent in a strained relationship either a.) lying about the lack of the other parent's involvement or b.) putting the child in the terrible position of having to choose between, say, an obviously involved father who does not have primary custody and a step-father in the primary household. Having it default to the bio parents gives every family the same starting place and puts the decision on the adults.

Sue - MaW could absolutely tell you the "cost" of any particular wish - they have to be able to for tax auditing purposes. But they do not share that cost with the family. As an overall average, a MaW costs $7,500 per family as per their website (http://wish.org/about/frequently_asked_questions/how_much_does_granting_a_wish_cost).

And yes, there are plenty of cases like this every year, where the squabbling divorced or separated parents won't agree to sign paperwork for certain things. But those cases almost always get resolved in time, and those families don't go out and solicit donations on their own or try to cast the other side as a villain in the media. Ideally, the chapter helps the parents through their misconceptions (like the father's about it being for terminal illnesses) and helps them come to a conclusion as to what would be best for their child. That takes time and the willingness to cooperate on both sides, and apparently the mother wasn't willing to wait.

 

[SueM in MN]

Because that's not how it works. Even if he didn't have visitation rights until recently, he still has some parental rights, and that makes him a.) legally obligated to sign off on the wish and b.) an automatic qualifier to go on the wish as one of two paid-for adult participants unless he gives up that right for someone else.

This is done to prevent one parent in a strained relationship either a.) lying about the lack of the other parent's involvement or b.) putting the child in the terrible position of having to choose between, say, an obviously involved father who does not have primary custody and a step-father in the primary household. Having it default to the bio parents gives every family the same starting place and puts the decision on the adults.

Sue - MaW could absolutely tell you the "cost" of any particular wish - they have to be able to for tax auditing purposes. But they do not share that cost with the family. As an overall average, a MaW costs $7,500 per family as per their website (http://wish.org/about/frequently_asked_questions/how_much_does_granting_a_wish_cost).

And yes, there are plenty of cases like this every year, where the squabbling divorced or separated parents won't agree to sign paperwork for certain things. But those cases almost always get resolved in time, and those families don't go out and solicit donations on their own or try to cast the other side as a villain in the media. Ideally, the chapter helps the parents through their misconceptions (like the father's about it being for terminal illnesses) and helps them come to a conclusion as to what would be best for their child. That takes time and the willingness to cooperate on both sides, and apparently the mother wasn't willing to wait.

The bolded was what I meant - not that MAW doesn't know the value of the trip, but that I did not think they shared the exact cost of a particular wish with the Wish recipient's family.

 

[cm8]

Because that's not how it works. Even if he didn't have visitation rights until recently, he still has some parental rights, and that makes him a.) legally obligated to sign off on the wish and b.) an automatic qualifier to go on the wish as one of two paid-for adult participants unless he gives up that right for someone else.

This is done to prevent one parent in a strained relationship either a.) lying about the lack of the other parent's involvement or b.) putting the child in the terrible position of having to choose between, say, an obviously involved father who does not have primary custody and a step-father in the primary household. Having it default to the bio parents gives every family the same starting place and puts the decision on the adults.

Sue - MaW could absolutely tell you the "cost" of any particular wish - they have to be able to for tax auditing purposes. But they do not share that cost with the family. As an overall average, a MaW costs $7,500 per family as per their website (http://wish.org/about/frequently_asked_questions/how_much_does_granting_a_wish_cost).

And yes, there are plenty of cases like this every year, where the squabbling divorced or separated parents won't agree to sign paperwork for certain things. But those cases almost always get resolved in time, and those families don't go out and solicit donations on their own or try to cast the other side as a villain in the media. Ideally, the chapter helps the parents through their misconceptions (like the father's about it being for terminal illnesses) and helps them come to a conclusion as to what would be best for their child. That takes time and the willingness to cooperate on both sides, and apparently the mother wasn't willing to wait.

 

[ttintagel]

I try to put myself in his shoes, and I still can't help but think poorly of him

If it was my child, who had just gone through hell and back, and had no guarantee for the future... I just can't imagine denying consent for her to have the trip, even if it was under conditions that I didn't like. Sure, I'd RATHER be the one to go with her, but I would never say to my own child, "If I can't go, neither can you. If you're going with people I don't like, you can't go." Sometimes, being a parent means putting up with things you don't like for your child's sake.

 

[AddictedtoDoleWhip]

I have also read that one of the other reasons he didn't want her to go is because he is afraid the Mom (who I have lost all respect for, she seems to have refused to let him see her) is house hunting and looking for a place to live in Orlando so that way he can't see her. She refused to let him his daughter in the hospital.

Both of them are at fault, I agree, and it should be about the child. She's going to WDW anyway.

 

[dclfun]

I have also read that one of the other reasons he didn't want her to go is because he is afraid the Mom (who I have lost all respect for, she seems to have refused to let him see her) is house hunting and looking for a place to live in Orlando so that way he can't see her. She refused to let him his daughter in the hospital.

Both of them are at fault, I agree, and it should be about the child. She's going to WDW anyway.

So did she get the money from MAW for the trip or is she using the over 10K she has received in donations, or is she using the over 10K as a downpayment on a home in Orlando? I don't care what she got or how she's using it, but something smells funny. I just hope this little 4 year old gets her trip and has an amazing time at WDW.

 

[LockShockBarrel]

I think this was never about the kid, but a handy way to get a trip.