Dating question: Is it weird or creepy to ask someone out at a public place like the local gym or grocery store?

[Buzz Rules]

Nothing in the dating world is how it was back in the kinder gentler times.

And that makes me sad. I always feel like the nice guy who finishes last.

 

[tvguy]

Not weird or creepy at all.

Asking someone out at a Funeral, yeah, that's weird and creepy but apparently not unheard of.

 

[Buzz Rules]

Not weird or creepy at all.

Asking someone out at a Funeral, yeah, that's weird and creepy but apparently not unheard of.

I feel like there’s a story there….

 

[tvguy]

I feel like there’s a story there….

None that I have witnessed. But apparently not unheard of.
https://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/news/a27054/huddled-masses-funeral-pickups/

 

[Buzz Rules]

None that I have witnessed. But apparently not unheard of.
https://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/news/a27054/huddled-masses-funeral-pickups/

In the movie “Wedding Crashers”, yeah I guess. But in real life, just wow.

 

[disneychrista]

In the movie “Wedding Crashers”, yeah I guess. But in real life, just wow.

Hey who’s to say where the right place or right time to meet your soul mate is?

 

[disykat]

Best case scenario, there'd be something like an instore coffee shop so you wouldn't have to ask them "out" but could just sit in the same store and have a cup of coffee.

 

[Jangles]

@Buzz Rules , Trust your own intuition. If it feels right, gently make a polite approach.

 

[mousefan73]

back before online date that is one of the many places couples met. my son's BF met his GF at the gym.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I think context has a lot to do with it. If some random stranger asks you out, that is a bit awkward and creepy.

If it is somebody you have interacted with at least on some level, no harm in it.

 

[sam_gordon]

Walking up a random woman in the produce aisle and asking her out kind of creepy.

Why do I picture this scene....

 

[RamblingMad]

Just to clarify, I didn’t mean out of the blue. I meant when you sometimes have a random conversation with someone who looks single (not wearing a ring) and seems to be enjoying the friendly small talk. As a poster above said, “dating rules” seem to be changing every year due to movements like the #metoo movement. The last thing I would ever want to do is come across as a weirdo/creep and make them feel uncomfortable. It just feels dating is just becoming more complicated every year, but maybe it’s just how I’m viewing it.

One of my hiking groups is out of a church. There is no shortage of people looking for a significant other. I didn’t get this in my 20s, but it’s really about being at locations and groups, where you’re likely to meet the people that are looking.

I’d join singles groups. These are groups where people are open to meeting others, not some random location.

If you’re over thirty, it’s gonna be about income. Do you have a good job and stability?

 

[Kennywood]

"You remind me of my 2nd wife."
"How many times have you been married?"
"Once."

 

[pindecisive]

And that makes me sad. I always feel like the nice guy who finishes last.

'Nice guy' is actually a major red flag. Searching it on Youtube might give a bit of backstory as to why this is.

I didn’t mean out of the blue. I meant after at least a conversation. It just seems people asked out people more at random 10 or 15 years ago then now.

Consent and personal space were viewed differently 10 or 15 years ago, usually not in a woman's favor.

I know people who are married who met outside a club/bar, and I personally met DH at a mixer. That being said, those are places where people who are interested in socializing visit. A cafe, a restaurant, or even a party would fall under that same category.

A grocery store, or gym, or a bank - that's someone's day to day chores and life. Beyond being kind and pleasant to someone you cross paths with, anything else is an intrusion. At the least it could make someone uncomfortable and at the most (gym) it could get you removed and banned.

 

[dizneegirl]

'Nice guy' is actually a major red flag. Searching it on Youtube might give a bit of backstory as to why this is.

I don't know... my husband is a pretty nice guy. No red flags there.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don't know... my husband is a pretty nice guy. No red flags there.

It's more when they talk about being a nice guy over and over. Sometimes they show their colors to be anything but that or he's using it to distract you from something else. The "nice guy" often blasts this on their dating profiles or talks about it a lot. Sometimes the so-called "nice guy" laments in his "nice guys finish last" type stereotype when really their behaviors are causing issues for them. They may not be able to take any sign of rejection either or just that the interest level may not be there for the other person or as much which for them circles back to "nice guys finish last" thing. Then there's the "nice guy" who expects women to do xyz since they did abc for them.

Those are just a few things.

So yeah your husband is nice, my husband is nice but it's not what is actually being talked about in terms of the evolution of the dating game.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'd probably steer clear of gym or at least take a long time of interacting before doing so. Gym is one of the places that women can get very creeped out, uncomfortable and unnerved to be approached. Outside of the influencers many are just trying to work out and feel okay doing so without being approached by men wanting dates. It was often the case that even back in my college days a lot of women hated going to the gym, they would get unwanted attention when they were just trying to exercise. So if you're going to do that do it where you actually build up multiple conversations over time.

 

[DLgal]

'Nice guy' is actually a major red flag. Searching it on Youtube might give a bit of backstory as to why this is.



Consent and personal space were viewed differently 10 or 15 years ago, usually not in a woman's favor.

I know people who are married who met outside a club/bar, and I personally met DH at a mixer. That being said, those are places where people who are interested in socializing visit. A cafe, a restaurant, or even a party would fall under that same category.

A grocery store, or gym, or a bank - that's someone's day to day chores and life. Beyond being kind and pleasant to someone you cross paths with, anything else is an intrusion. At the least it could make someone uncomfortable and at the most (gym) it could get you removed and banned.

Nice guy is a red flag? For what?

And I'm sorry, but no. No one is getting banned from a gym or grocery store for asking someone out. Talk about dramatic. You don't have to say yes. It's not like the OP is asking about forcing himself on someone.

 

[ronandannette]

Nice guy is a red flag? For what?

And I'm sorry, but no. No one is getting banned from a gym or grocery store for asking someone out. Talk about dramatic. You don't have to say yes. It's not like the OP is asking about forcing himself on someone.

I think this is a perfect example of the way the world has changed in the past 20 years. Nowadays, they could actually be right. What you and I would have considered a fairly routine encounter, even if it may have been annoying, now may be seen as some sort of existential threat. It seems like even the simplest things now have implications that would never even have crossed our minds. Making someone feel "uncomfortable" is actually a crime in some places.

 

[Buzz Rules]

It's more when they talk about being a nice guy over and over. Sometimes they show their colors to be anything but that or he's using it to distract you from something else. The "nice guy" often blasts this on their dating profiles or talks about it a lot. Sometimes the so-called "nice guy" laments in his "nice guys finish last" type stereotype when really their behaviors are causing issues for them. They may not be able to take any sign of rejection either or just that the interest level may not be there for the other person or as much which for them circles back to "nice guys finish last" thing. Then there's the "nice guy" who expects women to do xyz since they did abc for them.

Those are just a few things.

So yeah your husband is nice, my husband is nice but it's not what is actually being talked about in terms of the evolution of the dating game.

'Nice guy' is actually a major red flag. Searching it on Youtube might give a bit of backstory as to why this is.



Consent and personal space were viewed differently 10 or 15 years ago, usually not in a woman's favor.

I know people who are married who met outside a club/bar, and I personally met DH at a mixer. That being said, those are places where people who are interested in socializing visit. A cafe, a restaurant, or even a party would fall under that same category.

A grocery store, or gym, or a bank - that's someone's day to day chores and life. Beyond being kind and pleasant to someone you cross paths with, anything else is an intrusion. At the least it could make someone uncomfortable and at the most (gym) it could get you removed and banned.

I’m a polite and kind person. I don’t think those are bad qualities to have. I didn’t say I was the “nice guy who finishes last” only that sometimes a lack of success in the dating world can sometimes feel that way. If I end up alone in the end, then it just wasn’t meant to be. I can accept being single but being a respectful and courteous person shouldn’t be a red flag (unlike a criminal record).