Dating Red Flags?

[Lord Manhammer]

What if it was a great date? Would you have cared as much?

I agree if someone asks, they're the host, it's appropriate to expect them to pay. But so often these days, people who meet online usually mutually agree to meet. I don't think there should be an expectation on either side. Slippery slope for sure.

Even when I was a quasi-broke grad student, I always paid. It's just what's done when you ask someone out.

 

[disneychrista]

What if it was a great date? Would you have cared as much?

I’ve been on other dates were I have paid or we split that it wasn’t the deal breaker. As I said earlier somethings are real breakers in one relationship but not necessarily in another.

I may have given a second chance if not for the split the check on a lunch I wasn’t planning on.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think you might be misunderstanding what is being said. No one said that you don’t have the right to own a gun. But that doesn’t mean I have to date you if I am strongly for gun control and you are strongly against it.

Same can be said about abortion, same sex marriage, etc. You have the right to feel how you feel about these topics. But if my view is total opposite, we can discuss all day long but it is unlikely that we can compromise or just agree to disagree. These core values would be deal breakers.

And I am saying that some of these viewpoints seem ridiculously rigid. Is there no critical thinking anymore?

The day that I no longer want to listen and learn is the day I’ll throw in the towel. YMMV.

 

[gmi3804]

Even when I was a quasi-broke grad student, I always paid. It's just what's done when you ask someone out.

Agreed.

I read this as the check should never be split with the woman. Of course it depends on who asked.

 

[disneychrista]

And I am saying that some of these viewpoints seem ridiculously rigid. Is there no critical thinking anymore?

The day that I no longer want to listen and learn is the day I’ll throw in the towel. YMMV.

If there is no chance of any middle ground then what is the point of continuing to date someone?

We are not talking about discussing something on a message board. We are discussing potentially finding a life partner.

I might even discuss our differing views but in the end would not continue to date that person.

 

[Jennasis]

Red flags...
Poor.tipper
Rude to wait staff
Bragging

Deal breakers...
Smoker
Rap sheet
Truck nuts

 

[CdnCarrie]

And I am saying that some of these viewpoints seem ridiculously rigid. Is there no critical thinking anymore?

The day that I no longer want to listen and learn is the day I’ll throw in the towel. YMMV.

Honestly in this whole odd thread you are the only one that is coming off a rigid and rather antagonistic. You keep bringing up weird things like 2nd amendment and abortion at 38 weeks.

All I said it it would be a deal breaker to be with someone didn't support human rights as in holding racist views or not being accepting of the LBQT community. Not sure how that is being rigid.

 

[John VN]

rigid ??? the following is the ALMIGHTY ultimate expression of rigid --

but why, 'cause I said so

but why, 'cause I SAID SO

but why, 'CAUSE I SAID SO, now go to your room

yes mother

 

[CAPSLOCK]

Deal breakers...

Truck nuts

True dat!

 

[ramee]

I read those few deal breaker posts as a reflection on our political divide, as well. It did seem a “I’m right, you’re wrong” situation and any one that thinks otherwise is not worthy to be deemed a decent human being, let alone enough to date. It’s good to have standards. But it was a sad reminder of the state of things today.

There have always been divides, though. Wealth, status, religion, race…some people are saying it’s possible to make a relationship work in spite of differences. And some are saying deal breaker.

If this ever goes backs to just red flags, stuff like truck nuts was hilarious.

 

[Jangles]

Red flags, judgemental, snobbery… hmmm, how to distinguish between each? Hopefully these are red flags and not the other options. Far right, someone who talks over one, BO, porn addict, drug addict, more than two previous marriages, children by more than two partners, convicted of a serious crime, convicted of DV.

 

[pezgirlroy]

And I am saying that some of these viewpoints seem ridiculously rigid. Is there no critical thinking anymore?

The day that I no longer want to listen and learn is the day I’ll throw in the towel. YMMV.

I would never date someone who did not agree with me on LGBQT+ rights or a women's right to choose. There is no middle ground there. If that makes me rigid well so be it I guess.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I read those few deal breaker posts as a reflection on our political divide, as well. It did seem a “I’m right, you’re wrong” situation and any one that thinks otherwise is not worthy to be deemed a decent human being, let alone enough to date. It’s good to have standards. But it was a sad reminder of the state of things today.

There have always been divides, though. Wealth, status, religion, race…some people are saying it’s possible to make a relationship work in spite of differences. And some are saying deal breaker.

If this ever goes backs to just red flags, stuff like truck nuts was hilarious.

Exactly! Thank you.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

Truck nuts

I do not drive a truck, rather a crossover/SUV but What the hell are "truck nuts?"

 

[Lord Manhammer]

more than two previous marriages,

You wouldn't have dated Elizabeth Taylor?

 

[Smugpugmug]

Here's one that is maybe Gen Z specific. On dating apps I've noticed a decent amount of people put in their bios that they're looking for people who are into astrology and won't date people that dismiss it. That's not my thing personally but found it interesting that A LOT of people had that in their profile.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

Here's one that is maybe Gen Z specific. On dating apps I've noticed a decent amount of people put in their bios that they're looking for people who are into astrology and won't date people that dismiss it. That's not my thing personally but found it interesting that A LOT of people had that in their profile.

I'm seeing that both amongst my students and interestingly, on Tiktok, as there is a large number of Gen Z (usually) girls giving tarot readings on live. Wired even did a story on it:
https://wired.me/culture/understanding-the-gen-z-obsession-with-astrology/

But I'm curious, as you are on these apps, what is a "situationship?" Is that like what I called "friends with benefits?" or what the kids called "Netflix and chill?"

 

[fortwildernessishome]

And I am saying that some of these viewpoints seem ridiculously rigid. Is there no critical thinking anymore?

The day that I no longer want to listen and learn is the day I’ll throw in the towel. YMMV.

Take politics out of it.

You're an animal lover. Would you date someone that refused to even be around dogs, let alone ever own one or live with one? What if their hatred of dogs bordered on possibly being abusive toward animals.

Would you be "ridiculously rigid" on saying you have no desire to date that person? Would you want to "listen and learn" from a person like that and continue dating them? Would "critical thinking" assist you in changing your mind enough to date the person?

I don't see how not wanting to date someone who doesn't support women's rights, the LGBQT+ community or is a racist is being "rigid". There is no amount of "listening or learning" that is going to make me fall in love with a racist!

 

[CAPSLOCK]

I do not drive a truck, rather a crossover/SUV but What the hell are "truck nuts?"

 

[Lord Manhammer]

View attachment 826335

Oh you've got to be kidding me, people do this?