Daycare Bully

[trayletha]

My 3 yro DD is in Day Care while I work – she’s been at the same center since she was two and loves it. She adores her teacher who has “moved” up with her through the “classes”. Here is what has happened:

A boy in her room (same age; 3 yro) told my DD he would get into our house and cut her mommy’s neck (with appropriate hand motion) and she (her mommy) would be dead and DD wouldn’t have a mommy anymore.

She told me about this after we got home Friday afternoon, she is a talker; you ask her “What did you do today” and you get a complete run down – this for breakfast, this for lunch, circle time we did such and such and so on. Anyway all weekend she was clingy (followed me every time I left a room) and had several accidents (she’s been completely potty trained for almost four months). I went into her DC on Monday and spoke with the Director she made several calls a day to his mother and finally reach her today, his mother and father are coming in for a conference this evening.

I am very upset about this on several levels 1. There is something wrong with that child and/or his home life! 2. My DD’s teacher over heard him make this remark but I was not notified – if DD wasn’t such a talker I would have been completely in the dark about her regressions. 3. The Director seems to think I am over reacting to this. Now maybe I am being overprotective and maybe another child would have brushed this off, but DD is very much a mommy’s girl and the “no more mommy” part is probably what caused the most harm. At my insistence the school is putting this incident down in his “permanent record” and the Director is going to explain to his parents that this type of behavior could get him dis-enrolled. Well thank you for letting me get this off my chest, I just can’t believe a child of that age saying something like that.

I am seriously thinking of contacting Child Protective Services - there is just something wrong there. Can you imagine not calling your child DC back for four days?

 

[binny]

THAT is scary! I dont think youre overreacting at all!!!

I would be relaly upset too especilaly that you werent notified by the teacher when she overheard that! Surely she would know that that would have some affect on your dd? That just doesnt make sense!

 

[Saffron]

Awwww. I am so sorry that your DD had to go through something like that. {{{{Hugs}}}} to her.

 

[jldriscoll]

I am in AWE that the teachers did nothing!!! A girl in my daughters preschool squezzed her arm in an agressive manner (leaving a hand shaped bruise) and the girl was removed from the group and parents notified!

Verbal and physical threats HAVE to be dealt with no matter what age!!!

You're right....that is NOT a phrase a 3 yr old knows from watching sesame street.....there must be something wrong somewhere in his life!!!!

Don't back down...you have every right to protect your daughter and quite frankly, if putting these parents on the spot now makes them address the problem....you may be saving another child years from now from something much worse

Good Luck!! Your daughter is very luck to have someone who loves her so much!

 

[Bouncy]

You did the right thing.Working in Daycare I know these things have to be taken seriously.There will be an explanation even if it is that the child watched the wrong type of movie or whatever,but this has to be dealt with.
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} to your DD.

 

[bananiem]

As a former preschool teacher and director of a child care center I would say find a new daycare. If the director and teachers are blowing this off and saying you are over reacting, I have concerns.

 

[HugsForEeyore]

I know how you feel! I used to work in a nursery school, and we had a very aggressive, threatening child. He would always hit, punch, be downright disrepectful and disruptive. Every time I had to deal with him, I reported his behavior to the Director. But nothing ever happened with him. I was told later that the Director and his mother were friends. So the boy was never removed or reprimanded, and he knew it! The school also had the attitude that the other children who were being hit/threatened should learn to be "less sensitive"! And I was told I should learn to handle him better to stop his behavior.

Unfortunately, I learned aggressive kids usually "get away with it". You were lucky to find out!

I have since left that school.

 

[WillyJ]

That's terrible your daughter was scared like that Trayletha. .

I'm curious; did the teacher step in when she overheard the little boy say this and make it clear how innapropiate it was??

 

[yepod]

I feel you are not overreacting to this serious issue.
IMHO, the 'bully' should be removed from this classroom if a second incident occurs.
If the director doesn't follow through to your satisfaction you can either file a complaint to a higher authority (the bigger the organization, the less they want unnaceptable management issues publicized) or file a complaint with the state DC licensing board.
If this still isn't resolved immediately, I would follow bananiem & HugsForEeyores reccomendation.
We had to change our DD's DC a while ago (and did it without hesitation)!
It's a hard thing to deal with as DC is often a necessity.

Good luck and {{{hugs}}} for your DD

 

[trayletha]

WillyJ - yes she was standing near with another teacher and she said "we both looked at each other with that, "Did I just hear what I think I heard??" looks on thier faces. When DD started to cry they realized they had heard it. Ms. Sharon (DD's favorite) comforted her and the other took him out of the room.

Also rereading my post I realize I left out that the teachers did fill out an "incident" report and turned it into the Director, but she (the teacher) was already gone when I picked up DD that afternoon. She did catch me on Monday afternoon and talk to me about it. She said that policy is that something like that is handled by the director, but we've made sure to talk each day since, and I really appreciate that as I'm sure she's "breaking" rules.

As for moving her - I hate to do that - this really is the first problem we've had and she has friends and teachers she loves. Besides he's in the wrong why should she be punished? (and I'm pretty sure that's how it would feel to her? As long as I've got the teacher in my corner I feel OK with it - now if she left - We would follow.

 

[kejoda]

I'm not surprised that the Teacher had a hard time believing what she heard. Who would expect a 3 year old child to say something like that?

Do you have a meeting with the director after she meets with the parents? are you able to meet with the parents yourself?

I hope your dd feels better soon. It must of been so scary for her.{{{HUGS}}}

 

[cotye]

I'd probably react the same as you, or even more so... Sounds like that kid has major problems!!

 

[JasonLyons]

get a 4 year old to kick his butt

 

[browneyes]

Sounds like he watches too much tv.

 

[trayletha]

yepod - Thanks for the info I never thought of contacting the licensing authorities - I wonder too if they have rules about this sort of behavior and how it should be handled? I'm going to look into that.

Do you have a meeting with the director after she meets with the parents? are you able to meet with the parents yourself?

kejoda - Yes the Director called this AM and told me it went pretty well - his mother said she was sorry and that they would talk to him. The Director also told me that a much closer eye would be kept on him, and if a second incident occured I would be notified.

JasonLyons - Do you know one? What would that cost, like 10 Chucky Cheese Tokens?

Yeah browneyes I agree - and not anything good for him either.

and Thank You All and DD say Tank You too.

 

[browneyes]

I hope your dd is ok. {{hugs}}

 

[clutter]

Finding another daycare is a great theoretical option. Unfortunately, in my area of Virginia, the pre-schools/daycares that HAVE openings typically are the ones that don't respond to this type of action. The "good" ones, where this would be appropriately taken care of (and it sounds like they are) are the ones with long waiting lists.

I think that the only additional thing I'd want the daycare to do would be to promise to CALL both sets of parents that day to inform them of an incident of this magnitude. i.e. potentially lTHAT upsetting to a child. Seems like they handled it well, but didn't communicate it well.

Browneyes, I think you called it... at three, he's mimicing something he's heard in a movie or on tv. Perhaps the director could have a chat with the parents about age appropriateness. I know my family provider had a LOT of discussions with the parents of one little boy in her care who like to play guns all the time. (and watched violent movies with dad.) She warned them he'd end up getting kicked out of school (the one my dd goes to now, and he DID!). Meantime, she and her husband were ALL over him when he was there.

 

[JerseyJanice]

You know, no day care situation is perfect.

I had my son in a center that my company sponsors from the time he was an infant until he was ready to start kindergarten. He's back there this summer, too, in their summer program for older children.

Throughout those 5 years, we had mostly great experiences, but when he was 3, there was an afternoon teacher I hated. I thought she was too strict, made the kids sleep too long at nap so it'd be less work for her, and didn't teach them much. I thought she was horrible.

To soothe myself, I looked into other centers and talked about the situation with other parents.

In the meantime, I was venting to my mother-in-law about it and she said, "this is just the beginning. Once he goes to real school, you won't have the option of switching him easily when things go bad. Sometimes, you just have to rough it out."

She was right. In a matter of months, he moved up to the next age group, and the teachers there were absolutely fantastic. I'm glad we saw it through; I think changing centers would have been more traumatic than putting up with this lousy teacher for a few months.

 

[Robinrs]

Michael had a similar problem when he was in Pre-K at 4. There was a child there who obviously lived in very abusive conditions because the lines he was "repeating" did not sound like the lines of a 4yo boy.

He once smacked a little girl hard across her face. My son told her to stop. He told him "this AIN'T your business, boy!" Well, Michael told him "I'm making it my business!" and gave him a bloody nose!!

I walked in that afternoon to find MY son in the administrative office. They told me he had seriously hurt a little boy. This shocked me because Michael NEVER hits kids, I trained him NOT to because he's so big! He didn't tell me until we were on the way home what happened. He just couldn't believe that a boy would hit a girl!

The next day I related this to the administrator, who had not known about this conversation. It turned out that the mother picked up this child with bruises on her face or body everyday. I'm not sure what happened after this but the boy was not in that PreK for long after that!

I am amazed at what they allow in these schools. It's not until it goes too far do they become proactive. I guess we can only protect them as long as we're able...