Empty Nesters--Tell me it gets better

[nancygirl1]

Good for you! It was just my husband and I after the 3 of them left and I cried for weeks. It was truly one of the worst times of my life. Of course, I did eventually adjust, but it was difficult. I'm so glad to hear that you're doing good.

 

[Hisgirl]

It's been harder than I thought...but honestly, it's been soooo stretched out. They both went to college, then moved back home. DS got a job and moved out, got layed off, and moved back home. Then he got a new job and moved out. Then he got transferred back to our state and moved back in till he could find an apartment. In and out. But I loved it. Now, he's settled and it's hard to find time to see him. I miss him so much!

My DD moved out, then moved back, then moved out again, then went to grad school, then moved back. Now she has moved to the other side of the world. The permanence is starting to finally settle in and wow, it's hard. I have started a new career path, picked up a new hobby, and began volunteering and working out...and we're making new friends where we can. We try to fill in the gaps....but I sure do miss them and yes, I have cried many tears and still do.

Time will heal the hurt and before you know it, you'll be loving on grand babies. I'm enjoying this phase of life and also looking forward. I fully sympathize with you but be glad they are healthy and able to be independent. It's a blessing some children never get to exercise. You did well, mama. you did well.

 

[goofyernmost]

First let me say that I love my daughters as much as any of you that are mourning their departure. However, empty nest was something that I looked forward too. After a certain age any animal will push their young out into the world. It is what a parent is for. Teach, train, nurture and support (not always forever, financially). It is our job to raise them and educate them and teach them how to deal with the world. They don't learn how to do that under the protective cover of mommy and daddy.

When they leave it should be more like a graduation day. The day that they felt that we had done a good enough job as parents that they could venture out with a degree of confidence that they were ready. I will never understand parents that let their kids stay well into adulthood. We do them no favors by doing that. We do enable them to postpone responsibilities to support themselves or a family.

My girls have always known that I had their back. I was always going to be their safety net, but, they also knew that I expected them to take the reigns of their own destiny. If they fell, I would help pick them up and brush them off, but I would not hold them up. That was up to them to do.

Anyway, when they left it was with my encouragement. It was my time to reap some of the benefits of my hard work and time for them to create their own benefits. Both are in their 40's now and although many times I'm asked to listen to them vent or give advise, that has been the extent of it. They were not then and certainly are not now, dependent on me to lead them by the hand over life's hurdles. It is up to them to figure out how to get over them on their own with a little advice when they ask.

 

[Tiggeroo]

It's been harder than I thought...but honestly, it's been soooo stretched out. They both went to college, then moved back home. DS got a job and moved out, got layed off, and moved back home. Then he got a new job and moved out. Then he got transferred back to our state and moved back in till he could find an apartment. In and out. But I loved it. Now, he's settled and it's hard to find time to see him. I miss him so much!

My DD moved out, then moved back, then moved out again, then went to grad school, then moved back. Now she has moved to the other side of the world. The permanence is starting to finally settle in and wow, it's hard. I have started a new career path, picked up a new hobby, and began volunteering and working out...and we're making new friends where we can. We try to fill in the gaps....but I sure do miss them and yes, I have cried many tears and still do.

Time will heal the hurt and before you know it, you'll be loving on grand babies. I'm enjoying this phase of life and also looking forward. I fully sympathize with you but be glad they are healthy and able to be independent. It's a blessing some children never get to exercise. You did well, mama. you did well.

THIS. I felt it was God's way of making it easier. By the time my last left this summer (and there are reasons one might be back for a little spell again) I was more then ready for them to be gone. I love my kids but 20'somethings have different priorities then most adults in their early 50's. They can be hard to live with. I want my kids to make mistakes and learn from them but I don't necessarily want to know and worry about every one of those mistakes.

First let me say that I love my daughters as much as any of you that are mourning their departure. However, empty nest was something that I looked forward too. After a certain age any animal will push their young out into the world. It is what a parent is for. Teach, train, nurture and support (not always forever, financially). It is our job to raise them and educate them and teach them how to deal with the world. They don't learn how to do that under the protective cover of mommy and daddy.

When they leave it should be more like a graduation day. The day that they felt that we had done a good enough job as parents that they could venture out with a degree of confidence that they were ready. I will never understand parents that let their kids stay well into adulthood. We do them no favors by doing that. We do enable them to postpone responsibilities to support themselves or a family.

My girls have always known that I had their back. I was always going to be their safety net, but, they also knew that I expected them to take the reigns of their own destiny. If they fell, I would help pick them up and brush them off, but I would not hold them up. That was up to them to do.

Anyway, when they left it was with my encouragement. It was my time to reap some of the benefits of my hard work and time for them to create their own benefits. Both are in their 40's now and although many times I'm asked to listen to them vent or give advise, that has been the extent of it. They were not then and certainly are not now, dependent on me to lead them by the hand over life's hurdles. It is up to them to figure out how to get over them on their own with a little advice when they ask.

What a wonderful and refreshing attitude. It is not easy but it is the natural course of things. Whenever I thought I was feeling a little down I would remember the times I have seen men in their 30's and 40's out with their mom and it looked not like they were taking their mom to lunch but rather like they have never left home. I would not want that for my sons. There is also a point in a young person's life, esp a man's sadly when nobody would seriously consider dating them if they are living home. And I very much did not want my dd to go right from living with me into a marriage and living with a husband. I wanted her to experience being on her own some.

 

[eliza61]

First let me say that I love my daughters as much as any of you that are mourning their departure. However, empty nest was something that I looked forward too. After a certain age any animal will push their young out into the world. It is what a parent is for. Teach, train, nurture and support (not always forever, financially). It is our job to raise them and educate them and teach them how to deal with the world. They don't learn how to do that under the protective cover of mommy and daddy.

When they leave it should be more like a graduation day. The day that they felt that we had done a good enough job as parents that they could venture out with a degree of confidence that they were ready. I will never understand parents that let their kids stay well into adulthood. We do them no favors by doing that. We do enable them to postpone responsibilities to support themselves or a family.
k.

OMG goofy, see this was/is me. I love my guys to death. not a darn thing I wouldn't do for them but now that they are back in the house I'm so ready for them to get the heck out.

My son came home this summer, oy vey two weeks into it I was ready for his backside to go right back. Went "thank you God" shopping last week when I sent him back to Cincinnati.
I guess empty nesting didn't scare dh and I because 1) we had a bucket list of stuff we wanted to do and 2) it's not like in the old days where kids move out and you never see them. I saw my parents all the time and I moved out of state, so I knew that there would never be long periods of time where we wouldn't be in contact.

Funny story,
The second year I was away in college, I came home and my dad picked me up from the airport. My next door neighbor Ms. Tart came out the door and said Hey "Ed" bet it feels good to have Eliza home again. you must have missed her.
My dad said: "Miss her, I haven't had the chance to miss her, every time I look up she's here". lol. thanks Dad, love you too....

anyone ever see that home depot commercial where the kid comes home and the parents have redone their new kitchen by taken the space from his bedroom? lol, that's me.

 

[North of Mouse]

We finished moving in 3 of our 4 kids to college yesterday. I'm really struggling with my emotions this morning. I know this sounds dramatic especially since I have Dd12 still at home, but I'm feeling like the best part of my life is over with I've loved being a mom and having a full house of kids. I'm not ready to transition into a new phase of my life. Feeling so so sad

This just happened yesterday (when post was written) and you feel like you should not be 'blue' today??? Give yourself a little time! We are empty nesters - loved being a SAHM all my life so yes, it was a big adjustment, so don't feel bad giving yourself some 'time'!!! There is a certain amount of sadness, but it is also a great time in our lives, and we are making the most of it. Don't push yourself, but have a positive outlook, keep busy, and move on. It's a healthy part of children's lives (parents too) for our children to 'fly from the nest'.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

My oldest started high school today. This thread makes me want to have another baby

 

[KimR]

My oldest started high school today. This thread makes me want to have another baby

Me too! I'd love to start over with a newborn! With my youngest a freshman and her sister a senior I hardly see them anymore as it is. I suppose that will make the transition to college easier but I am not looking forward to this next phase of my life. It can be lonely sometimes.

 

[eliza61]

My oldest started high school today. This thread makes me want to have another baby

Aawww hell no, but then I'm probably 25 years older. I think everyone looks back with rose colored glasses on.

Lol, I just got back from Florida. did Disney, I was in the bathroom at Epcot where a young mother was in tears after dealing with a 4 year old
Who was refusing to get dressed because she couldnt wear Cinderella pull ups. my Dsil and I just looked at each other, smiled and thank God we no longer have to deal with that.
Also looked at Condo's to spend the cold winters at. Definitely couldn't do that with a newborn.

I'll wait for grandbabbies, all the fun then you send them home.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

My oldest started high school today. This thread makes me want to have another baby

My wife and I went through a few months of wanting another baby when our first granddaughter was born. We kept her for a weekend and we quickly lost the desire to have another full time.

 

[scrapquitler]

We finished moving in 3 of our 4 kids to college yesterday. I'm really struggling with my emotions this morning. I know this sounds dramatic especially since I have Dd12 still at home, but I'm feeling like the best part of my life is over with I've loved being a mom and having a full house of kids. I'm not ready to transition into a new phase of my life. Feeling so so sad

You'll get used to it. Then next summer they will come home and you will be thrilled. And then about a week later, you'll be counting the days until they go back for the fall semester. Trust me. My daughter is a sophomore this year, and by Memorial Day we were both ready for he to go back, not that I don't love having her aound, but you do get used to them being gone.

And my 12 year old missed her terribly when she left last fall, but he soon realized how great it was having Mom and Dad all to himself.

 

[Bec3b1g]

You'll get used to it. Then next summer they will come home and you will be thrilled. And then about a week later, you'll be counting the days until they go back for the fall semester. Trust me. My daughter is a sophomore this year, and by Memorial Day we were both ready for he to go back, not that I don't love having her aound, but you do get used to them being gone.

And my 12 year old missed her terribly when she left last fall, but he soon realized how great it was having Mom and Dad all to himself.

Unfortunately, 2 out of my 3 go straight from college to their summer league baseball season. They stay with host families in the summer We'll get to see them for 2 weeks before school starts up again in the fall.

 

[jerseygal]

Aawww hell no, but then I'm probably 25 years older. I think everyone looks back with rose colored glasses on.

Lol, I just got back from Florida. did Disney, I was in the bathroom at Epcot where a young mother was in tears after dealing with a 4 year old
Who was refusing to get dressed because she couldnt wear Cinderella pull ups. my Dsil and I just looked at each other, smiled and thank God we no longer have to deal with that.
Also looked at Condo's to spend the cold winters at. Definitely couldn't do that with a newborn.

I'll wait for grandbabbies, all the fun then you send them home.

Grandkids are the next step in our lives hopefully too..Having a condo to migrate to in the cold winter sounds AWESOME!Enjoy!