Ever Been Kind of Insulted By a Christmas Gift?

[1GoldenSun]

My mother-in-law got us a reservation at a "marriage retreat" weekend at which couples work on their marriages. I know she didn't mean it as an insult; it was put on by some Focus on the Family person she admired and was an event she probably would have enjoyed attending with her husband. It was funny though; I joked for years that my MIL bought us marriage counseling as a gift.

 

[ronandannette]

I insulted a friend with a gift once. I had the best of intention and it was given with no hidden message behind it. We enjoy going out to eat with them and I bought them a Best Cheap Eats in Portland book. She took it as a message about being a teacher and not earning as much money as us. Certainly not my intention.

That sounds like a great gift to me.
Some people are just easily offended or overly sensitive I guess,

Nope - they actually have to work to be offended by something as innocent as the example above. People like that exhaust me.

I have actually been insulted by *too many* gifts- - - hear me out!!! My one friend is a thoughtful gift giver and we have children that are the same ages. For my children she will send Valentine’s Day gifts, St. Patrick’s Day gifts, Easter gifts, 4th of July gifts, Thanksgiving gifts, and Christmas gifts (oh, and bday gifts). I cannot handle reciprocating all of that!!! Too much time, money, effort, etc. I know she’s just trying to be nice but it started to feel insulting that she had the expectation that we’d exchange gifts for every single holiday. It made me feel like my efforts were not enough since they didn’t include 5 extra gifts per year. I used to get so stressed out about it that I stopped all but bday and Christmas gifts. There isn’t a way to have the conversation without hurting her feelings so I was hoping she would get the hint and also stop... but she hasn’t. So now she is probably insulted that we don’t show our love on the holidays but I just can’t deal with it.

Or maybe she just really loves your family and enjoys giving gifts to people. I've never understood why one assumes every gift is a "transaction" that requires score-keeping. You seem to be the one that feels that way, not her necessarily.

 

[MomOfDisneyPrincess]

That’s so inappropriate. That can be done privately not out in the open like that.

And honestly, that is a necessary item, not a Christmas gift.

 

[Donald13]

And honestly, that is a necessary item, not a Christmas gift.

Agreed.

 

[HadesFan]

When I was dating my DH, Christmas Eve was always at one of the brother's house. His wife (rude to me from the moment she met me, found out later it was because she wanted her friend to date my DH). Before dinner, she was talking all about how many gift baskets her husband was bringing home from work, and was bragging on how she recycled them. Guess what I got that year. Would have been fine if she hadn't said anything.

 

[Babsy]

No. I appreciate gifts and am thankful.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I call those "stereotypical gifts". They're what society says women are supposed to want. They're not as insulting as some of the gifts I've received, but I still find them irritating. Everything I get one I just want to look at the person and ask, "Have you met me?"

Ha, before I read your comment I was getting ready to post, “I call those girl gifts.” They aren’t insulting per se, but incredibly obnoxious in how they accumulate in my bathroom cabinets faster than I can use them. It’s the gift that says, “I don’t know you well enough to give you something in line with your personal interests or tastes, but you are of the bra-wearing species so I assume you must like loofahs, lotions, body scrubs, and candles.” How much time do people think women spend in the bathtub anyway?

 

[Ladyandthepuppies]

Or maybe she just really loves your family and enjoys giving gifts to people. I've never understood why one assumes every gift is a "transaction" that requires score-keeping. You seem to be the one that feels that way, not her necessarily.

I feel guilty that she is putting in time, money and effort on the gifts. It’s not “transactional” but I would like to show my love for her family, too. If you’re familiar with the 5 Love Languages, hers is clearly gifts and I know when I was reciprocating she appreciated it. But it feels so excessive to me and I get very stressed out trying to manage it all... The insulted feeling comes from feeling like 7 gifts a year is way over the top and I would much prefer to show my love in ways other than gifts. But it seems like she isn’t open to that and I guess I perceive it as my efforts to do other things aren’t good enough.

 

[china mom]

Although not insulted by the gift, i have been disappointed by the thought put into gifts from my MIL. It has always been a bit of a challenge for her to figure out who I am and what I would like but a simple call to DH should go a long way. For example I never ever wear jewelry and don't have pierced ears. One year, MIL gave me a chunky necklace and matching pierced earrings. I wasn't insulted but suspected that it may have been a re-gift or a "I'll just grab something at the last minute"

I was sad behalf of DS when she gave him size 4x sweat pants (he wears 2x). He took it well but it tells me that they think he is that big and that makes me sad. I don't think it was meant as an insult though.

 

[sailorstitch]

Ha, before I read your comment I was getting ready to post, “I call those girl gifts.” They aren’t insulting per se, but incredibly obnoxious in how they accumulate in my bathroom cabinets faster than I can use them. It’s the gift that says, “I don’t know you well enough to give you something in line with your personal interests or tastes, but you are of the bra-wearing species so I assume you must like loofahs, lotions, body scrubs, and candles.” How much time do people think women spend in the bathtub anyway?

I know! When I was a teenager I got enough bath products at Christmas to last me well over a year. Sure I never had to buy any during the year. But it makes Christmas really boring when everybody gets you basically the same thing.

What really bothers me is when I get these types of things from family. You've known me my entire life and you don't know me well enough to buy me something Disney? Do you even look at me? My wardrobe makes it pretty obvious that I love Disney. When they don't notice that it makes me wonder if they'd even notice if I wasn't there.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I know! When I was a teenager I got enough bath products at Christmas to last me well over a year. Sure I never had to buy any during the year. But it makes Christmas really boring when everybody gets you basically the same thing.

What really bothers me is when I get these types of things from family. You've known me my entire life and you don't know me well enough to buy me something Disney? Do you even look at me? My wardrobe makes it pretty obvious that I love Disney. When they don't notice that it makes me wonder if they'd even notice if I wasn't there.

Aw, sure they would. ‘Cuz then they’d be stuck with all those bath products.

 

[FigmentSpark]

Today's Garfield... appropriate here:

https://www.gocomics.com/garfield/2020/12/28

 

[sailorstitch]

I thought of another story. It's not something that happened to me, but it's something my grandma did. I didn't hear the story until after she passed. I don't know when it happened, probably before I was born.

My grandma was friends with a family. One day my grandma decided that this family needed a new set of dishes. Grandma went out and bought a brand new set of dishes. She took the dishes over to the family's house. Grandma went into their kitchen, took their old dishes out of the cupboard, threw the old dishes in the trash and put the new dishes in the cupboard. After grandma left, the family took their old dishes out of the trash and put them back in the cupboard. (Hopefully after washing them.)

 

[KatMac]

I never felt insulted by a gift, but I did help some family friends kinda insult my daughter. She was ten and a tomboy. She never got in to dolls and pink, girly things at all. For her, it was insects, reptiles and dinosaurs. And Disney, of course (I raised her right). So we got together and decided to give her a gag gift...a Barbie doll. I will give my daughter credit. She accepted that present graciously. I was proud of her! It was all in good fun and she had a good laugh when they pulled out her real gift.

 

[ford91exploder]

A friend's grandparents were temporarily offended by the recipient of a large supply of home paper products at their first christmas. Grandparent's were offended temporarily by the husband who was laughing his head off. Grandparents did not understand till husband choked out that paper products were made by Scott and that was his first name then everybody laughed about it. No one had looked at the brand of the products until husband opened the package.

 

[LovesTimone]

I had to laugh when I read some of these... I think that everyone at some point in life will get a gift that is like... What???? and Why???

When I was working, I would get gifts from my team or co-workers, other managers, secret Santa, Family members and even some friends... I just learn to just say Thank you, and move on...

I got a box of some kind of fancy pants, coconut candies from a co-worker for my birthday one year, and I'm allergic to coconut...So I put it on the table in the break-room to share with everyone, and wrote Help your self to some of my birthday goodies... The girl that I got it from- got mad because I was sharing with the office... she knew that I was allergic to coconut, when she said something to me about the fact I shared, I was like you know I have a allergy, why would give me something like this that you know I can't eat... she said, I never heard of someone being allergic to coconut before, and I wanted to prove you were making it up... I just started laughing, and said have a nice weekend as I walk out...

I did once get a inappropriate gift from a male co-worker - he bought me a nightshirt for Christmas, and it was not something that you give a co-worker... more like your wife... and when I opened it everyone stopped talking... I sat there shocked... he was like oh no... that's for my wife, I mixed the packages...he was so embarrassed... I started laughing, he kept apologizing... I was like no problem... he was the HR person... so it really was funny... so I handed it back to him, and said she will love it...he turned like 50 shades of red... he did bring my gift later on which was a couple of pairs of fun socks, and gift card to Macy's... I will say that the nightshirt must have worked as they had a baby about 9 months later... LOL

 

[ronandannette]

A friend's grandparents were temporarily offended by the recipient of a large supply of home paper products at their first christmas. Grandparent's were offended temporarily by the husband who was laughing his head off. Grandparents did not understand till husband choked out that paper products were made by Scott and that was his first name then everybody laughed about it. No one had looked at the brand of the products until husband opened the package.

Sorry - I’m confused. Who gave who the toilet paper and why was it an issue for Grandpa?

 

[ronandannette]

I had to laugh when I read some of these... I think that everyone at some point in life will get a gift that is like... What???? and Why???

When I was working, I would get gifts from my team or co-workers, other managers, secret Santa, Family members and even some friends... I just learn to just say Thank you, and move on...

I got a box of some kind of fancy pants, coconut candies from a co-worker for my birthday one year, and I'm allergic to coconut...So I put it on the table in the break-room to share with everyone, and wrote Help your self to some of my birthday goodies... The girl that I got it from- got mad because I was sharing with the office... she knew that I was allergic to coconut, when she said something to me about the fact I shared, I was like you know I have a allergy, why would give me something like this that you know I can't eat... she said, I never heard of someone being allergic to coconut before, and I wanted to prove you were making it up... I just started laughing, and said have a nice weekend as I walk out...

I did once get a inappropriate gift from a male co-worker - he bought me a nightshirt for Christmas, and it was not something that you give a co-worker... more like your wife... and when I opened it everyone stopped talking... I sat there shocked... he was like oh no... that's for my wife, I mixed the packages...he was so embarrassed... I started laughing, he kept apologizing... I was like no problem... he was the HR person... so it really was funny... so I handed it back to him, and said she will love it...he turned like 50 shades of red... he did bring my gift later on which was a couple of pairs of fun socks, and gift card to Macy's... I will say that the nightshirt must have worked as they had a baby about 9 months later... LOL

Office Secret Santa is so fraught, I stopped participating a long time ago. The worst one I remember is when a very “woke” social justice advocate gave a card for a donation towards a development project in Africa, in the name of the recipient. The person who got it literally threw it on the floor when he realized what it was in a fit like a spoiled brat. I actually loved the idea (a very worthy cause IMO) and offered to trade him (mine was a movie theatre gift card), which he snapped up like a greedy toddler. It was so awkward for everyone - we were all embarrassed, except the butthead spoiled brat.

 

[SirDuff]

Office Secret Santa is so fraught, I stopped participating a long time ago. The worst one I remember is when a very “woke” social justice advocate gave a card for a donation towards a development project in Africa, in the name of the recipient. The person who got it literally threw it on the floor when he realized what it was in a fit like a spoiled brat. I actually loved the idea (a very worthy cause IMO) and offered to trade him (mine was a movie theatre gift card), which he snapped up like a greedy toddler. It was so awkward for everyone - we were all embarrassed, except the butthead spoiled brat.

While I wouldn't have had a fit and would have been gracious, I wouldn't have found that an appropriate gift, to be honest. If the giver wanted to donate to a cause, they should have done so in their own name. Those sort of things (unless you know that the recipient would appreciate it) smack of using someone else's money to make yourself look/feel good. Yes, I know that it was the giver's money (unless your office gives people money for secret Santa), but it was "earmarked" gift money for the recipient.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

While I wouldn't have had a fit and would have been gracious, I wouldn't have found that an appropriate gift, to be honest. If the giver wanted to donate to a cause, they should have done so in their own name. Those sort of things (unless you know that the recipient would appreciate it) smack of using someone else's money to make yourself look/feel good. Yes, I know that it was the giver's money (unless your office gives people money for secret Santa), but it was "earmarked" gift money for the recipient.

I would’ve preferred it to another jar of lavender scented body scrub.