Ever been uncomfortable with dining server?

[DISNEY FANTASY]

It wasn't the server, but the head server.... Made me extremely uncomfortable on my 21st birthday cruise. I never said anything to DCL, because exactly who was I supposed to go to if it was the head server? (Stupid question I know, I could have gone to guest services at the very least.)

But point being, ALWAYS go and say something if they are making you feel uncomfortable. My experience is different, but always say something nonetheless.

Go to the restaurant manager.

 

[TheHippie524]

Go to the restaurant manager.

It was 4 years ago. No point now, but yes. that would have been the right thing to do. It wasn't until the last night that it was really bad and uncomfortable.

 

[DISNEY FANTASY]

It was 4 years ago. No point now, but yes. that would have been the right thing to do. It wasn't until the last night that it was really bad and uncomfortable.

They are at the podium as you go on.

Some people I know are RMs.

 

[over50visits]

Servers are real people, with real families and their own joys and sadnesses. We always connect with ours, and sometimes I think they feel they have found someone they can unburden a bit to. Never, ever have we felt this was anything fake (guilt trip, bigger tip). Those types of discussions are the real minority, though. Usually they love to talk about their country, home town, etc. We ask they opinions on food, and listen to them, we ask them about a good wifi spot at a port, we never ask for special dishes for dinner that would take time to make up, etc. Have never been uncomfortable; quite the opposite, we treat them with respect and get it back many times over. They may be servers, but they are not servants.

 

[DISNEY FANTASY]

Servers are real people, with real families and their own joys and sadnesses. We always connect with ours, and sometimes I think they feel they have found someone they can unburden a bit to. Never, ever have we felt this was anything fake (guilt trip, bigger tip). Those types of discussions are the real minority, though. Usually they love to talk about their country, home town, etc. We ask they opinions on food, and listen to them, we ask them about a good wifi spot at a port, we never ask for special dishes for dinner that would take time to make up, etc. Have never been uncomfortable; quite the opposite, we treat them with respect and get it back many times over. They may be servers, but they are not servants.

Nicely put.

 

[DisFanGuy]

Servers are real people, with real families and their own joys and sadnesses. We always connect with ours, and sometimes I think they feel they have found someone they can unburden a bit to. Never, ever have we felt this was anything fake (guilt trip, bigger tip). Those types of discussions are the real minority, though. Usually they love to talk about their country, home town, etc. We ask they opinions on food, and listen to them, we ask them about a good wifi spot at a port, we never ask for special dishes for dinner that would take time to make up, etc. Have never been uncomfortable; quite the opposite, we treat them with respect and get it back many times over. They may be servers, but they are not servants.

I can appreciate the fact that servers are people to. I don't mind casual conversation. Nor would I treat someone like a servant. However I paid a lot of money to go on this vacation. Disney isn't cheap; I could go other lines for less. Talking about money, especially when you don't know someone well, is very controversial. The vibe my group was getting was that this server seemed to think we must be very rich and was trying to makes us feel bad about it. For all he knows, I could have been saving my whole life for this trip. I don't owe anyone an apology for being fortunate enough to travel.

 

[squirk]

I don't think anyone is asserting that servers are "servants" or don't suffer the same emotional ups and downs like everyone else. No one is suggesting that they don't make eye contact with us or not speak unless spoken to.

And I understand that there might be cultural differences where what we guests see as "passive-aggressive angling for a bigger tip" could be, more often than not, a matter of someone letting their guard down, or innocently feeling like there's enough of a friendly connection to share what we would consider to be TMI.

On the other hand, because they are people just like you and me, they can have the same character flaws as anyone else. Just because they have a crap low-paying job and spend months away from their families doesn't mean that they are incapable of laying a sob-story guilt-trip on a table for a bigger tip. I don't think this happens often, or very much at all, on DCL (such a server wouldn't be around for long if enough people complained), but I don't think it's a "black swan" event, either.

 

[over50visits]

Go to the restaurant manager.

Excellent advice. I know 2 current ship restaurant managers, and they both would provide instant and excellent support if any servers were inappropriate. At least the 2 I know would make it easy and comfortable to talk to them.

 

[thumpie's mom]

For the most part we have been pretty lucky with our servers. We have had server's who tell us they make more money on DCL than they could ever make staying in their own countries. We have only had 1 serving team we did not care for, but it was due to the fact our main server was at the end of his contract and his service showed it. He did not make a secret that he really did not care about providing top notch service at that point. We are sensitive to others needs, my daughter and I do many hours of volunteer work, but on vacation I simply want to relax and enjoy myself. We are not wealthy and save our pennies to be able to take the cruises and want to enjoy them. Sorry for your bad experience!

 

[shelbell77]

It wasn't the server, but the head server.... Made me extremely uncomfortable on my 21st birthday cruise. I never said anything to DCL, because exactly who was I supposed to go to if it was the head server? (Stupid question I know, I could have gone to guest services at the very least.)

But point being, ALWAYS go and say something if they are making you feel uncomfortable. My experience is different, but always say something nonetheless.

Dining room manager and/or guest services. You should never let behavior that makes you uncomfortable go unchecked.

 

[Justacruiser]

In general I think that those CM that have been with DCL a while are used to the pay and the protocol with cruisers. I think that the CM with not much time with the cruise line might have a harder time with established boundaries. Most of the CM that can't afford the costs and demands of living apart will generally leave DCL within the first couple of years.

We know a few servers, head servers from the ships (previous cruises) so we ask for them when we book.

 

[EPCOTatNight]

You could always do like me, be quiet. I only answer questions asked...I never volunteer more. And I don't ask ?'s. I never inquire about wives, husbands, kids, parents, nothing. I can come across as anti-social because I am. Seriously, I never have these issues. I dont't even talk to babies. I will never ignore anyone, but I rarely initiate conversations. My wife is different. She's much more outgoing than I am. But, she gets caught up in situations like the OP. I don't.

 

[Carrie in AZ]

I am very sorry this happened. I would have HATED that experience.

 

[Steve Dexter]

Thanks to the OP for this thread. This has been a problem for us too. Our first experience in Palo was basically ruined by the server. He went on and on about how much he has to work and how hard he works. I couldn't quite figure out if he was just looking for us to feel sorry for him, or if he was looking for a bigger tip. It was unprofessional and we got sick of it very quickly and basically got out of there as fast as we could. We did not go on an expensive Disney cruise to feel like this! My wife and I both work very long hours, sometimes 100 hours a week, but I didn't mention that to him, and I would never, ever mention it to a client. I didn't have the heart to bring it up on the survey, but I wish I would have. We have been on a lot of Disney cruises and this has come up a few times.

 

[wdwwishes]

It's an unfortunate situation. It's hard not to get to know the service team, they are with you each evening for a couple of hours, but yes, there are lines. Sometimes though I think some of the staff are just homesick or lonely. Our stateroom host on our Baltics cruise would talk away but I could tell he was lonely, new to the job etc. Hopefully this server will get the message soon.

 

[Cruise]

I've only had this on one cruise and it was both the server and asst. server on that same cruise. The server was at the end of his contract and kept talking about how he couldn't wait to be done and get out of there and get back to his family - uhhmm, sorry to be detaining you.... and the assistant server asked us if we had children (none with us on the cruise) and then proceeded to tell us about her miscarriage several years ago. I thought that was crossing the line of inappropriate.

 

[perditax]

I'll probably start a separate thread for this soon, but:

Can anyone recommend an efficient but hands off dining team for a Dream sailing next month?

Or suggest a diplomatic way to word the following: "We don't need hand-holding, and your tips will be supplemented by keeping my tea filled and the courses rolling; you are warmly welcomed to spend the time you don't spend with us working with family tables who may appreciate the personalized service better than we do."

 

[Cruise]

I'll probably start a separate thread for this soon, but:

Can anyone recommend an efficient but hands off dining team for a Dream sailing next month?

Or suggest a diplomatic way to word the following: "We don't need hand-holding, and your tips will be supplemented by keeping my tea filled and the courses rolling; you are warmly welcomed to spend the time you don't spend with us working with family tables who may appreciate the personalized service better than we do."

If you get a good team - and hopefully someone can recommend one - they should quickly pick up on your cues. Just don't ask any superfluous questions and don't give any unnecessarily long replies or explanations when they ask questions of you. I'm not suggesting you be cold or aloof, of course, but being just polite and succinct should do the trick. They'll figure out which tables they have that prefer more interaction.

That being said, if you feel like your service is suffering or going too slowly because they're spending too much time with other tables, be sure to mention either to them or your head waiter - whichever you're more comfortable with.

 

[clten]

No one should be made to feel uncomfortable during dinner service. We have received the guilt trip too -- servers we hardly know telling personal sad stories. Whether it is knowingly giving a guilt trip to try to get more tips or unknowingly because of cultural differences, it is a training issue and the head server should be made aware of it.

If it is the head server that is making you uncomfortable, there is a chain of command there as well and you shouldn't feel bad about elevating your concern. Go to the Restaurant manager, the Dining Room Manager or to the Food and Beverage Manager.

You are only on your vacation for a limited number of days, I wouldn't let issues linger. Not every server/serving team is a good fit with every client.

 

[Julylady]

We have been on 11 DCL cruises and another 15 RCCL cruises and we have gotten the "I miss my wife and five kids so bad, but they really need the money" story about 25 percent of the time. At first I thought it was genuine, but now I think it's just a ploy to get you to feel bad for them and leave a bigger tip. The stories are too similar to be a coincidence. Maybe I'm just old and cynical, but I sometimes wonder if they even have kids.

Only once did I put a stop to it. We cruised Disney with my two nieces, both adopted from China. Our server was telling them how lucky they were to be adopted into a (rich) American family that can take them on cruises. I cut him off and said luck had nothing to do with it and that God had lead them to us to complete our family. And that they were entitled to all the rights and privileges as any other member of our family. I also told the head waiter. It made for an uncomfortable last two nights of dining though.