Ever get a gift that made you a teensy bit mad?

[Robbi]

One Christmas my mom did give me a gift that made me a teeny bit angry but a lot hurt.
She wrapped up for me a leather coat that my dad had given her a few years before.
Money was not tight. My dad bought himself a 14 kt Rolex President with a diamond bezel and diamonds for 3,6,9,12. He bought my mom an 8 carat diamond platinum watch.

 

[Colleen27]

My husband isn't either so I don't worry about gifts. I can have what I want. So it is all good. I love gift buying and have a good time with it. He has learned to not feel bad. That I am happy and content with our holidays and our lives.

Please read this without a snotty attitude. It is just our happy place.

My husband is a rather inept giver too, at least when it comes to me. I'm a techie, he's a technophobe. So he feels clueless about the things I actually want and listening to me talk about this or that is all Greek to him, so he "defaults" to the flowers/candy/jewelry gifts that TV proclaims all women love. And honestly, there's a bit of that going in reverse too... I can usually remember which tool or gadget he wants for his shop, but I'm not exactly confident in it. So our solution has been to make Christmas shopping an event - we leave the kids with the grandparents and spend the day out together, shopping for the kids and for each other, maybe catching a movie, and having a nice dinner. So technically I picked out my own tablet and he was sitting right next to me when I ordered his new drill press, but it takes all the stress out of gift-giving and we get a nice date out of it too.

We do pick up little thoughtful stocking-stuffer type surprises for one another - he got me a Burts Bees lipgloss collection he noticed I was looking at and a bottle of perfume from my favorite herbal/oils shop, and I tucked the current issue of a woodworking magazine he likes into his stocking with a note that I'd subscribed - but for our bigger gifts to one another our system of shopping together makes the holidays much easier.

 

[MAJPLO]

While returning from a short family vacation one of our bags fell off the roof of our car. There was nothing particularly crucial in it; some medicines, lotions, hairbrushes, my hair dryer and flat iron. I jokingly mentioned the incident to my mother and told her I wanted a new flat iron and hair dryer for my birthday since mine were decimated somewhere on the freeway. When she came to celebrate my daughter's birthday (the day before mine) she brought a gift bag with... Her used flat iron and the hair dryer I used to use when I was in high school. It would've been fine, maybe even funny, if there had been something else to it. No. That was the gift. The whole gift. Complete with dust on the hair dryer and her hairs still stuck in the flat iron.

 

[nycdisneygal]

My DH has 1 brother with a wife and 2 kids and a sister with 3 kids (he also has another sister who lives with his mom). DH is the youngest by a fair amount and so for a long time we were making a lot less money than everyone. So every year for christmas he would get something for his siblings and their spouse and then each of their kids--and cash for the niece that was in college. SOmetimes he would do gift cards for the siblings since its harder to buy for adults. He would always try to put a lot of thought into his gifts. And in return he would receive things like sweatpants for some random NFL team (he doesnt watch football and it wasnst even a local team) and his sister gave him -as his christmas gift one year- a previously owned DVD!! Really.! YOu are going to wrap that up as a present for your brother. Then our first year of being married, we were over at his brother's and then sister's. His brother was handing out cash to the aunts but NOTHING for us (he makes a lot of money). Not even a stickin' card. Then at his sister's house, she gave me a tacky christmas ornament with the 50% sticker on it. That was my entire gift. And DH got some stupid KIDS toy!! After we bought 5 gifts for her family! I felt kind of humiliated as I saw all the other gifts she had bought for people. When my DD was born, his brother and wife gave her some cheap toy wrapped in happy birthday paper for her first christmas. Then the next xmas when they received a present from us in the mail, they ordered something on line for my DD. After that, I decided not to send a present. And so they don't. Fine by me, but my DH would always be the one to call each family member on christmas--usually by the evening of christmas day since none of them can think to pick up the phone to call.
So, I am just happy not getting gifts for them and not having to buy them stuff. I would rather just ENJOY the season without the craziness of gift buying. I am a lot happier that way. I just try to get what I want whenever-although I save most of my money for DISNEY!!

 

[brertoad]

I don't do birthday parties anymore for our kids. It was getting too out of hand. This year, for my son's 12th birthday, we went to WDW. For ODD, we went to Hershey Park. YDD we went to Sesame Place. This year, we are planning a week at the Jersey Shore for YDD (she is a July birthday). The other 2 will decide where they want to go as it gets closer. Just the 5 of us. I usually end up spending LESS on these family outings then if I had a big birthday bash for them. And less nonsense that comes from dealing with the extended family. And my kids remember the trips.

That sounds like so much fun. It's been decades since I've been to Hershey Park and Sesame Place, we only went once to each place, but I loved it. I'm sure your kids will look back fondly on those memories when they get older.

Sounds like a win-win to me, saving money from throwing a big party (added bonus avoiding the extended family drama), and getting to be together as a family.

 

[brertoad]

I will never forget my first Mother's Day after DD11 was born... DH took DS out and spent $100 on a huge, gorgeous bouquet of roses. I could have throttled him! We had a preschooler, an infant, a new (less than 6mo) mortgage on a house we bought out of foreclosure that needed any number of practical things, including landscaping, and he spent that much on CUT FLOWERS?!? Of course I smiled and played happy for DS's benefit (he was 4 at the time) but in private DH did hear about it and he certainly learned his lesson - the next mother's day he bought me 3 beautiful rose bushes, which lasted far longer and didn't cost nearly as much. He did things like that pretty often in the first couple years of our relationship out of some misguided ideas about things men "should" buy their wives (too many commercials, I guess )

I can't recall ever getting that annoyed at anyone else over a gift. I guess I hold DH to a higher standard when it comes to knowing what I want/like?

I've had similar experiences, my DH had spent money unwisely in the past, and it has caused a lot of stress. I prefer that he doesn't make any larger purchases unless we discuss it. I told him a long time ago not to waste money on flowers, sometimes men go overboard, but it's only because they love us. He bought me a portable dvd player for way too much money, makes me sick. They don't think about the money or how it can effect the bills. This is another reason we don't exchange gifts for each other at Chrismas, he uses it as a blank check to go overbroad, and that is not responsible, and it makes me unhappy. So I plan a WDW trip, we're both happy.


My DH bought me a laptop years ago, I asked for a $399 Acer, not to spend more than that. Well, he got to talking to someone at the store and thought he was buying me a better computer, he bought a $799 Acer he thought it was better, but he didn't know anything about the motherboard or processor and honestly it has been the worst and slowest laptop I've owned since the first laptop I ever had, and I was so disappointed, we could have gotten 2 laptops for the same money. I hate that laptop. I gave it to my mom to use since hers was broke, and she hated it too. It was too slow for my mom, who only uses Youtube to watch soap operas and music videos. I've complained enough that he knows now to do his research first and DO NOT spend more than $399 for a laptop, ever. They can't be fixed cheaply, and are like disposable tissues when they break.

 

[donac]

My DH has 1 brother with a wife and 2 kids and a sister with 3 kids (he also has another sister who lives with his mom). DH is the youngest by a fair amount and so for a long time we were making a lot less money than everyone. So every year for christmas he would get something for his siblings and their spouse and then each of their kids--and cash for the niece that was in college. SOmetimes he would do gift cards for the siblings since its harder to buy for adults. He would always try to put a lot of thought into his gifts. And in return he would receive things like sweatpants for some random NFL team (he doesnt watch football and it wasnst even a local team) and his sister gave him -as his christmas gift one year- a previously owned DVD!! Really.! YOu are going to wrap that up as a present for your brother. Then our first year of being married, we were over at his brother's and then sister's. His brother was handing out cash to the aunts but NOTHING for us (he makes a lot of money). Not even a stickin' card. Then at his sister's house, she gave me a tacky christmas ornament with the 50% sticker on it. That was my entire gift. And DH got some stupid KIDS toy!! After we bought 5 gifts for her family! I felt kind of humiliated as I saw all the other gifts she had bought for people. When my DD was born, his brother and wife gave her some cheap toy wrapped in happy birthday paper for her first christmas. Then the next xmas when they received a present from us in the mail, they ordered something on line for my DD. After that, I decided not to send a present. And so they don't. Fine by me, but my DH would always be the one to call each family member on christmas--usually by the evening of christmas day since none of them can think to pick up the phone to call.
So, I am just happy not getting gifts for them and not having to buy them stuff. I would rather just ENJOY the season without the craziness of gift buying. I am a lot happier that way. I just try to get what I want whenever-although I save most of my money for DISNEY!!

This is the type of thing that happens in dh's family. Two of his sisters are always broke. One is on disability but she can buy nice things for other people who don't mow her lawn every two weeks.

His one sister used to make some effort but in the last couple of years she hasn't. Last year was 6 cookies. I didn't want to send her the gc's that we usually do but it dh's choice. By fate some one slit the envelope and stole the gc's. We told her that when she comes up we will give her present.

 

[Peri]

I use to get upset with the gifts my MIL would give me but have learned to get over it. Now I laugh.

Here are some if the gifts I have received:
Sponge (like a kitchen sponge)
Sea sponge (like for the bath)
Coconut bra (just the bra part)
Coconut purse
Lizard made from recycled metal

This year I got a 'vase' but it looks like a cup.

Well, after reading this list, I have to ask - is your MIL Ariel??

 

[foreUT]

well, after reading this list, i have to ask - is your mil ariel??

lol!

 

[luvmesometigger]

That sounds like so much fun. It's been decades since I've been to Hershey Park and Sesame Place, we only went once to each place, but I loved it. I'm sure your kids will look back fondly on those memories when they get older.

Sounds like a win-win to me, saving money from throwing a big party (added bonus avoiding the extended family drama), and getting to be together as a family.

It really is a win-win. We have so much fun together and I take tons of pictures so my kids can remember forever.

 

[luvmesometigger]

Well, after reading this list, I have to ask - is your MIL Ariel??

 

[meggiebeth]

I got a small tin of pencils from my aunt way back when. $3 value. We had agreed on a minimum of $10 a gift. My brothers both got fancy sets of Lego. We gave them $20 gift cards each.
I was disappointed but bit my lip. My parents were upset that I got such a small gift in comparison to my brothers and were worried I felt left out.

This year, my mum and dad got my 14 year old brother a TV for his bedroom. It cost quite a lot and was a special gift. He opened it and asked to return it, saying he wanted the money and that we should have bought him the TV before Christmas not as a gift because he needed it... My parents and I were really shocked at how he had reacted. He expected us to buy him a TV not for Christmas, but just as an extra in the year. He was lucky to be getting a TV at all, and it just really angered me how ungrateful he was.

I felt like taking it out of his room and putting it in the study instead where it would be appreciated. William just wanted the money it was worth- but he needed a TV to play his Xbox in his bedroom and I was just shocked at how rude he was.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[chimilady]

This thread makes me so glad that my husband and I don't exchange gifts with anyone. We just stay at home with our kids and enjoy the holidays with no drama.

 

[Callie]

Only one is the gift I never get!
My uncle the past few years has gotten none of his nieces a single thing. Before that, it was always some random gift set of stuff we didn't need.
A few years ago at Christmas, he came up and said we would get something after the holidays, and we never did. He doesn't even get us a card!
My mom and aunt, still give his kids stuff.
It's also annoying to log onto facebook and see the big purchases they make.

O well.

 

[DVC Daisy]

Well, after reading this list, I have to ask - is your MIL Ariel??

 

[snarlingcoyote]

This didn't make me mad, so much as. . .well.

I told dear niece and nephew months and months ago that I would give them money for the Ren faire and buy their tickets to the Ren faire for their Christmas, so that's what I did.

Well, DB told me the Thursday before Christmas that he and the kids had decided to go to Dollywood the day after Christmas. In his words, it's better than sitting around the house feeling sorry for themselves. (His DW passed a little after Xmas two years ago.) He also mentioned they'd been cold last year (they decided to go on Christmas last year!) and that it was predicted to be v.v.cold this year.

I'd picked up a good snowboarder's parka (a good polartec fleece one) that looked more or less new at the thrift store and had a brand new men's cashmere cardigan that wasn't doing me any good in the closet. The year she died I gave my DSIL a red cashmere cardigan that I knew was still hanging in her closet, and I gave dear nephew a good cashmere sweater a couple of years ago. Dear brother and I talked. Niece didn't have a warm coat and he didn't a warm sweater. He'd give niece her momma's cardigan (he has just started giving away some of her clothes, one piece at a time.), and he'd take the new cashmere cardigan. Niece would get the parka. They would buy long underwear, gloves, hats and scarves when they got there.

So I mailed off the parka and the cardigan two day mail. It got there on Monday. And of all things, niece and nephew took this to be extra Christmas! Nephew claimed the cashmere cardigan and niece took the parka. (And was apparently, I found out third hand, quite dubious about it - it was brown with teal accents. She's a black coat kind of person - but I strongly suspect that when the first wave of cold hit her she quickly became a fleece parka with a warm hood, color be darned, kind of person. )

My only question is what did my DB do for a warm sweater? I'm guessing he got stuck with nephew's old cardigan, which, to be fair, is more my brother's style and a cardigan is more my nephew's style. . .but still.

Still. Hopefully they stayed warm. I'll get DB and nephew warm parkas for next year's trips when I find really good ones at the thrift, and of course they'll have the underwear, hats, gloves and scarves saved back for their annual visits. (You don't wear those in our part of Louisiana. I keep one set of gloves, a hat, and a scarf in my drawer along with one good warm winter coat for trips to Northerly climes in winter - and to me, Dollywood does not count. MA, Eastern Washington, Idaho, Minnesota, Illinois - now THOSE are northerly climes - but if you've never really been out of our part of the world in winter. . .)

 

[Leader of the Club]

My 78 y/o blind mum gave us $60 in scratch off lottery tickets. That is 10% of her monthly income! I know that she meant well and had dreams of us winning the grand prize of 100K a year for 30years, but I would have been extremely thrilled with the choco fudge that she makes for me every Christmas.

It broke my heart to tell her we didn't win anything. I thought of fibbing and telling her we won a small prize, but I don't want her to go out and buy more to gift us, KWIM?

 

[Leader of the Club]

Yes! That's it.

Frankly, I have very little to do with my inlaws. I get angry every time I walk in their house. My husband and I gave them a portrait of the two of us. They have it on their mantle, but cover my side up with a small teddy bear. Hoping it was a cleaning oversight, I moved the teddy bear just to find it moved back the next time I was there. I now manage to see it every 2 or 3 years, or less if I can help it..

ARG! My in-laws have pictures all over their home of their other son and his wife and kids. EVERYWHERE!

There is not one photo of any of us. Not one of my hubs in his Navy uniform, no pics of my kids. Certainly none of me--not even hidden by a teddy bear! I've put up with this kinda stuff for over 20 years! Over half my life!

She (mil) wanted a family portrait done. She told me what to wear and to NOT get my hair cut before hand. Well, I'm a little passive aggressive so I DID cut my hair and showed up barefoot! Ha! and I made sure my tattoo was showing! Ha! again! Needless to say, that pic is not displayed in their home!

And as bad as it was of me, it felt sooo GOOD doing it! HAHAHA!

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

ARG! My in-laws have pictures all over their home of their other son and his wife and kids. EVERYWHERE!

There is not one photo of any of us. Not one of my hubs in his Navy uniform, no pics of my kids. Certainly none of me--not even hidden by a teddy bear! I've put up with this kinda stuff for over 20 years! Over half my life!

She (mil) wanted a family portrait done. She told me what to wear and to NOT get my hair cut before hand. Well, I'm a little passive aggressive so I DID cut my hair and showed up barefoot! Ha! and I made sure my tattoo was showing! Ha! again! Needless to say, that pic is not displayed in their home!

And as bad as it was of me, it felt sooo GOOD doing it! HAHAHA!

In the photo, I've got the hair, make-up, church clothes, and the whole 9 yards. Here's the thing. The one picture that hubby looked really great in, I looked like a fat slob. So...even though my folks got the one where I looked good and hubby looked ok...his folks got the one where hubby looked great and I looked horrible. I tell myself that is the reason. We've taken better looking pictures since, but it will be a cold day when they get one.

 

[hellow]

I haven't read through the whole thread, but I don't get gifts that make me mad, but more make me feel bad for who sent it. My family is spread across the US and all of them have gotten into the habit of sending us food from places like hickory farms, and other online places. For one thing, my husband and I are both trying to lose weight due to his recent health issues, so sending unhealthy food to us is like sending a bottle of vodka to an alcoholic. Second, the food is not only bad for you but is usually hard as a rock, perishable with who knows what kind of refrigeration, or just simply unappealing. I know they all pay a premium for this kind of food gift, but don't know how to tell them to stop sending them without hurting feelings. Every once in while we get a box of pears or something really good, but usually it is processed meats and cheese, or desserts.

Has anyone else found a way to say something so they don't waste their money? I have tried to lead by example by sending gift cards for healthy restaurants, or movie passes, but they still keep sending the same food...