Experiences at wdw with the "stare"

[livndisney]

Please be careful about handing out business cards - that's a form of solicitation, not allowed on WDW property. It would be awful to have an issue occur during a family vacation because of a misunderstanding like that!

Has anyone ever had an issue with WDW on handing out cards like this?

 

[olwyngdh]

I was going to book all 4 of my kids into pirate league but Im unsure wether they would be comfortable painting ds face as so was going to phone them first and see what they say before I book !! I dont think he will wear an eye patch as he associates eye patchs with surgery but I do think he will enjoy the face painting and dress up and who knows it may just mean that he feels much more comfortable walking around the world !!

I don't know what Disney's policy is, but I know someone who works at the Pirate League, and I can promise you, he would be caring, understanding, and make your child feel not only just like any other kid, but special at the same time. I will see if I can find a picture of him and PM it to you so you know who to ask for!

Amy

 

[Figaro]

People are ever curious. One time while waiting at the bus stop at a resort, two women came over to me and asked me if my spouse and I had sex. I burst out laughing, which shamed the women enough that they walked away.

Sometimes when people ask why I'm in a wheelchair I tell them. Sometimes not if I don't have the energy. I will always tell children that my legs don't work and since the incident with those two women, am never surprised at the kinds of things people will say.

It's just easier for me to remain oblivious to the looks and since I don't want to lose any of my vacation time being upset, I remind myself frequently that the only behavior I have any control over is my own.

 

[scojos]

Please be careful about handing out business cards - that's a form of solicitation, not allowed on WDW property. It would be awful to have an issue occur during a family vacation because of a misunderstanding like that!

we have "business cards" from the NAS (national autisitc society here in the UK) which we distributed when josh had a meltdown, people just read them and gave them back, no one questioned anything..it was just "my child has autism, this may result in...." type things.

Louise, ill make you some t shirts for the crew if you like

I love some of the slogans you lot have come up with, they have made me laugh, and knowing Louise I could imagine her coming out with some of them

for Louise
tracy

 

[Bete]

Please be careful about handing out business cards - that's a form of solicitation, not allowed on WDW property. It would be awful to have an issue occur during a family vacation because of a misunderstanding like that!

First, this is not a true business card; it's a printed message about the circumstances here that happens to be printed up on business card sized paper.

It's not a solicitation; no one is selling anything.

This family has a right not to be bothered by strangers who may make it uncomfortable for them or even worse. If this can help put it at bay, it may have to be done.

I have personally used this tactic; because, my mom has Alzheimer's (89 years old) and she can have a tantrum like a two year old; so, it has helped us keep strangers away. Strangers can actually put her in distress, if they don't keep their distance and engage us in a conversation about it and make my mom feel awkward, etc.

Original poster if you have doubts about this tool please take your card to guest services at the parks for approval. It's not necessary, but it may put you at ease with it.

 

[Kaewin]

My son is autistic and we get the stare. He self talks all the time and once and a while has a meltdown. Kind of used to to (not really) but I have explained to people once and a while when he has a meltdown about his autism and do they want to get closer for a better look. Never had anyone except but they do look away.

The card thing is a good idea.

 

[JennyDrake]

While it is not facial I have a large, disfiguring scar on my left arm. Four surgeries following a badly broken arm. It happened when I was 10. I never tried to cover it up and when/if people stared I just said, "I broke it and had to have a bunch of surgeries," and I was by no means a super confident kid. Then when I was just turning 12 I got stuck in this WRETCHED back brace for almost 4 years. That was the worst because it so bothered my parents that they obessed about hiding it. Then I obsesed.
While education is not your "job" it IS your OPPORTUNITY! I think the business cards are a super idea! Something short and sweet like "Thank you for noticing my beautiful son! Our family is blessed that he is a (whatever kind of) cancer survivor. Here is a web site where you can learn more:"
During a WDW trip there was a girl of 8 or 9 walking on two "leashes" with two adults. the back of her T-shirt said, "My daugther has autism. Thank you for being understanding!"
I don't think returning "the stare" or snippy responses solve anything. Chin up and share with other just how special your son is!

 

[JennyDrake]

Yes, I saw a parent with them whose child was autistic, no- and had personal space issues. It politely asked them to honor their son's request for space. I was in line for the train with them. After a bit, the son can over and touched me gently. The mother apologized and started to pull him back, but I quickly and quietly said. "It's OK, I love special kids." The smile on that mother's face was priceless. The boy touched me a few more times and I felt honored that he was comfortable enough to do so.

 

[dixonsontour]

My DD aged 4 was born without her left arm and hand below elbow.

The difference I noticed with her at WDW was american children and adults tended to ask me/DD outright whereas in the UK I've experienced more of just staring.

I also found american parents were more willing to answer their child's question - they usually said god makes everyone different whereas in the UK the parent pulls the child away embarassed.

Our explanation is DD was born like that and after our trip she was much more confident saying that to people herself, because she had heard me saying it so much over the 14 days.

People also said things like god bless you which we have never experienced here in the UK.

We had a lovely trip and are going back this October. Yes my DD's disbility was mentioned but we never felt uncomfortable at all.

We booked my daughter in for a BBB makeover - the middle package where they do nails aswell. I mentioned when I made the reservation about DD only having one hand as i didn't want any akwardness eg if they said give me your other hand. The lady they assigned us was absolutely wonderful.

The lovely thing about disney is there are all sorts of people there including children with all sorts of disabilities.

Have a lovely trip.

 

[buzz for boys]

Again Thank you so much for all the replies

I agree with pp that I dont want to make this any more of an isue for ds than it is already. I wish I had the strength to answer everyones questions and to do my ds bravery proud but Im afraid I dont. There is so many emotions connected to what has happened and at this point in time I am not able to discuss my little man story without an outburst of tears.

I am so very proud of him and never want anyone to think im not I guess I just want 2 weeks where we are just us differences and all where we cann all just smile and have fun without having to use the word cancer endlessly throughout a day.

Im hoping that you guys are all correct and we will have few issues whilst on holiday and then we can hopefully find the strength to answer peoples curiousity and do my little man proud

 

[PatMcDuck]

My DD is 18 now, she has been thru a series of illness' over the last 4 years. She has been left with MANY scars, from many operations on her knees, hips, abdomen, hand, arm. But what people stare at, is her skin, steroids left her with severe stretch marks. She has them over much of her body, people in public only see it on her arms and legs of course. She is not overweight now, but her skin shows the stretch marks and they will never go away (they have faded). It looks unusual, esp. in combination with so many scars.

When she finally returned to the last month of senior year, in June, the stares REALLY bugged her. NOT from the students, from TEACHERS! She came home SO annoyed, so we tried to brainstorm a response. The one she choose, was one I only said as a joke....... If the stare was at her legs, she would look down, following their gaze, and slap at her legs, and yell "what is it? Is is a BUG??" and the teacher would then look at her face and say "no", and DD would say, "then what were you staring at??" or something to that effect..... I know, it is a little over the top, but she liked this one, I guess it gave some power back to HER. the teachers would usually just walk away.

We go to WDW next week, and I hope she is a little understanding and not too confrontational/ kids staring she understands, it is adults that tick her off. And it is not a double take that is the issue, it is long, hard, stares. We will also have DS, who uses a bright red Convaid chair at WDW (Downs, Autism) so some of the attention will be on staring at HIM, I suppose He does not know or care about staring, so no big deal.

 

[JennyDrake]

I almost forgot this one!! One of my girlfriends had one breast significantly larger than the other. She was OK with it and found prosthesis to be very uncomfortable. When anyone stared for too long she would say witha BIG smile "Can you speak up? The left one is hard of hearing." She said half the time people would just burst out laughing and the other blush and learn their lesson.

 

[Earstou]

Buzz for boys,
I lurked on the UK board for awhile because we vacationed there last year. I remember some of what you all went thru. Completely understand wanting to have a normal holiday!
If while at WDW the looks do happen to get overwhelming for your son, you might all try funny hats. Everyone wearing, for example, Goofy hats...will turn heads, but in a good way.
Have a great holiday!

 

[Deesknee]

Excuse the partial quote:
I love this line! KPeveler, I would love to make a shirt with this saying, specific to my condition. Would that be okay with you?

I am a fan of celebrating our disabilities/illnesses/differences - it will never be "cool" he had cancer and lost an eye, but sometimes you can make what stinks come with cool accessories.

Regarding quick witted remarks: Without getting into details, DH was once asked what we considered a private question. He answered with a sarcastic reply. Only to find out the woman asking was going thru the same thing we had & she was just trying to get answers. Yes, she could have mentioned that first, but perhaps she didn't want to reveal her "privacy" if we wouldn't understand. Bottom line DH ate some humble pie. From then on when asked such questions we just question..."why do you ask?" works out well. If someone is just being noisy shuts them up. If someone needs help getting answers then we can help.


Good Luck. I hope you all have a blast.

 

[Schmeck]

First, this is not a true business card; it's a printed message about the circumstances here that happens to be printed up on business card sized paper.

It's not a solicitation; no one is selling anything.

This family has a right not to be bothered by strangers who may make it uncomfortable for them or even worse. If this can help put it at bay, it may have to be done.

I have personally used this tactic; because, my mom has Alzheimer's (89 years old) and she can have a tantrum like a two year old; so, it has helped us keep strangers away. Strangers can actually put her in distress, if they don't keep their distance and engage us in a conversation about it and make my mom feel awkward, etc.

Original poster if you have doubts about this tool please take your card to guest services at the parks for approval. It's not necessary, but it may put you at ease with it.

But what happens when handing a card to someone makes them more aggressive? By handing someone an object, you are becoming the 'attacker', you have made the move from a verbal issue to a physical one. We've all heard about the melee at the teacups, and I would hate for someone to be assaulted and injured because they were given the advice here on the Dis to hand out cards. Dear Abby just gave some wonderful advice in her column recently about this 'staring' issue. I'll see if I can find what she wrote.

BTW, solicitation does not have to involve a purchase, as it covers the religious zealots who hand out pamphlets to 'save' people. I have had first hand experience with this, as I had to make an issue out of some people going after kids walking home from our local middle school, handing out flyers in a very aggressive way.

 

[srferson]

I almost forgot this one!! One of my girlfriends had one breast significantly larger than the other. She was OK with it and found prosthesis to be very uncomfortable. When anyone stared for too long she would say witha BIG smile "Can you speak up? The left one is hard of hearing." She said half the time people would just burst out laughing and the other blush and learn their lesson.

I love it!!

 

[livndisney]

But what happens when handing a card to someone makes them more aggressive? By handing someone an object, you are becoming the 'attacker', you have made the move from a verbal issue to a physical one. We've all heard about the melee at the teacups, and I would hate for someone to be assaulted and injured because they were given the advice here on the Dis to hand out cards. Dear Abby just gave some wonderful advice in her column recently about this 'staring' issue. I'll see if I can find what she wrote.

BTW, solicitation does not have to involve a purchase, as it covers the religious zealots who hand out pamphlets to 'save' people. I have had first hand experience with this, as I had to make an issue out of some people going after kids walking home from our local middle school, handing out flyers in a very aggressive way.

If simply handing a card to someone causes them to become "aggressive" than I would suggest that person is the one with the issue not the person handing a card.
I really think you are comparing apples and oranges. Approaching a student on school grounds with information is not that same as handing a staring or interfering grown adult a card stating "My child has autism" as you are dealing with a meltdown.

 

[crashbb]

My husband has MS and uses an EVC while in Disney. When he tries to board a bus, people will almost ALWAYS comment on how he doesn't "look like he is disabled". It happens a few times a day and it gets frustrating for him. He stumbles when he tries to walk and people have accused him of being drunk.
We combat these issues by answering the questions they have before they can be asked. My husband has several t-shirts with phrases like, "If you don't think I look sick, you should see my MRI!" and "My immune system went crazy and all I got was this scooter and first seat on the bus!".
Try to have humor in it. I have a friend with a face disfigurement and she has a shirt that reads, "If you think I look bad, you should see what the idiot who stared at me all day looks like." and my favorite " Turn around and mind your business...I am not wondering why you are such an idiot!"
Recognize that there are ignorant people who love Disney as much as we do. Blow them off and have a blast!!!

Tish

See shirts like that would cause me to "stare" at the wearer. Not that I'm staring at them, but I'm reading what is written on the shirt. Frankly, I'd likely be offended if I read "turn around and mind your business..." - I was only "staring" because I was reading the shirt. Had they not been wearing such a shirt, I'd have walked past with no staring.

 

[ireland_nicole]

But what happens when handing a card to someone makes them more aggressive? By handing someone an object, you are becoming the 'attacker', you have made the move from a verbal issue to a physical one. We've all heard about the melee at the teacups, and I would hate for someone to be assaulted and injured because they were given the advice here on the Dis to hand out cards. Dear Abby just gave some wonderful advice in her column recently about this 'staring' issue. I'll see if I can find what she wrote.

BTW, solicitation does not have to involve a purchase, as it covers the religious zealots who hand out pamphlets to 'save' people. I have had first hand experience with this, as I had to make an issue out of some people going after kids walking home from our local middle school, handing out flyers in a very aggressive way.

Wow- two completely different situations, obviously- and the issue with the tea cups had to do with one seriously disturbed individual and "supposed" line cutting- unless there's more than one tea cup incident; so I really don't see what that has to do with this. Offering a card is very different from going after someone. Trust me, it is not always possible for a parent to verbally explain why they are having to restrain a suddenly raging child( I know from experience)- I'm pretty sure it's easier to offer someone a card they can read than have to explain the situation to security. (and in case anyone is looking to flame, yes, we do avoid triggers, we do ensureadequate rest, food and hydration, we do seek out less populated areas where possible, etc., etc.)More common would be the stares when she is spinning or flapping or singing, etc. And they are usually curious why she acts that way. The cards, or a quick- Gotta love autism!- usually sets things to rights, or even starts a helpful conversation.

 

[CR ESQ.]

I almost forgot this one!! One of my girlfriends had one breast significantly larger than the other. She was OK with it and found prosthesis to be very uncomfortable. When anyone stared for too long she would say witha BIG smile "Can you speak up? The left one is hard of hearing." She said half the time people would just burst out laughing and the other blush and learn their lesson.

that is really funny, it's wonderful your friend has such a great sense of humor. As they say if you don't laugh you cry!

Harold