tazz23
<font color=purple>Much more than just a Registere
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2003
Sometimes I feel really alone. I feel as if there is no one to relate to how I feel.
My dad died unexpectedly 3 years ago. I was 18 and just started university. I don't think it ever really hit me that he had gone- University was a distraction and I guess an escape.
I started to grieve a year later, but felt like I should have finished grieving already- My mother and brother were far away and my friends perhaps felt awkward. I also have never been close to my dad's side of the family so didn't feel comfortable going to them. However, for my dads sake, I have tried to keep in touch with them through emails and telephone. They hardly ever respond through and I feel as if I'm a chore and they are only doing it because I am my fathers daughter and feel obliged to stay in touch.
I am 21 now and graduated in June with honours. Things were going great and I was really happy. I have a wonderful dbf and we moved in together with some friends in September and I had a job which I enjoyed.
Then in October my mother became very ill and to cut a long story short, she was diagonised with Pancreatic cancer. I moved back to live with my mum and brother who is 14. In December we found out that it had spread to the liver and doctors say there is not much they can do. They give her 3 years to live. I quit my job to become my mother's carer and look after my brother. He is only young and I really feel for him- He is very mature for his age, but i know he may lose both parents before he is 18.
Anyway, my mum has started chemotherapy and it is much tougher than I thought. She is sick regularly and I find it very tough sometimes, juggling all the house work and cooking and looking after her. I am not used to any of this and wish things were different. I find that none of my friends can relate to the situation and feel ashamed to tell people. My mum says to go out but I feel so guilty knowing she is sick and I am worried.
My mums family all live abroad as my mum moved to England when she married my dad and even though they have been very supportive and phone every day- I still find it hard to relate. I feel there is noone here and feel very responsible. Sometimes I cry at night, I find doing chores very boring but I cannot get a job as I never know what will happen with my mum. She goes into hospital frequently.
The idea that I will spend the next 3 years like this, makes me feel depressed. I love my mum and brother extremely and we are all very close but I want to get a job, travel, go out and be like any 'normal' 21 year old. I feel selfish for thinking these thoughts and I certainly don't want my mother to die. I am not sure how I will cope looking after my brother.
Tonight is one of those nights where I am upset for my mum and also for myself. I am grateful for the time I am spending with my family but wish things were different.
My dad died unexpectedly 3 years ago. I was 18 and just started university. I don't think it ever really hit me that he had gone- University was a distraction and I guess an escape.
I started to grieve a year later, but felt like I should have finished grieving already- My mother and brother were far away and my friends perhaps felt awkward. I also have never been close to my dad's side of the family so didn't feel comfortable going to them. However, for my dads sake, I have tried to keep in touch with them through emails and telephone. They hardly ever respond through and I feel as if I'm a chore and they are only doing it because I am my fathers daughter and feel obliged to stay in touch.
I am 21 now and graduated in June with honours. Things were going great and I was really happy. I have a wonderful dbf and we moved in together with some friends in September and I had a job which I enjoyed.
Then in October my mother became very ill and to cut a long story short, she was diagonised with Pancreatic cancer. I moved back to live with my mum and brother who is 14. In December we found out that it had spread to the liver and doctors say there is not much they can do. They give her 3 years to live. I quit my job to become my mother's carer and look after my brother. He is only young and I really feel for him- He is very mature for his age, but i know he may lose both parents before he is 18.
Anyway, my mum has started chemotherapy and it is much tougher than I thought. She is sick regularly and I find it very tough sometimes, juggling all the house work and cooking and looking after her. I am not used to any of this and wish things were different. I find that none of my friends can relate to the situation and feel ashamed to tell people. My mum says to go out but I feel so guilty knowing she is sick and I am worried.
My mums family all live abroad as my mum moved to England when she married my dad and even though they have been very supportive and phone every day- I still find it hard to relate. I feel there is noone here and feel very responsible. Sometimes I cry at night, I find doing chores very boring but I cannot get a job as I never know what will happen with my mum. She goes into hospital frequently.
The idea that I will spend the next 3 years like this, makes me feel depressed. I love my mum and brother extremely and we are all very close but I want to get a job, travel, go out and be like any 'normal' 21 year old. I feel selfish for thinking these thoughts and I certainly don't want my mother to die. I am not sure how I will cope looking after my brother.
Tonight is one of those nights where I am upset for my mum and also for myself. I am grateful for the time I am spending with my family but wish things were different.
