Feeling left out of close friend's wedding

[Kitty 34]

I am going to get flamed for saying this, but I think we are being punked.

And if we are......I'm good with it. During Quarantine Times even my DISing ethics are different!

 

[anniemae]

If you don't speak up, your friend won't know how you feel. You could always talk to him about it without begging to be in the wedding. Something like, "I am so happy for you and Susan, is there anything I can do to make the day go easier? I would love to help out and be a part of your day." Or something like that.

Weddings can bring up sorrow for many people who want to be married or in a relationship and for people unhappy in their own marriage etc. Same with baby showers for people who can't have kids or never had kids and wanted them.

 

[del12]

You seem like you want a partner for companionship and have that special someone to share life with and be in each other's corner. To help give your life goals and meaning. Though in essence, those thoughts could straddle thinking a partner could rescue us.

Only we can save ourselves from our hang-ups. A partner can support us working on things but they can't and never will save us. Most of that has to come out of us individually. That's a huge step towards finding a functional relationship. A relationship doesn't fill in the gaps, it multiples the positives or negatives. Working toward a better fulfilled version of self increases the happiness, quality and likelihood of finding a partner and maintaining a healthy relationship. Finding a partner is the first hurdle but the quality is what makes it or breaks it. In the end it always comes back to us and how prepared we are to contribute and share a life together.

Some of those friends marrying will divorce or be miserable because of these hurdles. So what if you arrive later if your arrival is solid. That's what matters more to your happiness.

Yes, I want someone to share my life with. I'm tired of having no to come home to. For me a relationship would help me in many ways, it would help me feel fulfilled.

 

[del12]

If you don't speak up, your friend won't know how you feel. You could always talk to him about it without begging to be in the wedding. Something like, "I am so happy for you and Susan, is there anything I can do to make the day go easier? I would love to help out and be a part of your day." Or something like that.

Weddings can bring up sorrow for many people who want to be married or in a relationship and for people unhappy in their own marriage etc. Same with baby showers for people who can't have kids or never had kids and wanted them.

This is one of the issues for me. It's hard to be happy for others when nothing good is happening in your life.

 

[Hikergirl]

Yes, I want someone to share my life with. I'm tired of having no to come home to. For me a relationship would help me in many ways, it would help me feel fulfilled.

I'm going to say this as a person who was with someone who needed me (or a relationship) to feel fulfilled.
That is way too much pressure on that person and she will end up resenting you.
You need to find ways to feel fulfilled and then find your soulmate. If you expect your partner to fulfill some need you have then in the end you will both end up hurt, you even more than you are feeling now.
If what you have expressed in this thread is really how you feel then you need therapy not a girlfriend right now.

 

[del12]

Things don't always go as planned. I didn't expect to still be single at 33, but here I am and my life is fine. There are benefits to being single, too. Better to be single than in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship, in my opinion.

For me, there are no benefits to being single. It makes my life than it has to be. I always feel somewhat left out when I go to events with married friends and their spouses. I don't enjoy being home alone at night and always having to tell people that I'm single and not married.

If I could easily adopt as a single parent, I would do it in a heartbeat so I wouldn't be so alone in my life.

 

[del12]

I’d advise against talking to him about it. He made his decision. And yes it’s tough to be left out i know but don’t put him on the spot.

Yes, I don't want to put him on the spot.

 

[mjkacmom]

For me, there are no benefits to being single. It makes my life than it has to be. I always feel somewhat left out when I go to events with married friends and their spouses. I don't enjoy being home alone at night and always having to tell people that I'm single and not married.

If I could easily adopt as a single parent, I would do it in a heartbeat so I wouldn't be so alone in my life.

You should never have a child to make you feel better, you kind of sound like a teen mom with that attitude, it’s wrong. Adopt a dog.

 

[Wendy1985]

You should never have a child to make you feel better, you kind of sound like a teen mom with that attitude, it’s wrong. Adopt a dog.

I learned very recently its not fair to the kid to put more responsibility on them then what is age appropriate

Like for a newborn for example it will be a very one sided relationship till they learn to love

 

[Moliphino]

For me, there are no benefits to being single. It makes my life than it has to be. I always feel somewhat left out when I go to events with married friends and their spouses. I don't enjoy being home alone at night and always having to tell people that I'm single and not married.

If I could easily adopt as a single parent, I would do it in a heartbeat so I wouldn't be so alone in my life.

Off the top of my head: I can do all the things I want to do (vacations, events, movies, food, purchases, stay in and do nothing, etc.) without having to take someone else's opinion or needs into account. I can spend all holidays with my family and not have to worry about splitting time with a significant other's family.

 

[VandVsmama]

For me, there are no benefits to being single. It makes my life than it has to be. I always feel somewhat left out when I go to events with married friends and their spouses. I don't enjoy being home alone at night and always having to tell people that I'm single and not married.

If I could easily adopt as a single parent, I would do it in a heartbeat so I wouldn't be so alone in my life.

This is a really bad reason to have a child.

Start with a pet first. Join a book club. Develop a new hobby that requires social interaction with other people. If you're the church-going sort of person, just about any larger church organization has an adult singles group that does fun stuff together regularly.

 

[del12]

Off the top of my head: I can do all the things I want to do (vacations, events, movies, food, purchases, stay in and do nothing, etc.) without having to take someone else's opinion or needs into account. I can spend all holidays with my family and not have to worry about splitting time with a significant other's family.

I wouldn't mind doing all those things and even splitting holidays.

 

[del12]

This is a really bad reason to have a child.

Start with a pet first. Join a book club. Develop a new hobby that requires social interaction with other people. If you're the church-going sort of person, just about any larger church organization has an adult singles group that does fun stuff together regularly.

I already have two pets which are cats. I'm already involved in clubs and I hang out reguarly with friends. I don't attend a church.

 

[piccolopat]

I think you are confusing groomsmen with ushers. Most of the weddings I've been to have two ushers(who aren't groomsmen) who escort people to their seats.

All of the weddings I have gone to had the groomsmen handle the ushering duties. Perhaps it's a regional thing.

 

[VandVsmama]

Never mind

 

[del12]

I learned very recently its not fair to the kid to put more responsibility on them then what is age appropriate

Like for a newborn for example it will be a very one sided relationship till they learn to love

I wouldn't be putting additional responsibilities on a child. It would be a normal parent/child relationship, but it would just be different as I would be a single parent. The reasons I don't pursue adoption is because it's unlikely I would find a lawyer or agency willing to wok with me and it's also unlikely birth parents would be willing to give their child up to a single disabled person.

 

[DisneyJules]

That sucks, I’m sorry you weren’t asked. I think we’ve all experienced being left out and it’s never a good feeling. I’m 36 and I’ve never been asked to be a bridesmaid, yet I have friends who seem to be in multiple bridal parties every summer.

 

[mjkacmom]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ps...1512/6-terrible-reasons-anyone-have-child?amp

 

[disneychrista]

Yes, I want someone to share my life with. I'm tired of having no to come home to. For me a relationship would help me in many ways, it would help me feel fulfilled.

I’m 110% there with you wanting to find someone to share your life with. I want that for myself too. But what you don’t seem to realize is that you have to find ways to feel fulfilled on your own first.

 

[fly girl]

This thread has given you very sage advice.

The problem I am seeing now is you have a rebuttal for every positive step that is being offered. It feels you really don't want to listen, you just want us to join in your pity party. Like I said before, you can have your moment to be sad. But if that is all you want out of this, tell us. Otherwise this thread will keep going and nothing will be gained.