First Child Moving Out..Sad

[mom2rtk]

Congratulations for giving her wings! Thank goodness electronics have made the distance easier to bear.

 

[Pooh2]

Two of our kids moved across the country.
We use the situation to travel to new places and have new experiences.
You have lots to look forward to down the road with weddings, grandkids.
This will get easier!

 

[Pink Partridge]

Thank you, everyone. I hope I get used to it like I did when she was at college. Coronavirus brought us all together and it was so lovely with everyone under one roof for one last time.

I think this would have been easier if she would have just gone onto her career in May after graduating. But she has been home since March due to colleges going virtual. The borrowed time was a blessing, but making things more difficult now that I have to watch her move one with her life.

Your words helped a lot. Thank you again.

 

[mom2rtk]

Thank you, everyone. I hope I get used to it like I did when she was at college. Coronavirus brought us all together and it was so lovely with everyone under one roof for one last time.

I think this would have been easier if she would have just gone onto her career in May after graduating. But she has been home since March due to colleges going virtual. The borrowed time was a blessing, but making things more difficult now that I have to watch her move one with her life.

Your words helped a lot. Thank you again.

Boy, I get that. It was harder having DD go back to college this fall because of all extra time we had with her during the pandemic. I'm sure soon enough you'll be able to look back on that blessing without too much sadness.

I bet the pride you're going to feel seeing her succeed and spread her wings will soon provide that silver lining you're looking for.

 

[Christine]

I feel your pain. Both of my kids moved out totally right after college, but at least were in the area. Two weeks ago, my son (25) moved to San Diego (we are on the east coast). I'm still struggling with this.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

My college senior DD is interviewing for jobs right now. She is looking far and wide - location wise and hopefully job description wise. She will probably get a job offer from a staffing company in Pittsburg as a recruiter. We live in Virginia and her university is also in Virginia. I asked why she was looking at Pittsburg (the company had open positions in other states as well). She said she researched and it is a good city for college grads. I asked who she’d live with if she moved there. She has no idea. It would probably be better/more fun if she moved to a city where some of her college friends were also moving. Then she’d have a built in support network. This is exactly what her brother and his friends/fraternity brothers did when they graduated in 2019. He lives with some brothers and is within walking distance of some of his closest college friends. It has made the difficult transition from college student (surrounded with fun and social opportunities) to working adult (with less free time and fewer social opportunities) a little easier.

Now after the 3rd interview as she learns more about the job/company, she’s reconsidering Pittsburg. The office in Pittsburg only has 11 people in it; her starting salary would be low - $35000 plus commission, and she doesn’t know a soul in the city nor are any of her friends considering moving there. She’s been focusing on staffing companies and recruiter positions because that’s what she did for her summer internship. I’m sure the familiar seems safe and comfortable. But she’s finding that recruiter jobs don’t pay well. DH and I have been trying to get her to go outside of her comfort zone job description wise. Hopefully she’ll keep applying and interviewing for a variety of job types and have multiple offers that give her choices in location, salary and job type. I just want my girl to be happy (and to be able to support herself)!

OP, I feel your pain. Just thinking about everything above gives me anxiety. I try to just put it all out of my mind, but she’s my baby. I did ok when my son moved away to start his career because he was only 2 hours away; he lived with friends, and he’d landed his dream job with a great salary. I adjusted ok, but he still, almost 2 years later, misses college life very badly.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Two weeks ago, my son (25) moved to San Diego (we are on the east coast). I'm still struggling with this.

Oh. My. Goodness. I would be a mess. But I am relieved that others feel the same way as I do. It's difficult, but you must be so proud of your son! Congratulations!

 

[Pink Partridge]

It would probably be better/more fun if she moved to a city where some of her college friends were also moving. Then she’d have a built in support network.

This is what upsets me the most. Her being all alone. Not even a roommate. Luckily her salary is good that she can afford a place on her own, but I hope she makes friends quickly.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Dare I say...I had my daughter two weeks before her older brother graduated college and moved across the state? Options....

Don't tempt me. But I am too worn to do that all over again. I feel any child I gave birth to at this point would be half feral. I don't have it in me anymore.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Another chiming in to say it’s completely normal!



My mom always said the roots are easy but the wings are hard!

She will do OK, though, and so will you!

I always tried to remember when DS was little that every stage came with its own challenges, but also it’s own joys. And as he grew into each new phase of his life, I tried to concentrate on whatever the new joys were.

 

[lynxstch]

I can totally sympathize with you. It was a long time ago, but when our oldest son finished college, (in NY) , we lived in MA. He got a job with Mattel in CA and moved clear across the country. I knew it was time for him to spread his wings, but it was still very sad for us at the time. Good luck to your daughter and to you! I hope she loves her new job and flourishes! She will make many friends, and will experience new things she has never had to deal with. It's part of growing up (even though she's 23-lol!)

 

[katie01]

Totally understandable! Take comfort in knowing you have raised her well. I hope she’ll be able to visit often, hang in there!

 

[pigletto]

I never thought I would feel this way. I got very used to everyone leaving for college because they came home during breaks.

But this is it! Job starts in 8 days. My child is moving 5 hours away. And she doesn't know a soul. Just going alone. I am so proud that she got this great job and can make it on her own.

She is 23. I was married and living on my own at this point. But in the same city as my parents.

So why do I feel this grief? This anxiety? I am worried about weird things (car accidents, illness, someone breaking into her apartment, etc.).

She is totally capable.

What is wrong with me? I hope I snap out of it.

This is such a valid way to feel. We pour our whole being into keeping them safe and healthy and happy , we raise them to be strong and capable for this exact moment , and we are proud of who they become .... but nobody tells you what it feels like when they set out on their own. It’s ok to feel sad. It’s grief, and it’s ok. Life is changing and you will come to accept it, but today and for a little while it will hurt, and that is ok too. My dd23 moved out for good to her own home in April. I get it. You will feel better soon.

 

[Pink Partridge]

My dd23 moved out for good to her own home in April. I get it. You will feel better soon.

I am curious how you are doing now? Does it seem normal?

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Pink Partridge]

My daughter moved 45 minutes away and it drives me nuts. 5 hours would probably make me depressed.

This made me laugh. Oh, but how I would love to be driven nuts by an adult child that lives 45 minutes away!!!

 

[Pink Partridge]

For those that wrote your children moved across the country, do you visit often? Is it something you just get used to?

 

[Soarin4us]

It gets easier, in time. Really, truly, it will! Meanwhile, remind yourself that you did a good job parenting, and they’re supposed to be independent.

 

[CT Yankee]

It's probably just the realization that you are moving on from one phase of your life to another. Nothing wrong with you - these are just regular parent concerns.

 

[AppleDumpling]

OP, your feelings are completely natural. I was in your shoes a little over a year ago and can relate. DS, also 23 and my only, moved out of state (4 hours away) after graduating college in 2019. He enjoys his work, the location, and a wonderful new circle of friends. We text and talk frequently and it gives me peace of mind knowing he is happy and thriving.

This is what upsets me the most. Her being all alone. Not even a roommate. Luckily her salary is good that she can afford a place on her own, but I hope she makes friends quickly.

DS lives alone and really likes having his own space. He’s become quite domestic!

My mom always said the roots are easy but the wings are hard!

She will do OK, though, and so will you!

Absolutely. I love that saying and it’s so true!

 

[White Cat]

For those that wrote your children moved across the country, do you visit often? Is it something you just get used to?

Both.