First trip need advice on rest room etiquette for DS

[Love Tink]

So why do women care? I just don't get it.

Since you asked...

I have three boys (one of whom is 9). So I'm not worried about a daughter being embarrassed by a boy seeing her in the bathroom, and I personally lost all sense of modesty around my third kid.

But whenever this issue comes up, my immediate response is to feel really, really, really bad for any boy whose mom is dragging him into the bathroom with her after about kindergarten age. I think that's a lot of the reaction - not so much concern about what the boy might do in the bathroom, but concern for any boy who is being babied and smothered to the point that he literally isn't even trusted to take care of his bathroom needs by himself. (And since the question gets asked on a public forum, people feel free to express this concern, whereas they might not express it out loud in the actual bathroom.)

If you can't allow your fourth grader to go to the bathroom by himself, or teach him how to confidently be independent from you, you're well on your way to making him into the weirdo that future moms will fear.

 

[Shelton123]

The concern is legitimate but in the US, and especially at WDW, it would be considered VERY rude to take a 9 (looks 11, so people might think he's 13 or something) year old boy into the women's restroom. It would not be rude, however, to let your DS go into the mens' restroom and you just wait right outside. I think that is the appropriate solution in this case.

 

[Disney_Princess83]

Since you asked...

I have three boys (one of whom is 9). So I'm not worried about a daughter being embarrassed by a boy seeing her in the bathroom, and I personally lost all sense of modesty around my third kid.

But whenever this issue comes up, my immediate response is to feel really, really, really bad for any boy whose mom is dragging him into the bathroom with her after about kindergarten age. I think that's a lot of the reaction - not so much concern about what the boy might do in the bathroom, but concern for any boy who is being babied and smothered to the point that he literally isn't even trusted to take care of his bathroom needs by himself. (And since the question gets asked on a public forum, people feel free to express this concern, whereas they might not express it out loud in the actual bathroom.)

If you can't allow your fourth grader to go to the bathroom by himself, or teach him how to confidently be independent from you, you're well on your way to making him into the weirdo that future moms will fear.

I'm fairly sure that it's not a question is independence, it's mostly about safety. It's not about not trusting their children, it's not trusting strangers and that is a reasonable enough concern.

 

[TXPyroMom]

While this actually happened in a Female Restroom, an 8 year old girl was murdered in Australia in a shopping centre bathroom. It was in the middle of the day, on a weekend in a very busy centre. It happened in under 10 minutes. She was molested and murdered. We can say that it doesn't happen often (thank god!) but it DOES happen.

You have posted this story 3x... it seems like fear mongering.

Im sure we could find a story somewhere of a boy who used a restroom at a school and was molested by a teacher in there, but it doesn't mean that moms don't let their sons go to the restroom at school. I get why the one mom is over protective, but for boys who haven't had a tragedy in their past, they should be able to spend 3 minutes in the men's room and come out just fine.

 

[Disney_Princess83]

You have posted this story 3x... it seems like fear mongering.

Im sure we could find a story somewhere of a boy who used a restroom at a school and was molested by a teacher in there, but it doesn't mean that moms don't let their sons go to the restroom at school. I get why the one mom is over protective, but for boys who haven't had a tragedy in their past, they should be able to spend 3 minutes in the men's room and come out just fine.

Yeah I'm fear mongering. My posts are going to cause a mass panic around the Dis about the restrooms. Seriously? Guess when you have to grasp at straws..... I mentioned it to give some context to my argument and I don't think that everyone reads every single post on every page, especially when a thread starts to get this long. People keep saying it's irrational and I think this story points out that it's NOT irrational. It happens!

The bolded part simply makes no sense. When a child gets molested in this situation, it only has to happen once - the first time. This isn't a case of having a problem due to a previous traumatic experience.

 

[luvmy3]

Sadly, because there could be the "wrong" type pf person in there. I'm not suggesting all men are like this. For every 10,000 men there might be 1. However, they are out there and sadly, they don't come with flashing lights, neon signs or scars on their faces. They have families, they go on vacations, they use the bathroom.

While this actually happened in a Female Restroom, an 8 year old girl was murdered in Australia in a shopping centre bathroom. It was in the middle of the day, on a weekend in a very busy centre. It happened in under 10 minutes. She was molested and murdered. We can say that it doesn't happen often (thank god!) but it DOES happen.

I understand that things do happen, but statistically speaking using the public restroom is a very safe activity.
I don't know exact numbers, but I'd be willing to be that driving to WDW is much more dangerous.

 

[Disney_Princess83]

I understand that things do happen, but statistically speaking using the public restroom is a very safe activity.
I don't know exact numbers, but I'd be willing to be that driving to WDW is much more dangerous.

I'm not suggesting that the restrooms aren't quite safe. 9 times out of 10, 99 times out of 100, 999 times out of 1000 you're going to be perfectly safe. Sadly, however, it only takes one time with the wrong person.

I'm sure it is quite safe, I just don't understand why so many people call it irrational? Sadly, it isn't. I wish we lived in a world where it was irrational!

 

[luvmy3]

I'm not suggesting that 9 times out of 10, 99 times out of 100, 999 times out of 1000 you're going to be perfectly safe. Sadly it only takes one time with the wrong person.

I'm sure it is quite safe, I just don't understand why so many people call it irrational? Sadly, it isn't. I wish we lived in a world where it was irrational!

I use the term "irrational" because the stats of something happening don't support living your life in fear of that something happening (just IMHO).
I think parents who fear those things and pass that fear onto their children do them no favors. I have a 9 year old ds, he would never want to be in the woman's room and he is perfectly capable of taking care of his bathroom needs so he is free to go into the men's room on his own. Do I know there is a small chance something could happen to him, yes. Do I fear it enough to bring him everywhere with me, no. Doing so, to me, is irrational.

 

[CandleontheWater]

Taking your pre-teen boy into the womens room is for amateurs. If you really want to earn a gold star for over protective parenting, dress your kid in Depends.

 

[Disney_Princess83]

I use the term "irrational" because the stats of something happening don't support living your life in fear of that something happening (just IMHO).
I think parents who fear those things and pass that fear onto their children do them no favors. I have a 9 year old ds, he would never want to be in the woman's room and he is perfectly capable of taking care of his bathroom needs so he is free to go into the men's room on his own. Do I know there is a small chance something could happen to him, yes. Do I fear it enough to bring him everywhere with me, no. To me that is irrational.

And since it's your child and your family, that is entirely up to you. However, every mother and family has to do what is right for them.

I don't think the OP said anything like "living their life in fear" But they're not comfortable coming to another country and letting their child use the restroom unattended.

 

[Disney_Princess83]

Taking your pre-teen boy into the womens room is for amateurs. If you really want to earn a gold star for over protective parenting, dress your kid in Depends.

I thought the definition of being over protective is putting your teenagers in those child halters

 

[Pwac]

When my DS was 2, I sat with friends through the trial of a young man who sexually assaulted their 9 year old son in a movie theater restroom. At that point, I said my DS would go to the restroom with me until he left home. However, he had different ideas and we had to make sure he had the tools to stay safe AND be independent. Now he is 13 and I still have that fear in the back of my mind but I have to trust him to handle himself appropriately. Parenting can be very hard. Have a great trip!

 

[luvmy3]

And since it's your child and your family, that is entirely up to you. However, every mother and family has to do what is right for them.

I don't think the OP said anything like "living their life in fear" But they're not comfortable coming to another country and letting their child use the restroom unattended.

See that is where we differ. In this instance those families have other options, like family/companion restrooms or take a male companion with you to accompany your 9 year old.
The women in the woman's room have no other option, so that trumps a parent's irrational fear IMO. Its common courtesy, if you cant let your 9 year old out of your sight, that is your issue you shouldn't be making it everyone elses.

 

[luvmy3]

Taking your pre-teen boy into the womens room is for amateurs. If you really want to earn a gold star for over protective parenting, dress your kid in Depends.

I thought you were supposed to do that so you don't lose your place in line

 

[Disney_Princess83]

See that is where we differ. In this instance those families have other options, like family/companion restrooms or take a male companion with you to accompany your 9 year old.
The women in the woman's room have no other option, so that trumps a parent's irrational fear IMO. Its common courtesy, if you cant let your 9 year old out of your sight, that is your issue you shouldn't be making it everyone elses.

A family who doesn't have an older male can't "invent" one unless they're going to hire one.

The OP returned and said she would use the companion bathrooms but there have been several posts already complaining that she would use them, stating that she would be taking the opportunity away from someone who is disabled who needs them. People can't win.

 

[LilyWDW]

If you bring a male child of that age into a women's restroom, then take him in the stall with you. Have him face the door while you go. Then, no one has to worry about what he might be doing while you are in the stall.

Though, in all honesty, you should allow a child of that age to go into the bathroom of their gender. Living your life in fear and forcing that fear onto the child is not doing the child any good. Your child could be molested by a person they know... a person YOU trust. In fact, that is much MUCH more common then a stranger doing it. Do you never leave the child alone? At home, at school, at a friend's house?

 

[luvmy3]

A family who doesn't have an older male can't "invent" one unless they're going to hire one.

The OP returned and said she would use the companion bathrooms but there have been several posts already complaining that she would use them, stating that she would be taking the opportunity away from someone who is disabled who needs them. People can't win.

I believe that someone also posted that those bathrooms are not specifically for disabled people who need help. If they are considered "companion" bathrooms, that is not the same as disabled.

Truth is people are going to do what they are going to do. There is no law or WDW rule that says you cant bring your 9 year old into the opposite gender bathroom. We are just here discussing what we think about it, and since we all have our own opinions, people in general will never win.

 

[minnie mum]

We see this topic come up for discussion SO often and it is always the same. The vast majority of parents find the idea of older boys being dragged into the women's bathrooms by overprotective mothers unnecessary and embarrassing (for both the boy and the younger girls who are also in the room). Then the small percentage of overprotective moms counter with their horror stories of the 1 -in -a -million attack that they read somewhere. Statistics mean nothing to them. Rational discussion means nothing to them. The fact that a child has never been attacked in a WDW bathroom means nothing to them. The fact that the odds of the child being alone in the men's bathroom with a child molester is practically zero means nothing to them (how often do you go into a WDW bathroom and find only one other person there?).

So to those mothers who fall into that category- if your fear for the safety of your child is that great, do the rest of us a favor and use the companion bathroom. ETA: these are COMPANION bathrooms, not HANDICAPPED-ONLY bathrooms. There's a difference.

 

[LilyWDW]

A family who doesn't have an older male can't "invent" one unless they're going to hire one.

The OP returned and said she would use the companion bathrooms but there have been several posts already complaining that she would use them, stating that she would be taking the opportunity away from someone who is disabled who needs them. People can't win.

I think the thing with companion restrooms comes down to a few things.

1) Remember that for some people, due to their disabilities, these may be the only restrooms they can use at all. If you have other options, then use those first.

2) There are very few companion restrooms in the parks and can be very spread out.

3) Those who need these restrooms may take much longer then those who can use a regular stall. As such, there may be a long wait for these restrooms.

So, in general, if the OP wants to use these, they have the "right" to do so. I would just say that they would need to use them quickly to minimize the waits for those who NEED those restrooms and have no other options.

 

[Disney_Princess83]

I'm aware of what the Companion/Disabled bathrooms are for, my brother has Down Syndrome and Autism and needs to use these on a daily basis. In Australia we have Disabled Bathrooms and Parents Rooms which are entirely separate. The Parents Rooms are exactly for this type of situation, they have uni sex toilets and changing facilities.

However, people need to use what is available. If people are uncomfortable about a child being in the Ladies Bathroom (a point that I absolutely do not understand but respect it), then the OP needs to use the Companion Restrooms, which some people are against too. Either way, they're going to do something "wrong" by someones standards.

At the end of the day - do what you think is right for your family

I think the thing with companion restrooms comes down to a few things.

1) Remember that for some people, due to their disabilities, these may be the only restrooms they can use at all. If you have other options, then use those first.

2) There are very few companion restrooms in the parks and can be very spread out.

3) Those who need these restrooms may take much longer then those who can use a regular stall. As such, there may be a long wait for these restrooms.

So, in general, if the OP wants to use these, they have the "right" to do so. I would just say that they would need to use them quickly to minimize the waits for those who NEED those restrooms and have no other options.