In the kindest thought possible, why don't you quit making it a battle. She's 85, she's tired. You are giving her stimullation for a long time every year. Is there a community center near her that might provide some services, like transportation to the grocery/an outing once in a while? How about a senior center and their day trips? Can you go there for a week and go in with her so she is familiar with how much walking she'll need to do? Also, if she needs a
scooter, can she afford one and a lift vehicle? Do you know anyone where she lives, any friends of yours who would visit once a month for lunch?
There are so many ways to socialize her. Set her up to skype and skype for 5 minutes every other day. Are there other people who coulld skype with her? Neices, grandchildren, old friends? She doesn't have to go out alone if she can skype. Does she have cable? Does she read? Would she listen to books on tape? I find it a pleasant experience akin to my parents or teachers reading to me. Quit making it a battle, like I said before. There are thousands of self-help books about caring for aging parents. Maybe find one that will help you detach a little.
I disagree with the bold. There may be many ways to socialize some people, but that isn't the case with my mom. A person needs to want it. A person needs to do some things to help themselves.
I will address every one of your points just for kicks and giggles.
1. Nearby community center does not offer transportation. It is strictly a place where seniors go on their own to engage in activities. She isn't capable of walking into the building.
2. Senior center day trips - Yes, they offer those. No, that isn't an option for her. She is not physically able to get up the steps of a bus.
3. Going for a week is useless. She knows how much walking is involved. She can't walk without the use of a walker period. She is not physically capable of putting a walker into and pulling a walker out of her vehicle. She just isn't. We have tried a dozen different walkers. She can't do it. Driving from point A to point B isn't the issue. Once there, she needs a walker.
4. The price of a scooter isn't the problem. She can easily afford a scooter. She doesn't need a scooter in her condo. Her walker is fine. The problem is, the scooter can't stay on the back of her vehicle. It would get stolen (which is another whole issue of the unsafe area she lives in). Her condo is not set up to allow a handicap ramp. If we attempted to install a ramp to her front door, the ramp would literally have to go out into the middle of the street so the angle wasn't so high that she'd tip over. She uses her side door. While we could somehow make a ramp work going up to that door, that's as far as it would go and she'd be stuck. There is an immediate turn; one that the scooter simply couldn't make. We've tried it with the smallest scooter on the market. If we can't do it, she can't do it.
5. No, she doesn't have any friends who can take her to lunch. They have all died. There are exactly two friends left and one is confined to a wheelchair on oxygen and the other has Alzheimer's. When she arrived home on Saturday, there was a message on her answering machine that her cousin had died. She said she thinks that is her last extended family member. How sad. I didn't live in the area she lives in so while I am from the same state, my friends are a minimum of an hour away so I don't know anyone personally who can take her out.
6. My mom doesn't Skype. She only plays solitaire on the computer and refuses to learn anything else.
7. Again, there aren't any friends left. All grandchildren and children live out of state except one brother who lives 45 minutes away. He does visit her about every ten days to two weeks. He has his own problems. I have a cousin (dad's side) who drives about 1.5 hours every six weeks or so to take her out to lunch.
8. She does have cable. Not sure how that socializes her?
9. She doesn't do books on tape. She doesn't read. She used to love doing word searches and crosswords. I have stacks of those for her and she doesn't touch them anymore.
I'm not trying to be argumentative. Your ideas are great in a perfect world. I truly wish it was that simple. She went home to a house with very little food in it on Saturday. Her plan was to go to the grocery store on Sunday. She had terrible arthritis pain on Sunday and didn't leave the house. Today there are storms and tornado watches so she won't leave home again. It's really a sad situation. She needs help and refuses it. I can't fully detach as long as she lives with me in the winter because I see it day in and day out. Oh well. Such is life right now. Sucks, but it is what it is.
