Grandparents watching Grandkids

[Hrhpd]

Just curious how many others of you are out there.

I am 62 and a retired school teacher. Have a real estate license and not using it currently other than to refer to agents who are working. My wife is still working and has another three or so years until she can consider retiring.

My current role is watching my three year old grandson. His mom, my daughter-in-law, does some cleaning during the day. My granddaughter is in first grade so she's out of the equation. Some weeks I watch him over 20 hours, others, not so much. I was a high school teacher, so my skills with 3 year olds are limited to my own two kids passing through that age....

I'm teaching him to eat poorly and leave the toilet seat up.

I'm told to treasure these times. I'm finding that hard right now...

What are some others' experiences?

If you are not treasuring the times, then don't do it or at least cut way back. You sound like you may be regretting not having the time to use that real estate license. You are still awfully young to be housebound.

If you are secretly enjoying spoiling the grandchild, by all means enjoy it.

The choice is yours. Enjoy your retirement!

That said, my mil was a school specialist and also retired around your age. She lived to drive up to our house to babysit our kids. She would beg us to go out for the weekend. The kids are grown now but they still have a very, very special bond with their grandmother. I wouldn't have traded that time for anything.

 

[mmouse37]

My husband and I are both retired. I am 59 and he is 61. We babysit two of our three grandkids full time. Well officially from noon to 5:30 pm. Our DIL leaves for work at 8:30 am and our son leaves at noon but since they are currently living with us while they searched for a new house we basically are helping out full time (we watch the kids when one parent is taking a shower or running to the grocery store so really never "off duty"). We love it. Our GD is 3 and so funny and talkative. We just went through potty training and came out sane on the other side. The baby (just turned 9 months and is crawling) is the sweetest, happiest baby in the world. They did just find a house so once they move out it will be more regular hours but still easy for us to babysit the kids. Our GD loves her trips with Papa to Dunkin Donuts or to the grocery store or even to the town dump. She helps me in the kitchen with her little step stool at the counter....she loves baking with me or helping to make a salad. I hope they remember these times as we will never forget them!!!

Our other granddaughter lives on the opposite coast so we don't get to see her as much in person (a few times a year) but we Facetime at least 2x a day so we keep up to date with her daily life.

We are all cruising together this month and can't wait to have them all together!!!

MJ

 

[bushdianee]

Not a grandparent but an aunt. I have nieces and nephews that range in age from 8 to mid 30's. I have been my 12yo niece's main babysitter since she was born.I was a teacher so she was mine most evenings, many weekends and during school breaks. She calls me Mama. She started middle school this year so I'm not seeing her much these days. It is rough going from seeing her almost daily to once a week or so. Now that I am retired I get to watch my youngest nephew (10yo) and niece (8yo) anytime they are off school or are sick. My sister told me the other day that my nephew was begging to come over and see me because he missed me. He has some special needs and we worked a lot on his becoming more independent over the summer. I guess he appreciated it more than I thought. When school started I missed the sibling arguing that drove me crazy all summer. I honestly don't know how my mom did it with 8 kids!

 

[aprilgail]

I don't have any grandkids yet but I am looking forward to the day that I can be the caregiver while my daughter and her husband work! I am retired and would love to have a little person to take to the zoo, amusement park, movies etc!

 

[Nancyg56]

LOL to the toilet seat up and junk food.
I don't get to be a "real" grandmother who spoils 'em and sends them home.
One of my granddaughters lives with us 3/4s of the year so I'm just a "boring" second mother.....the man never got the memo so indulges her as much as he can get away with.

My DD and her family lived with us while they saved for their home. I was DGD caregiver while they were at work. I got paid, my DD insisted. Anyway, I was a caregiver while Mom and Dad were not home. That aspect of my "job" stopped the second they stepped foot in the door, and I was back to all Nana. I indulged her, watched movies with her every night, shared a chocolate that Mom and dad 'Did not see" had cookies or ice cream for dessert, and never corrected her. The parents were there for that.

It was awesome!

I have a different perspective to offer as the child who was watched full time by my grandmother when I was little. I am so glad I had that time with her and we had such a special bond that carried on through adulthood. I have so many wonderful memories of her from when I was a kid and was so lucky to have her. We did some crazy things my mom never would’ve been ok with and had a blast.

I can’t express in words how special she was to me. She was still working when my brother was a kid and my cousins live out of state and I feel sorry for them that they didn’t get to experience her the way I did. I’m sure I drove her nuts sometimes, at one point when I was a little older I decided to pretend I was Harriet the spy follow her around and right down absolutely everything she did! Thankfully she was pretty patient with me. If you are able, keep doing what you’re doing. All the time spent with junk food and leaving the seat up will only make your bond stronger when he grows up.

I agree. My Kady is almost 17 years old now, and if I look at our relationship, not just hers and mine, but the one she has with my husband, it is very special. She loves talking about the weddings we staged every day for what seemed to be months on end, and the birthday parties complete with cake for her "friends" which included her sister the cabbage patch doll, and every one of her stuffed animals. We cooked, baked, did chores and ran errands together. We spent time with her Memere because I was able to care for her as well. She went off every weekend with her Pa: trips to the bank, post office, and general store, and every one began with breakfast out, jus the two of them. Dates, she called these excursions. WE left Mom and Dad home and the three of us would go out for special dinners, all gussied up in her new hats which she loved, carrying around a new purse on her arm.

Today, she still loves to go with me and leave everyone else home, and her Pa will plan special weekends for just her and I. She declines to invite her parents when the three of us go to dinner and a show, and has asked if her Pa will take scuba lessons with her. He already taught her to drive. Her Mom scared her and her dad was "Well, Nana, he's Dad!!!"

My own MIL used to tell me over and over how lucky my DD, my DSIL and DGD were that DH and I were so "helpful" however we saw it differently , and still do. WE were the lucky ones. WE were gifted a special opportunity to develop a bond with a lovely little girl, and that bond blossomed into a relationship that is a blessing for us. We know how we impacted our DGD, and it was a deliberate effort to enrich her life with opportunities that we were not able to gift our own children, but we also know how generous our DD and DSIL have been in sharing their beautiful daughter with us on a level that many grandparents are not granted. DSIL told my DD that Kady benefited by our time, in a way he never got from his own grandparents, who were millionaires, but never had time for him.

OP- caring for a grandchild should not be a burden, so if you are feeling that this is too much for you for whatever reason, you may want to make some changes. You are not bound to be a caregiver for your grandchildren, and you are not required to give up a part of your life that you still yearn to do. Make the changes before you resent this time, and both you and that little guy will be all the better for it. Before I started caring for my DGD full time, I needed to be very sure I was going to be satisfied with that role. She was almost 3 when I finally decided that was the direction I wanted, but prior to that my DD and DSIL needed to figure it out, and DSIL stayed home with DGD. Your DDIL and DS can figure out their schedule so you are not the one who takes the hit.

 

[PrincesCJM]

I feel blessed to have my mom watch my boys (and hope she feels the same way too!). She started watching DS#1 when he was about 10 weeks old and I returned back to work. She would watch him 3-4 days a week. When he was four, she helped transport him to and from preschool. DS#2 came during that time and she began to watch him, again around 10 weeks of age as I had to go back to work. DS#2 is currently 20 months and she watches him 3 days a week (he spends 1 day home with daddy and 1 day at daycare).

I love seeing the bond that DS#1 has with her.

 

[STLDisney_Freak]

My mom watched both of my kids when they were younger, but back then she was still working. She was working third shift while I worked first shirt. She got some sleep once I got off work and slept till she had to go into work again. I don't know how she did it for the few years she did, but my husband and I were very appreciative of it. She ended up retiring a year or so before my youngest entered kindergarten. Once they were both in school she took them to school when I needed to be to work early and picked them up at the end of the day. Now that my kids are teenagers (8th and 10th grade) she still picks them up after school and if needed takes them to their activities. My mom also is a caregiver for my disable dad now so her picking my kids up at the end of the day gives her a reason to get out of the house for a few hours.

 

[monorailsilver]

Enjoy that time. I can’t wait to be that Grammy...but I can wait a bit/a lot longer since my kids are 17, 14 & 12.

My mom (and dad) used watch my cousins kids (cousin lost her mother so my mother was their mother in a way) and then one of my sisters kids. I am 12 yrs younger then one cousin and 6 years younger from my sister. I live an hour from my parents so it was never ideal to just drop them off for the night or have them come over so dh and I could go out. We dropped them off a handful of times but it was like a whole day process and our weekend just was not relaxing. They still came to visit us or vice versa at least weekly but sometimes left before dh got home to avoid traffic. My dad is no longer alive and my mom never drove on highways plus let’s add dementia so she can’t watch them...not that they need watching other then sports.

My ILs, live so close but were never the helping kind. My FIL is no longer alive and he was the one that expected to be waited on and my MIL does not drive nor has she ever been able to move. My mom would push them on the swings, take them for walks, get on the ground with them as did my dad.

So enjoy every bit of bad habits, bad food and spoiling you do to your grandkids.

My gramma lived with us so she watched me most of the time when my parents were at work or went out. I was happy!

 

[MrsDuck]

I'm jealous. My dad is retired but uninterested in watching my son; I understand. It's a lot of work (he's almost 10 months) but I wish they could be together. My mom won't retire because she loves teaching. My son use to stay with my in-laws which everyone loved but they sadly moved.

 

[jrmasm]

I don't have grandchildren yet but I have zero plans to provide regular daycare when and if I do have them. I'll happily do babysitting as needed.

 

[NYCgrrl]

I'm jealous. My dad is retired but uninterested in watching my son; I understand. It's a lot of work (he's almost 10 months) but I wish they could be together. My mom won't retire because she loves teaching. My son use to stay with my in-laws which everyone loved but they sadly moved.

Your little one is not quite a year old so there is still time for your dad to grow into his new role.

 

[NYCgrrl]

I don't have grandchildren yet but I have zero plans to provide regular daycare when and if I do have them. I'll happily do babysitting as needed.

I understand what you are saying. My plan was to enjoy my retirement, end "mommy martyrdom", and do exactly what I want when I wanted. Still you know what they say about the best made plans. I will say this time around is different on so many different levels and all of them are positives.

 

[minniecarousel]

I happily retired from a part-time job to be with my first grandson 4 years ago. I watch him 4 days a week, he’s in pre-K every morning now.o His baby sister is 3 months old & I watch her a few days a week. (My DDIL doesn’t work regular hours yet, but will ease into more hours eventually)
My 2 other grandsons are 3 1/2 & 1 and live across the country. I get sad realizing that I’ll never have the relationship with those grandsons that I have with the oldest.
This is the best gig I’ve ever had!

That said, I follow my son & daughter-in-laws lead. Just yesterday, my DDIL & I texted back & forth about his refusal to eat his dinner at home after being with me. Looks like he gets too many snacks in the afternoon. So we worked out what & when he has an afternoon snack. I’m happy to do things their way.

Being a full time grandparent/caregiver isn’t for everyone, but it is for me!

 

[PollyannaMom]

...I was a high school teacher, so my skills with 3 year olds are limited to my own two kids passing through that age....

I'm told to treasure these times. I'm finding that hard right now...

It can be a rough age. They're big enough to have their own opinions about what they want to do, so you lose the ease of just planning out the day according to your whims and having it actually go according to that plan. Though I loved staying home with DS when he was little, I do remember kind of needing the break that preschool brought, and now that I'm on "Round 2" (not grands yet, but an honorary niece and nephew I watch a couple of days a week) I'm right back in it!

I second finding library story times and such. Getting out and having a routine helps. Check your library's web site, bulletin board, or just stop in and ask at the desk about children's programs. It's a great age to find friends at the playground too!

Without pushing it, you can begin a little bit of "school skills" at that age. Things like:
ABC's - Let him watch phonics videos on the computer if he's interested. Go around the house finding things that start with ___.
cutting with safety scissors - My little friends tend to do best with card stock pre-cut into strips, then they cut off pieces.
counting and sorting - beads, buttons, whatever you have around the house. (And picking these things up with tongs was a big hit!)

Art projects can be as simple or as involved as you want, depending on whether you enjoy it. Start with easy stuff like making a collage out of those cutting scraps. All you need is paper for the background and a glue stick. Library books or the internet are great sources! And there are easy kits at craft stores.

Try some simple science experiments, too. We made a "volcano" in a jar the other day with baking soda and vinegar. They were thrilled!

Kids that age also love (and benefit from!) simple self-control games like:
freeze dance - Move around to music, stop the music randomly, and everyone freezes (often in silly poses).
stop and go - Make a two-sided sign out of red and green construction paper and a Popsicle stick. Take turns being the traffic cop.

And don't forget good old-fashioned things like making a fort or rocket ship out of a refrigerator box!

The days are long but the years are short.

Yep. - My best tip is to keep a journal together! (He dictate, you write and add your own thoughts.)
...

 

[ZuZugal]

I am curious; you say your skills are limited. Limited by what? It does not sound to me like you are truly enjoying watching your grandson.

If you want to develop the skills to interact with and enjoy your grandson, nothing is stopping you from finding a way. If you are counting the hours/minutes until he leaves for the day I would imagine neither one of you is having the best experience in this situation.

If you were a high school teacher I would assume you taught your students not only pertinent subject matter but also to think outside of the box, to look beyond, and to seek out necessary resources.

I could go on about taking him to story time at the library, go to a local park/zoo, teaching him fun songs, coloring/making crafts. But these are all just words on a page if you don't really enjoy babysitting. And there is no crime in that! It's certainly not for everyone. I just think if you really wanted to find a meaningful way to pass the time with him you would.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Personally, I feel that if you are not wanting to be the babysitter and do not enjoy it (you say you are finding it hard to treasure this time) that you have EVERY right to tell your son and DDiL no. I mean. give them a dealline to make other arranements (a month or so, but a FIRM deadline) and then enjoy your life in whatever way works for you (which might well include inviting your greandson on fun outings when YOU want to offer).

I do not think it should ever be assumed that grandparents will (or should) offer free (or even paid) childcare.

One of my sisters in law assumed my mother in law would watch her kids when she had them. DMiL was direct with her--she had raised her kids and had no desire to be regular childcare provider. None. Find and pay for daycare.
DMiL has babysat often for those girls as they grew up---often calling and inviting them down for a weekend, etc and on 3-6 occasions per year babysitting when asked for DSiL and her DH could go to Vegas for a weekend, or go somewhere for a week in summer,etc. But ONLY if it worked for DMiL and she wanted to---and if not she said no. I think that was totally fair.

(full disclosure, we lived far away so neither set of grandparents was nearby to babysit---though DMiL and DFiL offered and we took them up on it a few times, to have one or both of our kids visit for a week or few weeks at a time at various junctures).

ALL 5 grandkids (ages 18-21) adore their grandparents and make a point of calling her and visiting her now, they're all quite close, in spite of no daily childcare

 

[MouseLover]

I must work 7 more years before I can retire.

My only child, DD, is a college senior and 21. She will be a teacher also. I look forward to the day she has a child so I can keep him/her while dd works. She says she might start thinking about it when she's 30.

 

[nancygirl1]

I'm not a grandparent yet, but I have no desire to be a full or part-time caregiver for my grandchild/children. I have no problem babysitting for the occasional night out or weekend away, but I've spent my time bringing up my children & don't want to do it again. I am very upfront with my children so they know my stance on it already.

 

[disney junky]

Just to clarify a few things, and thanks for all of your replies. At the risk of getting long winded, I'll try to summarize the evolution of this situation. I retired in 2015. I got a part time job and did some real estate, and I found that I was working more than when I was teaching. Quit the part time job. Continued with some real estate.
My son took a new job that was salary plus commission, expecting to increase their family income. DIL was providing daycare for some friends, providing additional income. On rare occasions, she would clean. She preferred cleaning because it was more money for less time, a few hours here and there, but nothing regular.
The new job for son didn't pan out. He found himself making less money than previously, and working longer hours with a lot more stress. DIL began taking more cleaning jobs to cover some of the deficit, and I helped out because at that point, I sensed some urgency.
My son got his old job back with a decent raise, DIL is watching only one child one morning a week in exchange for services provided by the child's mom, and has made the cleaning a regular part time job. But my role has evolved from occasional to regular, two or three days a week, and these are pretty full days. So it was a subtle change from helping a somewhat desperate situation to something totally different. And there always seems to be opportunities for additional cleaning jobs.
So this situation was never a plan if that makes sense at all.

 

[LovesTimone]

I was very close to my grandparents, when my granddad pass away, I became even closer with my granny, she taught me so much about what you really need to know in life, and set a wonderful example...

I am trying to honor her by be the best grandmother I can be... I was there in the delivery room with my DD and SIL when she had my Sweet little DGS, then I watched him till he was 2 then it was time for him to start a preschool program, but he has his own room here at my home, he wanted Marvel, Avengers so that what he got... He spends alot of time with us, his parents are going to Jamaica in Oct... and we will have him for a whole week. Woo Hoo...