Happily married but living apart

[RedAngie]

I also know a couple that has been "engaged" for over 30 years. Both of them were their parents' primary caregivers, and they also come from very different socioeconomic backgrounds, and they don't have a lot of mutual friends for that reason. They both live in our city, about 7 miles apart, in homes they inherited, and as far as I know, have no plans to actually marry or ever move in together. (They do work together, so they are together every day.) I have to admit that I think it's kind of odd to tell people you are engaged when you really have no intention of ever marrying.

I know of a couple, friends of my aunt, who have been “going together” for close to 60 years now. They stayed together even when he got another woman pregnant and married her briefly. As far as I know, they never lived together and don’t claim that they’re engaged.

My mother’s friend became a widow at about age 45, then a few years later she met a widower “Gentleman Friend.” They “kept company” for about 30 years until he died, taking long vacations together, etc.,but they always lived apart.

 

[OhhBother]

My DH and I lived apart for 18 months so that he could move 13 hours away to take his dream job. We had been crazy happily married for 15 years or so when a headhunter called him with the opportunity and, while I hated the thought of it, I tried to be supportive and do it for him.I stayed in the state where we’d moved two years prior for a great career opportunity for me.

It was terrible. I felt alone and abandoned. He felt guilty for pursuing his dream. It nearly broke us. And, as someone earlier said, it still rears its head from time to time - almost like aftershocks. I tell people, somewhat jokingly, that the only good thing that came out of it was a couple of years of Platinum Medallion status on Delta.

We were able to move back in together just over eight years ago when we both found jobs in our dream location. Today, we’re doing well. But it took time to heal. I wish we’d never done it, and I will always regret it.

 

[lovin'fl]

My DH and I lived apart for 18 months so that he could move 13 hours away to take his dream job. We had been crazy happily married for 15 years or so when a headhunter called him with the opportunity and, while I hated the thought of it, I tried to be supportive and do it for him.I stayed in the state where we’d moved two years prior for a great career opportunity for me.

It was terrible. I felt alone and abandoned. He felt guilty for pursuing his dream. It nearly broke us. And, as someone earlier said, it still rears its head from time to time - almost like aftershocks. I tell people, somewhat jokingly, that the only good thing that came out of it was a couple of years of Platinum Medallion status on Delta.

We were able to move back in together just over eight years ago when we both found jobs in our dream location. Today, we’re doing well. But it took time to heal. I wish we’d never done it, and I will always regret it.

I am with you. I know just how you felt and feel now.

Edit to say...it was also my husband's supposed dream job that was an opportunity he claimed would not come again. We lived apart for those 3 years and then sold both the house I was in and the condo he was using and bought a nicer bigger place near his job. Lived there 3 more years (while our twins were in college 9 hours away) when he started talking to recruiter again and found another "dream job" that we had to move again (and just 2 hours from DD' college but they only had 1 semester left). So I am bitter.

 

[webcreatrix]

Do you know any couples who are happily married but live apart? It could be temporary or permanent.

I do, actually. They were married, divorced, and remarried but both kept their own apartments in the same complex.

 

[diznygirl]

My husband had an aunt and uncle that never married, never lived together. But they did everything together. This was the arrangement as long as my husband could remember until they died weeks apart. It was odd but it worked for them.

 

[summermom2]

Yes I know 4 couples who did it long term because of job situations. I did it for awhile and I loved it .

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Other than military or those out on the road trucking or doing other jobs that required they be away from home no. And all the truckers I know ended up divorced. So it was very hard on their relationships. To the man if they got married again, they no longer did long haul any more.

 

[Silver saucer]

I worked with a doctor who had a house next door to her husband. They loved that arrangement and were happily married.
I thought it was an awesome idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I ever get married again, I'd love to do that. I've learned to love my personal space.

 

[indimom]

My sister and BIL spend about half of every year apart, he's a military contractor and travels out of the country for extended periods of time. They've been married for 31 years and have been doing this for a long, long time. I don't expect them to change this plan until retirement.
My BIL and his significant other aren't married, but have been together for about 7 years. She owns a large company about an hour away. He has a good job, adult children, and owns a small business in his hometown. They've tried variations of moving into each other's place, or buying a place in between. But they both reverted back to living in their own original communities. They are both mid-50s and have friends/family and activiites they enjoy in their own town/city. At this point, they seem to be perfectly comfortable with spending weekends together. I'm not convinced they will ever live together permanently.
I have a co-worker whose husband is a travel ER nurse. His current job is only a couple hours away (3 12 hour shifts a week, and he's home the other half of each week), but he's also taken jobs in other states where he lives in their camper for months at a time and flies home occasionally for visits. They've been doing this for years and they seem perfectly happy with the situation.

 

[Keli]

Had to do it for about 2 months or so with a move of a few hundred miles one time. Hated it but needed to work the move out with school schedule and it just had to go down that way. It's been a lot of years but I remember being very lonely and so glad when we were together again.