Help!

[TheIncredibles!]

irst of all - ignore the comments from the few that are projecting their own disappointments onto you and making it seem as if you don't want this baby. I know you are thrilled to be having a baby.

It's NORMAL to wish for one gender or another and to think you will be disappointed. Many women and men have a preference for one reason or another and may experience some disappointment or doubt. As other have said when your baby is born you will take one look at him or her and what you thought you wanted just won't matter. In fact it's very likely you will take one look at the ultrasound, find out the baby is healthy and just won't care if it's a boy or a girl.

Having said that I too wanted a girl with my first. I wanted the relationship I did NOT have with my mom. My first was a boy and there was a small moment when I was sad but it really was very brief and to be honest at that point it was more over not getting to decorate a frilly nursery @@

I have 2 sons and a daughter now. I love my daughter to pieces, I am so glad I have her but my sons are my little love bugs. (they are 14 and 9, my dd is 11)You have no idea what the connection is between a mom and her boys until you have a boy. It's totally different in so many different ways.

Congratulations!

 

[EeyoreEma]

I had my dd first, and was so sure I was going to have another girl. I was PETRIFIED when I found out my 2nd was a boy - just because I knew NOTHING about boys! Well, let me tell you- he has my heart so completely! I found out that I love being a boy mom just as much as a girl mom! Our relationships are really different too - my dd loves to argue with me (sometimes I think just for the sake of arguing) while ds is always so concerned with how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking etc. They are both so much fun. And the kicker is you just won't know how much fun until they are born! Don't feel bad for worrying about it - pregnancy hormones play into it, etc. Just know that once your sweet one arrives, you will love him/her with all your heart and it won't matter a bit whether it is a boy or a girl!

 

[Princess Dolly]

OP, it will be all ok. Sure you have this fantasy in your mind but in the end you'll be thrilled either way.

And don't let other people on this thread make you feel guilty for having these feelings/fears because of their circumstances.

 

[Erin1700]

I think I cried when I found out my second child was a boy. My DD was 6 at the time and I just could not imagine what I would do with a little boy.

But let me tell you, I got over it quickly and as soon as I saw his face, it was love! He is such a hugger and a loves to cuddle. He is 5 now and according to my husband, the only thing I do wrong is I dress him like a baby.

You will be fine if you end up with a boy! Your little boy will be so much more than you ever dreamed and he will be exactly what you need!

 

[sksjasams]

He's the dream I never knew I wanted come true.

Yes!!! I knew we could only have one baby, and I really, really had my heart set on a girl. I did find out at 20 weeks I was having a boy and it took me a bit to get over it. Of course I was so thankful and blessed to be carrying a perfectly healthy baby, but I was a little sad at the thought of never having a daughter.

Well, I believe things work out the way they are supposed to. I was totally meant to be the mom to a boy. PPs are right, there is a special relationship between a mama and son. DS is 14 now...I adore him and all his friends. Boys are absolutely a true joy.

I promise you...you will be thrilled and adore your child, boy or girl. And you will not be able to imagine having any other baby than the one God gave you.

Have the ultrasound, find out the gender, and then you can put this worry behind you.

Congratulations and best wishes!

 

[SarahWeasley]

It sounds to me like you're not really dreaming about having a girl -- you're dreaming about having a specific kind of child who will have a specific kind of relationship with you, and it happens that that child in your head is a girl. But you could have a daughter who turns out to be totally different than the one in your head. The ultrasound determining your child's biological sex is not like ticking off a checkbox: "Yes, your child will be EXACTLY what you wanted" / "No, your child isn't going to be what you wanted, and therefore you're going to be disappointed."

My point is that I think you should let go of the idea that knowing the child's gender will offer you any clue about who your child will turn out to be, and just look forward to getting to know them when he or she arrives.

 

[Buckalew11]

And you know, all girls are fru-fru and pink and princesses and all boys are wild and loud and mischievous.

So, don't think you can't connect with a girl because of the stereotypes you see. My DD would not even eat in the Castle, let alone go to Bibbity Bobbity Boutique.

 

[Buckalew11]

It sounds to me like you're not really dreaming about having a girl -- you're dreaming about having a specific kind of child who will have a specific kind of relationship with you, and it happens that that child in your head is a girl. But you could have a daughter who turns out to be totally different than the one in your head. The ultrasound determining your child's biological sex is not like ticking off a checkbox: "Yes, your child will be EXACTLY what you wanted" / "No, your child isn't going to be what you wanted, and therefore you're going to be disappointed."

My point is that I think you should let go of the idea that knowing the child's gender will offer you any clue about who your child will turn out to be, and just look forward to getting to know them when he or she arrives.

Yes, this is what I was relating too.

 

[Southernmiss]

Thought before the ultrasound that our first child would be a girl. Nope. It's a boy. Then after boy #3 I was convinced we wouldn't have any girls.

On the table having the ultrasound with child #4 the tech said "She sure is moving alot." What do you mean???? SHE?????? DH and I went out to lunch and celebrated!

Each child has been a wonderful blessing to us, no matter what their sex is.

Congratulations! It's pregnancy hormones, you'll be fine.

 

[ebtbmom]

I don't think you're crazy at all. When I was pregnant I had an extremely strong preference for a boy. Toward the end my doctor said the heart rate sounded more like a girls, I cried for the rest of the day. Obviously he was wrong (and ultrasound right), though I imagine if he had been a girl I would have been fine once she was born. As long as you're not still feeling this way 5years from now you'll be fine!

 

[marcyinPA]

I understand. When I was pregnant with my first child, I was hoping for a girl- not like all crazy hoping, but secretly wishing, knowing I would be OK either way. I had a boy. He was wonderful and perfect and stole my heart immediately. When I got pregnant again, he was 3, and he REALLY wanted a sister. We found out the sex of baby 2, and it was a boy. My DS cried! I was OK- because I knew boys!

As I get older, and my boys get older (they are now 17 and 13), I realize that I was meant to be the mom of boys. Other moms of just boys probably know what I mean. And perhaps, if I had only girls, I would have felt like I was a "girl" mom. But either way, you love them no matter what! They are a part of you- they are awesome- and boy or girl- they are just your kid in the end!!

 

[lovesmurfs]

Where do I begin,....

Ever since I have become pregnant with this baby, I've had the dream it would be a little girl. I have an amazing relationship with my mom and my desire would be to pass that on to my daughter. We have our ultrasound coming up (two weeks from tomorrow!), and I've started having this panicky feeling that it might be a boy. Why do I even care what's between the legs so much? The pregnancy, thus far, has been relatively smooth and the biggest thing I could ask for is a healthy child. DH really doesn't have a preference and he's supportive as he could be, although I feel like he doesn't understand.

Why am I feeling this way? I feel like my pregnancy won't be as exciting if it is a boy and it would feel like a loss of a dream.

Am I crazy?

Help!

19 years ago, I was you. Except that I found out during the ultrasound that it was a boy. Totally incomprehensible to me -- of course it would be a girl! I'm so glad I found out at 4 months -- I needed the extra time to recover.

That said, it was amazing having a boy, and I wouldn't trade him for anything, and I actually have a closer relationship with him than I do with my daughter -- our personalities are the same.

Get the ultrasound; prepare yourself. And then enjoy your baby.

 

[scrapquitler]

Where do I begin,....

Ever since I have become pregnant with this baby, I've had the dream it would be a little girl. I have an amazing relationship with my mom and my desire would be to pass that on to my daughter. We have our ultrasound coming up (two weeks from tomorrow!), and I've started having this panicky feeling that it might be a boy. Why do I even care what's between the legs so much? The pregnancy, thus far, has been relatively smooth and the biggest thing I could ask for is a healthy child. DH really doesn't have a preference and he's supportive as he could be, although I feel like he doesn't understand.

Why am I feeling this way? I feel like my pregnancy won't be as exciting if it is a boy and it would feel like a loss of a dream.

Am I crazy?

Help!

I know how you feel...

I had a six year old DD when I got pregnant with#2. She REALLY wanted a sister, and I really wanted her to have a sister because I always wished that I had one myself. When I had the Ultrasound that showed the baby was a boy, I cried for days. I was heartbroken for my DD that she wasn't going to have a sister, and I knew that there was definitely NOT going to be a #3. It lasted a couple of days, and then I got over it. Once he was born, I couldn't imagine not having my little boy.

If it's not what you want/expect, you probably will have a little bit of guilt and some sadness, but in the end, you'll get over it and be thrilled. Really.

 

[pigletgirl]

I am over here tearing up!
It's so nice to be able to relate to others about this! It feels like such a faux pas to be upset or disappointed in your own child's gender. But, we love our child regardless and we will be definitely finding out. Tomorrow is my birthday and I intend to not let this get in the way.

Thank you again for your kind words!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, another one here who can say that I totally understand, and that this is completely normal !

I actually experienced a little of the same thing when DS was on the way. And, this knowing that he may be my only.
Which he is.

I can tell you that I have never ever looked back, and can not imagine anything better!

 

[krcit]

It sounds to me like you're not really dreaming about having a girl -- you're dreaming about having a specific kind of child who will have a specific kind of relationship with you, and it happens that that child in your head is a girl. But you could have a daughter who turns out to be totally different than the one in your head. The ultrasound determining your child's biological sex is not like ticking off a checkbox: "Yes, your child will be EXACTLY what you wanted" / "No, your child isn't going to be what you wanted, and therefore you're going to be disappointed."

My point is that I think you should let go of the idea that knowing the child's gender will offer you any clue about who your child will turn out to be, and just look forward to getting to know them when he or she arrives.

Good point!! I have 2 girls who are the least girly girls I know! No American dolls, Barbies or dresses for them. And now that they are teens, they are still sort of tomboys.

 

[aaarcher86]

I think it's normal. I wanted girls each time I was pregnant... I wouldn't even know what to do with a boy. But I think you'd surprise yourself and it would be just as fun for you (just a different kind) if it was a boy.

I personally always found out the sex because I'm a chronic planner and had to decorate accordingly!

If/when we go for a third, I know my husband is desperate to have a boy. I want a boy for him, sports/coaching/boy stuff and all.... but the thought of it seems less fun to me too.

Weird and irrational fears with part of my pregnancies lmao - I think my favorite was the constant fear that I was going to have twins, and while in utero one twin would start eating the other

Enjoy the pregnancy. You'll be fine either way! Promise!

 

[DMickey28]

I completely understand hose feelings and think its natural. It's not fair for anyone to try and tell you differently. They are your feelings.

With my first I knew from day one that it was a boy. Once confirmed we had his name that afternoon. With my second I wanted a girl soooooo badly. I was convinced it was a girl. I had an Ultrasound at 15 weeks because I couldn't stand not knowing. It was disappointed when they told me he was a boy. I can only think those feelings are normal! I knew I'd be disappointed at first a little bit but that is also why I wanted the ultrasound. I didn't want even one millisecond of the birth to be dissapointment over gender. Now that he is 2.5 I can't imagine my world without him. He is amazing .... Very loving very cuddly. Opposite of my first son.

We are on the fence on having number three but have decided to wait for now. I'd find out gender then too, at this point more because I couldn't stand the not knowing. I am one that enjoys the anticipation of a vacation as much as the vacation itself. This is similar to me! I'd love to have a girl but it scares me too. I know little boys now. I don't know the first thing about little girls! Lol. A third boy would be so much cheaper too!!

No matter what ... Your feelings are normal and your baby will be perfect no matter what! Congrats!

 

[GusGus77]

TOTALLY normal! I really wanted girls. I have always worked with girls and felt clueless if I had to deal with a boy. Was thrilled when dd was born. Second pregnancy wanted another girl for them to be "sisters" and have a close relationship. Was kinda bummed when I found out I was having a boy. I liked the ultrasound because then I had time to process it. I was happy with having a boy by the time he was born (ok, there was a small part of me that was hoping the ultrasound was wrong) and I love my ds, 2, to pieces!!!!!! Definitely love at first sight!!! I wouldn't trade my little boy for the world!!!!!!

 

[spacemountainmom]

Growing up, I wanted a boy first and then a girl since I always wished I had an older brother.

With my first pregnancy I was convinced I was having a girl from day one since my due date was my birthday. Silly, but I did end up having a girl.

I got pregnant the second time and didn't really have a strong feeling one way or the other. Sadly, I miscarried at 12 weeks and then felt like I had lost a son.

I got pregnant again and figured I was having a girl. I was one of two girls and saw myself as the mother of two girls. However, my pregnancy was so different that I soon felt like I must be carrying a boy. It turned out that I was.

I didn't think I'd know what to do with a boy, but I figured it out real quick. I love both my kids but at our house we do have "daddy's girl" and "mommy's little man". Now that they are in their teens our dd likes to shop and hang out with mom and ds loves to hunt and fish with dad, but in the end she's still daddy's princess and he is my buddy.

I am glad I have one of each. I get to experience all of it.

OP - I did not know the sex of either one of mine until the minute they were born. I loved it that way. No matter what sex your baby is, you will think he or she is the most wonderful baby on the planet.