High School Volleyball Try-Out Drama (Out of Town)

[DisneyFan32WI]

We booked a trip out west to move our daughter into college. Our other daughter is going to be a senior in high school. She JUST found out yesterday that volleyball try-outs are going to be held on the two days we will be gone. She e-mailed the coach to find out if she could make it up when she gets back the next day. He said "no" because if makes an exception for one, he makes an exception for all. This is her senior year, and she has been playing varsity every year so far. She plays club in the off season, so I'd like to be able to say she is a very good volleyball player. Unfortunately, he won't budge.

Since we booked our plane tickets already, and have plans to be in the mountains on those two particular days, what would you all do? Send her home early from our trip, skip try-outs and forget the team, or ????
We are really upset about this, especially since they are only giving the girls 3 weeks notice until try-outs. How are people supposed to plan trips around 3 weeks notice? We can't change the dates since our other daughter has a specific move-in time for college.

 

[penn19]

We booked a trip out west to move our daughter into college. Our other daughter is going to be a senior in high school. She JUST found out yesterday that volleyball try-outs are going to be held on the two days we will be gone. She e-mailed the coach to find out if she could make it up when she gets back the next day. He said "no" because if makes an exception for one, he makes an exception for all. This is her senior year, and she has been playing varsity every year so far. She plays club in the off season, so I'd like to be able to say she is a very good volleyball player. Unfortunately, he won't budge.

Since we booked our plane tickets already, and have plans to be in the mountains on those two particular days, what would you all do? Send her home early from our trip, skip try-outs and forget the team, or ????
We are really upset about this, especially since they are only giving the girls 3 weeks notice until try-outs. How are people supposed to plan trips around 3 weeks notice? We can't change the dates since our other daughter has a specific move-in time for college.

I guess you would have to eat the cost of your daughters plane ticket but, is there any way she can skip the move in trip and stay with one of her friends or a family member? Or just stay in your house. If she's going to be a senior she's old enough. Or I guess just ask her what she wants to do.

 

[SallySkelington]

I agree with the PP. Ask your daughter what she wants to do first. I would even see if you could reason with the coach and explain the situation. That's a lot of money to just let go, but it could help your daughter in the long run.

 

[Hrhpd]

We booked a trip out west to move our daughter into college. Our other daughter is going to be a senior in high school. She JUST found out yesterday that volleyball try-outs are going to be held on the two days we will be gone. She e-mailed the coach to find out if she could make it up when she gets back the next day. He said "no" because if makes an exception for one, he makes an exception for all. This is her senior year, and she has been playing varsity every year so far. She plays club in the off season, so I'd like to be able to say she is a very good volleyball player. Unfortunately, he won't budge.

Since we booked our plane tickets already, and have plans to be in the mountains on those two particular days, what would you all do? Send her home early from our trip, skip try-outs and forget the team, or ????
We are really upset about this, especially since they are only giving the girls 3 weeks notice until try-outs. How are people supposed to plan trips around 3 weeks notice? We can't change the dates since our other daughter has a specific move-in time for college.

It boils down to life's choices. The coach is unlikely to budge so she is going to have to make the hard choice to decide whether the trip or playing volleyball her last year is more important.

This seems to be a rather common occurrence with the high school athletes we know. Many, many of them have had to miss family vacations to go to practice or a meet/tournament/game. At least she is a senior, so should be able to stay home alone and get herself to tryouts if that is what chooses.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ds17 missed a camping trip his freshman year in high school because of summer soccer practices, and missed a week down the shore with friends last summer due to soccer tryouts. This year he was smart - he asked the coach ahead of time the exact week they would be, and then scheduled his beach week.

Aren't they held around the same time every year? Maybe she should have asked her coach before you booked the trip. Just have her stay home.

 

[Colleen27]

Unfortunately, this is just the way high school sports are IME. Fall sports are the worst - if the student isn't available all summer long, often on short notice s/he is going to end up missing required workouts/practices/tryouts and may not make the team or get much playing time during the season. I've sort of been discouraging volleyball for just that reason - DD's high school team started workouts the week after school ended, 1-2 days a week, which goes up to 3-4 days in August. She wants to try one season, but I've been very clear that going forward she's going to have to choose between playing volleyball and family trips/summer camp/4H fair (and honestly, volleyball isn't her main sport so I'm trusting travel/4H will "win").

They only give three weeks notice because they expect that varsity level athletes will be arranging their summer around sports availability, not around family events. I don't particularly agree with that mindset but it is reality for players in fall sports where making varsity is competitive.

As others have suggested, if your daughter wants to play your only real option is to eat the cost of the plane ticket and leave her home. If you aren't comfortable with her staying alone (or she isn't comfortable with that), see if she can stay with a friend or teammate. Coaches at that age/level generally aren't flexible so I wouldn't pin her hopes of playing on him making an exception.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Band is the same way. Rehearsals every week in the summer and band camp two weeks before fall. Summer went down from three months to two weeks.

 

[Minnesota!]

I would have her stay home, or at least come back from.the trip early to be there those days.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

And let's not forget half of the academic classes have heavy reading assignments over the summer. Summer break? What summer break?

 

[SEA333]

We booked a trip out west to move our daughter into college. Our other daughter is going to be a senior in high school. She JUST found out yesterday that volleyball try-outs are going to be held on the two days we will be gone. She e-mailed the coach to find out if she could make it up when she gets back the next day. He said "no" because if makes an exception for one, he makes an exception for all. This is her senior year, and she has been playing varsity every year so far. She plays club in the off season, so I'd like to be able to say she is a very good volleyball player. Unfortunately, he won't budge.

Since we booked our plane tickets already, and have plans to be in the mountains on those two particular days, what would you all do? Send her home early from our trip, skip try-outs and forget the team, or ????
We are really upset about this, especially since they are only giving the girls 3 weeks notice until try-outs. How are people supposed to plan trips around 3 weeks notice? We can't change the dates since our other daughter has a specific move-in time for college.

I'd personally have your DD go to the tryouts if she is a serious player (which it sounds like she is). I have a serious High School athlete who wants to play at a collegiate level. He makes sacrifices and choices every day of the year for his sport.

To be honest because you asked, DH and I made the decision to be heavily involved in this sport (both boys do it and DD11 participates in the sport that compliments theirs in the same league) for almost a decade now with our kids and our lives pretty much revolves around the season from July to December, so we keep our calendar open. It's a lifestyle choice...not for everyone. We understand the commitment and accept it. We would not plan a vacation anytime near the season, and if something came up that we needed to do like your situation, we would make arrangements for the other kids to stay home with family or friends.

To be more honest, I really wonder how "short" of notice your coach REALLY gave because even though the actual date might vary by a day or two each year, varsity/high school sports generally follow the same schedule and I know from our experience that the kids on the team pretty much know when tryouts are going to be. To err on the side of caution, I would have emailed the coach and asked before buying plane tickets, but that's just me. (and again, I'm only saying because you specifically asked)

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

To answer the original question, I would probably be upset at just the three week's notice but have they had tryouts before and have they been around at the same time?

I take it by the use of "our daughter" you have a two parent household. I also take it the Vball daughter wants to be there for tryouts and all avenues to get the coach to budge are exhausted. If that's the case I'd look into one parent and the volleyball daughter getting a flight home early (or just not going) while they other stays with the college freshman. Good luck.

 

[Dizlvr]

Assuming she wants to be on the team, I'd either have her stay home, or return early.

 

[Unas]

And let's not forget half of the academic classes have heavy reading assignments over the summer. Summer break? What summer break?

At least the kid can do the reading and other assignments on his/her schedule.

 

[SEA333]

At least the kid can do the reading and other assignments on his/her schedule.

I don't get what you are saying?

The family can do whatever they want. If the DD doesn't want to be on the volleyball team, she has every right to go on vacation "on her own schedule". Nobody is forcing her to try out.

If you want to be on a team, you give up the right to make your own schedule. It's an inherent understanding, and shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who has been playing a Varsity sport since Freshman year.

 

[AC7179]

You're daughter went to the coach first and wasn't successful.

I'd say now a phone call to the coach from you is appropriate explaining the cost of the plane ticket and that you do understand a no exceptions policy, but if he's going to have that policy, it would be ideal to have tryout dates well in advance.

Are tryout dates usually around that time period? If so, did she think to ask when they dates were before you booked? If they are not usually held then, or if she had tried to ask the coach before booking the flight, I think you have a great case.

If they're usually always around the same time of year and she didn't ask before you booked, the case isn't as strong, but I hope it works out!

My daughter was selected for a selective volunteer experience and worked (for free) for three summers. The last summer, she was going to have to leave the orientation/bonding/sleepover 2 hours early (It was from 7 pm-2pm) to attend my graduation with my Master's Degree, and they told her sorry, if she left she wasn't allowed to work (for free) all summer. She chose to miss the graduation but it seemed so unreasonable.

 

[jme829]

We booked a trip out west to move our daughter into college. Our other daughter is going to be a senior in high school. She JUST found out yesterday that volleyball try-outs are going to be held on the two days we will be gone. She e-mailed the coach to find out if she could make it up when she gets back the next day. He said "no" because if makes an exception for one, he makes an exception for all. This is her senior year, and she has been playing varsity every year so far. She plays club in the off season, so I'd like to be able to say she is a very good volleyball player. Unfortunately, he won't budge.

Since we booked our plane tickets already, and have plans to be in the mountains on those two particular days, what would you all do? Send her home early from our trip, skip try-outs and forget the team, or ????
We are really upset about this, especially since they are only giving the girls 3 weeks notice until try-outs. How are people supposed to plan trips around 3 weeks notice? We can't change the dates since our other daughter has a specific move-in time for college.

I Live in Wisconsin as well...both of my girls have played volleyball. WIAA (Wi state sports governing agency) rules say tryouts (i believe all fall sports..only have experience with vb) are statewide after mid August. No tryouts before that date may occur (typically around the 17th or so)

My oldest played for 4 years (graduated in 2011) and my middle currently plays and we have known that tryouts are ALWAYS mid August per WIAA rules.

We had an issue 2 years ago that I scheduled a trip for the day after tryouts (we knew since early Spring when the date was). Because of the number of girls that were trying out, the coached added a day at the last minute. His tryout brochure very cclearly states that you must go to ALL tryout dates if you want to make a team.
Fortunately we were able to change dd's and dh's flight to meet the rest of us in WDW the next day. This was for dd's freshman year.

Your dd needs to decide what she wants to do. If she is a senior, these dates shouldn't have been a surprise.

ETA: Per Wiaawi.org the volleyball season starts Aug 17 this year. No school sponsored practices or tryouts ( except for the 5 coach contact days allowed before July 31) are permitted. My oldest is a volleyball JV head coach for a local district and I verified that with her also.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I disagree with AC7179. I don'T know how good your DD is, but unless she is amazing and much better than others, I would not want to risk her having the "pushy parents" as a deal breaker for making the team.

I agree with others that the try outs are likely at around the same time each year so this should not have come as a total surprise.

And I agree with others that I would ask DD what she wants to do (with truly no pressure from the rest of you) and be prepared to have her stay home to be at tryouts. Maybe, if you call teh airline, you can pay a fee to change her flight to another date and she can go out to visit her sister over a long weekend or something.

 

[CF'er]

If your DD wants to be on the team she needs to be at tryouts. I can't believe you would ask the coach to let her skip tryout no matter what her talent level. The precedent that would set is horrible.

 

[sharona]

Sorry for your dilemma OP, I guess I'd let DD have the final decision on this one since she's old enough to understand sacrifice and consequences. The whole attitude of sports worship and sports taking priority over family obligations is troubling but I don't see it changing any time soon.

 

[debster812]

My son graduated in June, after playing HS soccer (a fall sport here as well). He played for 5 years (started as an 8th grader), and before school let out for the year, he would always know when tryouts were, as our state determines when practices can start, and the 1st 2 days of official practice are tryout days.

Like others have said, it's decision time. She can skip the trip, and go to tryouts, and likely make the team, or skip tryouts, go on the trip, and not play her Sr year. I also agree that asking to be allowed to skip tryouts would set a horrible precedent. My son played every minute of every game as a Jr, was named Captain for his Sr year, and he was still at every captains practice, every summer league game, and was there for all the tryouts and pre-season activities.