Hijacked 1st Trip

[sponica]

@jljohnston89 I think the fact that it's disney should be removed from the decision calculus. You and BF need to talk and plan and draw up your life long strategy for managing his family members. We can't change other people, just manage situations (to a degree). This could have easily been a getaway weekend to the shore or what have you that his family latched on to. But the upside to it being Disney is that those short trips usually don't have a lot of "free time".

If he feels so inclined, BF should share selections from the plans that they can join in on. Honestly as much as my inlaws drove me nuts on our first trip there with my kid, I was glad to have an extra set of hands with my 20 month old.

Feel irritated and upset, but try not to dwell on it too much.

 

[Nanceliz319]

I am also a believer in being up front about it. Explain that these reservations were made a while back and give them the times. If they are able to add on then great. You could also call to see if they could be added to 1 or a few of the ADR's. If not, get up with them for a quick service meal or when you don't have ressie's.

 

[mjkacmom]

If bf wants this to happen, and their trip is non-refundable, I think you will have to spend some time with them. Maybe they could spend time with the baby while you do some things as a couple, even some rides or a meal.

 

[Gingerfun1]

If bf wants this to happen, and their trip is non-refundable, I think you will have to spend some time with them. Maybe they could spend time with the baby while you do some things as a couple, even some rides or a meal.

So reward them for intruding on the vacation? That would encourage them to do it again.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Hello,
So how would you all handle your childs first Disney trip being hijacked? My son is 6 months old (I know he won't remember but we are huge Disney lovers and have been planning this since we first found out) and my bf's family haven't been to visit yet (7 hour drive away). Now at 1 month before our trip they've announced that they booked to come along as well. No one asked either of us and I'm upset. Boyfriend is caught in the middle between wanting it to just be us and wanting his family to meet our son. Their remark is that we visit Disney frequently. They're not wrong, but you only get 1 first trip and 1 first vacation as a family. I tried to be nice and was told to get over myself they're coming. We have a ton of reservations and fast passes planned out and they've not been in many years so they dont grasp that in our 4 day trip we really dont have time to entertain and certainly not for them to actually visit with ourson. oAny advice before i lose my mind??

It's not that we've chosen to do disney over them. This trip has been being planned for 13 months, booked for 6. They skipped baby shower because they wanted to wait and come for his birth then he came and excuse after excuse. So my problem is that after literally a year of playing they decide a month before that they want to come too and dropping 4000+ is better than coming to our home. I dont want a fight with them but I also dont think i should have our trip overtaken without somuch as a question.

I would think a bit more long term before deciding if this was a battle worth putting your foot down so firmly. For a variety of reasons this will be the first time your son's extended family will see him. Perhaps getting used to a lifetime of unexpected changes coming from many directions would be a good thing at this point and maybe help to smooth over some past misunderstandings. Just my thoughts.

 

[jljohnston89]

If bf wants this to happen, and their trip is non-refundable, I think you will have to spend some time with them. Maybe they could spend time with the baby while you do some things as a couple, even some rides or a meal.

I dont want to leave my baby as this is a very short family vacation. Like i actually want alone time with bf AND baby. To enjoy as a family. Not to mention my child would lose his mind if I handed him over to perfect strangers and left. Bf doesn't but as its non refundable he feels he has no options.

 

[NYCgrrl]

So reward them for intruding on the vacation? That would encourage them to do it again.

Sounds like no advice is needed and you've made up your mind on how to deal with your son's grandparents, short and long term. I think it's a mistake to start off on adversarial relationship but don't know all the ins and outs of the family dynamics.
I wish you well with whatever decision you make and have fun.

 

[Neverbeast]

given how flakey and disinterested they’ve been about other potential visits is it possible they won’t even be really very present and you’ll hardly see them during the trip anyway?

it just seems so weird for this to be the time they suddenly care to meet up... sounds like maybe they just wanted an excuse to hit WDW and might spend the whole time blowing you off anyway? are they often flakey and distant when they’re at other family stuff?

my fil made a big deal about coming to meet my dd2 when she was about 6weeks and taking us to this specific restaurant that is awful for kids. We suggested a ton of other places (our house! A family friendly place! Literally anywhere else!) and he insisted. Got there and he was 30 mins late and then announced he had to leave early and only ordered an appetizer. of course dh spent the whole time trying to keep my 3.5yo from dying of boredom and to not bother other diners and I nursed in a quiet spot and changed diapers on the bathroom floor and tried to eat one handed while I held baby... the point is he never even held her or engaged with the kids. It was as if we had a ****ty dinner on our own. At a restaurant,annoying. But at Disney, maybe they’ll be wandering and running late and sleeping in or leaving early with sore feet and blowing you off so much it’ll fell like you’re on your own!

 

[jljohnston89]

given how flakey and disinterested they’ve been about other potential visits is it possible they won’t even be really very present and you’ll hardly see them during the trip anyway?

it just seems so weird for this to be the time they suddenly care to meet up... sounds like maybe they just wanted an excuse to hit WDW and might spend the whole time blowing you off anyway? are they often flakey and distant when they’re at other family stuff?

my fil made a big deal about coming to meet my dd2 when she was about 6weeks and taking us to this specific restaurant that is awful for kids. We suggested a ton of other places (our house! A family friendly place! Literally anywhere else!) and he insisted. Got there and he was 30 mins late and then announced he had to leave early and only ordered an appetizer. of course dh spent the whole time trying to keep my 3.5yo from dying of boredom and to not bother other diners and I nursed in a quiet spot and changed diapers on the bathroom floor and tried to eat one handed while I held baby... the point is he never even held her or engaged with the kids. It was as if we had a ****ty dinner on our own. At a restaurant,annoying. But at Disney, maybe they’ll be wandering and running late and sleeping in or leaving early with sore feet and blowing you off so much it’ll fell like you’re on your own!

Unfortunately that's doubtful. They're normally a very close, up in each others business family. Big family events and dinners,etc. I more suspect them to be the type to come knocking on our door at unholy hours or calling every 2 seconds to see where we are.

 

[jljohnston89]

Sounds like no advice is needed and you've made up your mind on how to deal with your son's grandparents, short and long term. I think it's a mistake to start off on adversarial relationship but don't know all the ins and outs of the family dynamics.
I wish you well with whatever decision you make and have fun.

I actually didn't post that comment. Can't say I disagree, but that wasn't me.

 

[Hikergirl]

OP please remember that they are the ones who started this adversarial relationship by inviting themselves on your vacation.
What you decide is your response to that, it is not you starting anything.

 

[jljohnston89]

OP please remember that they are the ones who started this adversarial relationship by inviting themselves on your vacation.
What you decide is your response to that, it is not you starting anything.

That's a good point. They keep telling me I'm overreacting and being crazy for saying no but I'm not being given a choice on my own vacation. I'm told they're coming get over it. Thank you!

 

[Eoywin]

My in-laws hijacked my daughter's first Disney trip - I was not happy at first but it ended up ok.

We were onsite and they stayed off site. They only joined us at the parks twice and only ate table service with us once.

 

[mjkacmom]

So reward them for intruding on the vacation? That would encourage them to do it again.

What else can they do? They can’t tell the family they aren’t allowed to go on a vacation that is non-refundable, she can’t (or shouldn’t) tell her boyfriend he can’t see his family (who he obviously hasn’t seen in a while). Maybe they thought everyone would be thrilled to see each other finally. Most people do not put much emphasis on going to WDW for the first time as being a big deal, especially for a 7 month old. It’s an amusement park, not the delivery room.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

One thing you posted concerns me - you said you have lots of things planned and very little time to meet up with them. You are going to have a baby with you. You have to have flexibility. Yes, babies are easy in some ways to travel with, but they can’t do a jam packed schedule. I don’t care how well they stroller nap or nap in a carrier. They will be out of their normal environment, at a place full of stimulation. I took a baby that age, and even with him being a laid back kid and a stroller napper, we had to adapt as things went and did less that we hoped to. (And my MIL tagged along for that trip and proved to be an asset. 3 adult sets of hands are better than 2.)

 

[Disney Frenhines]

Happened to me years ago. I offered to take my sister's kids to DLRP along with me and my daughter. My sister was forever dumping her kids on me as she was a bone idle mom. Then she and my mother decided they wanted to come along too. I booked and paid and neither women paid a penny back to me, apparently my offer to pay for her kids extended to them. It was a miserable trip as my sister and mother decided they were in charge and what they wanted was more important.
It was at that point I realised they were grifting me out of my late husband's life insurance and I quietly ignored their attempts to con me again. Within a month they stopped speaking to me, that was early 2001.
The lesson is do what you planned, you are not beholden to anyone. Tell them it's a trip just for you, your bf and the bubby. Get your bf to stand up for his family, in other words his partner and child. If they object, tough, they'll learn not to walk over you and what you want.

 

[Pkltm]

I am going to be honest with my opinion and say make the best of a tough situation. My dad recently added himself to mine and my husband's anniversary trip, we were upset at first but t ended up being great, we got some great picture opportunities, Disney was great and helped add him to our ADRs, including Le cellier and CRT. Embrace the whole situation and have fun. Flexibilty when traveling especially with a baby is key. Maybe they can help with the baby and you and your boyfriend can go on a ride together.

 

[jljohnston89]

One thing you posted concerns me - you said you have lots of things planned and very little time to meet up with them. You are going to have a baby with you. You have to have flexibility. Yes, babies are easy in some ways to travel with, but they can’t do a jam packed schedule. I don’t care how well they stroller nap or nap in a carrier. They will be out of their normal environment, at a place full of stimulation. I took a baby that age, and even with him being a laid back kid and a stroller napper, we had to adapt as things went and did less that we hoped to. (And my MIL tagged along for that trip and proved to be an asset. 3 adult sets of hands are better than 2.)

1
We do have at least 1 ADR per day plus the fast passes. No it isn't jam packed but as it's a short trip with 2 park days and no off days I did not include the usual downtime. He is a turd on a good day so we are both prepared for adjusting as needed. However that adjustment didn't extend to adding 4 adults to the equation. And my son doesnt handle strangers having him well so their help isnt needed nor wanted really. The whole point was to enjoy our new normal and just be us for a few.

 

[jljohnston89]

What else can they do? They can’t tell the family they aren’t allowed to go on a vacation that is non-refundable, she can’t (or shouldn’t) tell her boyfriend he can’t see his family (who he obviously hasn’t seen in a while). Maybe they thought everyone would be thrilled to see each other finally. Most people do not put much emphasis on going to WDW for the first time as being a big deal, especially for a 7 month old. It’s an amusement park, not the delivery room.

Well they weren't at the delivery either so I guess it seems silly for them to suddenly just be dying to meet him when they've made no effort before. Disney is our tthing and they knew this trip meant a great deal to us. And I'm perfectly aware he wont remember. We will. That's what photopass is for.

 

[Bjkandma]

In coming from a different point of view. Would it really be that hard to bend a little? Regardless of what excuses have been made in the past, or who couldn't do what when, these family members are important people in your child's life!! Don't change your plans, see if you can add them to a park day or a quick service meal. I get its family time and the first vacation!! Take some "family" photos. Yes, you only get a first vacation one time, and child's relatives don't live forever.

No one is guaranteed a tomorrow! We did an unexpected extended family vacation. My husband passed five months later. I'm glad I "sucked" it up for those few days. Greatest memory my kids have!!!!