How do you decompress? Sorry long rant!

[LuvOrlando]

Maybe just carving out a little alone time for yourself every day would work. If you like a certain kind of movie no-one else in your house enjoys then I bet that could get you alone time too, my DH gets quiet time for the endless hours of football on TV every week, some people golf, some like to join an adult softball team, book club or whatever. I've seen quite a few people enjoy fishing just because they get alone time. We saw a guy a few weeks back just aimlessly tossing the line in the water saying his in-laws were in town and it didn't matter if he caught anything or not because at least no-one was talking to him. I can't draw and things that demand more patience just irk me so I discovered what is called diamond art, there is something very soothing about just mindlessly dropping shiny stones onto a color by numbers bit of paper, there is nothing permanent about it and zero stress.

Maybe it's just me but taking off while my spouse is grieving and in a less than perfect state to take care of child who requires extra care just wouldn't be my go-to in order to alleviate a stressful situation. In my world this would be like tossing gas on a fire, if the goal is to put out fires then I'd offer to tag team down time with my spouse as a team coping strategy.

 

[lifesavacation]

Book yourself a hotel room for the night. You don't even have to leave town. If alone time is what will reset you, then do yourself a favor and get away from the noise.

 

[cvjw]

You need a long vacation. A vacation where you don’t have to do anything but sit in the sun and listen to the ocean. I recommend a cruise. No cleaning. No cooking. No planning. No one up in your space. Just peace.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Maybe just carving out a little alone time for yourself every day would work. If you like a certain kind of movie no-one else in your house enjoys then I bet that could get you alone time too, my DH gets quiet time for the endless hours of football on TV every week, some people golf, some like to join an adult softball team, book club or whatever. I've seen quite a few people enjoy fishing just because they get alone time. We saw a guy a few weeks back just aimlessly tossing the line in the water saying his in-laws were in town and it didn't matter if he caught anything or not because at least no-one was talking to him. I can't draw and things that demand more patience just irk me so I discovered what is called diamond art, there is something very soothing about just mindlessly dropping shiny stones onto a color by numbers bit of paper, there is nothing permanent about it and zero stress.

Maybe it's just me but taking off while my spouse is grieving and in a less than perfect state to take care of child who requires extra care just wouldn't be my go-to in order to alleviate a stressful situation. In my world this would be like tossing gas on a fire, if the goal is to put out fires then I'd offer to tag team down time with my spouse as a team coping strategy.

Yeah, I'd imagine if OP is having a hard time, his wife who just lost her sister and best friend for life, might be having a harder time, and leaving her would just add stress to her (which is almost certain to rebound onto OP).

I'd second the "taking time during the day" for you and lightening your own load vs leaving. Toss the budget for a week or two and get takeout a few days or pay for a weekly cleaning service for a month. But don't leave - not now...

 

[LordBaltimore]

No offence but as introverts, those scenarios are exactly what we're trying to avoid.

Yep, I have PTSD from my family as a kid, its a wonder That i had a wife let alone a son. but I love them, and I have issues beg away form the

Based on what you've said, your wife is a competent adult and your DS is not in an urgent medical crisis. THEY CAN SURVIVE FOR A DAY OR TWO WITHOUT YOU!! I say this gently, as someone who really understands, but to a degree, we get ourselves into this position by either actively or passively just accepting more and more responsibility as others in the household become accustomed to doing less and less. It's not a dynamic that can turn on a dime, or maybe it never really will but do trust me when I say THEY CAN SURVIVE FOR A DAY OR TWO WITHOUT YOU!! You don't want to start feeling like a martyr; that won't help anything but it is pretty inevitable when you've got no safety valve. Please look at taking a break.

God I love that advice!!!! Thank you!

 

[RamblingMad]

Running or hiking works for me.

 

[MamaMermaid]

CBD gummies to take the edge off. Sending you love!

 

[unrequited23]

A long drive, with or without music helps me. If I feel guilty about taking that much time for myself I tack on some sort of non-important errand. Another thing that helps me is a woods walk with my dog. I get some exercise and it wears him out, so I end up with a chill dog. My DH and kids had been home from 3/20-8/21. My DH is still wfh. A while back I started sleeping in the spare room just to get some space.

 

[GreatLakes]

I run. If I'm working on something difficult for work I'll take a break and go out for an hour long run to think it through.

The key for me has always been to schedule my runs like mandatory meetings. I put them on the calendar, work or home depending on the time and day, and don't skip them unless I'm injured or a real emergency come up.

Whatever hobby you go to make sure you actually like it, not make yourself like it. That isn't decompressing.

My wife and I both take trips with just friends. She went out to Vegas and Texas with friends and I usually do a few long rave weekends and went to Ireland with mine.

We travel a lot together but also like solo trips with friends.

 

[twincruisers]

I’m an extrovert, but those times when I want to clear my head, a day off by myself is the best salve.

Ideally swimming a mile or two to burn the frustration and make sure I’m exhausted when my head hits the pillow. Next morning, I’m ready to roll. I hope you can find your release valve and get to make full use of it.

 

[GAN]

This is kind of a S/O of the WFH....burnout thread, I'm working form home 3 days per week, and I like it. However my wife works from home 100% and has for 4 years, I have a son who due to a medical illness have been in online High School for 3 years., so all three of us are home Tuesday Wednesday and Friday.
Due to my sons illness he has dry heaves that he cant control (It sound like a pterodactyl screeching every 2 to 3 min) We also have 5 cats and two dogs who run around the house, and love to come to visit the office many times per day.
My SIL who had cancer for 9 years died 2 weeks ago, I she and my wife were best friends, so the stress is starting to get to me!

How do you decompress from life? I know that I need a hobby, but have not found one I like. I try and claim some me time, but that never happens. I am at me wits end, I don't even sleep at night, I need some advice.

Sitting by the ocean, listening to the waves crash works for me.....

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I know this is pretty privileged to say, but take time off if you can. Take a few days and go somewhere as a family. Put the animals in a kennel or hire somebody to take care of them and go somewhere. Rent a cabin by a lake or a hotel room somewhere. Whatever. Or, if necessary, go somewhere by yourself for a day or two. Go on a fishing trip or something, I dunno. Just get away from the house for a few days.

Also: baths, gardening, movies, music, hikes, boating, etc. Just get outside.

 

[Travel60]

While I'm not sure if I'm an introvert, I need alone time, especially in the morning. After 20 years of getting up early, getting myself dressed, kids ready for school, making breakfast and lunches, getting to bus stop then work, I finally finished (kids graduated, I retired). After DH retired, I learned he wakes up talking....I mean TALKING, never shutting up. What he dreamed, what the Orioles did last night..... I've finally convinced him that I need ONE HOUR of quiet in the morning. I drink my coffee, read the paper, check my phone. He sleeps in, which suits him.

So now to you....you need to off-load some responsibilities. Family meeting time.

Breakfast is a bowl of cereal and fruit. Lunch is sandwiches -deli meat and cheese, pimento cheese, chicken salad, etc. Everyone does their own and puts up their own stuff, wipes down the kitchen. No cooking. Dinner is every other night- grill some meat and make a salad. The rest is leftovers, pizza, order in or frozen meals.

Housekeeping is limited to Saturday morning and everyone helps -vacuum, dust, clean bathroom, wipe counters, mop -take your pick. Finally, when you "go to work" at home announce that and close the door (if possible) or turn your back on distractions. (I do some contract work and have to announce when I'm working so DH will stop talking.)

I would say get rid of some pets but you seem to like them.

Finally, as mentioned, go for walks, bike rides or swim...anything solitary.

Best wishes!

 

[katie01]

That is a lot to deal with! Can you wear noise cancelling headphones for at least part of the day? My daughter has started using them while doing homework and says it helps so much, to cancel out the noise of our house when the dogs are barking, people are talking, and all of that. I have found some YouTube videos with short, standing yoga sessions, and just the deep breathing alone helps calm me. For hobbies, that depends on what you enjoy, but we love bike riding, and have recently taken up golf. I haven’t even played on the actual course yet, I just go to the driving range, and let me tell you, being able to smack the crud out of a bucket of golf balls while simultaneously looking at the rolling hills is highly therapeutic lol

 

[lifesavacation]

While I'm not sure if I'm an introvert, I need alone time, especially in the morning. After 20 years of getting up early, getting myself dressed, kids ready for school, making breakfast and lunches, getting to bus stop then work, I finally finished (kids graduated, I retired). After DH retired, I learned he wakes up talking....I mean TALKING, never shutting up. What he dreamed, what the Orioles did last night..... I've finally convinced him that I need ONE HOUR of quiet in the morning. I drink my coffee, read the paper, check my phone. He sleeps in, which suits him.

So now to you....you need to off-load some responsibilities. Family meeting time.

Breakfast is a bowl of cereal and fruit. Lunch is sandwiches -deli meat and cheese, pimento cheese, chicken salad, etc. Everyone does their own and puts up their own stuff, wipes down the kitchen. No cooking. Dinner is every other night- grill some meat and make a salad. The rest is leftovers, pizza, order in or frozen meals.

Housekeeping is limited to Saturday morning and everyone helps -vacuum, dust, clean bathroom, wipe counters, mop -take your pick. Finally, when you "go to work" at home announce that and close the door (if possible) or turn your back on distractions. (I do some contract work and have to announce when I'm working so DH will stop talking.)

I would say get rid of some pets but you seem to like them.

Finally, as mentioned, go for walks, bike rides or swim...anything solitary.

Best wishes!

That is how my husband wakes up and it drives me crazy. He’s up and talking and he turns the music on and he’s moving a million miles a minute. I need quiet and calm at the beginning and end of the day.

One of the reasons I crave exercise is that it’s an hour to myself. I get to only focus on what’s in front of me and it really helps me mentally decompress. My phone gets turned off and DH knows not to interrupt. I would suggest adding an hour a day to exercise, whether it’s cardio or yoga or even just stretching.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

This is kind of a S/O of the WFH....burnout thread, I'm working form home 3 days per week, and I like it. However my wife works from home 100% and has for 4 years, I have a son who due to a medical illness have been in online High School for 3 years., so all three of us are home Tuesday Wednesday and Friday.
Due to my sons illness he has dry heaves that he cant control (It sound like a pterodactyl screeching every 2 to 3 min) We also have 5 cats and two dogs who run around the house, and love to come to visit the office many times per day.
My SIL who had cancer for 9 years died 2 weeks ago, I she and my wife were best friends, so the stress is starting to get to me!

How do you decompress from life? I know that I need a hobby, but have not found one I like. I try and claim some me time, but that never happens. I am at me wits end, I don't even sleep at night, I need some advice.

I am a SAHM, with a husband who has been working from home since March 2020 (except for about 2 months this summer, when he felt safe enough to go to the office...then Delta popped up and several of his non-vaxx coworkers got it), and a son who has been in online school along the same time frame. we have 3 cats. I am the only one going shopping, to the post office, etc; the only housework I don't do is DS's laundry, his bedroom and bathroom, or the dishes. DH will do something if I ask, but I rarely do. My son is currently in a behavioral unit, due to suicidial thoughts and actions. He was diagnosed yesterday with major depression and major general anxiety disorder. I get the stress.

DH gets time every evening to himself, if he wants. He shuts his office door, and plays video games, online D&D sessions, or practices his bass playing. He would golf, but just going into the golf club buildings is out for him; plus it's a thousand degrees with a billion percent humidity in Florida in the summer. He has tried so many hobbies over the years, and some have stuck and some haven't. Let's see...ice fishing; fly tying; golfing; Airsoft; foam fighting role playing; D&D; bass playing; woodworking; cowboy shooting; learning languages; and various forms of martial arts and boxing.

I get my 'alone' time during the day. DH is in his office working, DS in his room doing schoolwork/gaming. I play video games; I might color or do 'diamond dot painting'. I used to do needlepoint but my eyesight is getting worse and my hands aren't as cooperative anymore. love to read, do puzzles, logic problems, etc. I'm playing keyboard piano again.

We try to go for walks 5 times a week. (hasn't been working since mid-July, between colds, injuries and the other stuff that happens, but we try) Sometimes it's alone, sometimes with each other; sometimes one or the other with our son.

You have to actively find time for yourself. Try different things out. Tell your family you need some alone time, and unless it's an emergency, don't disturb you.

 

[xlsm]

To the OP - My husband is very understanding about my need to just turn off sometimes. Because he gets up in the morning and goes to the office and maintain his everyday normalcy - even during the "shut down" part of the pandemic, he was able to go to the office because everyone else was working from home. He never lost his routine, but my routine exploded and was destroyed. I volunteered about 60 hours a week, and I went to just being home all. the. time.
He surprised me last Sunday by booking me a flight to Orlando, because he knew I wouldn't do it myself. So now I'm booked for a couple of days at WDW to see Happily Ever After one more time. He asked me what I was looking forward to the most, and I said, "Just not being responsible for anything but myself". He knows I have a lot on my plate everyday and I'm grateful he understands what I need to recharge.

You sound similar, and I agree with other posters who say that you need to find a way to have at least one day where the only person you are responsible for is yourself.
Another thing that works for me is my daily walk. I drop the kids off at school and then hit the trail for AT LEAST half an hour. It's time alone, in nature, with nothing demanding anything of me. It gets the day off to a better start, and I'm more energized for the rest of the day. (Also add in a B complex vitamin, lol - it works for me!)

My son is currently in a behavioral unit, due to suicidial thoughts and actions. He was diagnosed yesterday with major depression and major general anxiety disorder. I get the stress.

I just wanted to offer up a huge hug and some support. My oldest DS went through the same thing his freshman year of high school (he's a senior now). Leaving him at the hospital was the hardest thing I've ever done and I just sobbed the whole way home. Cutting the strings out of your child's pajama pants and taking him to buy slip on shoes, and knowing WHY you have to do those things, is just unreal and not something any parent expects to do. He has an amazing therapist he sees regularly and we've been able to cut visits with his psychiatrist for his med checks back to every two months...it took awhile to figure out the right meds for him, but now that we've found something that works, I feel more like I have my kid back. Not to say things are perfect, they are not, but it feels better than it has in some time.
(We were at the point where I wouldn't let anyone else go wake him up on weekend mornings, because I didn't want anyone else in the house to experience the trauma if I were to find that the worst had happened)
Anyway, I just wanted you to know that even if you have days where you feel alone and scared, someone out here is thinking about you and hoping for things to improve <3

 

[2China2009]

Oh, I'm a complete Introverted, I was never around a person 24/7 until my wife of 20 years and I got married. I would love just one day with out another person or pet around me. And I do love them, but I love not another soul around.

Go get a nice hotel room for a few nights. I love to get away for a short time with complete quiet,

 

[LuvOrlando]

Am I the only one who thinks it's odd people are advising a parent to walk away from a medically demanding child when the other caregiver is in a dire state & opt out of parenting for a bit? Seriously, I can't wrap my head around it.

Is this some kind of a gag to get people going?

 

[barkley]

we have a disabled adult son with a similar gagging issue so i completely identify with the prehistoric sounds you speak of-it does add another level of stress that's unimaginable unless you've experienced it (even short car trips with him evoke dread in dh and i). we are both retired and home 24/7 with ds whose ability to venture outside home pretty much ended with the pandemic. that said-

while i'm not into it my dh has found TREMENDOUS decompression/stress relief using his VR headset. he purchased an oculus about a year ago and initially thought he would play an occasional video game with it. instead he, who has never been into exercise or much physical activity-is now devoted to 'supernatural' a fitness and exercise app. there are a variety of levels so he can tailor it to his skill level. he has also found that he can decompress using the meditation apps. the headset's sound is sufficient that he can use it in proximity to our house pterodactyl and not hear anything but the app he is on. the bonus to the supernatural app is the active online community of users-there are facebook groups and while people share their training and fitness experiences, much like the dis-they also share their own stories of frustration and stress brought about by the new-now we are all experiencing and coping techniques they are are trying out.

take care.