How do you survive losing your spouse?

[mrsstats79]

I have not lost my spouse but I am so sorry for your loss. Perhaps grief counciling.

 

[fhtpdw20]

I lost my DH of 28 years in 2015 from cancer. What kept him going was our son getting married. DH died two weeks later. Not going to lie, this next year will be the hardest. You will have to face the firsts of birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc.… on your own. Just take in one day at a time or if need be one hour at a time. Whatever and whenever you feel, IT IS OKAY! Cry. Tears are liquid love. Let it out and don’t try to be brave. Don’t be surprised when it hits you at odd times and you may start crying for no reason that is apparent to anyone else like when you hear a song or you smell a certain scent. I am five years out and it still happens.

It does get easier with time. I joined a grief group in my church. It was a safe place to talk and feel supported. We used a study guide to frame our time together. The last book was by James W. Moore, “You Can Get Better or You Can Get Bitter”. I cannot relate to having to cope with grief during a quarantine, but do not be afraid to seek counseling. Read some books on grief. You don’t have to be the “strong” one so let people help you when they ask if they can do anything. You both will feel better.

It helped me to change things around the house. I could not sleep in our king size bed anymore. I got rid of it, bought a twin bed, and changed bedrooms. I did the home improvements that we had discussed. DH created a “man-cave” on the lower level of our home. I still cannot spend time there and I cannot change anything in that room. I only go down to do laundry.

Finally, I created a family heirloom to honor our marriage. I took our wedding bands and designed a necklace that is the only jewelry that I now wear. I created a heart out of angel wings that surround a Claddagh whose hands hold his wedding band with mine nestled inside of his. The heart is inside of my wedding band and the crown is on top of the heart. There is a pearl on the heart. The angel wings form my heart, the angel wings represent my DH and the filigree on the wings are the holes he left in our lives. The Claddagh represents our marriage of love, friendship and loyalty. The pearl is our son’s birthstone on our heart and the crown on top of the heart is the loyalty that holds us together. He married a lovely lady named Megan and her name means pearl so it represents our whole family.

It will get easier with time, but there will always be the hole. Right now it is a huge gash, but eventually it gets smaller but will never go away completely. This spring will be bittersweet has our first grandchild is due to make his entrance into the world. It will be a time of both joy and a little sadness. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend. I mean give yourself some slack but if needed also give yourself a kick in the pants to not stay stuck in the past. Life is still worth living, so live it.

 

[AnnaS]

I am so sorry for your loss. I almost lost my dh quiet a few years ago. The thought is always there - for both of us.

I have lost very close loved ones (my parents, in-laws, my best friend, (young age), two brother in laws (young age) and my dear sister (young age). All back to back.

They are always with us and in our hearts but life will never be the same. There are too many holes in the heart. We all grieve different. For me, it gets harder as time passes. I joined a bereavement group for a while. It was just too much - every few months.

But you will go on. You will have moments, days when you think it's too much and then you will have moments where you will think of your husband and smile with all the wonderful thoughts you had together. Distract yourself, keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with your family and friends as much as you can. It's okay to think of him and cry but each morning, get up, look at the sunrise, think of your family. One moment at a time.

 

[The Mayor]

I'm sorry to lay my troubles on you. Blame it on lack of sleep and being lonely. There's some really good advice here. Thank you all.

Please know that you are not laying your problems on anyone. The Dis can be a harsh place, if you ask if you can park at the Contemporary and walk to MK, but I’ve never seen a group of strangers on any other boards that will rally around someone in need like Disers!!!

Ive used the Dis a couple times as a release when my parents died and the support was medicinal.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. He sounds like the kind of husband all men should aspire to be and I hope you can somehow find comfort in all your amazing memories.

 

[J'aime Paris]

Expressing my deepest sorrow on your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling.
Sending prayers and healing to you and your family.

 

[disneyfan150]

I'm sorry to lay my troubles on you. Blame it on lack of sleep and being lonely. There's some really good advice here. Thank you all.

You have no reason to be sorry. Your fellow Disney Fans come here to be helped and to help in return. In time, it is possible to have peace. You were right to reach out. Give yourself grace in all you do. Right now, take one breath and one step at a time. The important thing is to keep stepping and breathing. As DD said when she was little and learning to ride a bike, "When I stop, I drop." If you fall, pick yourself back up, give yourself a hug, and keep stepping. Your family will be so glad you did.

My DH passed 4.5 years ago. Although I was in a totally different situation, I thought I might share what helped me. People are correct in that grief is something needs to be worked through and not ignored. Still, my mind needed a rest from both grief and all the responsibilities of raising my teens. I have a couple practical ideas.

When I toss and turn instead of sleeping, I get up and watch YouTube videos of places I'd like to go. Sometimes I watch vlogs, but mainly I enjoy the videos with music and beautiful landscapes. I am a teacher and will not be able to afford all those dreams, but it gets my mind off of my concerns. Often, I am able to fall asleep once I am able to stop thinking about . . . well everything. I have read that the light of the computer screen can keep you awake. But I find that quieting my mind helps me sleep despite the computer light.

I also need hope - something to look forward to doing. I've always needed hope and I am always planning my next trip. I remember coming home from a trip and I mentioned to DH that it was sad to be at the end of our trip. He told me to get over the sadness you should start to plan your next trip. Little did he know at the time, but he created a trip planning monster. (-: I have continued to plan trips and have enjoyed them. I am always planning my next trip - even now. You might not want to plan a trip, but you could plan a garden, a family celebration, a gift basket for the new grandbaby. . .

I do something fun each day. I have adult activity books: Dot to Dot, Coloring Book, and even a sticker book. I am just a kid a heart. I also might buy a little something like a flower or an ice cream. I'll watch a YouTube on how to draw Disney characters.

In closing, know you are not alone. I remember one day a few years ago that I just wanted to stay in bed. I made a choice to just stay in bed another day and then I made myself get up and get going. It is a balancing act and it will get easier.

 

[antmaril]

You have no reason to be sorry. Your fellow Disney Fans come here to be helped and to help in return. In time, it is possible to have peace. You were right to reach out. Give yourself grace in all you do. Right now, take one breath and one step at a time. The important thing is to keep stepping and breathing. As DD said when she was little and learning to ride a bike, "When I stop, I drop." If you fall, pick yourself back up, give yourself a hug, and keep stepping. Your family will be so glad you did.

My DH passed 4.5 years ago. Although I was in a totally different situation, I thought I might share what helped me. People are correct in that grief is something needs to be worked through and not ignored. Still, my mind needed a rest from both grief and all the responsibilities of raising my teens. I have a couple practical ideas.

When I toss and turn instead of sleeping, I get up and watch YouTube videos of places I'd like to go. Sometimes I watch vlogs, but mainly I enjoy the videos with music and beautiful landscapes. I am a teacher and will not be able to afford all those dreams, but it gets my mind off of my concerns. Often, I am able to fall asleep once I am able to stop thinking about . . . well everything. I have read that the light of the computer screen can keep you awake. But I find that quieting my mind helps me sleep despite the computer light.

I also need hope - something to look forward to doing. I've always needed hope and I am always planning my next trip. I remember coming home from a trip and I mentioned to DH that it was sad to be at the end of our trip. He told me to get over the sadness you should start to plan your next trip. Little did he know at the time, but he created a trip planning monster. (-: I have continued to plan trips and have enjoyed them. I am always planning my next trip - even now. You might not want to plan a trip, but you could plan a garden, a family celebration, a gift basket for the new grandbaby. . .

I do something fun each day. I have adult activity books: Dot to Dot, Coloring Book, and even a sticker book. I am just a kid a heart. I also might buy a little something like a flower or an ice cream. I'll watch a YouTube on how to draw Disney characters.

In closing, know you are not alone. I remember one day a few years ago that I just wanted to stay in bed. I made a choice to just stay in bed another day and then I made myself get up and get going. It is a balancing act and it will get easier.

I am very sorry for your loss and I agree with you 100%. I posted earlier that I lost my husband in 2008 from cancer. It is important for me to have something to look forward to. I have always been that way. Usually, it’s a trip. I took my son and his girlfriend at the time to Disney and Universal about a month after my husband died. We just needed a break from the sickness and death. Was it hard for me? You bet, but it did help.

I almost always have something fun planned. The Pandemic has been especially hard because I am alone all the time and can’t plan anything. Many trips canceled last year.

Navigating this new life is not easy. I wish the best for all of us.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

I'm so sorry for your loss. We are going through it at my house- my aunt lost my uncle after a lengthy illness and downward spiral last February 6th. We are coming up on the one year anniversary of his death. The thing about my aunt is, she's over the crying and anger phase, but she's always tired. Always. Even on days when she says she's had plenty of sleep she's tired. And Covid hasn't helped, because she's not been able to go anywhere or really see her friends. She's had to learn to live without the constant presence of the love of her life and it's exhausting for her. She's thrown herself into cleaning and having a big clear out of all of the house's accumulated junk, while at the same time we're painting the rooms and freshening up the house because we're selling it. It will only be the two of us soon. Four bedrooms upstairs and downstairs is just too much house...plus, I think the memories are just too hard because he was home for a lot of his illness and she says she just can't picture him healthy anymore. She's...well, I'd call it running away.

If I had any advice for you, besides grief counseling I would take it easy. Don't throw yourself into activities with abandon thinking it will fill the hole, because it won't. Only time can do that, and even time does an imperfect job. If you have a hobby you love, do it. Rest. Recharge. Give yourself the time you need.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I'm sorry.

 

[dislaney]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[DisneyMim]

I am very sorry for your loss. Lots of good advice on here. Take care of yourself.

 

[disneyseniors]

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your wonderful husband. He sounds like a very special person.
I lost the love of my life many years ago, and I still think of him alot.
Don't let anyone try to tell you when you will "get over it". You will never get over it, but will learn to live with it.
There is no time limit for grief. Some people think you should get better by a certain time line. That is not so. Everyone is different. The advise on here is very good. Lean on family and friends, and take care. Your heavy heart will get lighter as time goes on, and it will get easier to breath. Love and caring to you!

 

[mousefan73]

So sorry for your loss and of all things Covid. Horrible. Everybody deals with death and grieving differently. Some people need more or less time to return to their new normal. As a widow I cannot relate but my dad’s wife is having a hard time after his death. Based on her experience I can say planning things such as holidays and certain dates to be busy and or be with others really help. That first year of first birthdays, Xmas, anniversaries etc. is really hard. Over time day to day life becomes bearable but still hurts at times. . If your kids are nearby focus on those relationships. Be grateful you have kids, grandkids to get your mind off things and keep your DH’s memory alive.

I also learned from others in your situation all made some little changes in their lives to make things more bearable. For some it was keeping their husbands things around the house, like he had never left, for years. ( Took my dad‘s wife two years do you start to clean out his stuff) And for others it was exchanging their king size bed for a full as that empty space was just too much to bear. You’ll find your little niche on how to deal with day to day things as they come.

 

[dyna]

lucyanna girl PM me please...I too lost my husband in july of 2019

 

[TB'sWidow]

First so sorry for your loss I was a young widow with 3 children to raise the youngest was 2 which helped me get through. As some have said the first year was extremely hard and to be honest I was in shock that it happened. Dh was diagnosed with lung cancer and 8 months later he was gone it took a long time to process even now 18 yrs later I look back and think how did I ever get through but I did . You never get over it but you learn to live with it.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Angelrose’s Journey has to be one of the most touching threads I’ve ever followed. Most who’ve been here awhile are likely familiar with it. She shared her experience with the DIS beginning with her husband’s accident. It’s emotional but beautiful.

 

[Lumpy1106]

Following...
My Mom lost my Dad to liver cancer in November. They were married 56 years and he was her whole life. It has been heartbreaking watching her go through this. Thank you lucyanna for starting the thread - lots of good advice here that I will be using too. Absolutely no reason to apologize.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Following...
My Mom lost my Dad to liver cancer in November. They were married 56 years and he was her whole life. It has been heartbreaking watching her go through this. Thank you lucyanna for starting the thread - lots of good advice here that I will be using too. Absolutely no reason to apologize.

's

 

[Dan Murphy]

Angelrose’s Journey has to be one of the most touching threads I’ve ever followed. Most who’ve been here awhile are likely familiar with it. She shared her experience with the DIS beginning with her husband’s accident. It’s emotional but beautiful.

Angelrose's Journey--Click here

 

[Snowysmom]

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have such good memories to help you. Also, as others have said, therapy and grief counseling may be helpful for you. Please take care.