MamaBelle4
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 29, 2016
I continue to keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. And I continue to admire you and the way you are managing.
As Pp said, just keep swimming.
As Pp said, just keep swimming.
"There will always be dust and piles!"
I recently lost my dad, and I sympathize with your son. It's so painful to have even happy feelings because grief is constantly reminding you that dad can't take part in the progress of your life...
It sounds like you have a pretty great support system of friends and family, maybe even someone who would volunteer to help with housework... When my group of friends started having their first babies and adult life got overwhelming, we'd occasionally organize cleaning parties where we'd group up and attack one person's neglected messy house and hang out while scrubbing the kitchen and shuffling loads of laundry. A little 'whistle while you work' mentality always made it easier to tackle.
My wife did this, Rodeo, about 10 years ago when her mom passed away. She thought is was quite helpful.I've talked to the kids about a grief group. Both are resistant and say they don't want to sit around with strangers and talk about it. I honestly have no idea what happens in a group like that other than what I see in movie versions. I have a couple of resources for that from the hospice and the hospital, so I'll probably arrange to go to one at least to see what it's like.
I've talked to the kids about a grief group. Both are resistant and say they don't want to sit around with strangers and talk about it. I honestly have no idea what happens in a group like that other than what I see in movie versions. I have a couple of resources for that from the hospice and the hospital, so I'll probably arrange to go to one at least to see what it's like.
I honestly feel that the telling and retelling of the story is the therapeutic part. Purging it, processing it, reliving it until I can come to terms with it all. That is what I am doing with my friends. I have told my husband's story over and over in the past couple of weeks - first symptoms, what I can look back on in the month or so before he went to the hospital and now realise what was happening, the speed of decline and the final week in hospice. I talk about the choices I've made in arrangements, his family and how I've dealt with that (most knew of his family relationships.) My closest friends, and there about six or so I'd count as closest are all willing and waiting for a late night call, check in on me daily and want to get together whenever I do. I speak to or see my parents daily and my brother is checking in every few days since he returned home. Maybe someone who has experience with a grief group can give me a little more insight into what actually happens at one. I guess talking to others who are walking the same path, maybe.
So, funny/ironic story from yesterday. I've been getting sympathy cards over the past week or so. Yesterday I picked up the mail and had three. Two from family friends (they are mostly coming from my parents generation) and one from the hospital. Specifically the oncology team. In with the card was a list of resources including the hospice where DH passed. It just struck me funny. He's been gone two weeks and we're receiving a sympathy card acknowledging his passing but also suggesting hospice care. And then there was my discussion with Emily Post's minion...some of the cards have been delivered to my parents' house, their friends who didn't necessarily have my address. She told me yesterday that I am to send a thank you card for the sympathy card. That just seems ridiculous to me. And to my dad. She was quite insistent though. Said she looked it up after her mother died and showed me one they'd received when they sent a card to someone who lost his wife. I said I thought thanking them personally at the Celebration would be good. Dad agreed. Nope. Mom disagrees. I still do not plan to send thank you cards for sympathy cards.
Tonight, DS and I with the help of his coach, will choose the music from DH's playlist to use for his tribute. It will be interesting. No problem to find a song that will fit Jive and Rumba and I think ChaCha will be easy enough also. Samba is definitely going to be a challenge. Coach asked about using a different version by another artist if necessary. I hope not to have to but maybe. And then Paso. I think DS wants to leave that one out. The routines are all tied to the classic Paso Doble song (or one if its variations) and not at all easy to reset to other music. I said maybe fine to leave with the usual music for that one dance. It depends on which is more important to him - dancing to his dad's music or doing the full five dances that DH would have seen in a competition heat.
I think I've decided to go ahead with the butterfly release also. I really like the symbolism and the company I spoke to assured me they do not have issues with diseased butterflies. Of course what else would they say? But I still like the idea.
Thank you for this book suggestion. My ex sister in law was dx’d with pancreatic cancer on April 18 and passed April 26th. Funeral was today. I think one of her adult kids could use this book. It was quite a shock, since she wasn’t ill up until that day.Not sure if you or your kids are readers, but there's a book I found after we lost my dad super suddenly that I found really helpful. It's called "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One" by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blaire, PhD.