How important to you is spending holidays with extended family?

[disykat]

I guess this is mainly a question for those who live several hours or more away from family.

I was reading another thread and realized that other people must value this a whole lot more than I do. We live 8 hours from family. We don't go for Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, or Easter. We have committments here at those times plus limited travel time which would make our trips rushed and crazy. Instead, we go to visit for longer visit over New Years and another visit in the summer. We have a wonderful group of friends we share the actual holidays with here along with making phone calls to our family.

So, which is it for you? Holidays do or die, or a visit when it is convenient?

 

[minniecarousel]

I think 8 hours away is too much to do Thanksgiving or Christmas. Once every few years if all are in agreement would be nice. I'm holding my breath as my boys are grown and have girlfriends now. All of my siblings, but one, live within an hour's drive of my house - therefore I host all of the family holidays. The fact that my mother lives here keeps them coming back! So I guess it's important to me to have my siblings and their families here, but I realize that isn't always the norm.

 

[JennaTX]

For me, all of my family (parents, siblings and their children) live about 4 hours away, so this is not too far for us to drive and it is very important for me to spend the holidays with them. Even when it has taken us 6 or 7 hours to make the drive (I hate driving between Dallas and Houston). We usually go for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, but then we also go during the summer for about a week. DH's side of the family lives here, so we spend the other holidays with them.

 

[chell]

For me, I want to be with my sisters for the holidays. Seeing the rest of the family then isn't high on my list.

 

[saucymb]

It is a priority for me and DH. On Thanksgiving, we'll leave our home in the morning and drive 4 hours to my dad's parents house, then one hour to DH's family's, then an hour back to my mom's parents house where we'll spend the night. I will do everything in my power to spend the holidays with my extended family for as long as we are able!

Christmas will be much the same for us, except for 5 stops over two days.

 

[Nancy]

As my Mom gets older I would like for us to spend one more holiday together, but with all 3 of us sisters working in retail of some sort holidays are not times we can take off. My 2 sisters live at least 6 hours or more away from home. Thanksgiving I spend with Dh's family, my Mom goes out to eat with her sister and my cousin and her husband. I see my Mom whenever I want and as much as I would like to spend Thanksgiving with her, I wish that she could spend it with my sisters instead. Christmas is usually at my house, but again it's my family and my Mom, my sisters are at their homes. Last Christmas Mom went to my older sisters and my younger sister went to see her after Christmas. I was SO lonely, but realized I was being selfish because I do see Mom all the time and they don't.

Back to OP...I would like to be with them on the Holidays, but seeing them over the summer is better because it is more relaxed and we can spend more time together.

 

[SJC1984]

I spend time with my close family at holidays, I hardly ever see my extended family, sad to say though!

 

[momof2inPA]

My parents died when I was pretty young, so spending holidays with my siblings or DH's family is very important. This year, we are spending Christmas day and Christmas eve by ourselves-- us and the kids. Just transporting the gifts back and forth has gotten to be a real hassle, but that isn't a problem on the other holidays. We're lucky, because we all get along great most of the time.

 

[Kermit]

We only travel to see family for each holiday every few years. We may do Thanksgiving one year, Christmas the next, and maybe none at all the next year. We do always open our home to any relatives who want to visit us. We like to see our family, but holidays are hectic times, and we want to instill our own person values in our children. It can be hard to do that when we're around other people.

 

[N.Bailey]

I know this is going to sound ignorant, but around here, we go to the in-laws on Christmas Eve. My mother in law immigrated from Germany (married FIL when in the service) and in Germany, the kids are woken at midnight to open gifts. My husband never knew any differently growing up. So, the entire family (hubby's side) gathers down there till like 1 or 2 in the morning.

On Christmas Day, we don't want bothered with anyone though. We don't even cook a big meal. We buy doughnuts, croissants, bagels, etc.... for Christmas morning. We make a veggie tray and a meat and cheese platter and just pick for dinner. We have tons of nuts, and we're always stocked to the hilt with seafood, steaks, junk, and what not and we'll just have whatever. Who'd wanna come and not have a Christmas dinner? It just suits us!

Then on the 26th, it's my daughter's birthday, so everyone comes here to celebrate (hubby's family).

My family lives so far away that I see them at other times of the year. They're all busy with their own families anyway.

 

[graygables]

We never see my family on holidays. We have ours at home by ourselves, then DH's parents come over (they live next door) in the afternoon. We tried the Christmas thing with my parents a couple of times (they live 1000 miles away) and it just didn't work well. Our traditions don't perfectly mesh and I was getting really tired of the "I didn't teach you to do it THAT way" comments. Now, we just prefer a quiet holiday at home and visit my family in the Spring/Summer.

 

[ericamanda01]

DH's family is 4 hours away, so we could easily go for the major holidays. However, we don't take that much time off around Thanksgiving so driving up isn't really worth it. As for Christmas we have told everyone that we spend it at home. We don't have children yet but when we do that's how it will be. We tend to drive up the day after Christmas anyway, so we celebrate then. It's not that we don't want to be with them, we just want to relax on Christmas day.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

A way to answer this question is to ask yourself, how much would you miss them if they were gone?

 

[disykat]

A way to answer this question is to ask yourself, how much would you miss them if they were gone?

I take it by your answer that you are a holiday do or die person. Since my extended family (and by that I mean everyone except my dh and kids) all feel the same I don't suffer any guilt about this at all. My family would all prefer longer visits at a more convenient time. I don't feel the need to ask myself anything. I guess I'm a little puzzled about how you think not spending a specific day each year with extended family means you wouldn't miss them if they die?

I'm sorry if I lead you to believe I was wrestling with this issue, I simply found it curious that others felt so strongly and thought it would be interesting to discuss.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I take it by your answer that you are a holiday do or die person. Since my extended family (and by that I mean everyone except my dh and kids) all feel the same I don't suffer any guilt about this at all. My family would all prefer longer visits at a more convenient time. I don't feel the need to ask myself anything. I guess I'm a little puzzled about how you think not spending a specific day each year with extended family means you wouldn't miss them if they die?

I'm sorry if I lead you to believe I was wrestling with this issue, I simply found it curious that others felt so strongly and thought it would be interesting to discuss.

Oops, sorry if you thought it was specifically for you. I guess I should of clarified. If you see your family all the time and they are close by, that is wonderful, and Holidays should be spent which ever is easiest for everyone.

I guess I must of assumed (and not just from you family, but other posts as well) that family is far away, yet, it is too far for even a Holiday.

I did not mean to offend you with my reply, but hopefully, my response may make someone reading it realize they do take their family for granted. I know you are the OP, but I thought it was a great topic to ponder whether or not we DO take our family for granted.

Again sorry. No offense.

 

[heart4pooh]

I haven't spent Thanksgiving or Christmas with my family in over ten years! I live in NC and they are in S. Florida. My father was in the hospital a week ago. They are running tests to see if he has bladder cancer or prostate cancer. I told him we were thinking of going down there for Thanksgiving, and he was so happy!!! Its going to be a long ride, I'm not looking forward to it. But I can't wait to hug him and tell him how much I love him!! He's 73 and my stepmom mentioned to my brother that his memory is getting real bad...The holidays have always been a special time for my dad. I plan on having a great time with him!

 

[Kitty 34]

Most of my family lives right here on the same street so we don't go far for the holidays. However, I always look so forward to my little sister coming up. She lives a couple hours away.

 

[golfgal]

We like to spend time with DH's family sometime around Christmas. Spending time with extended family actually ON Christmas isn't that big of a deal to any of us. The date isn't that important. We have been getting together on the Saturday before Christmas for about 10 years now and that works great. We spend time together for Christmas, yet everyone is free to establish their own traditions for Christmas Eve/Christmas Day. For us that means that we can participate in the Christmas church services at home, spend Christmas Day in our pj's and just relax. We used to travel several hours to see family, bounce back and forth between his family, my family, cousins, aunts, uncles. We would be expected to go to 5 or more different houses between Christmas Eve/Christmas Day. It was HORRIBLE!

My family seems to think that the ONLY time to get together is ON Christmas and that could ONLY take place at my sisters house, a 3 hour drive for us. No one was willing to get together on a different date and they sure were not willing to ever drive to our house, so we don't get together with them, which is a little sad, but then again, we don't have to spend the entire time with them being told how worthless we are and what horrible parents we are, too.

 

[KelNottAt]

I couldn't bear to spend the holidays without extended family. In some cases, it's the only time all year when we get together.

Thanksgiving - This is at MIL & FIL's house. DH's bros and sisters come with their families. There's usually at least 22 of us there. This is the only holiday of the year that MIL takes out the good china and silver. (She serves on paper plates for Christmas and Easter. ) Although she's never come out and said so, it's pretty much a mandatory command performance for everyone. And at 70, she's is adamant the she will never hand-off the hosting to the next generation. In her mind, it's always got to be "Thanksgiving at Grandma's." But that's not why we come. We're there because we love them and want the kids to be friends with their cousins. As the only ones from out of town, it's totally worthwhile to drive 100 miles up I-95. I don't even care that there's only one bathroom and we sleep on the floor for 2 nights.

Christmas - We have 3.
1. Saturday before Christmas back at the IL's for dinner and gift exchange.

2. Dec 23 - Dinner with my Dad's side of the family and children's secret Santa exchange. It's the only chance for 13 kids to get annual photo with the one great-gradmother they all share. (Hosting rotates from me to my sis, to our cousins.) These are the people we only see about once, maybe twice a year. I'd hate to completely lose touch.

3. Dec 25 - Brunch, gifts, dinner with my Mom's side of the family.

Just thinking about it all makes me excited. Can't wait!

 

[Feralpeg]

I would love it if we had extended family to spend the holidays with. My parents died young. I never married. My sister lives near us, but my brothers live far away. It is usually just my sister, DD and I for holidays. This year, my sister works for Disney, so she will be working. It will just be DD and I.